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School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum

theonion.com — Arguing that students should return to the fundamentals taught in the Pnakotic Manuscripts and the dreaded Necronomicon, Arkham school board member Charles West once again raised his pro-madness agenda at the district's monthly meeting Tuesday.

Who dugg this? Made popular Mar 3, 2009

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56 Comments

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  • Cancerkitty, on 03/02/2009, -2/+58If kids don't learn about Cthulu at school, where will they learn?
  • inactive, on 03/02/2009, -0/+45I can't count the number of times I've opened what appeared to be a normal, heavily engraved wooden door only to fall headlong into the catacombs of madness.
  • fasda, on 03/02/2009, -1/+46Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
  • RickDeckard9000, on 03/02/2009, -2/+28the Necronomicon should be required reading for all students.
    For too long this valuable book has been banded from are public schools because of its uplifting moral values just like the bible.
    We need public prayers and sacrifices for our mighty cthullu our our country will consumed last.
    Cthulllu come and devour us
  • inactive, on 03/02/2009, -4/+26Aren't they already trying to teach religion in schools?
  • CardHockman, on 03/03/2009, -0/+19By the eternal black mass of Shub-Niggurath, THINK OF THE CHILDREN
  • ThatGeek, on 03/03/2009, -0/+17would you rather them learn about it form the other kids! We oughta be teaching them
  • inactive, on 03/03/2009, -0/+16Why choose the lesser evil? vote cthulhu!
  • Qbryzan, on 03/03/2009, -0/+14I know it always seems to strike a believable chord, but I'm pretty sure the onion is still fiction.
  • inactive, on 03/02/2009, -0/+14Of such things I will not speak.

    Sign me up for a night class.
  • Xeniv, on 03/03/2009, -0/+11The Onion is awesome. Gave me a much needed laugh today.
  • Hetman, on 03/03/2009, -0/+10I just want alchemy added I am certain my son will uncover the philosophers stone.
  • RobotBuddha, on 03/03/2009, -0/+10Hey, if they're going to do it might as well make sure it's the one which will ensure the kids are 'only' eaten when the inevitable day comes.
  • AManWithNoName, on 03/03/2009, -1/+10I'm SO sick of reading comments thinking they're intelligent or humorous then finding out they're from nubious.

    I wish I could filter you.

    Thumbs down, for wasting my time with an anti-Onion comment.
  • ryan83189, on 03/03/2009, -0/+8They put the website right under the title.
  • heyitsguay, on 03/03/2009, -0/+8This article seems to be parodizing some sort of contemporary debate.
  • sageerrant, on 03/03/2009, -0/+8I can, but I can't make sense of the numbers anymore.
  • NoamChimpsky, on 03/03/2009, -0/+8The good news is that the students should be able to get out of at least one "Test That Man Was Not Meant To Take."

    However, I think they're ***** out of luck for "The Essay Question Man Was Not Meant To Compare And Contrast."
  • nihilville, on 03/03/2009, -0/+8Yeah, it's important to make sure it's the right religion though.
  • nihilville, on 03/03/2009, -0/+8FTA: "In the information age, it is easier than ever to gather knowledge about things that should not be but nonetheless are, and such wisdom could prepare our students to be better citizens amid the ruins of sunken cities infested with swarms of ravenous, bloated rats," West said. "Also, I believe that birth control should not be distributed by the guidance counselor."
  • active1x0, on 03/03/2009, -1/+8Teach us about The Underverse and the Furyans. I want to read about the Lord Marshall being slain at the hand of Riddick!
  • AnalogAssassin, on 03/03/2009, -0/+7Madness ... ONE STEP BEYOND!!!!!
  • kingmanic, on 03/03/2009, -0/+7I'd say he'd be very successful in Kansas!
  • sageerrant, on 03/03/2009, -0/+6Isn't that what nightmares are for?
  • immatellyouwhat, on 03/03/2009, -0/+5You're in the wrong ***** class!!!!!
  • sageerrant, on 03/03/2009, -0/+5Actually, Arkham Asylum is the derivative locale.
  • immatellyouwhat, on 03/03/2009, -0/+4Your ability to coagulate dictum is the utmost impressive towards the original material source.
  • sageerrant, on 03/03/2009, -0/+4Ah... sweet, sweet Journey. Buried.
  • Hetman, on 03/03/2009, -0/+4Really? Do you not look at the link ever? How do you know how you should you should avoid blog/splam?
  • wikiworld, on 03/03/2009, -1/+5Its sad when I can't tell believable headlines from onion headlines
  • emailowndme, on 03/03/2009, -0/+4I don't care what dig count you have, that comment wins the thread.
  • inactive, on 03/04/2009, -0/+2THIS IS APPLIED HISTORY 2!
  • AManWithNoName, on 03/03/2009, -2/+4>For too long this valuable book has been banded from are public schools because of its uplifting moral values just like the bible.
    >has been banded from are public schools
    >banded
    >are

    *banned
    *our

    Also, Cthulu has ONE 'l'. Not two. Not three. ONE.
  • Godlike, on 03/04/2009, -0/+2Cthulhu people. The Call of Cthulhu.
  • AManWithNoName, on 03/03/2009, -6/+8It makes sense. The place is called Arkham, as in, Arkham Asylum.

    And I just checked the domain. ***** ONION! Always gets me!
  • cqdemal, on 03/03/2009, -0/+2WEST FOR PRESIDENT!
  • lwoodnj, on 03/04/2009, -0/+1Uh...wow.

    You couldn't have failed more heavily.
  • FordSVT1, on 03/03/2009, -1/+2Or, you know, you could read the name of the website that they postbefore the tagline, or look at the url in your browser before you click it. You know, common sense ***** you apparently haven't learnt how to do yet.
  • sageerrant, on 03/03/2009, -0/+1It also has another 'h'.
  • inactive, on 03/04/2009, -0/+1Call of Hulu?
  • Methusalah, on 03/04/2009, -0/+1I'm pretty sure the spelling changes (intentionally) in different stories.
  • LilJimmyNordin, on 03/03/2009, -1/+1It's called context, and usually it helps to know context BEFORE you read something. I'm sure there are many people who read "School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum" might dismiss it as one of the many stories of Creationism being taught in schools (for instance). Most people read Digg by scanning the headlines, and most skip the URL on headlines they don't find interest in, especially since the headlines are big and blue, and the website names are tiny and faint. Prefixing "ONION:" might make the difference between someone clicking through or not.

    See, people can read that I asked a simple question, and that you made a hostile reply without actually thinking about what I was asking, so they can use that CONTEXT to understand why I might tell you to maybe think a little about the question before you rush to give a smartass answer and show everyone what an uppity ***** you are. You know, common sense ***** you apparently haven't learned how to do yet.
  • Synova, on 03/05/2009, -1/+1Congratulations, you got the joke.
  • Steev0, on 03/03/2009, -1/+1I glanced at the title and thought it meant the flash game.
  • XZanatos, on 03/03/2009, -2/+2We need someone to do this for real. Sure the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a clever and funny counter argument to people trying to add the Bible/creationism into schools, but its not enough to just be clever against those people. We need something to SCARE them into realizing how stupid they are. The Necronomican would do that.
  • Karai, on 03/03/2009, -3/+1It took me until half way through the article to realize it was the onion. It's sad that our school systems have come to this...
  • viperinatree, on 03/03/2009, -4/+1Sometimes a little ignorance gets in the way of a real issue. The problem here is that the issue being discussed at this meeting on racism is not Anti-Semitism or have anything to do with Jewish people as a race. It's about Israel. There is a HUGE difference. I am in no way a racist. I don't care if your Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, or Muslim. If you infringe on the rights of another human being, if you seek the annihilation of another race or hurt the innocent I will fight for them. Period. And that is what the USA is afraid to do.

    The US is hiding behind the fact that the Israeli government uses the unspeakable atrocities of the past committed upon those of the Jewish faith as an excuse to do the same to others. The USA will not stand up for the genocide that is being wrought on those in Gaza for fear of being called Anti-Semites.

    For shame. You disgust me America. For once in your existence stand up for more than your pocket books.
  • Davethe3rd, on 03/03/2009, -4/+0Madness?

    This is blasphemy...
  • mrseales, on 03/03/2009, -7/+2Arkham? Asylum?
  • RoflCoptah, on 03/03/2009, -22/+17MADNESS? THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
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