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423 Comments
- Doggalina, on 11/01/2008, -4/+566"So my friend goes to University of ####### and he received these messages from his
friend who was cheated on by his girlfriend. The first message is her
apology, the second is his response. Enjoy.
Tom,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.
There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.
I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.
- Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.
You did a stupid thing huh?
No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid
thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing';
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if
it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying 'Well, I didn't ***** him' somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
Talk to you never,
Tom" - inactive, on 10/31/2008, -10/+530Awesome. Simply awesome. Tom, you are my hero.
- rewalker3, on 11/01/2008, -6/+423I want this Tom as my friend on myspace. He seems way cooler.
- MalarkeyPN, on 11/01/2008, -5/+390Tom is smart. If he forgave her, she would never learn to accept the consequences of her actions. She'd just keep thinking she can get out of anything just by putting on this "poor me" *****. He'd pretty much have to get used to the idea that she'd keep blowing dudes in the toilet.
- KiddKill, on 11/01/2008, -3/+366I'm filing that under A for awesome.
- rewalker3, on 11/01/2008, -16/+351I've noticed that men are increasingly becoming more pussified when it comes to women. When did this happen and who let it happen? Men need to step up much like Tom did. Your woman ***** up, you give her the damn boot and be HAPPY that you did! Men really need to grow a set and stop being such pussies.
- sockpuppets, on 11/01/2008, -4/+267Hey Tom, what's her number?
/not kidding - tomi, on 11/01/2008, -16/+269http://209.85.173.104/search?hl=en&q=cache%3Ahttp% ...
- simonowens, on 11/01/2008, -18/+258Would have been better without the last paragraph -- the thunder thighs comment seemed like a cheap shot after so many well-delivered lines that came before it.
- EricJ2190, on 11/01/2008, -3/+242http://img530.imageshack.us/my.php?image=suefromen ...
amidoinitrite? - Doggalina, on 11/01/2008, -8/+241Mirror in reply
- thewebinfront, on 11/01/2008, -55/+272Dear Sarah,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.
You did a stupid thing huh?
No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid
thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing';
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if
it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying 'Well, I didn't ***** him' somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
Talk to you never,
Tom - wjuk, on 11/01/2008, -5/+189Haha, pure internet magic.
This is why the internet was made. Mommy and daddy Internet will be so proud... - n0ia, on 11/01/2008, -2/+174"=!" != "!="
- miggyb, on 11/01/2008, -3/+161Text-only:
http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:http://booshm ... - davecachia, on 11/01/2008, -21/+175Digg effect after 70 views - new RECORD!!
- demodawid, on 11/01/2008, -2/+154At last! someone who understands how this is done. Bravo for not taking up a huge space unnecessarily.
- MrMysterious, on 11/01/2008, -10/+161LOL@ the sea lions mating comment. That is a new classic!
- WiZZLa, on 11/01/2008, -9/+158The context is lost without her original message:
Tom,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.
There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.
I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.
- Sarah - artfiend77, on 11/01/2008, -10/+156You sleep with her one last time, take pictures of her polishing your knob, send said pictures out to EVERYONE.
- MalarkeyPN, on 11/01/2008, -21/+160Why is "actions" in quotes? Is there some controversy over whether or not blowing a dude in the toilet qualifies as an "action"?
I hate unnecessary quotes. Seriously, burn in hell. - lis880, on 11/01/2008, -1/+136If shes one of those stupid ditzy blondes who has nothing going except their appearance then that line might have been the knockout punch.
- EnchantingEyes, on 11/01/2008, -1/+128Tom's website is a lot like his girlfriend; keeps going down when he least expects it.
- KiddKill, on 11/01/2008, -3/+117Yeah, she went down...
- Reostat, on 11/01/2008, -9/+114Already down?
- pastathellama, on 11/01/2008, -3/+107http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytm ...
enjoy. - chompysweat, on 11/01/2008, -5/+106Dugg because of unnecessary fury
- JM0ney, on 11/01/2008, -0/+93Sounds like he did just that.
- jaywalker, on 11/01/2008, -0/+85Yeah, but the constant fear of getting a mouthful of jizz each time he kisses her is going to drive him impotent...
- MalarkeyPN, on 11/01/2008, -0/+84I don't know, that one's pretty damn lame if you ask me.
- MalarkeyPN, on 11/01/2008, -1/+80Holy *****. Well now I can finally digg this.
- JM0ney, on 11/01/2008, -33/+109Hey Tom, what's her number?
/kidding - BlatheringIdiot, on 11/01/2008, -1/+75that is disgusting.
- BIGJHUB, on 11/01/2008, -6/+80That was probably the funniest letter i have ever read.
- GMofOLC, on 11/01/2008, -4/+76Me "too."
- Vindexus, on 11/01/2008, -0/+71Oh ***** I better digg you up then.
- rewalker3, on 11/01/2008, -1/+66I don't care what Myspace Tom can do with a computer. Breakup Tom is a badass of a man.
- BlatheringIdiot, on 11/01/2008, -1/+65At least what she did wasn't completely 'tasteless'.
- lis880, on 11/01/2008, -1/+64Tom 2012!!!
- inactive, on 11/01/2008, -0/+49"Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans"
Jeez, why date a girl like that in the first place? - PARAPA, on 11/01/2008, -7/+55Buried for providing justification for digging.
- orion846, on 11/01/2008, -8/+56mirror: http://neebit.com/s?8031a53e37.txt
- rewalker3, on 11/01/2008, -27/+74And whoever buries this probably hasn't sucked on a boob since their mothers breastfed them when they were an infant. If it's a female, you probably just got busted by your now ex boyfriend for being a whore. Congrats.
- davidg11, on 11/01/2008, -1/+47So uh....what bar and bathroom was that again Tom?
- aznpwnzor, on 11/02/2008, -0/+43dugg for long division
- seanmx, on 11/02/2008, -1/+43yeah, apparently twice in a public restroom.
- MalarkeyPN, on 11/01/2008, -0/+41Well I guess it's a good thing he dumped her then.
- jboskoff, on 11/01/2008, -1/+38Lame, this email's been going around for three years now. It used to be "Brad and Elizabeth" and now it's been replaced with "Tom and Sarah"... possibly not even real. Proof of its age:
http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/breakup.asp - Akaziel, on 11/01/2008, -1/+35I love them! I just don't DATE them.
- Plasmodia, on 11/02/2008, -2/+35867 530nieeeieeene.
-
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