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youtube.com - You don't need to get a phone. You need a phone that gets you.
217 Comments
- trib4lmaniac, on 10/17/2009, -12/+699Although this is slightly amusing, the word "hilarious" was an overstatement.
- clawzkatt, on 10/16/2009, -12/+634http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuBRk6tjiUQ
- Cannon13, on 10/17/2009, -42/+583Not that funny.
- yocouchdigga, on 10/17/2009, -7/+337PROTIP: 95% of the time, salary means getting paid less to do more.
- RagingReid, on 10/16/2009, -0/+178I love it when they give you a new title and act like it's better than a raise. We're still going to crap all over you whenever we can, but when we do we'll have to call you Senior Executive Producer.
- Subduction, on 10/17/2009, -2/+165Ah -- the end gives it away. He was a Media Planner at an ad agency. I started my career as a media planner at an ad agency, and it's the ***** executive job in the world.
The only perk is that you get taken out to dinner and lunch a lot by media outlets. The downside is that you need to be so you don't starve to death. His comment about not making minimum wage with the overtime was not an exaggeration. - PuddMaster, on 10/17/2009, -0/+156I could only find the first one...i totally forgot that our boss called the kid and threatened to sue him if he contacted his old clients (had a non-compete contract)...here's the whole thing (i only blanked out the company)...enjoy!
Dear Vince
You know I tried to really wrap my head around what occurred Friday morning. I have to admit I was absolutely caught off guard and amazed. I mean, here I was just sitting at my desk and suddenly I receive a phone call from a “Tom Brown.” I had no idea who it was, but just assumed it was a prospective client returning my call. It turns out that "Tom Brown" was you, Vince. I tried to imagine myself as a President of my own company and wondered if I would take the time out of my day to call the office of a former employee (using a ***** alias no less) and threaten him? The answer was an emphatic NO. Why? Because I’m not desperate. I mean, you like to go on and on about how big of a broker you are, but an act like that absolutely stinks of desperation. I mean, who the ***** does that? How the ***** can you expect anyone to take you seriously by doing that? The owners of the firm I’m at now probably don’t even know my name because they are too busy with banking deals, acquiring other money managers, and bringing our firm public. You think any of them would waste their time threatening a 25 year old, honest, hardworking guy who doesn’t even work for them anymore?! How pathetic are you? Seriously? I’m actually laughing my balls off as I type this email and relive your phone call because I just know that you felt like you were being a big shot.
Anyway…
I had always thought that you were a Piker Broker and your actions on Friday confirmed my suspicions. You see, there’s the obvious evidence that you don’t manage $150 million (or whatever ridiculous number you like to throw out there): A*****'s Net Capital issues that you got fined for recently and in the past, the lack of ***** office supplies and computers, your obvious fear of talking to Americans on the phone, the fact that pay day was an adventure because of the errors on the paychecks, the fact you occasionally cold call and try to open accounts.
And then there’s the not so obvious clues: the way you dress, the fact that I heard you to complain to John about spending 10 cents too much on a ***** breakfast sandwich you had him fetch for you, you bragging about taking advantage of sales at Duane Reed, you bragging for an hour about doing $150 dollars gross on an account worth less than a grand, how you would only buy two ***** pizza pies for the entire firm on Friday’s…I can go on all day but, you get the idea…
Now, to the reason why I quit…
To put it simply, I didn’t trust you. I mean, aside for obviously being a piker you are a compulsive liar. Nothing but ***** would come spewing from your mouth. My absolute favorite thing I ever heard you say was how much you missed working at D***** and wished you never left (suggesting that you left on your own terms). The funny thing is if you look up your broker check on FINRA it says that you were fired for stealing leads as a lowly account opener. Also, I loved how you would claim to have 2000 clients and manage $150 million and yet you would still cold call and try to open new accounts. You see, I actually worked for monster brokers when I first broke into this business and they didn’t have time to do anything else but talk to their clients, especially the Chairman of the firm. Their phones would be ringing all day long with clients calling in. My entire time at A****** I never once heard you ask for a big trade out of a client. The only new accounts you would “open” were the ones that you would happen to get over the weekends when no one was around. And from what I hear, the only the only thing you would do in the office on weekends involved prostitutes and the kitchen.
In conclusion, life is too short for *****. You are a Piker and an all around bad person, which is totally fine. I just don’t feel like getting caught up in it because you obviously are desperate for as much business as you can get.
Furthermore, and this is the most important part, I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU. I will never fear a “man” like you who can only survive by taking advantage of young brokers and suing people.
DO NOT CONTACT OR THREATEN ME AGAIN. EVER. - PuddMaster, on 10/17/2009, -0/+154a dude that quit from a job i used to work at a couple of years ago wrote the best farewell email of all time. he quit because our boss screwed him out of a lot of money. anyway, in the email he called out our boss for numerous things like banging hookers in the office over the weekend
now THAT was goddamn hilarious. our boss went ***** insane and threatened the kid (via email and texts) with litigation. the kid just sent another email ripping him even worse..LOL - rlwasabi, on 10/17/2009, -0/+131I would like to formally apply for any job with the title "Ninja Czar".
- ryanonfire, on 10/17/2009, -0/+111Post the emails here!!! :D
- ileftfark, on 10/16/2009, -0/+109I take it you aren't salary.
:'( - mparker21311, on 10/17/2009, -7/+110If you're like me and dream of doing this sort of thing on a daily basis, it's very funny.
- TAGline, on 10/17/2009, -2/+89Yeah its the ironic part: the only thing good about getting a new title without a raise is it helps you get the ***** out of there.
- novicechap, on 10/16/2009, -10/+95scarface did a much better job.
- glutamate, on 10/17/2009, -0/+80I don't even have a job and I want to quit.
- onyxricsina, on 10/17/2009, -1/+76There's one advantage to a title change. It can look look really good when you put it on a resume.
- Llanowar, on 10/17/2009, -1/+74It's even worse when they give you a new title along with a load more work & responsibilities, but still no raise.
- vsujohn2, on 10/17/2009, -0/+71Yeh, they can call me Vice President in charge of Milkshakes and French fries as long as it comes with a raise. Otherwise it's pointless.
- filldeviant, on 10/17/2009, -8/+70Dugg for the Half Baked reference. This guy has style.
- Horious, on 10/17/2009, -13/+70Holy ***** that was dull.
- ToadBoy, on 10/16/2009, -0/+43Yes...and no.
- manbearpig1, on 10/17/2009, -1/+41I read Bell Telco as Taco Bell and your story didn't make sense...
...Sorry, I'm pretty high. - michaelamyers, on 10/17/2009, -2/+41My farewell email:
Dear *****,
I quit. - DaviDTC, on 10/17/2009, -4/+43I really hope you typed out that entire link instead of just copy/pasting it.
- cartermills, on 10/17/2009, -0/+38Wow, I read Bell Telco as Taco Bell and I'm not high. Maybe I should go back to bed.
- HeyyyJoe, on 10/17/2009, -1/+37hahahahha first thing i hoped for in the comments was that link!
- skematik, on 10/17/2009, -3/+38the author posted the PS video link underneath the email so you wouldn't have to, clawz
- thereyago, on 10/17/2009, -0/+33this letter was more interesting than the other.
- desertDenizen, on 10/17/2009, -0/+31Yeah @onyx, I once summer interned at a regional bell telco and it was a new group so they asked me what I wanted my title to be. On the philosophy that "it never hurts to ask," I exploited the hell out of the situation and said "Head of Software Developer Marketing"... which raised a few eyebrows for my lowly position (I had zero people reporting to me) but it was technically close enough to my job description that nobody said anything. The following summer after graduation, I parlayed that one title into a $100K position and never looked back. So yeah, take the title. It's worth more than the salary so long as you keep on moving... and everyone should have figured out by now that the truly big jumps in pay only come when you switch firms.
- rckola911, on 10/17/2009, -8/+36kind of cool, it wasn't that bad. Its best never to burn bridges you never know where or who your future boss/hr person will be, and they will remember your dumb ass. At least he wasn't childish cussing and what not. As for the title "Guy Resigns, Writes Hilarious Farewell Email (pic) " I would take out the Hilarious part. Nothing to funny about it. I don't remember laughing hardcore. When people do see these things no one really gives 2 ***** about it. Not to mention if this ***** job payed less than minimum wage he should have been out of that ***** long ago, instead of being the bottle bitch. "replacing water".
- shenaniJen, on 10/17/2009, -4/+32If you imagine it happening at your office, it is indeed hilarious.
- lulutv, on 10/17/2009, -0/+26In my experience, you are about 4.5% shy.
- gotbannedagain, on 10/17/2009, -0/+24This one was a gem, happened to one of our UI designs at a video game company he worked at.
Dear Brian,
While I realize that this is probably inside the realm of the obvious, I thought I would type out a few of the reasons for me quitting so that nobody (especially you) is confused. I very much enjoyed working at your company (no I didn't) and with the people that I was surrounded by (that part is true, except you).
It wasn't the fact that we were only paid on time once, that part I could live with. I knew how to save my money and pinch pennies to make sure my kitchen was filled with a wide variety of ramen noodles and rice. I knew how to literally get on my knees and beg my apartment complex not to evict me when I was late on rent for six straight months in a row. With the late fees, the cost of my apartment went from $700 per month, to around $825. All that money lost because investors were pulling their money when you lied to them about the game they were supposedly getting. I'm sure that **** of **** would have been royally pissed off had he known the kind of ***** you were trying to put out.
What was it, then, that caused me to have such disdain for you? It was the fact that you hired intelligent and knowledgeable people to make a video game for your company, and not only did you refuse to listen to them, but as creative director you couldn't even articulate what you wanted the game to look like. You would stomp around for hours on end with your 10 year old computer science degree that you got from the local U and tell everyone how you had shipped popular titles before. We both know that isn't true, especially with **** & ******** - you know, the game that a youtube commentator said was like playing attack of the clones in 2D? That company went under, and most of the guys that worked for you then told those of us on the art and programming teams that you didn't pay them on time either.
You had meetings three times a day. Is that really ***** important, or do you just like to hear yourself talk so much that you need the Art Director and the Programming Director sitting at behest of your long diatribes and *****?
You constantly sexually harassed one of my co-workers and often put her down for being a woman. That's a jackass move, and even when you wanted her to do voice over work and act like a slut and she told you no - that you had the balls to tell her to do it or find another job. She was a designer, not a voice over actor, and that wasn't in her job description.
Really, I think it was the 4th of July weekend that sent me over the edge. You came in, happy as all hell that you were getting to take your family to some lake and enjoy the weekend with fireworks and BBQ. You came in, almost giddy, joking and messing around with the business manager - that you finally broke it down to us that even though we hadn't been paid in 2 months, you weren't going to be able to give us anything for the upcoming weekend and that we were on your own. Then you had the nerve to say, "Have a great holiday guys" on your way out the door in a very smug and douche-laced attitude. I've never wanted to cause bodily harm to someone as much as I did that day, to you.
I'm a nice guy, so we don't have to go over how bad you suck as a creative director. No wait, yes we do - it's not like future employers will be calling you for a reference. My Art Director will give me a great reference and he's well known in the industry. Unlike you, he has worked on triple A titles and some of the behemoths of the industry. You were trying to build a game in 2008 with graphics from the year 2000. I'd almost be willing to bet that Doom 2 was superior to the non-combat simulation that you were trying to sell. Even when those of us with experience tried to help make the game better, you'd scrap it all and tell us to start over. No matter how much overtime we put in because we loved our jobs, it didn't matter. You wanted *****. You got *****, and now you can't sell it to anyone. Bet you feel stupid, now that you're house is being repossessed and you can't pay your bills. I do feel sorry for your family, because they have such a tool as the main breadwinner.
In conclusion:
Pay your people on time.
Don't go on vacations when the people working for you are starving.
Google spiral process, please.
Don't think that because you shipped one game means you know how to be a creative director. If the first game sucked, chances are using the same process for another game won't yield different results.
Read a book on how to articulate your thoughts. You can get it in the children's section of any bookstore.
When you mess with people's livelihood, don't be surprised when they want to tar and feather you naked in the middle of that ***** Alabama town.
In closing - I would just like to say that working for you was one of the worst experiences of my life. I learned a lot from those around me, but that in no way offsets how you treated the employees that were keeping your business propped up.
I hate what you've done to the junior designers and artists in this industry. You've given them a bad taste for the business, because video game studios that are run like yours will do exactly what yours is doing - going out of business.
P.S. I've already got another job waiting for me in Florida, but I can't think of anyone that would hire you to do anything. Make sure you start filing for unemployment like you suggested all of us to do.
Sincerely,
********* - one1plus1one, on 10/17/2009, -1/+25Wow. That was very sneaky of you not to put that on your resume. I never would have thought of that.
- kierucom, on 10/17/2009, -1/+24Yes. But if you work salary you don't earn an hourly wage. You earn a fixed wage based on the idea that you'll work an average of X amount of hours regularly. Of course, as any Salary worker can tell you X is never X. Square the value of X... there you go; that's what you really work.
So when you consider the 'theory hours' your Salary pays you for versus the real number of hours you work... that's when you get screwed - Transporter2000, on 10/17/2009, -0/+23there's a difference in being the assistant manager and being the assistant to the manager...
- Ryan32, on 10/17/2009, -3/+25Andrew, You are probably the exact kind of deuchebag employee most of us can't stand.
- sildude, on 10/17/2009, -1/+22http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/7600/5949full.jpg
- protodon, on 10/17/2009, -5/+26I guess he won't be listing that job on his resume.
- saranagati, on 10/17/2009, -0/+20i once worked a salary job (working extra hours most days) for about a year before i realized that they also paid overtime if you listed that you worked for more than 8 hours/day.
- System6, on 10/17/2009, -2/+21I totally manually typed it. I KNEW I should have checked comments! :)
- ldkronos, on 10/17/2009, -2/+21I was expecting it to be a rickroll
- ZeroCubed, on 10/17/2009, -1/+20Wait, I can drink a gallon of milk in five minutes! Where the hell is this contest?
- Joker99352, on 10/17/2009, -6/+24If you're reading this comment before looking at the email, for the love of God don't bother.
- daEvan, on 10/17/2009, -1/+18It's not bitching when you quit. He's just telling them why they're ***** enough for him to leave. More like critiquing than quitting.
- crapbox, on 10/17/2009, -1/+17sign off your email with
...so long and thanks for all the fish. - franklymister, on 10/17/2009, -0/+16If you're just going to repeat lines from the YouTube clip we all saw, at least write it properly.
- nevinl, on 10/17/2009, -1/+17Corporate profit = (Your ability) - (Your cost/salary)
Just the nature of the beast....if you got paid for what you really deserved, well...no business.... - inactive, on 10/17/2009, -2/+17"hilarious" apparently doesnt mean what it used to.
- immatellyouwhat, on 10/17/2009, -1/+15Kind of like how LOL doesn't mean Laughing Out Loud anymore it just means I Have Nothing Else to Say.
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