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Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box

theonion.com — After weeks of being sleepy all the time and never finishing his din-din at night, area daddy Howard Lewis was put in a bye-bye box early Monday morning so that he could go on a vacation with the birds and clouds in the sky. According to sources, Daddy can't play Chutes & Ladders tonight, but he loved Ryan and his little sister, Rebecca, very much.

Bury
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  • johel052, on 03/23/2008, -5/+50Such a beautiful story. I almost started to cry.
    • Slagtits, on 03/23/2008, -20/+2Yeah I nearly cried, it's been two years since I put dad in the bye bye box, I can still hear, as he went down the conveyor belt in the crematorium, "Let me out, Let me out." The Onion can do that to you.
    • skidme, on 03/23/2008, -3/+3This is a story very near my heart, as I know a family in the same situation. I doubt I'll forward this to them though, because I think it might make them mad.
    • xXIrsotehkewlXx, on 03/23/2008, -0/+8The tears didn't hit me until the part about the ballet recital.
      • Solis, on 03/24/2008, -0/+1That's what got me too. It was just a cute story until that part, then it got all depressing!
    • JesusHatesYou, on 03/23/2008, -13/+2Almost 4,000 daddies coming back from Iraq have been put in bye-bye boxes. I hope their kids like the gift. :)
  • aquarajustin, on 03/23/2008, -2/+77So messed up. I love the Onion.
    • theaceoffire, on 03/23/2008, -1/+4"" "I'm practicing catch in my room so I can surprise Daddy with how good I got when he was away," said Ryan, who sometimes, when sitting in the backyard, likes to dig little holes to try and visit his father. ""

      ....
      *sniff*
      ....
      I don't know if there is a line, but maybe they crossed this... I can't show that to my GF, she lost her dad recently...
      • MoofTheStoof, on 03/23/2008, -6/+4I don't read it all the time, but I typically enjoy the Onion articles I come across. Not this one, though. I'm a widower with two kids and this just made me sad.

        As for crossing the line, I don't know. I'm sure some of their audience will find humor in this story, but probably not the majority. Helping young children cope with the loss of a parent or other loved one might be a little too universal an experience and not one that someone can find humor in once they've been through it.
        • EricCiccone, on 03/23/2008, -5/+1Only reason why I found this funny is because of the shock value, kinda the same reason why I enjoy south park.
        • Markpdotcom, on 03/23/2008, -0/+8I don't think there was any humour intended in this article, other than its tabloid style of writing. I found it touching and emotionally powerful. Also on a personal level I have recently lost someone so it struck a chord.

          An unusual story for the onion. Just someone dealing with grief.
  • weirdness67, on 03/23/2008, -3/+33OH.MY.GOD.
  • letitbleed62, on 03/23/2008, -1/+108Safe to say that's the closest The Onion has ever brought me to tears.
  • sbcea, on 03/23/2008, -10/+9I found this thru Gawker.com. Touted as the saddest story ever. I love the illustration. LOVE IT!!
  • zannyvespertine, on 03/23/2008, -0/+31Very well written piece. Made me laugh, and brought tears to my eyes.
  • johnleemk, on 03/23/2008, -2/+74Black humour at its finest. I love things which make you laugh at first sight, but on reflection, make you want to cry.
    • NinjaPirateDude, on 03/23/2008, -1/+17Just like when the Ghostbusters captured Slimer.....
  • inturnaround, on 03/23/2008, -2/+42Best Onion article since 9/11. Now if you'll excuse me...I have something in my eyes...
  • Snappysnap, on 03/23/2008, -0/+39Just spot on in every detail. Whoever wrote this has been there as a child or a parent.
  • Rowan187, on 03/23/2008, -4/+28WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO TALES OF THE EASTER BUNNY ON EASTER :(
    • d0onut, on 03/23/2008, -3/+11Zombie Jesus isn't too joyful either.
      • Ohimesama, on 03/23/2008, -7/+7Um, yeah... it's probably the most joyful story in the Christian faith. Hello.. savior dies for our sins, and then not only conquers those sins, but then comes back to life. Sounds pretty joyful to me.
        • Intangible360, on 03/23/2008, -4/+5And then his Dad casts a curse on us and all future generations known as original sin so that we are forced to submit to his faith or burn in hellfire for all eternity. How pleasant?
          • Ohimesama, on 03/24/2008, -0/+2Um, no. We brought that curse upon ourselves, (by we, I mean mankind) /before/ Jesus. That's the reason He came. See... to take that sin away.
    • rossisdead, on 03/24/2008, -0/+1They're on another article.
  • openyoureyes17, on 03/23/2008, -1/+90Neat, my dad is dying in the hospital atm, just what I needed to read.
    • fhernand, on 03/23/2008, -1/+63even though there are no replies to your comment, I am sure that everyone wishes you the best for your family
      • twrife, on 03/23/2008, -0/+4It sometimes amazes me how nice Digg can be to people.
        Hope you get to spend time with your dad, openyoureyes17.
    • Azerael, on 03/23/2008, -31/+4I've been dying for most of my life :(
    • skidme, on 03/23/2008, -3/+20We know what your going through, openyoureyes17. Be there for your family, and they can help you through this time.
    • openyoureyes17, on 03/23/2008, -0/+8cheers
    • vanguardanon, on 03/23/2008, -0/+11Best wishes to you and your family.
    • unreg, on 03/23/2008, -0/+14I'm sorry. While I found the article stirring and sweet, I can understand how it would feel for someone like yourself.

      Again, sorry.
    • Rimrose, on 03/23/2008, -0/+8Yeah, I know what you mean. My Grandpa passed away on Friday. Best Wishes to you and your family. This story also made me want to bust out in tears.
    • benihime, on 03/23/2008, -3/+5I know what that feels like. 3 years ago my dad was caught between life and death but thankfully he is OK. I wish you and your family the best. I don't know what kind of God you believe in but always have him in your prayers because no matter what anyone says he is always there watching. Do not shelter yourself away from anyone because you need support from your family just as much as they need it from you. I hope that your father may pull through this. If this story has taught anyone anything is that people are never truly gone from our sides.
    • Meowbiusfox, on 03/23/2008, -0/+8I wish your family the best.
      Losing a parent is very hard emotionally.There is almost no way to prepare for it.
      I lost a dear friend to cancer this week and I'm still reeling over it.
    • openyoureyes17, on 03/25/2008, -0/+1Definitely surprised by all of the comments, but thank you for each one.
  • Briggykins, on 03/23/2008, -1/+42First Futurama, now the Onion. Both making me feel sad when I was expecting comedy. And I love it.
    • Intangible360, on 03/23/2008, -1/+6Damn you! Why did you have to remind me of poor Seymour!? :'(
      • jax9999, on 03/24/2008, -0/+1Ah!! but have you seen benders big score?

  • wushu18t, on 03/23/2008, -0/+28:(
  • Ovalteen, on 03/23/2008, -24/+2So all I have to do to get pizza is stick my dad in a box and bury him? Sweet!
  • rory096, on 03/23/2008, -1/+39This is all sorts of ***** up.


    I love it.
  • NenDaiKi, on 03/23/2008, -32/+2The Onion mocks, meaning it is mocking people like you guys who get all teary from stupid nonsensical words and the people who write them.
    • synaesthesia, on 03/23/2008, -23/+1No its not, its mocking how retarded children are. I think.
      • kronix2, on 03/23/2008, -0/+20Uh, no. It's supposed to pull on our heartstrings while making us smile at the naivete of kids. Not every Onion article is written with laugh out loud humour.

        The article itself is brilliantly written; surely it brings back childhood memories for most people?
      • unreg, on 03/23/2008, -0/+9Children aren't retarded, they just haven't developed the understanding. And as adults we try and shield them from the pain.

  • Neumann, on 03/23/2008, -0/+55That's so *****' messed up... not sure whether to laugh or be heartbroken about that. But what a brilliant depiction of death in the eyes of a child, though. Very well-written, clever idea. But DAMN.
  • jimmick, on 03/23/2008, -0/+58Onions always make me cry
  • 9bpm9, on 03/23/2008, -22/+4Those parents, who lie to their children about three deaths in their family, are the kids that grow up, do drugs, wear black, and hate their parents.
    • Slagtits, on 03/23/2008, -0/+7Ouch, thats a bit harsh. "Hey kids, ya mums dead, stop whining and finish washing the floor", Yeah that sounds better.
      • justok, on 03/23/2008, -1/+9"Get back to work, ya only get 3 days unpaid bereavement leave" is so much better.
    • unreg, on 03/23/2008, -0/+8You obviously haven't dealt with children. Or death. Or the death of a child.
      • Slagtits, on 03/24/2008, -0/+0Yes this is true, thankfully, but The Onion is a, sometimes black and very dry,satirical web site This story is taking the ***** out of the very people that are writing these comments.
  • starkruzr, on 03/23/2008, -12/+7I buried this because it made me sad. Yeah, I know that's not what burying is for. I don't care.
    • sagien, on 03/23/2008, -1/+5I don't think I can put this article in a bye-bye box. Even if it makes me sad.
  • noahgelman, on 03/23/2008, -0/+38"...so I can surprise Daddy with how good I got when he was away," said Ryan, who sometimes, when sitting in the backyard, likes to dig little holes to try and visit his father."
    - That part really gets to me...
    • Dundasbro, on 03/23/2008, -0/+13For me - "Rebecca said she knows that Daddy will be back soon, because she has a ballet recital next week, and Daddy promised he would be there to watch her. According to Rebecca, not only is Daddy going to come out of his hole to see her, but he's also going to have all of his hair back when he does. In addition, Daddy won't be saying all that silly stuff like "I'm so sorry, my princess" and "You're going to have a beautiful wedding one day.""
    • RedHairedMan, on 03/24/2008, -0/+1My cousin died and we started taking care of his kids. His little 4 year old daughter sometimes sings songs about going to visit her daddy and Jesus in Heaven and why she can't go there yet. Or she'll wave to a cloud and say 'I see my daddy up there!'
      *****...that is just every kind of sad.
  • stoph009, on 03/23/2008, -0/+19this is the saddest thing ive read all week
  • djambo, on 03/23/2008, -12/+0'...coming running fast...' Oh noes, they mispelt something. *Myth shatters*
  • killkola, on 03/23/2008, -1/+9out of the mouths of babes... that is the saddest thing i have ever read. absolutely amazing work
  • videomad, on 03/23/2008, -1/+7Making me cry now. so sad.
  • jojoko, on 03/23/2008, -1/+8thats not even funny its sad!
  • jab46, on 03/23/2008, -0/+6Happy Easter everyone!
    Now, about the story - very sad I want to hug Ryan and Rebecca
  • Rozenrot, on 03/23/2008, -4/+1I think I need a shot of insulin.
  • yellowsnowcone, on 03/23/2008, -1/+28My heart goes out to those fake kids.
    • justok, on 03/23/2008, -4/+4be funnier if you had an artificial heart.
  • dzynz, on 03/23/2008, -12/+4This was just sad for the sake of being sad. While very well done, there was nothing funny about this. I love the Onion, but this wasn't a satire and it wasn't a good joke. It's just a news report from a kids perspective about something very serious. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it, but it doesn't accomplish anything, there is no subversive element or biting humor. At least futurama had funny mixed with sadness... this is more like making a fake snuff film and laughing because its fake.
    • CiXeL, on 03/23/2008, -0/+4but you have to admit it was a brilliant piece of writing. its just like john williams being able to write a song for a movie soundtrack that makes you cry.
  • Hacbarton, on 03/23/2008, -1/+5What is with satire taking sad, tear-jerking turns lately? Futurama had a stint with it; this past week's South Park was immensely tragic; and now the Onion. Even Jon Stewart seemed a little choked up about Obama's speech.
  • kahlessreborn, on 03/23/2008, -8/+1That is so F*ck up its brilliant!

    G2G getting my own Bye-Bye box tomorrow but for now I'll play with my rope tie.
  • YamiJim, on 03/23/2008, -10/+4i dont know whats wrong with you people, as a sad story, yes its great/touching.
    but the ONION is a SATIRE site, so are they trying to say this is a ***** joke?
    i think this presented as a joke is in EXTREMELY poor taste, and is probably one of the only things that has truly offended me.
    • OMnicient, on 03/23/2008, -0/+3I think it's brilliant, and reveals quite well yet another time what happens when adults lie to children, and the kind of pain and problems it creates. When you can't explain to kids about cancer and death, and treat it as a "vacation" or a "bye bye box" rather than the utmost gravity and finality of death, you have to really think about whether YOU are adult enough to actually have kids.
      First the uncle, then grandma... now daddy.... When you look at the pattern of deceit leading to perhaps denial, and the belief of children, and the lack of truth, yes, it is funny.
      • YamiJim, on 03/24/2008, -0/+1I respect your POV but will have maintain my original stance on the matter.

        Let me also clarify, that i do not believe it needs to be removed or edited because i find it offensive. i am merely voicing my opinion on the piece.
  • Rubio, on 03/23/2008, -0/+13Even though anyone can appreciate an article that's written well, I feel like this is a case where by actually having been there I can appreciate it on a different level. I'll try not to ramble on while conveying my message.
    Loosing my mother at a fairly young age, there are two things that sadden me the most. The first one is having seen her for the last time at her worst. Unfortunately, my most vivid memories of her are from when she was already sick, and believe me - she didn't look her best. The second thing is remembering the period after we all realized she was gonna die, and thus not be a part of my adult life. Can you imagine your wedding without your mother? Or the birth of your first child? How about graduation?
    Now, try to picture me sitting at my desk at work reading this:

    According to Rebecca, not only is Daddy going to come out of his hole to see her, but he's also going to have all of his hair back when he does. In addition, Daddy won't be saying all that silly stuff like "I'm so sorry, my princess" and "You're going to have a beautiful wedding one day."

    I never get emotional at work, so when I started to silently tear up people started coming from the whole office to check up on me...
    Thankfully, I read this afterwords: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/naked_woman_p ... so cheerfulness was restored.
    • JohnFlux, on 03/23/2008, -0/+6for what it's worth, *hug*
    • jaaaa, on 03/28/2008, -0/+0Yeah, unfortunately I can relate to this article too . . . my wife died when my daughter was only 4 months old (she's almost 2.5 yrs old now) so I've just started trying to explain why she doesn't have a mommy when all the other kids at her daycare do. Its tough to be honest (unlike the Onion article) but I think it will be the best way to deal with her questions . . . now if I could just figure out how to be honest and still make her understand . . . :(
  • bg2500, on 03/23/2008, -5/+3from Reddit...

    "sybesis 9 points 7 hours ago [-]
    we should post it to digg....
    seriously thats the worst joke i ever made"
  • keyboardashtray, on 03/23/2008, -3/+6If The Onion had waited a week, this might have been the most hilarious joke they've ever pulled - as an April Fool's Day joke on readers expecting humor.

    As it stands, this is like dzynz said, "making a fake snuff film and laughing because it is fake". Of course he got buried. Just because it is well written doesn't make it funny.

    Now I'll wait for the rest of diggers to bury me in my bye-bye box.
  • JagoRayken, on 03/23/2008, -16/+0Sounds like the kid is athiest or something, because the easiest way to explain the dad is dead is to say he went to heaven or back to god or explain the circle of life. This kid was told nothing, and he expects his dad to come back, its horrible the mother is going to screw them up emotionaly and we are going to get an emo kid out of this. Anyone agree?

    Btw im not christian im more agnostic but not quite.
    • BEloftyIRONS, on 03/23/2008, -0/+8*whoosh*
    • Foamator, on 03/23/2008, -0/+12Yes, it's a real shame they didn't tell the imaginary kids that their dad flew into the sky to play with his imaginary friend. That would have been so much better for their mental well being and rationality.
      *sigh*
  • Artic89, on 03/23/2008, -0/+5Thats some beautiful and creative journalism right there.
  • spanglegluppet, on 03/23/2008, -0/+4That's the first ever time that The Onion has brought me close to tears.

    *insert witty comment about onions and tears here*
  • TonyTheTerrible, on 03/23/2008, -3/+2the mom feeds the children make believe stories so that she doesnt have to 'deal' with the kids crying anytime soon. who nows how screwed up their perception of death will continue to warp.
  • Itaintrite, on 03/23/2008, -4/+1...moving story, but definitely not irrelevant. I don't think I go to digg to read this stuff. I have daytime soap opera for that.

    Hey, it's Easter. If Jesus could do it...
  • thunderdonkey, on 03/23/2008, -2/+1Tragically hilarious. It's one of those pieces that hurts to laugh at... Well done. Probably one of the most imaginative ways I've ever seen anyone capture the mind and spirit of a child losing a loved one.
  • clemtinite, on 03/23/2008, -3/+1people are emotional about this? the reason it's funny is that it's so damn contrived... it uses every cliche in the book! it's just a parody of those ridiculous human interest stories, isn't it? some of the comments here make me feel like i'm missing something... like there's an unwritten law that you're meant to react like a retard when an onion story comes up...
    • kingofbeasts, on 03/25/2008, -0/+0Hey clemtinite -- I think it's more than a parody of ridiculous human interest stories. If you look at the stuff the children are saying, it's not even in the same league, qualitatively, as the kind of stuff that might appear in even the most cliche story. Instead, it's the kind of stuff parents have to tell children (yes, we really do have to use lines like this with very young children) who are not ready to understand the full implications of death.
    • X510, on 03/25/2008, -0/+0Like someone said, this is sad for the sake of sad ... that's what makes it funny.

      Bart's people.
  • shortmilton, on 03/23/2008, -0/+4Yay!!! Pizza for lunch!!!
  • lostarchitect, on 03/23/2008, -2/+2is it pathetic that the onion can make me tear up?
  • Risingashes, on 03/23/2008, -0/+5Dear god, I know it's a joke but it's so bloody sad.
    I'd say whoever wrote this was a genius, but I don't think even they realised how strong this'd be.
    To anyone who doesn't get it, just read it again. It's heartbreaking even if it is fake.
  • ardembiniwoot, on 03/23/2008, -2/+3dark joke...
  • rossisdead, on 03/23/2008, -4/+1I'm glad I'm able to laugh at comedy writing instead of crying about it.
    • mellowle, on 03/24/2008, -1/+1I'm glad to see I'm not the only one.
  • XiaoJjang, on 03/23/2008, -2/+1Honestly, I dont get it, can someone explain this to me?
    • FranksValli, on 03/23/2008, -0/+1It's basically a description of a father's death and burial by the kids, who obviously don't understand it. It's supposed to be funny, since it's on the Onion, but actually I found it incredibly sad and depressing.
  • anysillyname, on 03/23/2008, -2/+0touching story but not digg worthy
    • se1zure, on 03/24/2008, -0/+2Thanks man I was waiting for your approval or disapproval!
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