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The World's Most Ridiculous Sports Team Names

cracked.com — It used to be easy to name your sports team; just pick a dangerous animal and go. Unfortunately, there are way more sports teams in the world than there are cool animals, and the result is a lot of names that range from lame to laugh-out-loud retarded.

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  • diggleague, on 11/05/2007, -3/+27Butte Pirates FTW!!!
  • Fhwqhgads, on 10/30/2007, -5/+4Add Mississauga St. Michaels Majors (OHL) to the list.

    Just sounds retarded.
    • ostracize, on 10/30/2007, -1/+2The OHL has a bunch of stupid names:
      * Ice Dogs (whatever that is)
      * Battalion
      * Whalers (in Detroit!)
      * Otters
      * Petes
      * Spirit
      * Attack (at least it's better than Platers)
      * 67's (but I understand the 1867 connection)
    • sgtbutterscotch, on 10/31/2007, -2/+2This list is stupid. Just look at MLB: Red Sox, Blue Jays, Orioles, Twins, White Sox, Athletics, Phillies, Braves, Nationals, Mets, Cubs, Brewers, Cardinals, Astros, Reds, Rockies, Padres, and Dodgers all could have been put somewhere on any of those list.
      • wraptor347, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1hockey: stars, (mighty) ducks, canucks, canadians, senators, flyers (philadelphia had a team called the quakers for a season)...
        basketball: lakers, nets, 76'ers, clippers, pistons, pacers, magic, wizards...
        college: syracuse orange, oregon ducks, buckeyes, tarheels...

        I know a lot of these team names make sense, but buckeyes and senators are not particularly intimidating.
  • 0phelia, on 11/05/2007, -9/+2"The Rhode Island School of Design has an impressive entry with their "Nads" hockey team. It was only slightly diminished by the fact they obviously did it on purpose, which is somewhat atoned for by their team cheer, "Go Nads!" and their school's matching basketball team, the Balls."
    • badjoke, on 10/31/2007, -1/+5Yes, that's what it said in the article. Thanks.
  • sfpfc, on 10/31/2007, -8/+2minnesota wild can get away with it because they have derek boogaard on their team (youtube him if you never heard of him before)
  • krets, on 10/31/2007, -1/+6I'd love to get a Nimrods shirt. Googled but no luck.
    • DJPhoenix, on 10/31/2007, -0/+5Every time my friend and I go to his cabin up at Watersmeet, MI we stop by the local stores to see if we can find Nimrod shirts. So far no luck.
      • ganzhimself, on 10/31/2007, -0/+2Last time I was there (about 3, maybe 4 years ago) I bought a nimrods shirt at a gas station in Watersmeet. If I remember correctly it was a BP that looked like a log cabin. maybe things have changed since then.
  • pepperpotts, on 10/30/2007, -1/+1Don't forget the Makon (GA) Whoopie!! I think they changed their name last year though.
    • anarchyinthekr, on 10/30/2007, -1/+2it's Macon Whoopee...they folded after the 02 season
      • krets, on 10/31/2007, -2/+3Never apologize for being a spelling nazi. Carry the badge with pride.
  • estacado, on 10/30/2007, -4/+4Almost all the team in the US' Major League Soccer have ridiculous names for a football club.
    • macromorgan, on 10/30/2007, -1/+1F. C. Dallas sounds pretty normal to me.
  • Dokument, on 11/05/2007, -0/+38after reading that, the best part was probably when i found that candy in my pocket.
    • Camphlobactor, on 10/31/2007, -0/+3it smells like the birth of a new meme
      • sgtbutterscotch, on 11/05/2007, -0/+2And it feels all sticky and gooey.
  • trunks13, on 10/31/2007, -12/+7What about the Washington Redskins? A blatantly racist name if I ever saw one.
    • yaryarhumphump, on 10/31/2007, -4/+2Suck it up
    • Stradenko, on 10/31/2007, -0/+7Redskins came in second place to the Dangerous Darkies in that particular category....
    • sloonark, on 10/31/2007, -0/+7It's on page 2.
  • dyreschlock, on 10/31/2007, -0/+5no Freeport, IL pretzels :/
    • phoenixgeek, on 10/31/2007, -1/+0That's exactly what I was about to post. I grew up around Freeport, and whoever I tell about the team name laughs.
  • Namakemono, on 11/05/2007, -2/+14They need to add the "Houston Texans".
  • Dundasbro, on 10/30/2007, -1/+1South Sydney Rabbitohs have a pretty damn non-threatening name. (kickarse team though)
  • sethisastud, on 11/07/2007, -0/+24My undergrad was the "Fighting Presbyterians" for a long time...I bet that struck fear into the hearts of many.
    • nicktripp, on 10/31/2007, -0/+1My school recently played the Presbyterian College Blue Hose in football. Yes, the Blue Hose.

      You Presbyterians know how to pick 'em, huh?
  • Masako, on 10/30/2007, -0/+2Some of these are excellent. :P
  • seanpauls, on 10/30/2007, -0/+2How is maple leafs a made up word?
    • Stradenko, on 11/05/2007, -1/+5"Leafs" is not an English word.
      • selsine, on 10/31/2007, -2/+2http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/leaf

        Pronunciation:
        ˈlēf
        Function:
        noun
        Inflected Form(s):
        plural leaves also leafs
        Usage:
        often attributive
        Etymology:
        Middle English leef, from Old English lēaf; akin to Old High German loub leaf
        Date:
        before 12th century
        • Swanny614, on 11/07/2007, -0/+3Leafs: The incorrect plural form of Leaf. Should be: Leaves

          The More You Know!
      • chronichyjinx, on 11/05/2007, -1/+10LEAFS not LEAF!

        And me being from Toronto should also throw in that THE LEAFS SUCK!
        • perestroika, on 10/31/2007, -0/+3Second that.
        • Rolamoto, on 10/31/2007, -0/+2I have to say that they have no chance of winning. (I'm writing this reply while wearing my Leafs hat)
        • Jeffler, on 10/31/2007, -0/+2No they don't! Just tucker, battaglia, belak, newbury, pohl, kilger, mccabe, wozniewski, gill....oh ffs I can't defend a team with that many *****.
        • wraptor347, on 10/31/2007, -0/+2@ Jeffler
          don't forget bell!
          ~Sharks fan
      • PistolSO, on 10/31/2007, -0/+1This is correct. The proper plural for leaf is leaves
  • psg188, on 10/31/2007, -0/+7Guess what my little brothers high school team is called. The Paper Makers! No kidding! How non-threatening is that!
    • plainOldFool, on 10/31/2007, -0/+2kind of close to book makers ... mob connection??? A stretch, but that would make them a tad threatening.
    • rhank, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1he from nekoosa? cause theyre the paper makers
    • KingGorilla, on 10/31/2007, -0/+1that's pretty pimp
  • Nauthez, on 11/05/2007, -0/+25I still think the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim is up on the list...
    • Namakemono, on 10/31/2007, -0/+3Yeah, pretty silly. LA and Anaheim are not even in the same county. What was wrong with the Anaheim Angels, minus the "Angels" part?
    • 471776, on 10/31/2007, -1/+4Speaking of Anaheim, the "Mighty Ducks of Anaheim" (NHL) used to be a pretty cool name. Not just ducks, but mighty ducks. And they were. Now it's just ducks. And guess what? Start of the season, they're doing pretty badly...
      • Namakemono, on 11/02/2007, -0/+8Actually, they were just the "Ducks" last season and they won the cup. But I agree. Mighty Ducks is a better name.
      • thefandango, on 10/30/2007, -0/+2you might want to add that they're the defending stanley cup champions.

        just sayin'.

        Go Flyers!
        • wraptor347, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1Now there's a team name to be proud of. Flyers...
          Go Sharks!
  • DavidAP, on 10/31/2007, -0/+6I'm surprised the Montgomery Biscuits didn't make the list.
    http://www.biscuitsbaseball.com/
    • drachemorder, on 10/30/2007, -0/+2Me too. They were fairly big news when the team moved to Montgomery. They're actually a good team, especially when you consider that their parent club is the perennial loser Devil Rays.
      • MadSquirrel, on 10/31/2007, -1/+1OMG, I know what you're talking about, waves franticly from down south of you.
        The land of the Boll Weevil.
  • HA5TY, on 10/31/2007, -1/+7Thrashers is actually a cool sounding name.
    • anarchyinthekr, on 10/31/2007, -4/+2no it's not
    • sgtbutterscotch, on 11/02/2007, -1/+2Yeah, what is up with this list? More non-predatory bird names in major sports are Penguins, Orioles, Blue Jays, and Cardinals... They don't make fun of those and wtf is a blue jacket?
      • wraptor347, on 10/31/2007, -0/+2I think it's a reference to the civil war, but they decided to make their (original) logo look like a blue yellow-jacket. Thrashers is a cool name though.
    • sgtbutterscotch, on 11/02/2007, -1/+1Not to mention the brown thrasher is Georgia's official state bird.
  • Sautechef, on 10/30/2007, -3/+2Don't forget the Presbyterian College "Blue Hose".
  • JonnyMark, on 10/31/2007, -2/+3Toronto Maple Leafs... under "made-up words"? That makes no sense.
    • Linkin4, on 10/31/2007, -2/+11Leaves
      • selsine, on 10/31/2007, -2/+3http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/leaf

        Pronunciation:
        ˈlēf
        Function:
        noun
        Inflected Form(s):
        plural leaves also leafs
        Usage:
        often attributive
        Etymology:
        Middle English leef, from Old English lēaf; akin to Old High German loub leaf
        Date:
        before 12th century
      • plainOldFool, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1Then what's a Sox? To be fair, Boston used to be called the Red Stockings (amongst numerous other names ... Bean Eaters?!?). Red Stockings doesn't sound too good compared to Red Sox.
    • cquilliam, on 10/31/2007, -0/+3According to wikipedia (however accurate it is)
      "The somewhat peculiar spelling of the word "Leafs" vs. "Leaves" is in actuality grammatically allowable, just as "dwarfs" is an alternative to the spelling "dwarves"."

      There is a story behind the name, as to why it was spelt "Leafs" instead of "Leaves" by Conn Smythe, however, I can't seem to locate it right now. Something to do with a Smythe's army days.
  • ricree, on 11/05/2007, -1/+11Those are pretty good, although they missed the Polo Marcos (high school in Polo, IL), which is probably the most ridiculous of all the schools I have actually set fut in. Not only that, but in an amazing credit to their history program, they decided that their mascot would be this big Ghenghis Kahn looking Mongol guy. Because apparently Italian merchants are cool enough to name your team after, but just aren't intimidating enough as a mascot.
  • Linkin4, on 11/05/2007, -0/+16Wichita State Shockers is definitely the best name ever.
    • anarchyinthekr, on 11/05/2007, -0/+6my grandfather played football there and still loves to talk about shockers...if he only knew
    • jj2me, on 10/30/2007, -1/+0I happen to like the Detroit Pistons as the best name. Started as Fort Wayne Pistons (they manufactured auto pistons in Fort Wayne). But the pistons going up and down is such a great visual image for a jumping basketball team (probably a volleyball team would be even better).
      • sethisastud, on 10/31/2007, -0/+1And I want Tayshaun Prince to leave his wife and marry me.
  • djpants428, on 11/07/2007, -0/+2Nice to see my hometown get a nod (Quad City Swing), but my high school had an even more ridiculous name: The Moline Maroons. Seriously, our mascot was a freaking color.
    • Brakamow, on 10/31/2007, -0/+3Oh. It gets better. Now they have the "Quad City Flames" as the hockey team. Swing and Flames - I let the first one go, but the second is just begging to be made fun of.
  • Rileyper, on 10/30/2007, -0/+3Carp is very popular in Asia, i see nothing ridiculous about it.
    • DomoDigital, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1most of these make a lot of sense... it makes more sense to me that a team is named after something that has meaning locally, than to regurgitate other team names for the sake of it.... Like the banana slugs one, they have those locally....they dont have any pirates....so why name your team the pirates, or panthers just cuz it sounds bad ass??
    • tomess, on 10/31/2007, -2/+0You mean Carp are very popular.
  • petemcfraser, on 10/31/2007, -1/+11CGNU Dumples!
  • toxicshok, on 10/30/2007, -1/+5I rooting from the ham fighters in the valiant effort to save us from ham.
  • Whaines, on 10/30/2007, -0/+4I dunno, when I was in high school our team name was the Tillamook Cheesemakers. Oooooo I'm scared.
    • DomoDigital, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1serioulsy....who DOES get scared by a team name.... The "insert city name" Pirates...arnt actually pirates....
    • COinOR, on 10/31/2007, -0/+3sure, you didn't scare anyone, but they showed up hungry & malnourished. those cheese curds are amazing!
  • jvesanto, on 11/07/2007, -0/+10Go Nads!
  • chyperbola, on 11/05/2007, -0/+11I go to UC Santa Cruz. I think the main reason for choosing the banana slug is that it has no known predators. pwn.

    A brief story about that -
    Back in the day, one of the chancellors wanted to change the UCSC mascot to the sea lions, because, I assume, sea lions are a little more menacing than banana slugs. He even put up a statue of sea lions by the science buildings. In any case, the students revolted and voted down the sea lions, switching back to the banana slugs. Every year some student spray paints the sea lion statue yellow to look like banana slugs. [ http://photos-d.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v75 ... ]
  • ddissent, on 10/30/2007, -4/+0I always wanted to start a fencing team called The Pittsburgh Penises .. Our mascot could be a giant boner running around head butting people
    • bingobongony, on 11/05/2007, -0/+5I used to giggle at the word penis too...and then I had my 11th birthday.
  • aschmack, on 10/31/2007, -0/+8Lets not forget tre Cleveland Steamers and the Cinncinnati Bowties.
    • bingobongony, on 11/05/2007, -0/+2Just a comedy tip...there are many things that are only funny if they are true.
  • danielrh9, on 10/31/2007, -0/+8Sorry, but no list of this variety is complete without mention of the now defunct Macon Whoopee.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macon_Whoopee
  • afx1, on 10/30/2007, -0/+2the uc irvine anteaters shoulda made the list.
  • Mayhew, on 10/31/2007, -0/+7Dugg for Thai team named after abstract economic concept.
  • ri59, on 11/05/2007, -0/+1Page 2 for "Poor Choice of Role Model" should be Oklahoma Sooners (OU). Google "sooner" and land run.
  • darkever, on 10/30/2007, -1/+2NYU Violets! If any team name deserves to be represented, it's that one!
  • Phlyers, on 11/05/2007, -0/+6I've always thought the LA Dodgers have a very non-threatening name. Look out, we're gonna get out of the way!

    The real origin (from wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dodgers#Brooklyn_Dodg ... ) isn't much more intimidating, just implies they didn't like their fans very much.
  • rayefrenzy, on 11/05/2007, -0/+2I'm saddened to not see my high school's mascot, the Walden Walnuts.
  • fatfreddyscat, on 10/30/2007, -1/+1In south Texas there is the Port Lavaca Sand Crabs! They pinch.
  • fatfreddyscat, on 10/30/2007, -1/+1In south Texas there is the Port Lavaca Sand Crabs! They pinch.
  • Chrino, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1Gamecocks.
  • dwoo12, on 11/05/2007, -0/+5I voted Turd Sandwich.
  • fantasticFlan, on 10/30/2007, -0/+3No mention of the Topeka High Trojans and their rivals the Seamen.
  • thirdman, on 10/31/2007, -0/+3Back in 92, Coventry Polytechnic in England changed its name to Coventry University. The manufacturers of the team strips were given the job of producing new ones, so the football team became Coventry University Football Team, with the initials CUFT on the track-suits, the hockey team became CUHT etc. All was well until someone unpacked the netball team's tops...
  • blackcap, on 11/05/2007, -0/+2The New Zealand men's badminton team is called The Black *****....
  • oaktree, on 10/30/2007, -0/+0Near where I grew up were the Norwalk Truckers! (HS) Nothing like idolizing smelly, flannel-wearing speed junkies. The only thing that made them tolerable were the Truckerettes....small town Ohio's version of the Rockettes.
    • qasabah, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1...but smelly and wearing flannel.
    • bingobongony, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1you've smelled a lot of truckers, have you?
  • drizzlelicious, on 10/30/2007, -0/+5Tennessee Volunteers should at least be in the non-threatening humans list
  • kiddcode, on 10/30/2007, -0/+1There's an AYSO plaque on the wall at the donuts shop by my house for the Blue Ballers
  • metric7, on 10/30/2007, -1/+2What about the Nippon Ham Fighters?
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