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Things to Consider Before Getting Married

dumblittleman.com — Here are a handful of things that have become common themes. My assumption is that you've already talked about religion, having kids, sex, etc. If not, you really need to open up the communication.So before you say "I Do", make sure you have at least considered these ..

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  • FreakyD, on 10/10/2007, -9/+223Be 100% certain that she does not have a penis.
  • meshman, on 10/10/2007, -21/+661 - After 3 months or less, you will never have sex again. Consider that.
    • dorkino, on 10/10/2007, -7/+26I get the implied humor, but anyone taking this seriously would benefit from knowing that they married the wrong person if this were true. Your sex life is basically a litmus test of the relationship. If it is suffering because the relationship is suffering, then that's self explanatory. If it's suffering because you two are sexually incompatible, then the relationship will suffer as a result.

      Good sex = good relationship.
      • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -2/+38I've had great sex in HORRIBLE relationships and HORRIBLE sex in great relationships.

        A litmus test best on sex is just stupid, and you're just too young to understand that. A relationship is based and tested on more than just sex.
        • tdowling, on 10/10/2007, -8/+2or you're just in denial!
        • RRJackson, on 10/10/2007, -0/+34The best sex I've had seems to have consistently been with the women I've dated who were so ***** insane that a long-term relationship with anyone other than a psychiatrist wouldn't have been in their best interest or mine. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I have friends who've got the same story. "Oh man, the sex was great, but then she'd have these wild mood swings and occasionally dabble in arson..." Like all men in denial, I keep hoping that one day I'll meet someone smart, funny and practical who's also a lot of fun in the sack. Of course, I'm way past the age where I'm likely to ever experience significant pair-bonding, so I'll just get back to my life of quiet despair now.
          • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -1/+9Digg this man up. The crazier they are, the better the sex and the worse the potential as a long-term partner...
          • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -3/+3Just marry a boring, tame woman. She'll have all those other qualities which are so important to maintaining a healthy relationship, and over time, she'll turn wild too, without compromising those other qualities. Don't be afraid to help her along a little. Just like dating, they want you to be the instigator, and the one to introduce new things. Actually being married really helps...then learned patterns go deeper.

            At least that's the way it works in my marriage. I initiate something crazy the first time, but then my wife adds it to her repertoire or things SHE will initiate.
          • darkdantae, on 10/10/2007, -3/+1"I'll meet someone smart, funny and practical "

            That is an oxymoron, no such thing as a funny woman. Unless you use it in the sense that I do, "well at least she laughs as things that are fun, and is not a stick in the mud." Reminds me of the Scrubs episode with Mandy Moore, where rather than laughing she just says "That's so funny," I couldn't deal with that either.
          • picsectionpleez, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I like women from the suburbs because they are so feminine. But there's no way to make lasting relationships with them because they want to drag you out of the city- or they're enamored with the city lights and out of their element.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+3It's not a litmus test of whether the relationship is a good one, but of what state the relationship is in, regardless of what type it is.

          So, in a GOOD relationship (and really, we generally know whether we're in a good relationship or not, so let's not kid ourselves) bad sex is an indicator (no sex doubly so) of unresolved issues that need to be addressed. They can be issues that are simmering in one or both of you, or it can be something of which neither is really aware, but still affecting behavior/attitudes.
          • sotallytober, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Not always true. My husband and I have a great relationship but don't have sex as often as we used to due to medical reasons. Medical issues are going to appear that effect your sex life as you grow old together. The quality or quantity of sex isn't always an indicator of the health of the overall relationship.
      • MrESaulved, on 10/10/2007, -3/+2dorkino, single. Never married?
    • chuckDontSurf, on 10/10/2007, -4/+8To quote Dan Savage: "You can have a low libido, or you can have monogamy, but you can't have both."
      • RickFu, on 10/10/2007, -7/+4I agree with Dan Savage on that. That's what I've done in my relationship. We were monogomous for 3 years and for about a year now, we've been having sex with other people. *We* are still a we and it's worked out well for us.

        I don't think it would go so well for everyone, though. There's a level of communication, trust, and emotional maturity required to have it go well.
        • SlipstreamLucas, on 10/10/2007, -3/+6no ***** way.
          married or just relationship??
        • RickFu, on 10/10/2007, -2/+3Married for 3 years on May 9...
        • rhino369, on 10/10/2007, -6/+7Haha some dude is ***** your wife. There is no way you can be happy about that .
        • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -6/+13>There's a level of communication, trust, and emotional maturity required to have it go well

          You mean lack of emotional maturity. A healthy marriage doesn't need your wife to screw other guys. My guess is that she told you either she gets to lay other guys, or she leaves and you accepted it as a condition. When a relationship ever includes more than the two people, the original relationship is officially dead. What you now have is some sort of hybrid, where each person that biffs your wife is part of your relationship too. It's really sad.
      • cdahlkvist, on 10/10/2007, -9/+2Uhh...Dan Savage is openly gay. When he talks libido he means "***** in his ass and mouth" which is fine....if you are a chick and it's my ***** and your ass and mouth.

        Glad to see you are in college. Now wait til you see the real world.
        • RickFu, on 10/10/2007, -2/+3LOL @ you.

          Jealous much?

          You know nothing about the real world apparently. People are different and you can't be so closed minded about things.
          • cdahlkvist, on 10/10/2007, -4/+4Uhh...it's called basic biology. A gay guy giving advice to me on how to get laid means his opinions are skewed (on how to get the *****). I have no problem with people being gay.

            Hey, if it makes you happy then go for it. But the truth of the matter is he is NOT a chick. If you don't like same sex marriage...don't have one. Simple.

            But hey, appreciate the assumptions.
        • chuckDontSurf, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Dan Savage is gay?! Say it isn't so! /sarcasm
          Libidos aren't limited to gay people, *****. Please explain to me how this particular opinion has no bearing on heterosexuals.
          BTW, I'm married and in my early 30's. What was that you were saying about the "real world?"
      • diversionmary, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1That's my new #1 quote.
      • sleepwalkers, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4I've been in a relationship for almost 2 1/2 years and we are still having the best sex I've ever had (granted, I'm still somewhat young). I find it hard to believe that after three months of marriage we'd be through with each other.
        • supaklaw, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Pix or it's a lie.
        • diversionmary, on 10/10/2007, -2/+1After 3 months you won't be through with each other - she'll be through with you.
        • ipxodi, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Been married for 20 years this month. Still have great sex with the wife. Maybe not as often as we did 20 years ago, but frequent enough so we're happy with it.

          If after a few years go by and you're not getting it on a regular basis THERE IS something wrong in your relationship and you'd better start communicating for real....
    • AgentKPB, on 10/28/2007, -11/+29I'd say 9/10 women I know pre-marriage put on a good 20-30 pounds really quick after getting married also.
      Most of them cut their hair really short too.

      Watch out for the post-fatties
      • SlipstreamLucas, on 10/10/2007, -4/+3stuff of nightmares.
      • DooDooFace, on 10/10/2007, -3/+8should definitely have a fat clause
      • cdahlkvist, on 10/10/2007, -6/+15Wow. I wonder if they talk about how your "Dress up as a Star Trek Character" issues come up.

        Most chicks do not get fat, cut their hair short or any of that crap when they get married. You are disillusioned.

        Might be because it's hard to attract a girl when you live in your mother's basement.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -3/+5Oh, yes they do. You tell yourself it won't happen, but the moment you have that security of a "to the death" commitment, maintaining physique and attractiveness drops in priority. The ones that struggle with their bodies can't help but pack on a few pounds, and then they try to distract attention from the change with a makeover. The people that DON'T struggle with their bodies are generally young enough that they don't want/need marriage yet.
          • JDRay, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4Actually, it's just as much about getting older and more tired. Going to the gym takes more effort when you're over 40 than when you're an energetic youth. And the added responsibilities of a career, children, housework and maintaining a relationship cut into your time, so finding an hour a day to go work out is difficult. People get fatter as they get older. Typically, people also get married when they get older. Combine the two functions, and it appears that people get fatter as they get married.
      • diiii, on 10/10/2007, -0/+99/10 of the women you're thinking of probably put on 20-30 pounds because they're starting to show signs of pregnancy, the only reason they got married in the first place.
      • IceZZ, on 10/21/2007, -9/+4>Most chicks do not get fat, cut their hair short or any of that crap when they get married. You are disillusioned.

        Yes, they do. They have no reason to keep up, they have their man snagged. Now if your woman continues to look super thin and even tries to look better, then beware, she is probably doing something on the side with other guys...
      • MoosaofND, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4Well considering the number of women who grow out hair/loose weight just for wedding and eventually revert, I can see how your comment could reflect a kernel of truth. Also, with kids not only comes baby weight, that's when the mom-style short hair comes in. Babies and long hair don't mix. This is what I learned in my nannying days.
        But it's not like 'letting oneself go' goes one way... and if one partner keeps up their appearance, the other is much more likely motivated to do so.
    • UbIwerks, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13Seriously? Being married is one of the greatest things ever! And sex is incredible when you're with someone you know will invest the rest of her life with you!

      I think that's just a saying 35 year olds tell themselves to keep on clubin'...
      • supaklaw, on 10/10/2007, -4/+3I guess that explains the 50% divorce rate... divorce is awesome too.
    • TotalHalibut, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1This is just bollocks quite frankly. If you married someone like that then you married the wrong damn woman, or you're doing something horribly wrong.
    • SysstemLord, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1exactly 3 months, and why? because i'm not buying flowers
    • Veretax, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I agree if you aren't having sex after 3 months of marriage something is seriously wrong with your relationship
  • Enochyang, on 10/10/2007, -12/+54FTA: Religion - How important is it and how will we teach the kids?

    This is an on-going struggle for me. I've always gotten into arguments with all my girlfriends because I want to raise my kids in a strictly non-religious home and let them decide for themselves after they grow up.
    • madroneDorf, on 10/10/2007, -4/+40This is sorta a cop-out imo, raising kids without a religion and allowing them to decide later, is basically saying you are wanting to raise kids without religion... of course they will "decide" later, but most people stay with the same religion they grew up with, or migrate to one that is similiar.

      Personally I support raising kids without religion, but call a spade a spade, raising kids without religion is saying that you want to have the kids not be religious
      • Enochyang, on 10/10/2007, -2/+15I couldn't agree with you more. I'd really like to have an atheist girlfriend so we can dodge the issue completely. Maybe I should stop picking up girls at churches.
      • Rikkochet, on 10/10/2007, -2/+3I *still* think that should be the case but I've actually seen in practice that it doesn't work that way. (ok, ok, lame personal anecdotal evidence here)
        I and a few family friends were all raised to "make our own decisions". This was largely due to our parents being of different religions but not particularly strongly committed to their churches.
        When I was 15 I actually went to the baptism of one of my 16-year-old friends. Without pressure, without any sort of personal crisis that generates the born-agains, he decided he believed in the Christian god and was baptised.
        Honestly, that's about the only situation in which I can respect someone's religious beliefs. Instead of being brainwashed from a young age or manipulated in the time of personal problems, he assessed his place in the world and what people "thought" and decided where he fell. Good on him. He believes what he believes because he thought about it with eyes wide open and made a decision. There are precious few in the world that can honestly say that, probably even a good number of atheists.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+4You make a strong argument, but the word "brainwashed" is really overused. I could say I was brainwashed into believing the Earth is round through all this "science" hocus pocus (which we so often forget is founded on observation/philosophy). But religion becomes a hot topic in raising your own children because most people have a firm belief in something, and often are backed by more evidence than the general scientific community would like to admit. That evidence, and the belief of the parent that he is imparting truth to his children, lends religious teaching a status nearer scientific education than the blind mind-programming of lies we call brainwashing.

          Since you brought up Christianity in particular: If a child just believes what his parents believe because they believe it, that child really isn't a Christian. Until a personal choice is made, they're just a person associated with a religious classification. But it's perfectly understandable that a parent would present as much material and personal example as possible to inform about and promote that choice, even if he is labeled as a brainwasher, rather than leave his children's eternal future to chance.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1The kicker is that it's really quite similar to teaching science and english to minimize the chance that your child decides to be a hick, or worse...digger.
          • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Aw...no juice for the wisecracker, I guess.
      • djp7125, on 10/10/2007, -5/+4You're applauding what?! He's too young to vote, to die for his country, to buy some smokes or to drink with the men and yet he's mature enough emotionally, intellectually and experientially to resolve what is his supposed master higher being?!?! Just because it wasn't your parents that brainwashed you doesn't mean it isn't still brainwashing/the taking advantage of a young mind.
      • Tanyanika, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1I wouldn't say that, at least going from personal experience. My own parents sit somewhere on the spectrum between agnostic and deist. They liked the idea of some divine essence shaping the universe but never thought it wise to pin it down past that. From two children, one is atheist (me) and the other is buddhist.
        You can never predict how a child is going to turn out. People from religious families often do leave the faith of their birth - where else do atheists and agnostics come from? The most you can do, if you love them sincerely is get them ready in their youth to make their choice. With a good education with lots of wide-reading they will get exposure to everything out there and have the means to evaluate it too. So in the end, they might not make the *same* choice as you, but at least you know it will be a *reasonable* choice.
        • madroneDorf, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Buddhism is a life philosophy that is nontheistic, it's not a huge stretch to go from no religion to buddhism. Really you proved my point, both kids are raised in a non religious upbringng, and neither converted to a theistic religion, one basically continued not believing in anything, and the other chose the least religious, religion (in terms of western norms of religion, I like buddhism and not dismisisng of it, but it doesn't require the same leaps of faith thah characterize abrahamic religions.

          Ultimately though individual cases are meaningless, of course you have People who are raised without religion become religious, and have people who were raiesed religoious become atheist/nontheistic, but overall parents have a huge effect on the religion/life philosophy/ world view of their kids they raise. (and I wouldn't call it "brainwashing" because really, thats what being a parent is, teaching your kids values, morals, etc etc)
          • DrMonkeyLove, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Yeah, it's not brainwashing. It's indoctrination. You're telling your kids something is true and absolute without one ounce of proof. Because there is no evidence (AT ALL) that any one religion is the "right" religion, the default is to not believe in any religion. I certainly hope my kids wouldn't get their morals or values from any of the religious scripture I've ever read. If they did even half of what was encouraged by God in the Bible, they'd be locked up for life.
    • chrisOrbit, on 10/10/2007, -21/+17Good move man. A childs mind should not be brainwashed.
      • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -9/+18WHY THE ***** must a child be brainwashed to a religion?

        I was raised Christian... and for a while, I shunned it as a rebellion... but over time I came back to it because of the basic teaching of Christ and my experiences in the world.

        Are their people who abuse religion? Yes
        Is religion bad because people abuse it? NO
        • Rikkochet, on 10/10/2007, -7/+6You could replace "religion" with:
          drugs, guns, sex, children, steak knives, cans of paint, and recycled toner cartridges. I don't really see what your argument is in relation to this discussion.
        • computergod, on 10/10/2007, -5/+2Brainwashing is kind of a bad word for what I think he was clumsily trying to describse. I think his point was more to do with how a lot of us see religion as harmful, and don't like seeing children to be brought up with strong belief in something that makes no sense.

          Oh, and I hate Dawkins for unleashing a tide of kidiots who take up atheism to piss off their parents. That, however, is another story.
      • tdowling, on 10/10/2007, -2/+10Bah, every kid starts the brainwashing process from day one - all that varies is the content.
      • Shawn4168, on 10/10/2007, -2/+7Much better that you brainwash them as an agnostic or an atheist...right...
      • TotalHalibut, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6All children are brainwashed from day 1. It's called 'learning'.
    • tatical, on 10/10/2007, -3/+12My girl brought this up a while ago, she's Hindu and I'm Christan. It doesn't really matter to me, but I don't see why the kids can't practice both (assuming we eventually have any kids). Fortunately she agrees with me.
      • zachshmack, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15So Jesus is a turtle now? It makes perfect sense...
      • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5I've known many Hindu's and the ones I've met have been EXTREMELY tolerant of other religions and idea. Frankly, I'd be surprised if she didn't agree with you.
        • sliny, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5That's because Jesus can be easily portrayed as just one of Hinduism's many gods/demi-gods, leading to a sort of Hindu-Christian syncretism. Hindus definitely don't have the same "My God is the only god" belief that Islam or Christianity has.
      • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -3/+8Titical, you can go ahead and say that you can practice both, but basically you are practicing neither if you do that. Religion is not a buffet, where you take some Hindu and a slice of Roman Catholic and make a dish. If you think it is that flexible, you really aren't very religious at all. "American Christian" is really a joke that says you pay homage verbally and go to church on Sunday, and that makes you a "good christian".
        • exhume, on 10/10/2007, -3/+4Wrong. Almost all religions and/or denominations of a particular religion take pieces and parts of others. Jesus was a Jew, and is mentioned in the Koran, Christianity has some Buddhist-like themes, etc.
      • Shawn4168, on 10/10/2007, -2/+5You can raise the kids, and teach them about both, but you will never be able to practice both faiths. They're incompatible. That's like saying you want to raise your son to be both a boy and a girl.
    • burkesquires, on 10/10/2007, -3/+7I have heard this before and it does not work...give them a framework to work from then let them decide. Imagine not wanting to impose a particular language on your children so you teach them NO language. How will they realistically be able to grasp a language with no frame of reference when they are 18?
      • heypetray, on 10/10/2007, -3/+5I love how many people think that "Spirituality" and "Faith" can be taught and have a clear conscience.
        Teach values that may reflect those of a religion, but maintain neutrality. It's not impossible for a child to develop their own sense of divinity as they start to understand where they fit into the world.

        If a ruler doesn't assign a child to an occupation upon birth will it be lazy or unemployed for the rest of its life?
      • djp7125, on 10/10/2007, -2/+6You're forgetting that language is a valuable component of our ability to communicate with one another. Religion?!? Nothing but a bunch of un-provable speculation.
      • sleepwalkers, on 10/10/2007, -1/+7You don't need a religion to communicate with anyone else.
      • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -1/+4Except that religion is not a language, so your analogy falls apart. It is more like saying: If you don't teach them to read fictional novels of a certain genre, will they never appreciate any fiction? Is your goal to produce a fantasy reader? A sci-fi reader? Why not let them decide later which genres they like? It won't stop them from reading.
      • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -2/+0n/m
      • DrMonkeyLove, on 10/10/2007, -1/+3"Imagine not wanting to impose a particular language on your children so you teach them NO language."
        Your analogy fails miserably! Language is a tool used for effective communication. Religion is a set of beliefs based on blind faith with a complete lack of evidence as to their truth. There is no comparison here.
        • katyism, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0That and even if you didn't "impose" a language on a kid, it'd pick one up anyway if it was otherwise normally exposed to the world. You don't teach kids language. They just get it through casual exposure. You'd have to completely isolate the kid from ever hearing anyone speak, a la Genie.
    • amorangi, on 10/10/2007, -8/+35I'm Agnostic, but I do make my daughter do bible studies at school (it's a 1 hour a week option that requires partental permission). I think it's important to know your society's creation myths. However at home I heavily criticize all religion and superstition. This way she gets both points of view. My wife is Christian and would rather I didn't deny the existence of her gods, but she's kind of stuck since I know the bible far better than her and can bring up the inconsistencies and contradictions.

      My daughter enjoys bible class - when asked why it's because they get a lollipop.
      • Enochyang, on 10/10/2007, -8/+9dugg for "creation myths"
      • computergod, on 10/10/2007, -4/+9dugg for lolipops
      • yelnil, on 10/10/2007, -5/+8"My wife is Christian and would rather I didn't deny the existence of her gods, but she's kind of stuck since I know the bible far better than her"
        Christians believe in only one god. Wow, she must know nothing about the Bible then.
        • amorangi, on 10/10/2007, -7/+3Jesus, plus Mary, plus God, plus the saints - you may be in denial, but that seems like polytheism to me!
          • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -2/+2More like poly-religion you've got there. Mary = Catholicism. saints as deities = Catholicism and others. Jesus = Christianity, and God = Jesus = Holy Spirit. You might as well have thrown Allah and Amon-Ra in the mix and called that Christianity too.
          • yelnil, on 10/10/2007, -1/+3That's the "far better knowledge of the Bible" that stumps your Christian wife? Just how Christian is she then?
          • cgeorge, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3What the hell are you talking about? They're important figures to Catholics, but they're not all God. Mary is known as the human mother of Jesus, but that does not make her God, simply the vessel for Jesus to come to Earth as a human. The saints are not Gods, they're considered vessels of God's greatness, manifested in miracles. They may be celebrated figures, but they are not considered God.

            Islam places a lot of importance on Mohammed, but he's not Allah. Judaism places a lot of importance on Abraham, but he's not God. Just because you've made snap judgments on what you see in religious texts doesn't mean you understand the religions.
        • DrMonkeyLove, on 10/10/2007, -5/+3Explain the trinity then. Good luck.
          • yelnil, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1With Digg as my venue? No thanks. Talk to someone in person if you're serious about finding out.
          • Aninhumer, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Oh that's easy, once you know that Pi = 3
          • mattbatt77, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Elohim -- Hebrew word for God yet plural at the same time. This is where the concept of the Godhead comes. plural, yet single; oneness.

            Genesis 1:26
            Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness . . ." Plural conotations, yet monotheistic Jews would never claim 'gods' as El. Neither would Christians.
    • HanSolo69, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1sounds like a rather one sided argument from your description.
    • RRJackson, on 10/10/2007, -11/+6I don't have any kids, which is probably for the best. If I had a kid who ended up religious I'd have a really hard time continuing to associate with the kid. I'd really feel like I'd failed as a parent. I'd probably start wondering if the kid was even mine. Surely a kid carrying my genes wouldn't buy into all that superstitious mumbo-jumbo. I'd end up walking around the house talking to myself. "Is that really my kid? How did this happen..."
    • cdahlkvist, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2I agree with Amorangi to a degree.

      I think you should send your kids to bible study or private school, whatever, so they get the idea of religion. I think you need to supplement that with your own views and views of others. Teach them about religion and non-religion and let them decide.

      To keep your kids from religion (to mask it from them) is like telling them the world is round without giving them fatcs. Give them facts and if they can still have faith, let them and still love them...but either way let them hear both sides (or all 200 sides) and decide for themselves.

      Are you really going to disown your child because they believe in a God?

      By the way, I am agnostic. I don't believe but I cannot be sure. Searching. I'd like to give my kids the option that I have now that my very religious parents are deceased.
      • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2This is like saying you should send your kids to Trendwest to learn how to buy and sell property. You don't learn from zealots, you learn from studying in an objective setting. Bible school is NOT an objective setting.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -2/+1An objective setting regarding religion does not exist. There's atheism-heavy settings that pretend impartiality while asserting that there is no god we can actually reach, and there's church that simply asserts there is a god and offers what supporting evidence it can. But if you learn about "religion" as in the set of beliefs that comprise a faith, you're only getting half the picture. Do you think Sunday school is an endless series of "There is a God and you have to obey Him" lectures with related material?

          If you send your kid to Sunday school, 90% of the material they're taught will be instilling a moral code through examples in other people's lives that is supposed to affect behavior AND attitude. "Impartial" resources will miss this (and thus half the point) altogether. It's more comparable to learning problem solving skills than memorizing rules.
        • Aninhumer, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Don't any of you folks have Religious Education in schools?
      • argeaux, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Hold on, you said keeping kids from religion is analogous to not giving them facts?

        Are you high? What "facts" can any religion provide? That's the whole point of "faith". Faith is believing in something DESPITE any FACTUAL EVIDENCE.
    • TotalHalibut, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Raise them in some denomination that isn't ***** insane and then they'll decide for themselves later. That's kinda the point of the confirmation ceremony. As a kid you don't have a choice in getting baptised, but you do have a choice in getting confirmed.
    • ChromaVita, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1But what if the rapture happens before they're old enough to choose the right path!?
      /super-christian
    • umrgregg, on 10/10/2007, -3/+1The cultists are going to LOVE your kids...
    • argeaux, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7Indoctrinating children into religion at an early age is BRAINWASHING. It shouldn't be done. Period.

      When children are young, their critical thinking skills are not developed. They are genetically predisposed towards not questioning dictates from their parents as part of survival instinct. If you tell somebody something that does not jive with reality, you program their brain to begin acting irrationally and beginning to believe in things which require "faith" instead of "evidence". This extends way beyond mere issues of religion. It leads to gambling and drug addictions and other issues where people decide to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions, having "faith" that they will be taken care of.
  • DeskFlyer, on 10/15/2007, -1/+118Luckily I won't ever have to consider these things because I can't even land a simple date.
    • OffPiste, on 10/10/2007, -4/+27Porn and spanking the monkey is far cheaper.
      • Ajajadude, on 10/10/2007, -3/+11Porn also doesn't expect you to cuddle afterwards and won't ask you where you've been all night.
        • rnwen2750, on 10/10/2007, -0/+15But it's tough to take porn as your date to those important family functions...
          • Rikkochet, on 10/10/2007, -0/+14Dude, USB flash drives are dirt cheap these days. What are you TALKING about?
        • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -1/+7If your girlfriend is asking you where you were all night after you just had sex..... you've got the wrong girlfriend.

          Besides... Cuddling can be fun... If you do it right, it leads to another round of sex.
          • cdahlkvist, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Another round? Oh, the good old days when another round meant another 15 mins of sex.

            You won't be able to get another round in the same day if you did it right.

            I'll be buried by all the college aged "I think I'm a great lover" guys right now.

            It's okay. Us old guys can handle it. We know what we are doing and we know you will despise us for it.
          • inblue, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1"You won't be able to get another round in the same day if you did it right."
            i'm pretty sure this is totally untrue. medically speaking, every guy is different...it has nothing to do with if they 'did it right' or not.
          • picsectionpleez, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1dude I have had 6 and 7 rounds with the same woman in a day. then her batteries wore out, but still...
          • babymimi24, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0if your girlfriend ask you where the hell you been at all night that means she gives a ***** about you but i dnt think you have the wrong g/f i think she has the wrong b/f cause any man that is really a man will have enough respect to bring his ass home instead of breaking the poor girls heart. so be a man and not a kid thats what real woman want
    • trparky, on 10/10/2007, -2/+16I couldn't get a date even if it was the last damn thing I needed to do to save my own damn soul from the devil himself.
      • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13Go to a Goth Bar.... if you're about to become Satan's minion, there are TONS of girls that want you.
      • lazyfisherman, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4Sounds like lyrics from a country song. Awesome
      • babymimi24, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1if you cnt get a date maybe its the way you approach a female. you need to want to knw what she is interested in and dont to get into her pants asa you meet. let her knw that your interested on what she has to say and talk to her like she is a human being and not a piece of meat.
    • SlipstreamLucas, on 10/10/2007, -4/+1then land a complicated one :) !
    • guyinthechair, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7I think Ladder Theory can solve your problems.
      http://ladderwiki.com/wiki/Original_Ladder_Theory
    • orangekid13, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1haha lame
  • phenry50BMG, on 10/15/2007, -12/+94If you have a Y chromosome, be prepared for what happens to you should the marriage dissolve. You become an ATM machine and will be lucky to see your kids 2 - 3 times a month. It's all butterflies, love and chocolates at first. Should the relationship go sour, be prepared to bend over and don't expect a kiss, a reach-around, or KY to lube things up. It may sound like a bitter statement but it is reality - unless you are loaded and have a kick ass attorney.

    Men are the enemy in Family Court. Don't take my word for it, do a bit of searching on your own.
    • HappyEngineer, on 10/10/2007, -2/+28You can't prevent the kid visitation issue, but you can prevent becoming an ATM machine. Never marry a woman who makes significantly less than you do. Life will be a lot easier for everyone. Never, under any circumstances, marry a woman who has no job at all.
      • SlipstreamLucas, on 10/10/2007, -1/+12moral of story : dont work. :)
        got it!
    • thailand1972, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1phenry, your post is obligatory in such a thread - I would have made a similar point if you hadn't made it yourself!
    • chifundo, on 10/10/2007, -3/+7Agreed, there are basically NO advantages for a man to get married nowadays. Its social and financial suicide.
    • ReDoEr, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13My line of work requires that I read a lot of divorce records, and they all read the same way. No matter why the marriage dissolved, punitive measures will be taken against the man. Even in a marriage where there has never been any domestic violence, and none is claimed in the filing, the lawyers almost universally recommend that the woman seek a PFA (protection from abuse) order against the man, and the courts always grant it. So, fellas, even if you're as peaceful as a dove, getting divorced means having a court record as a suspected wife-beater.
    • djp7125, on 10/10/2007, -4/+1It's painfully obvious why she left yoy.
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Yup, she's sleeping with another may.
    • tetsuwan, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2I'm glad I don't live in the US. These things are usually handed more fair here.
  • OffPiste, on 10/15/2007, -15/+85No more blow jobs after marriage.
    That crazy sex starved vixen who would ***** you three times a night in every conceivable position when you were dating immediately turns into a nun come the end of the honeymoon.
    • RegalGSX, on 10/10/2007, -16/+46I got blowjobs after marriage.

      From someone else.
    • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -4/+10I and my wife stayed a virgin until marriage, and the crazy sex starved vixen is wearing me down with no end in sight. That's what you get for putting the cart before the horse. Your cart has come and gone, sucker.
      • supaklaw, on 10/10/2007, -9/+5That's because I and my penis have been banging your wife on the side.
      • argeaux, on 10/10/2007, -2/+1Yea, wait until your wife finds out 2" is not "well hung"
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Mature conversation. Try it some time. You might even manage to muster a shred of dignity.
    • gr0m1t, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Your time will come my friend... your time will come.
  • Mudcrutch, on 10/10/2007, -22/+34All these problems can be solved by living with the person before marriage.
    • aogail, on 10/10/2007, -5/+12Studies have always shown that people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who don't.
      • inblue, on 10/30/2007, -4/+7and what studies are these? i live with my bf and about to get married. i've always thought it a good weaning out strategy... see what their bad habits are, are they going to become a freak, etc.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -2/+4He (and you) will still change a lot immediately post marriage. You won't have accomplished much.
      • brufleth, on 10/30/2007, -3/+6Those studies are swayed by People who move in together after a month and marry after five months. People who live together for several years and then get married just because it seems to make sense (fun party in your honor, sharing medical benefits, etc) definitely have a better idea of what they're getting into.

        It is when people expect things to change for the better after getting married that they fail.
    • djp7125, on 10/30/2007, -5/+5Studies have also shown that you, sir, are a moron. Sources?
    • IceZZ, on 10/30/2007, -6/+7>Studies have always shown that people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who don't.

      Yeah, because you want the big surprise on day 1 of your marriage when you find out she has a credit card problem, or she is $250K in debt, or better yet, she doesn't like sex at all.

      RULE #1: Move in together and have sex BEFORE marriage, so you can find out what life will be like. In other words, you want to know how bitchy she will be the next day, and whether she is angry when you don't make any breakfast each morning.

      It makes no sense to leave the rest of your life up to chance! No sense whatever.

    • maffiou, on 10/30/2007, -2/+4Yep... Did just that with the wife: Lived together, had a kid together, and then married... Hasn't changed a thing... We'had another kid since, and planning on more...

    • argeaux, on 10/30/2007, -1/+2The O.P. obviously has no personal experience in this area otherwise he wouldn't say something so ridiculously stupid.

      Anybody with a reasonable amount of experience in relationships knows that it takes anywhere from 3 to 18 months to really have a solid idea of who you're involved with personality wise. My experience shows that 1.5 years is pretty much the line -- if after that there are no major problems, you're doing well. If you're living together for that long, you're way over the hump. I don't know what study this guy is referencing, probably none at all, but I'd hold it highly suspect.
    • Aninhumer, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3My mother said if a proposal comes as a surprise, you probably shouldn't accept it.

      (I realise that social conventions seem to prefer the males proposing, so this may not be useful advice to me, but the point is much the same)
  • silverchrysalis, on 10/10/2007, -5/+72things to consider:
    do you really, truly love this person? not just an infatuation, but will you want to see them every morning with stubble, eye crusties, bad breath, etc? every morning for the rest of your life? can you stand being next to them in the car for the next 20,000 miles worth of road trips while you yell at your kids to shut the hell up? if this person lost their hair, their wealth, their health, their sense of humor, could you still love them? and do you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if you lost those things that they would still love you?
    forever?
    then you're cool. if you aren't a selfish pussy, all the rest will fall into place.
    • haterrade, on 10/10/2007, -2/+8can you love anyone if these were the terms you had to abide by? at this point you might as well marry anyone since after you strip everything away there's nothing left
    • aramova, on 10/10/2007, -2/+7Well said. Very well said.
  • TrevorBradley, on 10/15/2007, -3/+75Never, ever go to bed angry. Stay up and argue if you have to, stay up all night if you have to, but never let any issue stew for more than a day. Sleep is less important than resolving any issue.

    This simple rule has kept us going for 12 years. Things are great!
    • Viniator3, on 10/10/2007, -0/+24Glad it works for you, but sometimes a dude and his lady need some sleep. A rested mind is not a warring mind. I've solved conflicts by thinking straighter after a night of sleep, and sometimes by resolving it before bedtime. Depends on the battle and the day ahead. May you keep going great for many years to come.
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Sometimes emotional buildup does create an impasse. A fresh mind is the answer to those situations. Most people, however, go to bed angry because they'd rather distance themselves than go through an argument, emotional upset, or have to bend their position a little. I know I'm guilty of that from time to time.
    • inblue, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5my bf used to say this to me all the time, unfortunatly, it has never played through. if you're up for the challenge of arguing until dawn about he said she said... great. but i've found, a lot of the fights are caused by loss of sleep and grouchiness. sleep it off, or maybe a little "roll in the hay" to blow off some steam will help matters.
  • Hoxie, on 10/10/2007, -5/+55reading the comments of this thread, you'd think digg is just a community of chauvinist men.

    Oh wait...
    • gambyt13, on 10/10/2007, -2/+14Hey, I resemble that comment!
    • madm0nk, on 10/10/2007, -8/+3Either that or they have had experiences with or are married to an American women.
    • thailand1972, on 10/10/2007, -5/+5Chauvinism:-

      # Militant devotion to and glorification of one's country; fanatical patriotism.
      # Prejudiced belief in the superiority of one's own gender, group, or kind

      I don't see either in this thread. If anything, it's full of comments of guys who say they can't even get a date - hardly the prejudiced belief in the superiority of males....

      Or, I guess "chauvinist" is just short-hand for "oh I don't like it when men talk about women"
      • diiii, on 10/10/2007, -1/+6All the guys saying things like "watch out, she might turn into a fatty after the wedding," "she won't blow you anymore after you get married," "marriage is great until you get divorced and then she'll just use you as a meal ticket" would qualify to me as chauvinists. It's not like girls are the only ones who take advantage of spouses for money or stop being as good in the sack or stop making an effort to be attractive after marriage.
        • inblue, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4i totally agree with you. it runs both ways. maybe females can be more materialistic with money matters .... and guys can be more superficial about looks, etc.
        • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -2/+1So basically you agree that women might get fat, use your money, etc. but men are chauvinists because the men might do it to? LOL. That means neither are chauvinists!
          • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2It means both are self-centered, which is a very bad quality to have in a marriage. It's almost certainly going to come up, but part of growing up is maturing past those kind of attitudes.
  • Alex4412, on 10/10/2007, -3/+7"Money - Yes, we all want it but once we have it who controls it. My wife started direct depositing her paychecks into my account after 3 months of dating. I actually don't recommend that so soon but she was bad with money and she admitted it. For us, it was a matter of getting our credit into shape (we had 640 credit and back then, now its 850) and we needed a strategy to pay off college and personal debt."

    Uhhh it's literally impossible to have an 850... even 800+ is rather hard. Looks like shenanigans!
    • HUKI365, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4For the unitiated in US credit system what exactly do those numbers mean?
      • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11450 = can't get a loan for $40 payable over a year
        850 = banks will grovel at your feat to loan you money

        It's called a FICA score thats based on some formula and determines your credit "worthiness" (ability to pay back a loan)
      • gambyt13, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Credit scores range (if memory serves) from 300 to 850 (FICO scale). It goes up according to how credit-worthy you're determined to be. Borrowing and paying it back on time is one way to gain points. Using up your available credit, especially on credit cards, reduces your score. Bankruptcy simply kills your score. If you're below 700, your chances of buying a house are next to zero. Fair Isaac & Co. own the most commonly used "black-box" formula for calculating. See Wikipedia, credit score for better detail. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Credit_score_%28Unite ...
    • dorkino, on 10/10/2007, -1/+12Get a divorce and it's to the 500's for you!
    • DumbLittleMan, on 10/10/2007, -0/+10Alex4412 - my credit score is actually 836 and I pulled last month just before I bought a car. I changed the post so that it reflected that 836 exactly instead of 850.
      • TheBigBad, on 11/07/2007, -7/+3Sorry, still have to call BS. I've worked in credit for 6+ years and I've never seen a CBR with an 836 FICO score.
      • Alex4412, on 11/07/2007, -0/+2Thanks for admitting to a mistake.
    • sagefool1975, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Depending on which scoring model is used, you could have an 850, some of them max out in the high 800s.
    • MewTwo, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2And jesus christ after 3 months of dating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????? That's totally insane.
  • yourexhalekiss, on 10/10/2007, -4/+52Most people are so cynical about marriage, it's ridiculous.
    There are two reasons why:
    Either
    1. You married the wrong person
    or
    2. You're a selfish pig, and think that marriage is instant wish-fulfillment. It's not, it's life together.
    If you can't understand those - especially number two - then please, for the sake of the rest of us happily married people that get lots of sex and are looking forward to having kids,

    Please don't get married. You'll do the world a favor.
    • absurdist, on 10/10/2007, -11/+2I give you five years, tops...
      • r0ryb0ryalis, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9You are an example of what he is talking about
    • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -1/+12You forgot option 3.) 15 years old or younger
    • gambyt13, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Amen to your comments. The question you need to ask yourself, is, are you prepared to do whatever it takes to make it work?
    • Gizza, on 10/10/2007, -1/+6Can you really blame people though? The Divorce rate in the US is something like 70%. There's obviously lots of people marrying the wrong people, and I'm sure a lot of them thought they were right for each other. It does make you think.
      • inblue, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7i don't know if it's about marrying the wrong people. but i think divorce has obviously become more acceptible, now we have "role models" like j.lo and pamela anderson divorcing/marrying up to 5 different people. stop yourself already! people are just selfish... work your problems out... patience is a virtue.
    • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2>for the sake of the rest of us happily married people that get lots of sex and are looking forward to having kids,

      Who the hell said marriage is about having kids? Talk about cynical.
  • subscriber, on 10/10/2007, -3/+89Take a good look at her mother.
    • dorkino, on 10/10/2007, -0/+16And her father, too. She will expect you to possess many of his qualities, assuming her relationship with her dad is a good one. If you are completely different than him, then you are not her idea of a perfect mate. This doesn't mean it can't work - it just means that it won't be without much effort.
      • SysstemLord, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2my wife would hate me more if i were like her dad, lazy ass sitting behind the computer while his wife works her ass off at home
      • Aninhumer, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2SysstemLord: "assuming her relationship with her dad is a good one"
      • Aninhumer, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2SysstemLord: "assuming her relationship with her dad is a good one"
    • diiii, on 10/10/2007, -0/+20When I was still a teenager, someone told me that I should see how a guy interacts with his mother and how he views women in general before dating, let alone marrying, the guy. He had it dead on-- even if the guy treats you like a goddess at first, if he treats his mother like ***** or talks about women in general like they're all bitches, then he's not someone you want to deal with, because sooner or later his opinion of women in general will affect how he views and treats you. For instance, a good number of the guys who have posted here are guys I would never want anything to do with. I've got my own job. I don't need some dude's help buying my dinner or paying my bills.
      • hansk, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3all the women, who independant, throw yall hands up in teh ai-aaiirr!!!!1
    • Tsagadai, on 10/10/2007, -3/+1I remember getting that advice from a friend of mines stepdad. He was right, his wife was a milf. The exact advice is "take a look at their mother because that will be them at that age most likely." If you aren't attracted to their mother you are probably marrying the wrong person and you will probably regret it later on in life. I'm not saying sex and attraction are the only things in marriage, but to put it blunt unless there is something there don't get married or you will die old and bitter, mostly bitter.
      • inblue, on 10/10/2007, -2/+5you are basing your expectations of a future wife on what her mother looks like at an older age? wtf? why not just date the mom then, you wierdo. not every daughter will grow up to look old and tattered if her mother does. everyone grows up differently and has a different past. keep in mind, maybe this mother was an immigrant and had a hard life working hard labor or something extreme like that, then married a decent guy etc. her daughter may have an easier life and not grow up as stressed or traumatized.... that's if you are only looking into who to marry based on what they will physically look like when they're older (while a more realistic option would be looking at this girls current lifestyle, ie is she a smoker, drinker, etc. that will effect how she will age even more).
      • KMartSheriff, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Tsagadai, I know where you're coming from and you are absolutely right. Girls will become their mothers.

        Likewise, a girl will marry her father (not literally obviously).
    • MTans, on 10/10/2007, -1/+0True!!
    • hansk, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1eeeewwwwww!!!!
  • un1x4dm1n, on 10/10/2007, -13/+1This guy is delusional. It all really depends on the woman's state of mind of whether or not the pastures are greener on the other side.Same goes for a man. Marriage in modern society is an ad hoc process cultivated by monetary need and indulgence. Digg me down if you want, but you know I'm right. Anybody that says differently is selling you something.
    • un1x4dm1n, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8Ok, I'll admit I'm an ***** to begin with.
  • MrFisty, on 10/10/2007, -7/+8And remember, "The Honeymoon" is the one mission Master Chief won't be returning from.
  • zblackjack, on 10/10/2007, -3/+23Scientists at MIT, Yale, Harvard, Stanford, USC and Santa Monica College has proven it's the cake ---- DON'T EAT THE WEDDING CAKE!!!!!
    It posioned by Zulu and Tom Cruze's friends from the outer limits.
  • Rikushix, on 10/10/2007, -6/+5Not that the majority of Digg users are going to need to ever consult said list.
    • Rawler, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11Yeah ok, it gets old whenever we have any article (even remotely) relating to sex, marriage, and love and someone always thinks they are being witty for posting 'not that digg users will ever need it'.
      • DESTROYER2118, on 10/10/2007, -2/+0Isn't he just refering to himself?
        Please don't generalize me into your category.
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Ironically, it seems most of the people talking here are married.
  • slickrocktrail, on 10/10/2007, -5/+38It is OK for a wife to hound a man about making more money. It is OK for a wife to not be satisfied with a man who makes a lot. It is not OK for a man to want his wife to work a little to remain attractive and affectionate.
    Bitter? Yes, I am.
    • diiii, on 10/10/2007, -2/+6Sounds like you married young and foolish. And shallow. How hard are you working to be attractive? If you were all that good-looking (and/or good in the sack), your wife probably wouldn't be dissatisfied and unaffectionate.
      • IceZZ, on 10/10/2007, -4/+2Dii, shut up until you have been there. He is dead on. Women will push you to make more money all the time. It's genetics and nature.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -2/+3diiii has it right. It's not genetics, it's selfishness, and needs to be overcome.
        • mayara13, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0I'm at least a third generation of women who certainly did not hound their man to make more money, and not because he was bringing in so much. (My grandmother made much more than my grandfather, and she was just an elmentary school teacher; my mother makes more than my father, and she'd be happy with much less, and has actually tried to encourage him to quit, telling him she'd be happy to support him while he did things that made him happy that won't bring much money in, if any.) We're simply not so selfish nor shallow.
      • hansk, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1dammit, that woman should be happy with whatever loose change i find on the street. if she dont like it *bamb* right in the kisser
    • Tsagadai, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Sounds like you should just reverse things. Get your wife to make the money, stay home and reap the benefits.
  • RegalGSX, on 10/10/2007, -3/+14I should have never gotten married.
    • hansk, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2i know. the wedding ring is like the one from LOTR. when you put it on you become invisible to the opposite sex, and ghosts try to hunt you down and kill you.
  • chsbrgr, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Pick 5 qualities that you REALLY love about the person you plan to marry (sex, money, religion/philosophy, a great communicator... whatever they are to you personally). People change quickly when one persons expectation of marriage differs from their new spouses expectation. You have no clue what her concept of "husband" is, you only have your own experiences to draw from, the same is true for the women. Over the decades at least one (probably two) of those qualities which you held in your spouses highest regard will cease to exist, he or she will have lost interest completely in that role or function. What you should consider is: when her one "great" trait is gone, will you be happy with what's left?
  • zachshmack, on 10/10/2007, -4/+14Completely off-topic: Why do all the Snorg ads feature models that look like braying idiots?
    • redhotpenguin, on 10/10/2007, -1/+0I'm not a bit interested in their intelligence levels, just their brains.
  • rotorhead47, on 10/10/2007, -15/+1Seriously, make sure the bitch hasn't done Bukkake videos. Its a little embarrassing having a friend download your wife from "gape that ass.com". Also as far as who cleans the bathroom? Please, that's the bitches' work. If she ain't down with that, definitely dont marry her, she isn't a good person.
    • gambyt13, on 10/10/2007, -3/+1Take it easy on your mom, now.
      • rotorhead47, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2you gots a mouth on you boy, you blow your mom with that mouth?
    • cRmtIMe, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3EXACTLY!!!!!!!

      /sarcasm
  • thelostemperor, on 10/10/2007, -11/+8My question: Why get married at all? Please explain.
    • zachshmack, on 10/10/2007, -2/+6You mean besides the hundreds of legal benefits?
    • thelostemperor, on 10/10/2007, -5/+8I understand the legal benefits, but why do we have to get married to get all these benefits?
    • RRJackson, on 10/10/2007, -4/+8You get married to have kids. That's really the only reason to get married. It's a legal agreement whereby you enter into a reproductive partnership with nearly unlimited liability. Really the marriage is your vow to the community that you'll both be responsible for the little ***** once they start roaming the streets. I think clarifying that for people should be right up there at the top of the list of things we need to disseminate as a society. One glance at daytime television and you can see that most people don't get it.
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -3/+2...and you're one of them.
        • RRJackson, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1What, you can't be in a committed relationship unless you register it with the government? Unless there's the constant threat of alimony you just can't imagine staying with her? Or are you just getting married for the tax breaks? There's no good reason to be married unless you want to have children. It's a legal contract giving you shared rights and responsibilities for your offspring.
        • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Actually I was referring to your cluelessness regarding actually loving someone and choosing to make a meaningful lifetime commitment rather than just hanging around and sharing stuff so long as your feelings don't change too much for the worse and things don't get too rough for you.

          Love is nothing but toothless warm fuzzies if you don't actually commit your life to your partner and offer credible permanent relationship security. You can't possibly understand the value of that if you don't have it, but most sensible people have the mental capacity to at least recognize it.
          • RRJackson, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Heh...I've been with the same woman since 1985. For some reason our lack of legal documentation hasn't hampered our ability to take care of each other through the ups and downs of the last 22 years. If we'd ever decided to have kids we'd have gone ahead and made it legal, but there's no reason either of us see (other than a tax break) to involve the government in our personal lives (any more than they already are). I'm sure some people couldn't imagine sticking in there if there wasn't a legal penalty involved in leaving, but that's not how our lives work.
          • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Good for you. Clearly your single example of happening to survive completely negates the value of making a more legally/religiously binding commitment. After all, the world revolves around you and your personal experience, right?
          • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1But that's besides the point. Marriage is an institution that predates national government, and has nothing to do with government. That governments stick their nose in has a whole lot more to do with the nature of national government than marriage itself.
          • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Your attempt to trivialize marriage into some kind of government sponsorship program is completely baseless and ignorant.
    • dlsspy, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3My wife and I got married when it was easier than not being married.
  • Scira, on 10/10/2007, -11/+1i don't want to get married, which is lucky because i probably never will. I don't want kids, and i am not really to concerned about intimacy, I have friends. Those are the big 3 reasons for marriage right? Offspring, Relationship, and Intimacy. i feel like im forgetting one or two.
    Ohh i forgot, i will never get married and am likely to get in trouble someday because if i am hit with the attempt to hurt me, i will hit back.
    Because women are equal after all. Hate me
    • DESTROYER2118, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5Have fun in prison.
      I bet they love men who hit women in there. And I mean that literally, LOVE ya. Long time.
    • inblue, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5just out of curiousity, did you grow up with just your dad and/or a broken family? women may be equal in most respects, but come on... a man hitting a woman because you feel they are equal? physically equal, probably not unless she's a big girl.
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2In principle, hitting a girl is just wrong, but I've seen girls that will beat up on a guy without similar repercussion because they can, and that's just wrong too. I wouldn't tolerate that.

        I'd just respond in kind though, which likely means hitting like a girl.
  • jayhawk, on 10/10/2007, -0/+31i've been married over 10 years now and i've realized the secret to our success -- low expectations. i don't expect her to make me happy and she doesn't expect me to make her happy. we often do make each other happy, but we also have our own interests and hobbies, etc. so that we can generate a lot of our own happiness. as soon as you start expecting your spouse to improve on something, you're just setting yourself up to be disappointed and setting the marriage up for failure.
    • jobney76, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9Right on. My wife and I are the same way.
      It's also important to make sure that the one thing you have in common is how you argue. You only need to make sure you argue the same way. We are both non arguers. If one likes to push arguments and the other is passive you will only infuriate each other with ignoring or arguing. Two people who bicker will get along much better then two who are unmatched. The only thing wrong with us both being passive is that we have a hard time ordering dinner.
    • inblue, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1i guess this low expectation thing makes sense, but isn't having a low expectation of your partner kind of insulting? the only thing i really expect of my bf is that he keeps up his manly buisness in bed... which of course, is the main thing we argue about... but if i didn't have this expectation of him and was passive on whether i got it or not... well, that just seems wrong too.
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Not really, but the alternative is taxing and demanding. Judging by how you talk about your boyfriend, I'm glad I'm not him. It sounds like he's in a high pressure situation whenever there's supposed to be carefree mutual enjoyment going on.

        We're all human. It's far better to focus on self-improvement and be forgiving of yourselves and each other.
    • brufleth, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Spot on. A man who had been married for a long time once told me that a spouse just needs to be better than nothing. That might sound insulting but the implication is that if the person is making your life better then they're doing alright. People too often think that getting married will change their relationship or they use it as an excuse to start acting differently themselves. After almost six years my girlfriend and I have decided to get married. We're excited to go on the honeymoon (we like travel) and I'm sure the party will be fun but neither of us expect anything different from each other afterwards.
      • fuzzynyanko, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2I have actually heard that. "Now that I'll be married, I won't have to do this, this, this and this anymore!"
    • cuppncake, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Another way to say it is that two halves don't make a whole - two wholes make a whole... Meaning that if you are looking for someone to make you a whole person or "complete" you, things aren't going to work. You need to be happy on your own and the relationship or person should only enhance that.
  • jbohlinger, on 10/10/2007, -2/+1Look into the research that John Gottman is doing on marriage and watch as most of the things being discussed on this page get put into superstition and not into fact. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman
  • darkism, on 10/10/2007, -8/+231. Are you still in school?
    2. Is she?
    3. Do you have any debts?
    4. Have you been dating for less than 2 years?
    5. Is your income unstable?
    6. Are you one of the "no cohabitation until marriage" types?
    7. Are there any other doubts in your mind?

    If "yes" to any of the above, postpone marriage indefinitely and get your ***** together.
    • trajomoreno, on 10/10/2007, -1/+71. Yes
      2. Not interested
      3. Refer to answer 1
      4. Dated for 4 months before a 4 month engagement
      5. Again, refer to question 1, but now pretty stable at HP
      6. Absolutely
      7. There is always some doubt when you face a new stage in life. That's what makes it exciting.

      We just had our second anniversary and we're going strong. Working together as a happily married couple to overcome the challenges of being poor college students has brought us even closer. Cohabitation is a joke that cheapens the exciting new life you start together as husband and wife. Sure there are surprises, but they aren't all bad ones. Real love sees past someone else's shortcomings and makes you focus on improving your own.
      Good article, btw. This list of 7 is just kind of ridiculous.
      • armbar, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Congratulations. My wife and I got married slightly before you, were in pretty much the same situation, and are _somehow_ very happy. I don't get why people think that good marriages are determined by finances--it's the process of working through it together that makes marriages stronger. Same goes for any struggle.

        Save your ridiculous stereotypes for yourself, darkism.
      • HonoredMule, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4Also...nearly the exact same situation (married while in school, shaky income until just recently, debts, saved ourselves for marriage, dated for 1 year, engaged for 1, married for 2). I know it must be a crazy concept to people like darkism, but some people actually want a life partner, and in such cases, the sane ones realize that "the one" relationship is more important than their career or financial success. Happiness in marriage is reserved for people who actually pursue happiness in marriage.

        Being on easy street COULD make the relationship run a little smoother (I strongly doubt it) but are you betting your marriage on always having an easy life?
      • popabawa, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2"Cohabitation is a joke that cheapens the exciting new life you start together as husband and wife."

        Please explain. Without bringing religion into it. Thanks.
        • bongobottom, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Well for my husband and I, we didn't want to get back from our honeymoon and be like, "Wow, absolutely nothing is different. We are just coming back to the same place we already lived together in, nothing is new or exciting, 'cept we got some new China." To me, you get married to live together. I've had friends who lived together first, and when they got married it was like, who cares, it is all the same. They weren't excited. I wanted to be excited about my marriage, not just the "party." Everything was new and marriage actually MEANT something, not just that we had a certificate saying we were married.
          • popabawa, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I still don't get why the marriage bit is important....

            When you got married and moved in together, everything was new and exciting. Great. When I moved in with my partner, everything was also new and exciting. Also great.

            Sounds to me like cohabitation is exactly the same, hardly "a joke that cheapens the exciting new life you start together".
    • bongobottom, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1i agree with other commenter...we were both still in school, so of course we had debt, unstable income. That doesn't mean our "*****" wasn't together. we have been married 3 and a half years, we are doing better than most of our friends, and life is pretty good. and, i never had any doubts and we dated for six years before we married and never lived together. when people make up retarded check-off lists they are really just making excuses to not get married.
    • Veretax, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Okay I got to take issue with 3. If you wait till your financial situation is perfect you will NEVER get married. Noone will ever have "enough" money, and having debts does not equate to being a bad spouse either. Co-Habitation isn't always a good idea either. It can lead to ruining your relationship with that person due to the temptations that will arise while living together.
  • mcduckov, on 10/10/2007, -4/+1NYT did it better http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings ...
  • HanSolo69, on 10/10/2007, -7/+3Well that was pointless.
  • Archipod, on 10/10/2007, -1/+5Wow..as a person in a serious relationship, those are actually some really good tips..excellent find!
  • smacksaw, on 10/10/2007, -4/+2The thing about cheating is that this person doesn't understand it. When it gets the point of cheating, the lines of communication there are already cut. If you have that communication, it won't get to cheating. It gets to cheating when a party hits a brick wall and often those walls are caused by events bigger than life normally throws at you.
    • Archipod, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Thats why he says: "if a wife is not happy, the FIRST action on her part should be to talk to the husband (and vice versa)." - hes saying if you communicate and listen well, cheating should not become an issue
  • DeFex, on 10/10/2007, -1/+17do you like your friends? will you miss them?

    • noth, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Truer words were never spoken, I haven't talked to any of my friends in months - not even in passing.

      :(
  • mstrebe, on 10/10/2007, -2/+4Go buy a cheap used motorcycle/boat/quad/4x4/whatever now, whether you use it or not. It's only purpose is to preserve your right to eventually get a better one when you have the money. And if you're never going to get a better one, you can always offer to sell it to get something you want more.
    • Icetype, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Agreed, and buy a stick-shift two seater sports car too. You won't get another chance until you're 50.
  • payrolldude, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Stick to your beliefs. That sounds simple, but it is true. I was married for almost 25 years, then I found out she was a liar. It is more important than you think. There may be more than the 2 of you that you are hurting.
    • argeaux, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Dude, it took you 25 years to find out she was a liar?

      Looks like she realized you were gullible from day one.
  • stormist, on 10/10/2007, -8/+3Just don't get married. Brilliant ! ! !
  • moimoc, on 10/10/2007, -2/+0Marriage can only be maintained through a combination of things...all things. You have to be on top of it all the time. It is challenging but I would argue those who maintain it well are happily married. It is true that love, communication, sex, responsibilities, religion, etc...are factors that affect marriage. But it is also a society as a whole can turn marriage upside down depends on where you live.
  • chaos7, on 10/10/2007, -1/+3i think i'm gonna be like gene simmons. stay with a chick as long as i like her, but not be "married"
  • jayinvt, on 10/10/2007, -1/+4Call Sal at the Howard Stern show and ask him. He has "good" advice. "I would have asked for sex from my wife, but that would be like poking a gorilla in a cage."
  • DeFex, on 10/10/2007, -5/+6don't do it. embrace freedom to do what you want. if you "get married" also known as being "sucked in" forget it. you have been pwned by females.
    dot have brats. the world is screwed and we don't need brats.
  • scabbers, on 10/10/2007, -2/+2"I DON'T!"
  • supaklaw, on 10/10/2007, -3/+3Things to also consider... suicide.
  • kermithefrogand, on 10/10/2007, -6/+3marriage is about self-less-ness. it is clear and The Bible has a lot to say about how to do so.
    • argeaux, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Yea, the Bible says a lot, like if you rape someone you have to marry them. Or if you kill someone's wife, you have to pay a fee.
  • trilasonet, on 10/10/2007, -1/+0When you finally have that "love feeling", and by love feeling i mean true love, the once never thought possible feeling that you get, you might consider marriage. (for all those against marriage)
    • fuzzynyanko, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Well, you should follow your emotions, but you also have to check to make sure that the person is treating you right and your general goals and the other person's should be similar. For example, is his/her goal to have a huge mansion?
  • MTans, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2smart article - it really highlights the practical side of life. Definitely should add a point about being best friends with your spouse too - life's not worth living if you can't have fun with the one you love
  • krabat, on 10/10/2007, -5/+41. Don't do it.
  • degoba, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Almost happened to me. I was living with her, planned the wedding and everything. Then it turned out that she was ummm.... ***** Crazy. Really dodged that one.
  • opticwind, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2I'm dating a Buddhist girl from Japan, we talked about the religious thing. I know it may sound stubborn but I'm a devote Roman Catholic, and one of the virtues of the religion is that you have to teach your kids to be RC too. People criticize me for it, but it's a personal decision and I can't change what I believe, regardless of if you believe the same thing as me.
    • gllopc, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Not a problem. I'll take her off your hands. What's her number?
    • lukas88, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3I'm sure you just want what is best for your kids. Don't deny them the cultural heritage that also learning about buddhism would bring. Raise them as both buddhist and roman catholic, and let them make a choice. In doing that, you respect your wife, your kids, and you fulfill your obligation to God.
    • argeaux, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1If your brain starts working properly, you'll realize that it's foolish to believe in little magical sky faeries. Especially ones promoted by groups like the Catholics who take your tithe and give it to families whom their pedophile priests have sodomized.
  • gllopc, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3People don't like to admit when they have crossed the "cheating line". In part, because they think that they can control the situation and stop it when ever they want - until it's too late emotionally and they have fallen for someone. A husband/boyfriend of 2+ years can't compete with a new, unsullied relationship.
  • lukas88, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1More than one study has shown that, for the most part, the problems that end up breaking up a marriage were discernible at the start of marriage. This isn't like "hindsight is 20/20", this means that many people know about the problems going in, do nothing to work them out, and hold on to a false belief that their love will make everything ok between them. That tactic works for about 2 years.
    If I get married, we will be doing premarital education, as well as a covenant marriage. Too many easy outs in this society.
  • JoshChan, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2First thing first is to ensure a secular environment so the future kids can learn and grow intelligently and healthily.
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