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Man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle sentenced to 3 yrs probation

autobloggreen.com — John Scott, human rights expert says "the man involved in this case pleaded guilty to a breach of the peace so these issues of privacy weren't considered by the court. ... This case should not prevent people who want to engage in this sort of activity doing so."

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  • dweeb79, on 11/30/2007, -0/+118“Robert Stewart was having sex with a bike in his locked hostel room.”
    “The cleaners called the police, Robert got three years probation and is on the sex offenders list.”

    I don’t think the punishment fits the crime.
    • thcobbs, on 11/30/2007, -2/+30Maybe you should ask the bike what it thinks about the punishment fitting the crime.
    • MammasMilk, on 11/30/2007, -2/+8I saw your comment and thought you said "Rod Stewart.... "
      Which was an even worse visual.
    • akav0id, on 11/30/2007, -1/+5It doesn't. He's on the sex offenders register for indecent exposure I guess.
      The same way getting caught taking a piss in the street would also get you on the list
      • acdcfanbill, on 11/30/2007, -0/+9well what if you were taking a piss in your hotel bathroom and the cleaners walked in...
      • WernerCD, on 11/30/2007, -0/+7Hows is being locked in a room the same as pissing on the street? Guess I'm retarded, because I don't understand the link.
    • CVL4317, on 11/30/2007, -4/+5because the bike is underage, duh
      • serpanterra, on 11/30/2007, -0/+11It didn't have stableisers on it, it was a fully aged bike
    • buddamus, on 11/30/2007, -2/+7It wasn't that he was having sex with the bike thats the problem, it's that when caught he didn't stop
      • bubbadoo989, on 11/30/2007, -1/+2Well it's hard to... stop that is.
      • bswinson, on 11/30/2007, -0/+6He didn't stop because he couldn't reach the hand brake.
        • yahtzee, on 12/01/2007, -0/+4Why wasn't this comment dugg more? By all means, digg me down, but give that man some thumbs up.
    • DocHoliday22, on 11/30/2007, -0/+14How do you have sex with a Bike? Is it like having sex with a Door? In any case this is the most stupid punishment ever. What about those guys who have a wank with a towel or tissue, does that become sex with a towel... this is *****. He was in his own room till that cow came in and reported him.
      • VanillaStarfish, on 11/30/2007, -5/+0Why would anyone or YOU do that with a tissue or a towel - or even a sock? It can't feel good. The only way that works for me is my hand or mouth.
        • bjornski, on 11/30/2007, -0/+3Your mouth?

          Can you teach me how to do that?
    • time4wrk, on 11/30/2007, -0/+5he did it in the privacy of his own home, if you have sex in your home with your girlfriend, wife, etc. should you become labeled a sex offender for indecent exposure while your door is locked?
      • FishHammer, on 11/30/2007, -0/+5my girlfriend isn't a bike
      • Bobtastic, on 11/30/2007, -0/+4Not in his own home. He was in a hostel.
        • VanillaStarfish, on 11/30/2007, -0/+6That doesn't change the fact that Hostel was a ***** movie.
    • Markpdotcom, on 11/30/2007, -0/+9I think the fact is this over reaction. Yeah the guy was shagging his bike, so what? He was in a locked room, he could be riding it all night for all I care! If he was doing it in the middle of the street, or a school or something, that would be bad and yes he should be punnished.
      Worse than that, he is placed on the Sexual offenders list, a list for rapists, child molesters and serious sexual predators!
      This guys life will be ruined now, most jobs he'll apply for (if working with children/public) will have access to this register (and probably won't hire him), plus his name was plastered all over the newspapers.
  • crazybugger, on 11/30/2007, -7/+21Poor Bicycle!
    • SuperWinner, on 11/30/2007, -0/+53The bike was asking for it. Slutty bike.
    • ohgr, on 11/30/2007, -3/+15It's sad really. That bicycle will have to go through years of therapy now.
    • MammasMilk, on 11/30/2007, -3/+15Now I'll feel dirty every time I pump my breaks
    • trogdor282, on 11/30/2007, -0/+5Yeah, I think it was the "village bicycle" we keep hearing about. In soviet russia, village bicycle is like you?
  • GuacamoleSan, on 11/30/2007, -5/+35This is one of those "kill yourself honorably with a samurai sword to the stomach" moments for him
    • Subvexer, on 11/30/2007, -0/+4Honour no longer applies.
    • billygotee, on 11/30/2007, -3/+1Hara-kiri ("cutting-the-belly") or Seppuku ("belly-cutting"). Not to be pretentious, since I had to search for it. . .
  • Slaiv, on 11/30/2007, -0/+146How does having sex with a bicycle qualify you as a "sex offender"? It's bloody odd, but I wouldn't put this man on the same level as rapists and paedophiles.
    • SuperWinner, on 11/30/2007, -1/+7bikeophile?
    • Scienceisfun, on 11/30/2007, -1/+49What if the bike had training wheels?
    • theonlybigboss, on 11/30/2007, -4/+7think about it
      what if this man moves on to tricycles!?!?!

      good lord
    • Scottamus, on 11/30/2007, -0/+6This is a whole new kind of NAMBLA.
      • SuperWinner, on 11/30/2007, -0/+1Thats good, I think we are all sick of the old kind of NAMBLA
        • bjornski, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2You don't like Marlon Brando impersonators?
    • whizkid, on 11/30/2007, -0/+4I agree, Slaiv, I thought the sex offenders list was for rapists and pedophiles. It didn't even occur to me before people mentioned things in other comments that taking a piss in public was a sex offense and could get you on the list. This guy may be walking a fine line, but I certainly don't consider someone peeing in public a sex offense I care about.

      If I go look at the sex offender map, I don't care who took a piss in public. I think they need two lists.
      • bubbadoo989, on 11/30/2007, -2/+1Yeah, well let them pee on your lawn, not mine.
    • Pleased2CU, on 11/30/2007, -0/+4Does this mean that he cannot live within 100 yards of a bicycle shop?
  • geekchic, on 11/30/2007, -3/+68The sex was unsafe - and he has to also pay tricycle maintenance for the next 16 years as well.
  • Viend, on 11/30/2007, -16/+98Looks like American Bikes have more rights than Iraqis now.
    • mikesbaker, on 11/30/2007, -1/+47RTFA it was in the UK
    • SuperWinner, on 11/30/2007, -3/+13Its not the bikes fault that Iraqi's happen to be living on top of your oil...
  • loww, on 11/30/2007, -2/+18In other news, sales of bikes skyrocket for men over the age of 40.
  • HBNDonut, on 11/30/2007, -2/+10But what happened to the bike? I hope it ends up with the kind of owners that it deserves. No bike deserves to have been treated in this way.
  • mcwium, on 11/30/2007, -0/+31"Robert said he was drunk and his actions misunderstood." oh, okay. sorry sir. carry on. anyway, i didn't know it was illegal to have sex with a bike.
  • Frei, on 11/30/2007, -1/+97What man and his bike do in private is no one elses business.
  • Opiatus, on 11/30/2007, -0/+68Ok...how the hell do you have sex with a bike? where do you put it?
    • ElAssoWipo, on 11/30/2007, -3/+28He probably put something up his ass. I don't even want to guess what. This thing is ridiculous. The guy didn't fight it in court, he pleaded guilty of disturbing the peace instead of defending himself. I guess he didn't want everyone to know he had sex with a bicycle... That worked out pretty good.
      • c0ldfusi0n, on 11/30/2007, -3/+10You know, I had sympathy for the guy until you brought up the possibility that the bike ***** him, and not the other way around.. That's just sick man..
        • ElAssoWipo, on 11/30/2007, -3/+1made me lol.
        • VanillaStarfish, on 11/30/2007, -0/+0They never mentioned sodomy with a bike. He definitely stuck it somewhere. I'm guessing he took the rubber handle off and stuck it in the end of the tube.
    • thinkart, on 11/30/2007, -0/+6headline causes disturbing visual of bike seat removed and guy the riding around the room with his new best friend
      • bubbadoo989, on 11/30/2007, -1/+2LOL! you're killing me... killing me.
    • outtagetme, on 11/30/2007, -0/+1the original article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/glasgo ... states: "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

      i am guessing he wasnt hung well, and either piping the seat tube, or one of those split-seats with the hole in the center that kinda look like a vag. or maybe he was into pain and was railing it between the rear tire and seat stays, or the front tire and forks.

      there's alot of ways to do this, but none are quite possible or appealing to me.
      • bubbadoo989, on 11/30/2007, -1/+1I just sort of figured he was rubbing his jimmy stick on the seat...
  • Icecream, on 11/30/2007, -9/+49He must be a BI-sexual.....ZING
  • briguymaine, on 11/30/2007, -4/+85pedalphile.
  • scabbers, on 11/30/2007, -1/+10I still can't understand why the police were involved. Maybe I've been horrible corrupted by the internet, but I think I could survive seeing a middle aged man humping a bike.

    Actually no. No I couldn't. Carry on.
  • diggmeplease, on 11/30/2007, -13/+2What the ***** is with all the old news this week??!?!?

    http://digg.com/offbeat_news/Man_guilty_of_having_ ...
  • Lukesed, on 11/30/2007, -0/+78How is this any different than using a sex toy?
    • Subvexer, on 11/30/2007, -1/+20You ever tried pedalling a sex toy to work?

      Wait, don't answer that.
  • TheZorch, on 11/30/2007, -11/+2Oh, if this isn't a clear example of how ***** up the US legal system has become then I don't know what is.
    • foofoobee, on 11/30/2007, -0/+13You're right, you don't know what it is. This was in the UK - RTFA.
    • csplinter, on 11/30/2007, -3/+0Go die.
    • MiDri, on 11/30/2007, -0/+5He shoots and!.... complete miss, was not even close to that net.
  • customer, on 11/30/2007, -1/+16Bikes need a little loving too sometimes :(
  • diggmeplease, on 11/30/2007, -18/+1What the ***** is with all the old new this week?!?!?

    http://digg.com/offbeat_news/Man_guilty_of_having_ ...
  • jdmcadam, on 11/30/2007, -0/+9But... how?
    • Carburetor, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2You really wanna know?
      I doubt that.
    • MammasMilk, on 11/30/2007, -1/+1Seriously... do you REALLY want to know?
    • zip000, on 11/30/2007, -0/+1Yes, I really want to know! I just can't picture what he was doing to the bike?! Or was the bike doing things to him? I need a diagram or a flow chart or something.
      • zip000, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2Ah, from the Mirror article that the blog linked to:

        "The court heard that cleaners in a hostel found Miller naked from the waist down, holding his bike and moving his hips backwards and forwards in a sexual manner."

        That should clearly not be illegal. It's kind of ridiculous that a guy can't rub up against an inanimate object in his own room.
  • ahpro, on 11/30/2007, -0/+6This should win the award for most updated story on digg.
    • c0ldfusi0n, on 11/30/2007, -0/+3Definitely most entertaining comments.. of the week, at least.
  • NeoSporin, on 11/30/2007, -1/+7Wasn't this on the front page a couple weeks ago? And weren't all the jokes the same too?
    • stupidbrowner, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2That was when he was charged, this is the actual conviction.
  • maxyRO, on 11/30/2007, -1/+3sadly the bike pressed charges
  • macnicoll, on 11/30/2007, -0/+13How ridiculous.... Why did he plead guilty to breach of the peace when he was in his own room, and why the hell did the cleaners all the police, surely its more embarrasing than any type of a crime! Did she think she or anyone else was in danger.....its a F#@King bike.....Hardly a police matter!
  • hokie47, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2Top, Bottom or Versatile?
  • Gunsdead, on 11/30/2007, -3/+2What a man and a consenting bicycle do in the privacy of their own home....
    • Klarth, on 11/30/2007, -1/+4...Is a comment that's already been posted.
    • bubbadoo989, on 11/30/2007, -2/+1Um, I sort of posted the same comment a bit further down... I feel like such a *****. Oh well, my bike and I have date tonight....
      • bjornski, on 11/30/2007, -0/+1Further down, yes.

        Most people read from top to bottom. I forgive him.
  • Sinudeity, on 11/30/2007, -2/+2Why are there so many diggers showing sympathy for the bike?
    We ALL know you NEVER exercise.
  • Kendralee5, on 11/30/2007, -0/+7okay, that's pretty sick and gross, but did he really have to get in trouble with the law over that. He was in his locked room doing his own disgusting thing, and they called the cops and he actually got in trouble over it. 3 years probation is bad enough, but what's even worse, is that they have to put him on a sex offenders list. That's really bad!
    • TX972, on 11/30/2007, -0/+0I think he got in trouble because of his previous history with a broom and a roller skate. Good thing they didn't catch him with the toilet paper!
  • snotrokit, on 11/30/2007, -1/+3how the hell do you...... oh nevermind
    • thinkart, on 11/30/2007, -0/+4didnt you watch the educational video?
  • pacomagenta, on 11/30/2007, -0/+11A guilty plea for breach of the peace, three years probation, and a place on the sex offenders list? Seems like the only breach of peace was the cleaners intruding on his drunken bike sex. All jokes aside - the bike was asking for it - this is a prime example of a victimless crime.
    • MiDri, on 11/30/2007, -0/+5Slutty bike, with those low handle bars and double spokes -- who wouldn't hump that?
  • RajputSmurf, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2Pretty damn silly. And awfully nice of the BBC to make a point of ID'ing where he is currently living. Maybe they have to if he's a registered offender now? Brits are pretty good at ignoring what goes on behind closed doors but if those doors open, God help you.

    Here we just throw the doors open and dare people to look.
  • DrvThruPnk, on 11/30/2007, -0/+13I can never listen to Queen's "Bicycle Race" the same way again...
    • Markpdotcom, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2Fat bottom girls is still ok, yeah?
  • Jkylman, on 11/30/2007, -0/+7I wonder what his probation terms are?

    "Do NOT go anywhere near a bike, motorcycle, or moped for these 3 years"
  • dgh1973, on 11/30/2007, -0/+2Human rights experts... what about the poor bicycle's rights??
  • trueinfinite, on 11/30/2007, -2/+5not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but is he considered a bikesexual?
  • dgh1973, on 11/30/2007, -0/+14OK after reading the article this is completely messed up... he was in his locked hostel room when he was found. If you think this through, the dude basically got probation for masturbating...
  • verkon, on 11/30/2007, -0/+6Was the bike underage?
  • c0ldfusi0n, on 11/30/2007, -0/+8Did the bicycle get anything for dressing up like a whore?
  • DeadBabyFloat, on 11/30/2007, -0/+0I think the problem here was the bicycle was under age.
  • ncapone, on 11/30/2007, -0/+4He wants to ride his bicycle, he wants to ride his bike, he wants to ride his bicycle, he wants to ride it how he likes.

    Man, that was repetitive.
    • edwartica, on 11/30/2007, -0/+3Hmm, wonder if the cleaning lady was a fat bottomed girl.
  • donkz, on 11/30/2007, -0/+5imagine what kind of punishment he'd get if he had sex with a blow up doll...
  • mrsims82, on 11/30/2007, -9/+1YET ANOTHER DUPLICATE????
  • ronaldinho, on 11/30/2007, -0/+7Ugh it's these things that drives me crazy.....it's totally a privacy issue, and he did NOTHING WRONG. I still can't believe he got punished.....WTF
    • Sutanreyu, on 11/30/2007, -3/+1...Nothing wrong?

      Maybe in principle.
      • edwartica, on 11/30/2007, -0/+1Hey, whatever works I guess.
      • fafaforza, on 11/30/2007, -0/+1Just try not to masturbate whenever you stay at a hotel, cause someone might use a mastery key to barge in and have you hauled off. What's that you say? There's nothing wrong with masturbating? Well too bad, because someone out there had a problem with it and you will pay for something you were doing in the privacy of your own home (renting a hotel room makes it your own ,provate residence) that was observed by someone you did not invite to enter your home.

        This is really stupid and people should be outraged, instead of cracking lame jokes about the bike's rights.
    • bubbadoo989, on 11/30/2007, -1/+3Frankly, what happens behind closed doors, between a consenting human and his/her/its *****-toy, is his/her/its business.
  • Poweroft, on 11/30/2007, -0/+6What you do with your bicycle is you own business.
  • duffblue, on 11/30/2007, -0/+5Seems kinda stupid, I mean he was in his own hotel room...
  • sgtstadanko, on 11/30/2007, -0/+9Is this offbeat or beatoff news? besides that bike was asking for it. did you see how greasy the chain was? ouch!
  • bugaloobob, on 11/30/2007, -0/+4I've heard of riding a bicycle but this is ridiculous. :-p
  • Scotty87, on 11/30/2007, -0/+1more stupidness from the neighbors
  • TheKidd, on 11/30/2007, -5/+7PEDALPHILE
    • edwartica, on 11/30/2007, -1/+2I see what you did there.
    • Ladymongoose, on 12/01/2007, -0/+0if I could digg that comment again, I would
      • briguymaine, on 12/15/2007, -0/+1you can, go up, I said it earlier.
  • pacman122, on 11/30/2007, -2/+2Here's a bigger shocker, we don't give a ***** about your blog, link to the original article.
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