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Last Call! An Anthology of Drinking Quotes

alternativereel.com — "Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don’t know where the bathroom is." --Billy Carter

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  • GaffleSnipe, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14"A productive drunk is the bane of moralists." - Priceless.
    • trghpy, on 10/12/2007, -10/+5The missing quote:
      "I'm not an alcoholics, alcoholics goto meetings."


      "God looks after fools, drunkards and the United States."
      Proved wrong by the bush administration...
    • mickeyknoxxx, on 10/12/2007, -3/+11"It provokes the desire but it take away the performance." --Shakespeare

      It's not the performance I'm worried about. It's with whom it provoked my desire. =)
    • dominasian, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7if you're drunk when you read this everything is a whole lot funnier
    • mc7winkie, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" -Benjamin Franklin
    • stupidStan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6one that me and my buddies came up with:

      "we have to drink...
      so we do dumb things to talk about the next time we drink..."
    • violentvinyl, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12"Ahhhh, alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
      -H.J. Simpson
    • CanceledCzech, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2"You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." --Dean Martin
      "24 hours a day, 24 beers in a case . . . coincidence, I think not." --Chubba
      Perfect, truly perfect.

      And so true...
      "Beware of the man who does not drink." --Proverb
    • myFriendDerrik, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"It provokes the desire but it take away the performance." --Shakespeare, Macbeth

      Such eloquent words for whiskey dick.
    • actorboy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Work is the curse of the drinking class.
      - Oscar Wilde
  • doorwayboy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16One of my favorites:
    "It is disgusting to notice the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects, and the amount of money that goes out of the country as a consequence. Everybody is using coffee; this must be prevented. His Majesty was brought up on beer, and so were both his ancestors and officers. Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer, and the King does not believe that coffee-drinking soldiers can be relied upon to endure hardships in case of another war."

    -Frederick the Great of Prussia (1777)
    • Methodius, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Man, Frederick and I would have gotten along famously, because I can't stand coffee. And I have a beer in hand right now, so I guess that answers that question.
  • bonyicecream, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5Best Pickup line. Ever.

    "Why don’t we get drunk and screw?" --Jimmy Buffett
  • MackPrime, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9It's five o'clock somewhere.
  • mmm620, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1"You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
  • newdna, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6I only have a drinking problem when I can't get a drink.

    Thank you, good night, you've been great, tip your bartenders.
    • andrewa, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Ah, another Tom Waits Quote... Mention the source next time...
  • force275, on 10/12/2007, -3/+0 * "It provokes the desire but it take away the performance." --Shakespeare, Macbeth
    Sounds like Shakespeare should've been hawking some ancient viagra equivalent?
    • mc7winkie, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2It's from Macbeth Act 2 scene III. Damn I can't believe I remembered that one.
  • dr-steve, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10"Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink."
    - W. C. Fields (according to one source)
    - Tucker Max (according to another)



    • mc7winkie, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Tucker Max FTW. I hope they serve beer in hell is awesome.
  • peppaz, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1***** Tucker Max...
  • jcaino, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8one that isn't on the list:

    “Good,” I said. “But what about our room? And the golf shoes? We’re right in the middle of a ***** reptile zoo! And somebody’s giving booze to these goddamn things! It won’t be long before they tear us to shreds. Jesus, look at the floor! Have you ever seen so much blood? How many have theykilled already?” I pointed across the room to a group that seemed to be staring at us. “Holy *****, look at that bunch over there! They’ve spotted us!”

    -- fear & loathing
  • SlamShut, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I don't care what the people are thinkin'--
    I ain't drunk, I'm just drinkin'.
    -Albert Collins
  • AlanLivingston, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I don't know if the Charles Jackson quote from "The Lost Weekend" really belongs. It doesn't have the same spirit that the others seem to.
  • lbreevesii, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5not a celeb quote, but.

    I was ridiculously drunk at a party and stumbled over to one of my buddies and slurred: "Ya know, I'm not drunk enough yet!" Hows do ya figure? "Because the fat chicks are still fat and ugly!"
    • trogdor282, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I was at a party and this chick said, "I DRANK 1000 BEERS!" and then fell through a screen door into a pool. Classic.
  • pants428, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5it's actually:
    "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" - Tom Waits
    classic...
  • sctechguy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5One of my personal favorites that is the slogan for a great bar that I go to:

    "If your mate drives you to drink...Have 'em drive you to the bar."
  • Neorio, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5I dunno who said this one, but it's classic:-

    "If I had the money back on all the beer I bought in my lifetime; I'd spend it all on beer"
  • neuronut, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4"I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted from drinking all night" Peter Griffin
  • andrewa, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5And of course, the inevitable Churchill quote:
    "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
  • MHarrison, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3 "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
  • weister42, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." - weister42
  • nevetando, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1God invented Whiskey to prevent the Irish from taking over the world...-seen on many a t-shirt.
  • sdcarter, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"You're still drunk? Then I'm still sexy." - Sean D. Carter
  • faskippy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0"You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." --Dean Martin

    I knew there was another reason I liked Deano. LOL
  • kd1s, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I believe this one was on a t-shirt some years ago.

    I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, get drunk and fall down, no problem.
  • Peltsi, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Frank Sinatra

    some more quotes:
    http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Alcohol
  • babyduo, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0I work at a microbrewery/restaurant and we have this quote displayed on the chalkboard:

    There are two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it. Prevention is always better than cure.
  • friedcalamari, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Beer! It's the reason I get up in the afternoon!
  • triad203, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1***** YOU ZAIBATSU, ***** YOU WITH A SPIKED BUTTPLUG!

    You ***** spoiled an episode I had been looking forward to for months.

    /buried
    /blocked
    /hopefully banned
  •  

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