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34 Scripts and Ideas for Getting Back at Telemarketers
insidecrm.com — The Federal Trade Commission has just slapped Do Not Call Registry offenders with $7.7 million worth of penalties. With a figure like that, it's clear that telemarketers are finding that boundaries are a problem. But that doesn't mean you have to take their abuse — fight back using these 34 tools and tactics.
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- WordsnCollision, on 11/28/2007, -1/+15Beautiful - the callers i don't blame but the companies? Guilty as charged!
- Chompy, on 11/28/2007, -2/+2Telemarketers could not care less if you "waste their time". Time spent goofing off with you is time they don't have to make another soul-destroying cold call. On the up side, you're costing their employer money for both the call and wasted "productivity". So go for it!
- BoneheadFarker, on 11/28/2007, -1/+1Except for those telemarketers on commission. But they'll sooner hang up then let you waste their time, so it still works in your favour.
- Wintermute426, on 11/28/2007, -0/+1Back when I did telemarketing for a little while in college, I looked forward to the prank/crazy calls as they were the only things that would break the monotony.
- Chompy, on 11/28/2007, -2/+2Telemarketers could not care less if you "waste their time". Time spent goofing off with you is time they don't have to make another soul-destroying cold call. On the up side, you're costing their employer money for both the call and wasted "productivity". So go for it!
- MikeonTV, on 11/28/2007, -2/+36Once I has a telemarketer calling about installing new windows and doors. I made the joke about How I already have the newest version of Windows installed on my machine. She tried to explain she was talking about real tangible windows to which I responded "Is it a different operating system?" Needless to say I didn't upgrade.
- gbarberi, on 11/28/2007, -0/+8#5 is the best. It links to a list of 20 funny responses to a telemarketer.
- webcure, on 11/28/2007, -0/+12#1
"You can pretend to be in the business that they're selling from and make them feel silly for calling..."
Just 5 minutes of your time... - crazybugger, on 11/28/2007, -2/+8Replying to TMs calls are upto the person's imagination.
1. You can act as different persons and tell them to repeat from the beginning.
2. Short term memory loss is just too good.
3. If they offer loan, ask if its interest free and can You keep the money without paying back.
4. Pretend its your lost brother/sister.
etc. etc. - anjamerret, on 11/28/2007, -2/+10very comprehensive list. poor telemarketing staff who are just doing their job!
- Bukowsky, on 11/28/2007, -4/+6poor nothing.... either get a new job or face the pissed off customers
- thetin, on 11/28/2007, -3/+1Oh whatever I worked as a tele-marketer for 3 months, $80/hour wasn't bad (you have to be good to do well). And I loved it when people tried to have fun. I always had a lot of fun with every call. That's probably part of the reason why so many people bought the crap I sold.
- Philluminati, on 11/28/2007, -0/+6Oh, this link they give is good! http://www.ucan.org/drupal/telecommunications/land ...
- lindsay4767, on 11/28/2007, -3/+3Magazine subscription? ***** YES!! Sign me up!! ........I don't have this "money"
- billybob217, on 11/28/2007, -1/+3I was @ my brother's place once and telemarketer called... He was out so I just told him he was sacrificing a goat to thank the gods for his girlfriend's promotion and that I would disturb if it was really important... They for some reason declined and hung up the phone...
- alexious, on 11/28/2007, -12/+11As a former call center worker, I'd just ask everyone to remember that there are human beings on the other end of the phone call. Please stick to the suggestions that involve messing with the companies involved. Don't torture the poor souls in a dead-end job needlessly.
- dinostabOMG, on 11/28/2007, -5/+13Hey, ***** you.
- TrevorBelmont, on 11/28/2007, -3/+11As a former telemarketer I can say that these are NOT human beings.
- BoneheadFarker, on 11/28/2007, -1/+0OH COOL!!! We have aliens on Digg! So what species are you exactly?
- zblackjack, on 11/29/2007, -0/+1why not? maybe this will be the motivation they need to get off their ass and get a real job. if they can't take the pressure get out of kitchen
don't tell me I can't have fun with these meatballs FO
- Error601, on 11/28/2007, -2/+19Because being a telemarketer doesn't suck enough as it is? I actually tried it once when I needed cash for school, and it was easily the worst job ever. A couple hours and I was out of there.
- dinostabOMG, on 11/28/2007, -1/+5Well, kudos to you for getting out of there so fast.
- slashbot, on 11/28/2007, -1/+3No kidding.
I worked for a political party calling people to remind them to vote. The responses I got were downright nasty.... and I wasn't even trying to sell them anything.
- TheChihuahua, on 11/28/2007, -10/+6Jeez, why do so many people have a problem with telemarketers? As if it isn't enough of a ***** job. Just hang up the goddamn phone and quit bitching!
- tightscrummy, on 11/28/2007, -0/+5Yeah, and just delete your spam, and just recycle your junk mail, and just fast-forward through commericals with your tivo, and just use firefox plugins to block web ads, and just don't look at huge flashing electronic billboards on the side of the freeway, and just cover your ears when the loud speaker by the gas pump is blaring ads for junk food in the "convienience store", and just show up to movies late to miss the ads, and just don't look at nearly every surface in a grocery store (including the floors) where the ads are, etc.
- Gillfactor, on 11/28/2007, -0/+8I like Jerry's approaches.
“Would you be interested in a subscription to the New York Times?” to which Jerry replies, “Yes!” and slams down the phone. Seinfeld’s best food for thought was (after answering a telemarketer's call), “I'm sorry, I'm a little tied up now. Give me your home number and I’ll call you back later. Oh! You don’t like being called at home? Well, now you know how I feel.- slashbot, on 11/28/2007, -0/+4I wouldn't do the first one. It'd be just my luck that that would be all that was needed to sign me up for the subscription.
- jserio, on 11/28/2007, -1/+2Last time we had a telemarketer thread on DIGG, someone suggested the other Seinfeld joke... asking the telemarketer for their home number so you can call them later. A few telemarketers chimed in saying they hear that all the time when they make calls... and just laugh it off.
- Quick2822, on 11/28/2007, -2/+6I haven't had a telemarketer call me in years. Guess people still use that funny ringing device that has two wires plugged into the wall..
- TubaTechno, on 11/28/2007, -1/+2what is that called again?
- cawpin, on 11/28/2007, -0/+3Just wait till they call your cell. THAT pissed me off.
- Todamont, on 11/28/2007, -4/+10I was a telemarketer for a while. It sucked so bad. Someone used the line about calling me back and I wanted to punch them in the face through the phone. Serious, why do people need to be assholes? Just ask them not to call you anymore and hang up, its good for your kharma...
- orb_nsc, on 11/28/2007, -3/+3Because telemarketers, even they will shut up long enough for you to tell them that you are not interested and want to removed from their list, usually will hang up on you before you finish, and almost certainly do NOTHING to actually remove you from their list. If they don't respect you, you don't have to respect them.
- TrevorBelmont, on 11/28/2007, -4/+10To the people who defend telemarketers as "Just doing their job":
You say to "just hang up." Yeah, YOU hang up so they move on to the next call; a lonely senior who's mind is no longer all there. They stay on the line just because they are in need of attention and end up getting fleeced.
***** telemarketers.
These vile creatures need to be reminded at every opportunity that they are vampiric predators and that what they do is an unacceptable way to earn income. They are to be hated and abused.
- A former telemarketer who chose humanity- mahdaeng, on 11/28/2007, -0/+2I worked as a telemarketer for four hours. I started at 8am and by lunchtime I felt so dirty that I quit. There are more jobs in the world than telemarketing. "But I need the money" is not an excuse.
- jserio, on 11/28/2007, -1/+4TM: We can help you finance any kind of home..
Me (pathetic voice) Really? That's great. I need to get out of this double-wide soon. My credit score is almost 380. Can you help me?
TM:
LOL! - kete00, on 11/28/2007, -0/+2Only $7.7 million? That's nothing compared to how much money these companies make.
- zyl0x, on 11/28/2007, -2/+2I'd like some scripts for non-Americans. It would sound pretty stupid if I said "in violation of Congress" when Canada doesn't have a "Congress".
- orb_nsc, on 11/28/2007, -0/+3...you're not clever enough to change it to "in violation of parliament" or the queen or whatever?
- DiscoLando, on 11/28/2007, -0/+1http://www.epinions.com/kifm-review-20A4-D49E839-3 ...
Hmmm... looks like the writer of that article needs to brush up on their counting.
5. 7. 6. eh? - LogicBomB, on 11/28/2007, -7/+4"Getting back at Telemarketers"
Umm... they are trying to make a living. How about you politely say "No, please remove me from the list" and go about your day?- cawpin, on 11/28/2007, -0/+3I would if they would politely comply. The problem is, they don't.
- Matri, on 11/29/2007, -0/+1The problem is that most of these people are already on the Do Not Call list, yet they're being called up anyway. How would YOU feel?
- bbp9857, on 11/28/2007, -1/+1my favorite: "I'm sorry, you've reached my cell phone." TM: *click*
- Chompy, on 11/28/2007, -1/+1My favorite is simply *click*. Why even talk to them?
- bbp9857, on 11/28/2007, -0/+2they don't bother calling back.
- scooterfish, on 11/28/2007, -1/+4Because if you had read any of the articles or worked in the industry, you'd know that a hangup is not a "No" and they just put your number back in the pool of numbers to call...
- Chompy, on 11/28/2007, -0/+1As if they're actually going to remove you.
- Chompy, on 11/28/2007, -1/+1My favorite is simply *click*. Why even talk to them?
- beathermit, on 11/28/2007, -0/+9when ever the LA times would call me with a spacial offer I would act like overly interested, i then would then ask them sign me up for 2 years and make some small talk with them. then at the very end I would ask them in a in a nonchalant sort of way if they could send me the braille edition of the the newspaper."what ever the extra price is I don't mind" I would tell them. they all sounded so sad when they had to break the news to me.
- ganlet, on 11/28/2007, -0/+9when telemarketer call we just give it to my 7yr little brother who he loves to talk, he actually looks forward to telling them about his day and we get a kick out of over hearing the conversation
one person talked to him for like 30 mins trying to get him to give the phone back to his mom - TootsMutant, on 11/28/2007, -0/+11Just trying to make a living?
So are burglars, but I don't welcome them into my home, either.
My fave response: As soon as I hear the click (the one that lets me know I'm talking to a telemarketer), I repeatedly ask for the caller's "authorization code." Everything the caller says is replied to with "May I have your authorization code, please?" spoken in an ever more impatient voice.
When I'm feeling particularly playful, after about five tries, I'll whisper into the phone "Hey, you don't want a driveway full of black government SUVs do you?" - Jacobi, on 11/28/2007, -1/+5I understand that the people on the other end of the call are just doing a job, but I still ***** hate telemarketers. The calls are always obtrusive and come at the worst possible times. ***** the companies that do business this way.
I have, nor will I ever, buy something over the phone unsolicited. - diaverde238, on 11/28/2007, -0/+4https://www.donotcall.gov/
Best anti-Telemarketer tool out there.- Matri, on 11/29/2007, -0/+1The sad thing is, some of these jerkoff companies use that list to harvest phone numbers.
- dupswapdrop, on 11/28/2007, -0/+3I just dumped my landline no more Telemarketer calls for me!
- SeaweedWater, on 11/28/2007, -0/+1i honestly enjoy talking to telemarketers..ive messed with them since i was kid..i always just found it interesting that a stranger would call my house trying to sell things..i mean, its never been one thing ive wanted either..most of them seem like they get a kick out of talking to you instead of being hung up on..
- THETEH, on 12/11/2007, -0/+0I usually deal with them by either hanging up the phone or randomly turning on the TV and holding the phone up to the speaker until they hang up.
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