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Warning: Bible Spoiler (PIC)

philosophiste.com — I downloaded this from a bittorrent.

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  • jstohler, on 10/11/2007, -14/+359On what page do you learn who his father really is?
    • rejoined, on 10/11/2007, -7/+58Actually, the book doesn't say it, but in the movie, 'Don Vito Corleone', plays both *God* and the *Father*.
      • Akaji, on 10/11/2007, -3/+71I heard a rumor that he also plays the Holy Spirit - but you have to pay attention at just the right spot (I suppose it's an Easter Egg).
        • Spytap, on 10/11/2007, -8/+72Speaking of Easter Eggs, I can't wait until this guy replaces the same URL with a jpg of Harry Potter spoilers...
          • mattmcm, on 10/11/2007, -2/+16Harry is a wizard.
          • bruenig, on 10/11/2007, -11/+36Except that Harry is a fictional character so that wouldn't make sen...oh wait.
          • OllyHagen, on 10/11/2007, -8/+1There are so many replies in this comment
          • Grummond, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1and yet another one
          • pap3rw8, on 10/11/2007, -1/+4HARRY IS A ROBOT.
        • RoroCo, on 10/11/2007, -2/+44Actually, the Easter eggs only start appearing on page 731. Easter doesn't exist until then.
    • thickdrummer, on 10/11/2007, -6/+42Jesus...*I* am your father!
      • SupaFlyBonzai, on 10/11/2007, -9/+11NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
    • raymore, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1I believe any time that Jonas places his hand on Jesus's shoulder, that would be the page number.
    • tehkain, on 10/11/2007, -1/+11Jesus and god are the same person? Wow how fight club of them.
      • unitedkronos, on 10/11/2007, -1/+3Jesus and God beat the living ***** out of each other? I must've read the wrong Bible.
        • coyote1284, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Well, it was in God's plan for Jesus to get the living ***** beat out of him in the first place.
  • thinkingserious, on 10/11/2007, -13/+449Great. Now I have no reason to watch the movie.
  • ani625, on 10/11/2007, -7/+108Thanx a lot for killing all the fun.
    • Frnnkdlxx, on 10/11/2007, -25/+1I'm seriously opposed to you guys having posted religious material on this site! I believe people who don't believe in the Bible shouldn't be forced to hear things like this. Consider yourselves reported.

      JK! (and I don't mean Jesus Krist!)
    • Clark3934, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6Literally.
      He DID turn the water into wine... what's not to love?
  • fernB, on 10/11/2007, -29/+7No when I burn in hell I can know the reason why....
    • kelly, on 10/11/2007, -18/+12His death was so that you don't go to hell.

      Whether or not you go to hell is entirely based on a decision he offers to you.
      • crzdmn, on 10/11/2007, -18/+3Yes, and we'll all be seeing each other in the mystical heaven or hell.

        Hope you're not to upset when you find out the truth.
        • brianbennett, on 10/11/2007, -2/+10If kelly's right he can laugh at you. If not... guess we'll never know who was right.
        • cjhandley, on 10/11/2007, -2/+13Yes, because Pascal's wager is logically sound. THERE CAN ONLY BE TWO POSSIBILITIES!
          • ZWarren69, on 10/11/2007, -2/+6Unless neither atheists nor Christians are right.
          • bIuebonics, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1@ZWarren69
            hellp captain obvious. we salute you.
        • specialK16, on 10/11/2007, -3/+2Why? Do you happen to KNOW the truth?
        • mbthompson, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1Likewise
        • tech42er, on 10/11/2007, -1/+2I'm afraid the Mormons were the correct answer.

          /too obscure?
    • MrColdheart, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1if your reading this you have no life
  • jcm1701, on 10/11/2007, -34/+2LOL ......LOL theres really nothing else to say
  • scotthealey, on 10/11/2007, -13/+27hezekia 14:6 - Jesus built my hot rod
    • Ignathius, on 10/11/2007, -3/+7ministry r0x!
    • drewmeister, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2I'm no Theologist but I do believe you are in fact referring to .....Psalm 69 :)
      • gboone, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2for the record, there's no such thing as a theologist, it's theologian...
      • JRjJ106, on 10/11/2007, -2/+0Isn't Psalm 69 the one that teaches you the way to succeed and the way to suck eggs?
    • gboone, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7it's a love affair, mainly jesus and my hot rod. yeah, ***** it.
  • crxvfr, on 10/11/2007, -15/+408Jesus rises, page 682
    • soot, on 10/11/2007, -25/+63NOOOO BITCH!! YOUUU BIIITTCHHH
    • raymore, on 10/11/2007, -7/+2*****, god dammit. Seriously, okay he dies, I would have loved to not know he rises, that would be like a whole new movie in the middle of the movie. Dammit.... Though I really wonder how it all ends......
    • HabboX, on 10/11/2007, -2/+9It's the sequel. We're still waiting for the threquel.
      • LilyFoxglove, on 10/11/2007, -3/+9Book of Mormon, baby
        • bIuebonics, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6dum dum dum dum dum
        • tech42er, on 10/11/2007, -1/+2That's like what Godfather III did to the first two. The real fans don't treat it as canon.
  • Bigzz, on 10/11/2007, -13/+118wait...he dies?
    • Frnnkdlxx, on 10/11/2007, -13/+4I'm 33 years old, a Christian, and teach my children to follow the bibles doctrines of high morals...yet I still haven't read that far. Thanks for spoiling the shocker.
      • Pensi, on 10/11/2007, -3/+15I got to the part when God said "let there be light" and I put it down because I saw the plot going no where .
    • overtoke, on 10/11/2007, -5/+5That is hard to swallow. The most logical answer is that he was only near death, entombed alive and regained consciousness 3 days later.
      • omegadirective, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4rofl, dugg for allusion to the Death of Superman story arc
  • weezerjoker2, on 10/11/2007, -150/+335On what page do they tell you that it's a fictional book?
    • ziffel, on 10/11/2007, -42/+182page 1. "In the beginning ... God"
      • Frnnkdlxx, on 10/11/2007, -39/+3I'm sorry man, i gotta dig this down! I'm a Christian! I'M SORRY! I also have to burn you alive at the stake! I'M SOOORRYYYY!!!!
      • raymore, on 10/11/2007, -3/+13***** Owned. ha.
    • Akaji, on 10/11/2007, -110/+32Wow, way to turn a funny joke into anti-religious sentiment. You win at life.
      • Alegoo92, on 10/11/2007, -51/+8y r u being buried??!
        • Akaji, on 10/11/2007, -36/+13Because the people on Digg don't seem to want to admit that, for all of their screaming that there is no god, they can't be sure. So they pat each other on the ass every time one of them makes a crack at a religion, and bury anyone who tries to point out their faults.
        • roguetrick, on 10/11/2007, -10/+3No, its because you weren't funny or interesting. Course neither was weezer. I'm digging you both down.
        • 0mgsus99999, on 10/11/2007, -4/+1lolreligion
        • 0mgsus99999, on 10/11/2007, -4/+1lolreligion
        • jedikv, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1Its cool to be atheists on teh nets
      • SPECOPS, on 10/11/2007, -14/+1*edit* removed due to stupidity
      • Bklynadam, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1no you fail
    • Alegoo92, on 10/11/2007, -44/+14Dont be such a coy little bitch
    • gregdigg, on 10/11/2007, -16/+48I guess the fact that it said he created the light that separates night from day on the first day but didn't create the sun until the fourth day was a tip-off. (Plus, there wouldn't really be days at all without the sun, but whatever.)
      • Pureeviljester, on 10/11/2007, -12/+7so God can make the sun but he can't make light temporarily?
      • jgreene777, on 10/11/2007, -7/+12So the Sun in our solar system is the only thing that makes light... and it's the only thing in the universe by which an ever-present being would judge the passage of time?
        • hcl40u, on 10/11/2007, -3/+8So God created the other solar systems and galaxies first I see.
        • bIuebonics, on 10/11/2007, -1/+3you understand a day is considered a complete rotation of the earth from any given point (however, split into time zones for convenience). yet when broken down between day and night, day is the period during the rotation where that given point is on the side facing the sun. so yes, the light that separates night from day is our sun. and yes, in our solar system it is the only thing that makes light (aside from extremely tiny localized light source, humans, lightning, random fire). furthermore, it was people writing the book and subsequently in later chapters day and night are referred to in their usual context. this leads one to believe that earlier in the book day and night would be used in the same context, unless it's another inconsistency and contradiction in the bible.
      • Pureeviljester, on 10/11/2007, -7/+3see, you guys ask questions and just digg down the answer.

        If God is all powerful why can't he just make light emit from nothing? Or it came from heaven, or it came from his beard. what have you, he made a light before he made the sun.
        • imperium2000, on 10/11/2007, -2/+9Replace the word 'God' with Pink Unicorn and you have the exact same answer.
        • Bklynadam, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1God created the pink unicorn
      • gboone, on 10/11/2007, -0/+10I believe it's somewhere in the Book of Adams, I know the passage, not the citation though. "In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
      • senixon, on 10/11/2007, -5/+2Light != Sun
        Open your mind... Sun does produce light, but is NOT light.
        • bIuebonics, on 10/11/2007, -2/+7"light that separates night from day" = sun. use your english comprehension skills. you ARE past the 3rd grade right?
    • crzdmn, on 10/11/2007, -18/+35The part that says the book was written by people, and then translated by people, ohh and edited by people (the church specifically)...
    • Nowaiman, on 10/11/2007, -17/+49Why did God have to create assholes.
    • Eeqmcsq, on 10/11/2007, -12/+36That page is buried somewhere near Mount Sinai and it reads "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental."
      • MatthewBlack, on 10/11/2007, -4/+2Is that Red Dwarf or The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy? A classic line.
      • HunterTV, on 10/11/2007, -0/+8Red Dwarf FTW
    • jgreene777, on 10/11/2007, -14/+5He didn't create assholes, but your momma did.
    • goblindegook, on 10/11/2007, -8/+44What do you mean, "a fictional book"? Surely the book exists, I've seen copies.
    • gboone, on 10/11/2007, -3/+12I believe it's somewhere in the Book of Adams, I know the passage, not the citation though. "In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
    • pagemaster, on 10/11/2007, -5/+14Not cool man....not cool
    • spartan777, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2as far as the historicity of the Bible, its pretty well backed up. If you are talking about the miracles and science of it all, you're right.
      • bIuebonics, on 10/11/2007, -2/+6i would be more inclined to believe you if you could use real words.
      • DoubleMike, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2science of it all? Have you even read the thing? Excepting the first chapter and the miracles, I don't see how anyone can have a problem with it. Besides, it's rather inane to make such a general statement. The bible had quite a few things right several hundred years before science had it's "discoveries". I have a list of references for you somewhere, but I'd have to dig through my research to find it.
  • reddevil3, on 10/11/2007, -100/+4I'm an atheist but this is really stupid. The Bible is not akin to a Harry Potter book.

    (Oh and btw, Harry dies).



    j/k I don't read the Harry Potter books.
    • JustFender, on 10/11/2007, -16/+2but it is true, he does die
    • gamche, on 10/11/2007, -4/+2Well, JustFender is right he does die but everyone dies.
    • MacEnvy, on 10/11/2007, -3/+13The Harry Potter series is just 1000 years and some creative editing away from becoming someone's bible.

      Seriously, from a scholarly point of view, that's fairly accurate.
      • BHSPitMonkey, on 10/11/2007, -1/+10Scientology didn't require nearly that long for such a feat to take place.
    • Frnnkdlxx, on 10/11/2007, -5/+1NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Harry doesn't really die does he! I'LL FIND YOU AND FLAY YOU ALIVE IF HE DOES! *starts reading faster*... "...and Hermione blows Harry while Ron watches..."
    • tech42er, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2He dies but rises again. Yeah, real original, Rowling.
  • wildfire, on 10/11/2007, -25/+8You downloaded a picture from a BitTorrent source?
    • crillbilly, on 10/11/2007, -2/+5Yup! Directly from the internetz. Now go touch little boys...
  • thedogmatist, on 10/11/2007, -23/+2haha just in time for Harry Potter!
  • ChristianBk, on 10/11/2007, -15/+3Hooray Jesus - you did it!
  • john95127, on 10/11/2007, -29/+5BREAKING! Coloumbus discovers America, Lucky Lindy lands outside of Paris! Titanic sinks!
  • rowlodge, on 10/11/2007, -17/+2get all info from bittorrent?...
  • ers35, on 10/11/2007, -29/+7What is "a bittorrent"?
  • Le3f, on 10/11/2007, -13/+138NOOOOOOOOO! You bitch!... You bitch!
  • LandStander, on 10/11/2007, -16/+7Snape kills Jesus!
    • jgreene777, on 10/11/2007, -5/+2That sure lets the Jews, the Romans and Sinners in general off the hook, eh?
  • Razster, on 10/11/2007, -26/+59You forgot to mention that the Christians win at the End.
    • acer589, on 10/11/2007, -21/+14You forgot to mention that Christians over the next 2100 years, on orders from their religious leaders have killed near a billion people.

      So much for the ten commandments.
      • ElSpaniard, on 10/11/2007, -8/+2You showed him...
      • specialK16, on 10/11/2007, -5/+9You forgot to mention that there are SO many different types of Christians......
        • BHSPitMonkey, on 10/11/2007, -6/+2Thus reinforcing their individual credibility.
    • thankyousir, on 10/11/2007, -8/+2Christians don't kill people, people kill people.
      • whibler, on 10/11/2007, -3/+6In fact, Christians do kill people, and so do Muslims, Jews etc. Religion provides no mask for sin, nor can you separate the fact that people kill in the name of their religion
        • jedikv, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2Christians, Jews, Muslims, Scientologists, Athiests etc ALL ***** KILL PEOPLE
  • blubolt, on 10/11/2007, -9/+61He takes over the world in the last chapter!!!! The Book of Revelation - read it!
    • compujunkie, on 10/11/2007, -8/+1...nice monkey, where did you get it?....LOL!
    • senixon, on 10/11/2007, -4/+3"Takes over the world" ? He created it, never lost it-- remember? or did you not read page 1?
      • DoubleMike, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2He didn't exactly "lose" it, but he did hand it over to us humans, and sent Satan to live here as well. By "take over the world" he means there will be a final battle between God and Satan (God wins, BTW) and God will indeed "take over the world" by becoming King. Like he said, read the book of Revelation.
        • coyote1284, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0"God wins BTW"

          DAMN IT! I was laughing at everyone who hadn't read to the Death and Rebirth chapters, but then you had to go and spoil the end for me. And here I thought it was going to turn out better, like humanity wrests control of their fates from God and Satan, no longer needing higher order beings to watch over them.

          Go ahead, try to bury this comment. I predict it'll be back in 3 days.
  • duddy, on 10/11/2007, -14/+4*****!!!!
  • gegroff, on 10/11/2007, -24/+210That is a load of crap, I saw Jesus the other day. He was mowing my neighbor's lawn.
  • f0dder, on 10/11/2007, -13/+45Self rez and shape shifting zombie ghost powers. So unbalanced, nerf Jesus.
    • ohgr, on 10/11/2007, -5/+2You can't nerd Jesus noob. He's a MOD!
    • Malarie, on 10/11/2007, -4/+1All you need is a 40 man raid, 3 prot tanks and 37 warlocks and he's down. Source: wowwiki.com/jeeeezus
    • ghdave, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1There's no need to nerf Jesus just because he was born already Epic level and is immortal. Just use him to teach your PCs a lesson or two. :-)

      On a side note: Jesus is my DM.
    • Pensi, on 10/11/2007, -3/+0F0dder you forgot to add the fact he can conjure food and water.
    • DavidGX, on 10/11/2007, -3/+2Reality nerfed jesus. He doesn't even exist now! lawl
  • allyant, on 10/11/2007, -18/+5Better watch, the RIAA might sue for this!
    • Matri, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2The RIAA owns God?

      ... That explains a lot, actually.
  • rockandrollmark, on 10/11/2007, -11/+3First Harry and now THIS?
  • Asahoshi, on 10/11/2007, -10/+0LOLWUT?
  • jellygraph, on 10/11/2007, -20/+8Sorry, I don't read fiction!
    • CZzyzx41, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2Then you lack all imagination which makes you inhumane which I believe makes you a robot and thus you must be destroyed. HUAR!
      • Nearoschyth, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3No way man, even us robots read fiction. That guy's a zombie—at best.
  • mtotten, on 10/11/2007, -11/+0God Damn It! Oh Wait, My Soul Already Is For Reading This. :)
  • spawesume, on 10/11/2007, -10/+2Ya but who kills him?
    • kinghajj, on 10/11/2007, -3/+7Romans. But the Jews, it says, really wanted it to happen. Not all Jews, mind you, just the ones there. (If it really happened...)
      • mrdubU, on 10/11/2007, -9/+3No one person killed him! He gave his own life so that we might have eternal life!!
        • doncarlo, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1That's right. He gave His life willingly!
    • TheOther1, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7Lord Voldemort
    • senixon, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1You did.
  • mak0, on 10/11/2007, -7/+6mirror in case main page goes down:

    http://www.shareapic.net/content.php?id=2807961&owner=mak0
  • m4rk0551, on 10/11/2007, -19/+1Wow, you guys are gay.
  • amrush4th, on 10/11/2007, -9/+2But he had a 1,000,000 Horcrux, how could this be?
  • Light11, on 10/11/2007, -11/+3thanks, now i don't have to read it. (not that i was going to)
  • STKD, on 10/11/2007, -14/+8SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE!
    ...wait, wrong book.
    THE ROMANS KILLED JESUS!
  • KnightMareInc, on 10/11/2007, -14/+3Jesus is really a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be the son of god.
  • Rukaribe, on 10/11/2007, -41/+8Burbage dies on pg 12
    Hedwig dies on page 56
    Mad-Eye dies on page 79
    Scrimgeour dies on page 15
    Worm til dies on pg 471
    dobby dies on pg 476
    snape dies on pg 658
    Fred Weasley die son pg 637
    Harry gets owned by Voldermort on page 704
    Comes back t life on page 724
    Voldermort kills snape
    19 years later

    ron married hermione, have 2 kids, rose and hugo
    harry married ginny and have 3 kids, lily, james, and albus serverus
    Draco Malfoy has a kid names Scorpius

    the final line of the book is:
    "the scar had not pained harry for nineteen years. All was well."
  • vcleniuk, on 10/11/2007, -5/+18And I was just going to rent "The Passion of the Christ", ... damn.
    • blackjack75, on 10/11/2007, -1/+2In the passion of the christ he doesn't die at the end.

      He starts dying at about 8 minutes then just doesn't stop dying until the end.
  • TenebrousX, on 10/11/2007, -8/+2http://greeneggsarespoiled.ytmnd.com/
  • M3RCINIAN, on 10/11/2007, -8/+2LOL.
  • gregakendall, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7Yes, but what are the last two lines in the whole book?
    • JustFender, on 10/11/2007, -5/+2originally? "nah im just joking, go smoke a joint bud"
    • monkeyboy7706, on 10/11/2007, -4/+9"End of Book 4, Bible: The Roman Empire Strikes Back available in a bookshop near you soon."
    • skyfire1, on 10/11/2007, -3/+2Just kidding!
    • Pureeviljester, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1520He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon."
      Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
      21The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen.

      Last 2 verses
    • SnuffTheRooster, on 10/11/2007, -6/+1it's almost caturday. I can has cheezburger?
  • dillibob, on 10/11/2007, -7/+22in the directors cut you actually learn jesus was in fact a buhddist.

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=KxhcWUSoE4Y

    • pittpat, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2Interesting video
      • steve693, on 10/11/2007, -1/+3"Loving your enemies. . .has absolutely no precedent in Judaism.'

        Hardly true. This is where words like absolute are dangerous.

        "If you come across your enemy's ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him. If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help him with it." Exodus 23:4-5
  • HunkieChan, on 10/11/2007, -7/+2what page marks the rise of devil, bush ?
  • ragnar0kk, on 10/11/2007, -10/+4awesome! internet 3,000 points religion 0 !!!!!
  • inthepit, on 10/11/2007, -5/+41The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
    • NotoriousHIV, on 10/11/2007, -3/+11Yay for Pulp Fiction quotes that have some kind of connection with whatever everybody is talking about.
    • feckineejit, on 10/11/2007, -4/+2baaa - I"m a sheep!
    • raymore, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1Yeah, but do you have it memorized. Just sayin', I do.
    • decay, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1*****, I just watched that movie a few minutes ago on bravo.

      Bad MF
      .
  • JasonCox, on 10/11/2007, -8/+2Best. Dugg. Pic. Ever.
  • knuvue, on 12/05/2007, -9/+45Hahaha. I was the 666th person to Digg this, what do I win!?
  • shivaman, on 10/11/2007, -4/+1Pure fiction and the cause of all strife on earth!
  • Uranium118, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1I thought there would be two pages, I'm disappointed.
  • Shadez, on 10/11/2007, -2/+18I put in spoiler tags on the Bible article on Wikipedia once, but they removed them D:
  • Tylox, on 10/11/2007, -8/+6Read the prophetic books of the bible and maybe you won't think your little jokes are so funny. 911 was an inside job. Jesus is Lord. He created you and this universe and He loves you, even you. But what really blows me away is that he loves me. We are only here a short time and then comes death and the worms. Jesus payed the penalty for the eternal death in hell you deserve, if you will accept it. If not, pay it yourself.
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