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Wal-Mart To Sell Jesus, Religious Action Figures

local6.com — Range to include the stoning of the infidels play group, the conquered cities wife raping collection and the plagues and boils limited edition collectors pack.

Who dugg this? Made popular Jul 17, 2007

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  • inactive, on 10/11/2007, -3/+72I want the Jesus with Kung Fu Grip!
  • Iwantawii, on 10/11/2007, -3/+37How about a Buddy Christ action figure?!
  • mrgreenjeans, on 10/11/2007, -2/+36http://store.messengersoffaith.net/mof40106.html
    "...he killed a lion with his bare-hands; he killed 30 men in one night without any weapons; and he even used the jawbone of a donkey to single-handedly defeat one thousand men!" He is Samson Spirit Warrior!
    Hell, I want one.
  • inactive, on 10/11/2007, -21/+54Perfect. Jesus belongs next to Spiderman and Yu Gi Oh. Children need imaginary superheroes.
  • Albionshores, on 10/11/2007, -18/+49Oh the irony....
    First take pillaged war oil and turn it into plastic, then manufacture oil based toys overseas (at the cost of American jobs), mold into religious figures and sell for commercial gain in stores that destroy communities and create serfdom through globalisation.

    Jesus would be trashing temple 'Walmart' right now.
  • Leach, on 10/11/2007, -4/+34Now if only I could get a breakfast cereal with marshmallow Jesus pieces, also the milk turns to wine.
  • geekchic, on 10/11/2007, -1/+26They could issue a version with inflatable feet for that "realistic" walking on water effect.
  • HeatherH88, on 10/11/2007, -1/+24"Go ahead! Cast the first stone!"
  • ColtRevolvers, on 10/11/2007, -3/+24The new Jesus action figure, With soul saving action!
  • DeathGod321, on 10/11/2007, -1/+21With a few bottlerockets, Jesus could have a very cool jet-pack...
  • AndrewDB, on 01/10/2008, -3/+21Rubber ducky = the Chuck Norris of the Bath Tub domain.
  • DruSam, on 10/11/2007, -6/+24In general, Christians can take a joke a lot better than other religions.
  • fancycwabs, on 10/11/2007, -2/+19"Take that, Superman!"

    "Oh no! Doomsday's killed Superman!"

    "Wait, here comes Jesus!"

    "Why do you weep, Lois? Superman is not dead, but merely sleeping"

    "Jesus brought Superman back to life! Hooray!"
  • Renton, on 10/11/2007, -2/+16I want the Jesus that transforms into a truck!
  • snakemistakes, on 10/11/2007, -22/+34was I the only one who noticed this?

    "420 Stores Will Carry Line Of Faith-Based Toys"
  • ladyarcher85, on 10/11/2007, -2/+14The last time someone sold Jesus it ended with the Crucifixion.
    I'll just sit, wait and see what would happen next.
  • dgh1973, on 10/11/2007, -5/+16Doesn't this get dangerously close to idolatry?

    The money is obviously going back to a church group of some kind.

    And I think Albionshores has a real point here... this is filled with unmitigated levels of irony that we can't even begin to shake a stick at.

    Lame.
  • cerbsm, on 10/11/2007, -11/+22This is awful. Other religions would be offended, funny how Christianity always get's mocked.
  • ubuwalker31, on 10/11/2007, -1/+11I believe that Jesus existed...but I just think he was a nice rabbi and philosopher. And the miracle stories are the work of the over-active imaginations of his followers.

    For example, I know Chabad Lubavich Jews who seriously believe that Reb. Menachem Schneerson is the messiah and actually performed miracles...of course, this is totally ridiculous, and these people are completely out of their minds, but when you try to explain that this is how Christianity started, they look at you with confused expressions...and say stuff like, "no really, I saw him cure someone with my own eyes."

    Anyhow, back on topic, I thought graven images of g-d weren't allowed by the bible...even in Christianity...so what gives with all the Jesus statutes (which I can understand there being some sort of exception for under canon law) and dolls?
  • BizzaroRob, on 10/11/2007, -3/+13Pontius Pilate Crucifixion Playhouse sold separately.
  • MeMongo, on 10/11/2007, -1/+11Not to mention the fact that the movies and CDs are special versions that wal-mart's censorship board has approved. They also won't sell non-nudity magazines like Maxim or Stuff because they are "upholding community standards". The reality is that they are defining community standards with their own skewed morality.
  • Lixie, on 10/11/2007, -4/+13My "GI-Joe" Jesus will kick your Jesus's ass!
  • f4nt0m4s, on 10/11/2007, -6/+15now introducing the G.I. Jew line
    and the Virgin Mary doll! complete with an actual hymen!!!

    the kids will go nuts
  • mediaspree, on 10/11/2007, -1/+10I'll take the Jesus Christ Superstar edition with faith mic.
  • MeMongo, on 10/11/2007, -1/+9that would be "aisle". An "isle" is where Gilligan was stranded.
  • HBNDonut, on 10/11/2007, -3/+11I'm going for the karate chop action Jesus that turns purple underwater!
  • timusca, on 10/11/2007, -0/+8It can't walk on water, but its made of plastic, so I'm sure it will float.
  • darthmdh, on 10/11/2007, -0/+8They already tried to take Jesus out once, didn't quite work.
  • PATSCRU, on 10/11/2007, -14/+21i wish these were around in my GI Joe burning days....my hairspray and zippo lighter and Aquanet escapades could have been so much more satisfying.
  • fotbr, on 10/11/2007, -18/+25I'm sure you're not the only pothead that thinks its cool that your magic number showed up on the internet.

    Its a ***** number, thats all. Get over yourselves.
  • MeMongo, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7Wouldn't that be G.I. Jesus?
  • SavageBlackCat, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7I want Malibu Mohammed in a pink thong waving the rainbow PRIDE flag.
  • jimmoses, on 10/11/2007, -1/+8I don't sense anger or bitterness in nyx's post.. you seem to be projecting.
  • Novagenesis, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7"Do you feel lucky, Rabbi? Well do ya?"
  • nyx210, on 10/11/2007, -8/+14I wonder if they'll be selling a Flying Spaghetti Monster action figure. Maybe it can face off with my Invisible Pink Unicorn.
  • inactive, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7CINCINNATI (EAP) - A Cincinnati teenager was killed yesterday when her plastic Jesus dashboard figure was driven into her chest by her car's airbag which inflated during an accident involving two other vehicles.

    17-year-old Darlene Fulps of Cincinnati was apparently holding her Jesus figure close to her chest when she ran through a red light and collided with two other vehicles in a busy intersection.

    "The air bag inflated and pushed the head of Jesus straight through her heart," said Tom Young, medical examiner at the scene of the accident. "If it wasn't for the plastic Jesus, Ms. Fulps would still be alive today."

    "Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus," said police officer Graham Pryor, first officer at the scene.

    Robert Fulps, Darlene's father and devout Christian man said "It was just our daughter's time to go, and we can't question the actions of God. My daughter loved Jesus and worshipped Him, and I think she's probably talking to Him in heaven right now."

    "We gave our daughter the dashboard Jesus for her birthday last year, and she really liked it," said Mrs. Gladys Fulps. "It's too bad that Jesus ended up killing her, but we believe she's in heaven now, and we're happy for her, and hope to re-unite with her when we get to heaven."

    "We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps.
  • ruley, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7i think the point he was making was that 420 Stores sounds like a chain of head shops
  • inactive, on 10/11/2007, -0/+6I though he already did.
  • laelfrog, on 10/11/2007, -0/+6Not until Apple produces the iDol - Its better than the iPhone, you can call heaven!
  • inactive, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6It's not awful. I don't know how deeply this particular thing falls into the "thou shall have no graven image" command. Maybe they should leave the hero's of the Bible in but take Jesus out.
  • aliengoods, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5WWGIJK....Who would GI Jesus kill?
  • shifty2, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5perhaps when the limited edition Noah's Battle Arc comes out Prime might be in some trouble
  • Pensador, on 10/11/2007, -4/+9GI Jesus.
  • TheUngod, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5You could make a Jesus/Barbie sex video...Team America style!
  • Speedy7, on 10/11/2007, -3/+8Jesus-man!, the greatest hero of them all... (Actionman tune)
  • PropCulture, on 10/11/2007, -12/+17I'd buy these only for the opportunity to photograph them in sexually deviant positions.
  • Asianwaste, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4I'd so pit Jesus against my old WWF action figures.
  • hockeyisgd, on 10/11/2007, -1/+5I think viewaskew.com sells one
  • btgoss, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4Nice post.
    Jesus was more "modern" then the other Rabbis'.... which is funny.. Jesus was a progressive, and now most Conservatives think they are doing Jesus' work.
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