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572 Comments
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -23/+886This is going to offend a lot of people
I'm not one of them - SeraphIXI, on 08/13/2008, -16/+412The Most ***** Up ***** You Will Ever See!!! 2 Prophets 1 Holy Grail!!!!! OMG
- pinguy, on 08/13/2008, -8/+282From The Page:
Here's a challenge: see if you can envision any possible metaphor for 5:4, "My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him".
It's Anal. Definately anal. - Valujet, on 08/13/2008, -20/+292Someone should make bible porn movies. The outrage would be amazing.
- analreceiver, on 08/13/2008, -6/+266Next week on Jerry Springer!:
"I Thought She Was a Prostitute, But She Was My Daughter-in-Law!" - Namaha, on 08/13/2008, -9/+2591. Get some of Lot's daughter's wine.
2. Open a bar.
I think you know the rest. - inactive, on 08/13/2008, -10/+220No, offended because most of 'them' haven't even read the bible and rely on translations from their 'trustworthy' pastors.
- TedTschopp, on 08/13/2008, -5/+194You bring up a good point. A lot of Christians haven't read the bible and rely on others to tell them what it means.
If a person who claimed to love English literature or said they were an English Lit professor and they had never read Shakespeare or Jane Austin or Beowulf you would start to wonder if he really was a good English professor.
Finally when you got them to open up you realized all they were doing was spouting an outline from Cliff notes, you would start to wonder if they really knew what they were talking about.
Now just think how all the real English Lit Lovers and Real English Lit Professors think about the people who are acting like that. The English Lit Professors say, "You should read Shakespeare, Sherlock Holmes, Oscar Wilde, Canterbury Tales, etc..." and all these guys do is say "No, I don't have the time, it's not important, I'll just read the cliff notes."
That's the average Christian in America today. The American Christian in general is that anti-intellectual, cliff note reading, sound bite quoting, arrogant bastard who thinks that its their job to make non-Christians act like Christians. In years gone past, the most prestigious colleges in America were founded by Christians because they valued education and intellect so highly, not any more. Sadly.
The mature Christians know better, but really can't do a whole lot about it except shudder when someone thinks that all Christians belong in the same category. - mediahaze, on 08/13/2008, -13/+182Hahah. Offended by their own belief system. How ironic.
- PrometheusBorn, on 08/13/2008, -11/+174Raunchy, depraved, sex.... from the Bible?
I never knew the Bible could speak to me in such a profound way. Hallelujah! - Darksider, on 08/13/2008, -7/+159"My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him". WTF!
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -1/+145Clearly a Biblical reference to the shocker.
- doublebummer, on 08/13/2008, -3/+144Two in thy pink and one in thy stink.
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -2/+1203. ?????
4. Profit. - inactive, on 08/13/2008, -6/+112gives new meaning to 'passion of the christ'
- jjhuddle, on 08/13/2008, -3/+97Song Of Solomon is basically a softcore porn. I suggest everyone read it.
- aschmack, on 08/13/2008, -5/+94Eze23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. (NIV)
Eze23:3 They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed. (NIV) - Jaablaze, on 08/13/2008, -1/+88anyone who has actually read the bible shouldn't be offended by this.
- Tyrghast, on 08/13/2008, -12/+98FYI: Around the base of Mount Sinai grows the hallucinogenic mushrooms that make you trip balls. One million Israelite shrooming their balls off while Moses takes epic doses of them and 'receives the ten commandments'? I guarantee it was the best party in history.
And where was the part in the article where Davids sons rapes his half sister? - MysticSavage, on 08/13/2008, -14/+92This article was very easy to masturbate to.
- Andrewbot, on 08/13/2008, -2/+77Masturbatio strikes again!
- doublebummer, on 08/13/2008, -12/+84"Now there's something a woman never forgets. You're getting busy with your husband's brother, he splooges on the ground, and promptly gets slain by the LORD. Talk about awkward."
- shitforbrains, on 08/13/2008, -11/+83For all the people that think Harry Potter will corrupt their little brats mind, what the hell do they think these stories are doing to them? I remember the images I got in my head when I read all of these passages as a kid, we were encouraged to read the whole Bible from cover to cover. The first time I read it through I was 13 and that is of course when I started to see the light that made me the wholesome atheist I proudly am today.
- Hetman, on 08/13/2008, -6/+72It is anal. But the real question is did he go ass to mouth?
- doublebummer, on 08/13/2008, -2/+67I'm "Doing an Onan" right now!
- TedTschopp, on 08/13/2008, -2/+61I'm actually surprised they didn't put the whole part in about the Hosea who was told to go buy a prostitute and marry her and have kids as object lessons.
Hosea 1:2 - 3
When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.” So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.
http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Hosea&src=esv.o ... - Eezyville, on 08/13/2008, -0/+59the word "Whoredom" put a great big smile on my face. :]
- zephyear, on 08/13/2008, -13/+69the old testament is like one of the most ***** up pieces of literature out there
i mean *****, incest, prostitutes, hyperviolence, one dick of a god who kills pretty much everyone horribly and even ***** with one guy horribly but doesn't kill to make his faith in him stronger
people want to teach this stuff to their kids? sick bastards - enotswhat, on 08/13/2008, -4/+58lol @ using cracked.com as a beacon of hope that culture is moving away from religious BS
- toekneebullard, on 08/13/2008, -1/+50Actually, "bowels" used to be like "heart" is today.
Like, "I love you from the bottom of the heart." Just a different, weirder body part. - bluepill2, on 08/13/2008, -3/+52Biblical Shocker.
- TedTschopp, on 08/13/2008, -3/+51"sheep mentality"
Funny thing is that's what Jesus calls his people as well...
I'd choose a different metaphore. - Tbab, on 08/13/2008, -2/+49"Here's a challenge: see if you can envision any possible metaphor for 5:4, 'My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him'."
In the old days, bowels were the seat of emotions, much like heart is for us today ("You stole my heart", "She is heartbroken", etc). It makes more sense when you know that. - 5xSTUN, on 08/13/2008, -10/+51This explains why all these Bibles I keep finding in hotel rooms have the pages stuck together. Yuck.
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -22/+61What about the one where Mary was impregnated by God and gave birth to his child, who is also God?
- Spamkeg, on 08/13/2008, -0/+35Dear Diary: Jackpot!!
- davdev, on 08/13/2008, -5/+39You can't really be that stupid can you? Really? Find me anyone who thinks a lizard laid an egg with a bird in it, and you may find the only person on the planet dumber than you.
Please before trying to discredit something you clearly don't understand, do a little homework. - inactive, on 08/13/2008, -1/+34what does Neo's girlfriend have to do with this hahahaha
- aserer511, on 08/13/2008, -2/+35so at 16 or 17, incest is ok?
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -1/+33Whoredom is quite epic...damn whoredom.com, taken.
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -1/+323. Ensure there will always be guests on the Jerry Springer Show.
- f4nt0m4s, on 08/13/2008, -5/+35This is why I pray every night...if you know what I mean.
- TheKillDoctor, on 08/13/2008, -2/+32Mary was raped by the holy spirit (god).
- Eezyville, on 08/13/2008, -2/+31Dude there could be some serious money in that! Go for it!
- lisaawesome, on 08/13/2008, -1/+30The church I was forced to attend as a child seems to have left this gem out of our weekly studies. I probably would've liked it a lot more if we discussed this verse in sunday school.
- jwoelmer2, on 08/13/2008, -5/+33eh I'm a Christian and I don't find it offensive at all. It's part of human nature, after all, to have sex. I've read all these verses, and there's nothing surprising in them.
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -14/+42Ah, the old "metaphor" defense. So we can assume that Adam & Eve, The Flood and most of the other assorted ***** are metaphors also?
- Eezyville, on 08/13/2008, -10/+37Then why do Christians censor sex and call it evil?
- freezerburn666, on 08/13/2008, -5/+32you've got to be joking..
- inactive, on 08/13/2008, -2/+29You know, the Bible should carry a "warning" sticker from Parental Rights groups, advising parents about the sick and illicit content it contains.
Has anyone read the violence in the Bible?
Gay-bashing, daughter-selling, animal-burning, sinner-stoning... It is delightfully evil and violent! -
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