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The 5 Creepiest Death Rituals From Around the World
cracked.com — Let's face it, there isn't a non-creepy way to deal with a dead body. We fill it with chemicals and bury it, or burn it. But as unpleasant as that business is, some cultures have taken body disposal to a whole, new, terrifying level.
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- Fhwqhgads, on 07/25/2008, -4/+73They can do any of this ***** to me as long as they make sure I'm completely dead.
- Tomchei, on 07/26/2008, -0/+27I guess you didn't read the self mummification ritual.
- RaulMuadDib, on 07/26/2008, -0/+6I think if you weren't dead, you will be... or wish you were
- alwilson, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1"...not only really dead, [you're] truly most sincerely dead"
- tech42er, on 07/26/2008, -4/+2You didn't RTFA did you? But who can blame you, when ***** Cracked spreads a FIVE ITEM list over TWO PAGES?!
- je12u, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1Fact: Miracle Max was able to bring Wesley back because he was still only half-dead
- dvt891, on 07/25/2008, -15/+4Man, I wish I had some of that explosive diarrhea tea...
- bananahh, on 07/25/2008, -12/+0just ok
- FlyCO, on 07/25/2008, -16/+3"Self-mummification was practiced until the late 1800s in Japan, by people who thought being a mummy looked so awesome they couldn't wait until actual death to be one."
- Accolade1, on 07/26/2008, -0/+6Redundant much? Most people RTFA and don't need to read a quote like this..
- randomdave, on 07/25/2008, -4/+23Buddhist Self MummifAHHHHHHHHHHH!
- kristenmunson, on 07/25/2008, -10/+4I don't get it. Why waste so much time and energy on someone who is dead? Weird!
- Fhwqhgads, on 07/25/2008, -5/+2Well, these are weird people.
- Tyrghast, on 07/26/2008, -1/+12Tell that to a necrophiliac.
- Accolade1, on 07/26/2008, -4/+2"You mean she's dead? I just thought she was still!"
- cathpah, on 07/26/2008, -0/+8well a lot of people in "traditional" western culture spend just as much, if not more, time and energy on mourning people who are dead. It's not necessarily that different....just a way to achieve closure on the death.
- senatorpjt, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1The Tibetan one actually sort of makes sense. You do have to dispose of dead bodies somehow for sanitary reasons, sounds like cutting them up and feeding them to birds is just a way of doing that.
- mataeka, on 07/29/2008, -0/+0to be honest the only one that creeps me out was the mourning widows one.
They were the only ones who didnt really have a choice ... Buddist monks did it to themselves, and the rest were already dead anyway so *shrugs*
- SarahSue, on 07/25/2008, -1/+41dugg for explaning the rituals with the opening "dear god, why?" really no better way to put it..
- prompel, on 07/25/2008, -10/+1With the rising prices of food, I bet there's another ritual coming ...
- d1gp1g, on 07/26/2008, -1/+4Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!!
- Tophillious, on 07/25/2008, -4/+9I agree that the body is just a vessel. It's not the same thing as what the person was >.>
- Llanowar, on 07/26/2008, -0/+4It's still better than a blow up doll though.
Nevermind that... I think I said too much.
- Llanowar, on 07/26/2008, -0/+4It's still better than a blow up doll though.
- wutwutinthe, on 07/25/2008, -6/+0Pretty creepy....
- TimFrost, on 07/25/2008, -0/+71I can't be the only person here thinking a space burial would be incredibly awesome...
- Accolade1, on 07/26/2008, -0/+18I don't know what's better: having your ashes launched into space or having them return and burn on the returning free fall. Both are equally satisfying.
- shadowblade989, on 07/26/2008, -0/+6I'd rather have my corpse strapped to the outside of a craft and cremated upon atmosphere exit.
- senatorpjt, on 07/26/2008, -0/+2You have to be cremated though. I think it would be cool if they'd take your whole corpse and just shoot it out of a cannon in space, that way your body is floating around in one piece. It would probably also be well preserved because there's no air to cause oxidation or bacteria to rot it out, and it's really cold. Plus, maybe if your body winds up crashing into some planet, something inside it might survive, and you could end up populating a planet with whatever bacteria were in your ass when you died.
- Veni_Vidi_Vici, on 07/25/2008, -0/+12What a fitting end for the man who invented Star Trek. I salute you yet again sir.
- dngermouse, on 07/25/2008, -1/+30"First we've got to get all of the fat off of your body. They did this by changing their diet to just nuts and seeds. The priest could eat nothing else for 1,000 days."
That's ***** sinister.- cathpah, on 07/26/2008, -0/+18sounds like the south beach/atkins diet to me!
- Accolade1, on 07/26/2008, -0/+10Talk about dry mouth..
- diggonit, on 07/26/2008, -1/+12Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, nothing but nuts and seeds eh? I think we have a potential porn title there. I can't wait for Nothing But Nuts and Seeds 12.
- merripen, on 07/26/2008, -0/+42I think visiting a giant plot of land that's filled with rotted skeletons inside expensive boxes is a pretty freakin weird method of remembering loved ones. But hey, perhaps these all made sense in their respective cultures and time periods.
- Laserdragon, on 07/26/2008, -1/+7I don't know - I think our way is kind of cool. Because someday the plot will be forgotten, life will go on,,, then one day they'll "discover" us as an ancient burial site. Then they'll be like "what were the lives of these mysterious ancient people like? See it tonight on the History Channel" We'll be Famous post mortem for being ancient dead.
Or else we'll become freakin' Zomibies! BRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINs!- merripen, on 07/27/2008, -0/+2I have to admit - I like everything you've said here.
- Laserdragon, on 07/26/2008, -1/+7I don't know - I think our way is kind of cool. Because someday the plot will be forgotten, life will go on,,, then one day they'll "discover" us as an ancient burial site. Then they'll be like "what were the lives of these mysterious ancient people like? See it tonight on the History Channel" We'll be Famous post mortem for being ancient dead.
- sk8away212, on 07/26/2008, -11/+1@_@ no comment
- PabloMac, on 07/26/2008, -1/+7@_@ no reply to your comment.
- stinkingfish, on 07/26/2008, -1/+0Q_Q are these supposed to be smillies.
- PabloMac, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1Smillies? Smilies.
- PabloMac, on 07/26/2008, -1/+7@_@ no reply to your comment.
- lilsharkhunter, on 07/26/2008, -1/+3Honestly, being launched into space is like saying: Earth doesn't want you here if even you're dead. How do pay homage to him? With a telescope?
- uggidi, on 07/26/2008, -0/+5I was going to post about Sati even before I looked at the article. It was a horrible practice. It didn't seem to exist before 4th century, but somehow found it's way into Hinduism/India later.
- Qtip42, on 07/26/2008, -0/+19I've always been into the space burial thing. Except that I dont want to go into space already cremated. I want my lifeless body inside a coffin and launched into deep space. And I want to be aimed at a black hole.
- zoltan3887, on 07/26/2008, -1/+8Dude blasting off into space would be badass, I don't know what the big deal is about that...
- cathpah, on 07/26/2008, -0/+10i'd rather do that while still alive.
- thegrantman, on 07/26/2008, -6/+2I don't care what they do to me as long as they say "Man,that guy sure owed me a lot of money."
- j4ckdotcom, on 07/26/2008, -7/+2"...unless there was some ancient, burly fellow who could throw things really ***** high."
- LongShlong, on 07/26/2008, -2/+13How about dressing people up and putting makeup on them, etc. Then putting them in an expensive box and burying them (similar to what this comment will experience)? We should make it a habit of grinding up all dead bodies and mixing them in with the farm soil. We need that phosphorous!
- stinkingfish, on 07/26/2008, -3/+1pfft liquefy the dead and feed it too the poor. OR better yet make cars that run on dead bodies.
- Autodidaddict, on 07/26/2008, -1/+2If you think all funeral homes do is dress the dead up and put make up on, you should mosey on over to PBS Frontline and watch their online special about funeral homes. Basically, they modern day mummify us. Very creepy stuff.
- timberspine, on 07/26/2008, -0/+18the zoroastrians also have a variation of the sky burial ... except they don't cut up parts but leave the whole body up on the top of a tower for the vultures to eat.
in densely populated and polluted cities like bombay, vultures are getting rare ... so now its mostly crows who feast on these bodies ... and they are sloppy eaters too; dropping human entrails on streets and people's homes... *shudders*- cannarymburns, on 07/26/2008, -0/+5yikes, i read it as crowds at first. lets feast on uncle ben!
- timberspine, on 07/26/2008, -1/+0lol
- akermani, on 07/26/2008, -0/+2no one does that ***** anymore. we say some prayers and burry the mother *****
- cannarymburns, on 07/26/2008, -0/+5yikes, i read it as crowds at first. lets feast on uncle ben!
- ashwinmudigonda, on 07/26/2008, -0/+5Add to that, the Parsi Tower of Silence. At least Sati is ancient history. Parsi burial is common in most big Indian cities. Even though they were built miles from city limits, currently, most city limits have engulfed this morbid place. It it a creepy place to be and the added mystery of it being guarded and non-Parsis strictly not allowed add an air of mystery:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Towers_of_Silence - MetalGear7, on 07/26/2008, -6/+4So people just stay on Cracked.com every hour until a new article appears and then they post it here?
- sbaysem, on 07/26/2008, -5/+0these rituals gives me the goosebumps and the shivers...
- SierraAlpha, on 07/26/2008, -0/+3The Sutee was just wrong, that's the sickest thing ever.
- jodokast, on 07/26/2008, -0/+10What about the Fore tribe. The corpses would be dismembered and eaten by the dead person's relatives.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fore_%28people%29 - ksisk44, on 07/26/2008, -2/+3Not so much creepy as they were weird.
But I guess this is just weird to us because we're not accustom to it.. just like some of those cultures wouldn't be accustom to something like Golden Showers, or Rusty Trombones.
Well then again.. maybe they are.. - strykefive, on 07/26/2008, -8/+1Great lets start judging other cultures by way of a horrid article.
Buried. - daliminator, on 07/26/2008, -0/+5I think ritual cannibalism is creepier - like the kind practiced by the Fore of Papua New Guinea. They used to eat brain/organ "soup" out of skulls and eat their dead relatives at funeral ceremonies. They ended up getting Kuru (related to Mad Cow) from it so they stopped doing it as much, but it's still creepy as hell.
http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/s938896.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fore_(people) - saikyan, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1Waste of parts these days. Use them parts!
- extersee, on 07/26/2008, -1/+1Go Buddhist?
- acidity, on 07/26/2008, -1/+2Buried for using wrong version of Sati. Its "SATI" not "SUTEE"!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suttee- openyoureyes17, on 07/26/2008, -0/+4It's "it's" not its.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ITS- acidity, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1I digg you up :)
- openyoureyes17, on 07/26/2008, -0/+4It's "it's" not its.
- stinkingfish, on 07/26/2008, -1/+5Buddhist are hardcore! If they are not mummifying them self, they are hacking up their friends bodies.
- Inaktivist, on 07/26/2008, -0/+13I'm having myself taxidermed into a hilarious position. My top choice was fighting off a pack of rabid wolverines with a mace in one hand and a katana in the other.
- oilcan, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1this is the best idea the world has ever heard. bravo, good sir!
- f4nt0m4s, on 07/26/2008, -1/+8"We can thank the Buddhists for this one as well. Tibetan Sky Burial is a form of human dissection practiced in Delaware. No, we're kidding. It's from Tibet."
I love the writers from Cracked. - alwilson, on 07/26/2008, -0/+17When I asked my ex-girlfriend if she planned to be cremated or buried upon her death, she responded that she wanted to be buried because of the rapture. She thought that when Jesus returned to the earth it would be nice to have a body to inhabit. I looked at her and said, "oh you mean become a zombie?" I don't know why, but she didn't laugh. And we broke up shortly after that.
- Regulator980, on 07/26/2008, -0/+3"I looked at her and said, 'oh you mean become a zombie?' I don't know why, but she didn't laugh. And we broke up shortly after that."
It was totally worth it. :)
- Regulator980, on 07/26/2008, -0/+3"I looked at her and said, 'oh you mean become a zombie?' I don't know why, but she didn't laugh. And we broke up shortly after that."
- DeusNova, on 07/26/2008, -2/+3Thank you crack.com for making deciding where I want my body to go after I die! (space)
- mozert, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1Marvelously written! Oh wait, forget what I said, it is cracked.com.
- reaperhatch, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1after reading this it appears to me as if it is people's egos that cause them to do this. As if dying a certain way is going to make you cool. If I see one of those mummies I am going to throw a large rock at it. WHat now?
- BluFire, on 07/26/2008, -1/+0For the space burial we should instead of bodies, put trash.
Then send to the sun.
Thats solves our trash problem
To solve the dead bodies, just use the old dumps.
But clean it for some respect - m4csrgh3yk3v, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1One of the New Guinea Papuan tribes has the custom of taking out its grandparents, when they have become to old to be of any use to the tribe, and tying each of them loosely in the branches of a tree. The populace will then form a ring round the tree and indulge in an elaborate dance, which has some affinity with the traditional Maypole dance. As they dance, they cry out in chorus a refrain which has a somewhat sinister double-barrelled meaning: ‘The Fruit is Ripe! The Fruit is Ripe!’ Then, having repeated this cry, they close in upon the tree and violently shake its branches, so that the old men and women come hurtling to the ground below, there to be seized and devoured by the younger members of the tribe.
A. P. Rice, in The American Antiquarian, vol. XXXII, 1910 - danielkempkens, on 07/26/2008, -1/+1What about the "Cremation of Care"?
- honeybrass, on 07/26/2008, -0/+0I was at one of those Tibetian sky burials in western China 2 year ago, Could easily be mistaken for a crime scene (the birds don't eat everything)
- iqbal55, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1good thing i ain't buddhist
- w33tz, on 07/26/2008, -0/+1Oh noes the birds are eating my alms.
- DavidGX, on 07/26/2008, -2/+1HAY DAWG I HERD U LIKE DIEING SO WE PUT A COFFIN IN YOUR COFFIN SO YOU CAN ROT WHILE U ROT....
Oh god... why... why is it down... - danielkempkens, on 07/26/2008, -2/+1Sheeple seem to be everywhere these days ... You're a NWO-Puppet, but at least you are something.
Btw. What happened to your Caps-Lock key? - Cordelia89, on 07/27/2008, -0/+0i've seen a video in my dying and death class before about the 3rd practice. How fascinating.
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