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131 Comments
- greenroom628, on 05/10/2009, -2/+108now, notice they mention nothing of zombies and the upcoming zombie horde.
- USBDongleGoblin, on 05/10/2009, -0/+87But who would go out of their way to write a paper "proving" that they could not exist except for the Vampires themselves...no, no i won't be fooled by these vampire tricks and tomfoolery.
- diggforworld, on 05/10/2009, -0/+56Someone better prove them wrong or my vampire avoiding equipment would go to waste!
- cherwilco, on 05/10/2009, -0/+51I always thought that vampires didn't all seek out to just "turn" everyone for the sole reason of keeping their food source around. also so they can hide better. pffft obviously these so called "physicists" couldn't be bothered to watch a vampire flick or two!
- nudedos, on 05/10/2009, -1/+49Don't tell teenage girls this.
- akindofblue, on 05/10/2009, -0/+33oh good thing that physicists are working on problems like this.
- Kenelm, on 05/10/2009, -0/+23Buffy. She's the reason why the undead population stays low.
- pookydirt, on 05/10/2009, -0/+22Good, now I can eat my garlic instead...
FTA:"Hooyah! Snower argues that the mortal world can manage its resources in a manner that keeps the undead population in check, while simultaneously promoting long-term economic growth:
A transfer of labor services from the widget sector to the stake sector reduces human welfare at present but may raise welfare in the future (since an increase in stake production reduces the vampire population and thereby increases the future labor force whereby future widgets may be produced)."
This whole article was a LMAOer! - aithk608, on 05/10/2009, -0/+22Swine Flu is just a government coverup of the impending zombie outbreak. I'd say this is almost a class 3...
- ryanonfire, on 05/10/2009, -2/+23I agree with the io9 comment "well thank god! someone scientifically proved that twilight kids should not exist. are we allowed to burn them now?"
- nonzzero, on 05/10/2009, -0/+20Yeah, these people assumed that everyone that is bitten is turned into a vampire, which isn't the case.
- tigerpixel, on 05/10/2009, -2/+22I wish they could prove that people who enjoyed Twilight don't deserve to exist.
- tmoney578, on 05/10/2009, -0/+17PLEASE tell me this means no more ***** Twilight books!
- Gudeldar, on 05/10/2009, -0/+17This paper was clearly written by vampires trying to to lull you into a false sense of security, don't ditch your stakes and holy water yet.
- ZhiZaki, on 05/10/2009, -2/+18Amen, until then I'm keeping my "In Case of Zombie Apocalypse" case.
- DewOfTheMountn, on 05/10/2009, -0/+15This is retarded,blade 3 the vampires had homeless people in comas to extract their blood and they were not killed.There goes their hours of scientific paper writing.
- GRVeee2, on 05/10/2009, -1/+15a part of me wishes it were true
- Kazbaeden, on 05/10/2009, -0/+14This is all based off two assumptions; that when a vampire feeds he does not kill his victim, and further that the victim turns into a vampire. I don't see why either of these are necessarily true. All this has proven is that these assumptions are indeed false.
- dty2010, on 05/10/2009, -1/+14Due to the fact that they glitter in the sunlight, I refuse to call the creatures from Twilight vampires.
- Vampire, on 05/10/2009, -0/+11*****.
- edru, on 05/10/2009, -0/+12Easy way to prove this guy wrong sadly is one of the blade movies. You dont kill your food, you just drink from them. Allow them to replenish blood, and feed from them again. Vampire bats don't drain their victim completely. They take enough to be full, and allow them to live another day.
- Terasiel, on 05/10/2009, -0/+12You know, if you go by World of Darkness rules, wherein Vampire's prey almost never die and don't suffer from vampirification from being bitten and the wounds are healed by the properties of the Vampire's bite itself, this kind of "study" wouldn't mean anything at all.
- GRVeee2, on 05/10/2009, -0/+12YOU"RE NOT HELPING!!!!
- bicyclethief, on 05/10/2009, -1/+13More vampire propaganda.
Vampire deniers. - stuffradio, on 05/10/2009, -0/+11Trixy hobbitses
- Crossmenjeff, on 05/10/2009, -0/+11per se
- tigerpixel, on 05/10/2009, -0/+10I'm married and you on the other hand love to read sudo-erotic teenage vampire novels.You fail at life.
- chessthecat, on 05/10/2009, -0/+9They're not having much luck figuring out how the universe works so they really needed this one.
- smotpoker, on 05/10/2009, -1/+10I was just going to say that. In most of the vampire books I've read (and a few of the movies), most vamps are pretty careful about who they recruit so as not to have some hapless idiots disclose their existence to humanity and put them on red alert
- TheAmazingDon, on 05/10/2009, -0/+9Everyone knows that vampires run the Red Cross, that's how they get their food supply.
- yocouchdigga, on 05/10/2009, -0/+8silly scientists, evil isn't bound by science - take a look at Michael Jackson!
- inactive, on 05/10/2009, -0/+7The thing is vampire's don't have to "turn" everyone they bite. I can think of a few movies where vampires consciously kill their victims after biting them to avoid this very problem.
- yehaww, on 05/10/2009, -1/+8an obvious spin piece written by a vampire
- redwolfwalker, on 05/10/2009, -0/+7It does seem that some movie Vampires feed on animals or from blood plasma banks, can't seem to remember any kind of study with the homosexual link with vampires you mentioned ,,,"not that there is anything wrong with that" to quote the old Seinfeld show.
- samsmartjr, on 05/10/2009, -0/+7One reason why vampires don't overpopulate is because they don't pass on vampirism through feeding off a mortal and killing them. They also have to perform a ritual to raise a mortal to vampirism, such as feeding the corpse some of their own blood to raise him. That is what keeps the vampire population low.
- Rogem002, on 05/10/2009, -0/+7I think this is a cover up.
Clearly the vampires trying to disprove themselves so people stop thinking they could exist and making annoying films about them. - edru, on 05/10/2009, -0/+7"the old seinfeld show" damn... now im feeling old.
- Stevanoski, on 05/10/2009, -2/+8Can't they feed on other mammals? Is there not a study that showed many of the themes of vampire movies are actually about homosexuals recruiting new advocates/members?
- edru, on 05/10/2009, -0/+6Thank you, I commented that exactly. You dont kill the host, you just feed from them.
- LethalGeek, on 05/10/2009, -0/+6If you have any teenage girls in auditory range, you know the basics of Twilight *wince*.
Anytime someone brings that nonsense up, all I say is "Sparkling ***** Vampires. End of discussion!" - ryanonfire, on 05/10/2009, -1/+6Pretty good paper: http://arxiv.org/PS_cache/physics/pdf/0608/0608059 ...
- julesbond007, on 05/10/2009, -0/+5Damn we can prove vampires don't exist, but we can't figure out Wall Street, poverty, etc. Who cares, no one cares about vampires, zombies, or dick cheneys...whatever you wanna call them.
- koanage, on 05/10/2009, -0/+5GET HIM
- edru, on 05/11/2009, -0/+5Youd have to drink the blood of a vampire. Not just get bit by one. They aren't zombies.
- STKD, on 05/10/2009, -0/+5You seem to know almost entirely too much about this Twilight phenomenon there. Hiding in plain sight? Hmm...
- MattBD, on 05/10/2009, -0/+5"In fact, all of these models rest upon the assumption that vampires are at the top of the undead food chain. Who says that the blood-sucking population is not kept in check by something that preys on vampires?"
The Slayer, perhaps? - philb0t5000, on 05/10/2009, -0/+4Well, if the Vampires are strict about their human consumption, they can keep the amount of ghouls and vampires pretty low. They could even breed their own humans to live off of, or find a way to create synthetic blood. As long as Vampires are strict about staying hidden and only preying on humans sparingly, there is no problem. For the humans they do prey on, they just need to dispose of them instead of letting them become a vampire. Cause car wrecks, kill humans who are hunting and would just be presumed lost or eating by bears or something. The person who wrote this did not take into account the possibility of Vampires actually being smart.
- Akairenn, on 05/10/2009, -1/+5"There are ***** of missing people each year. Could this not be caused by vampires?"
No, it can't be caused by vampires. Duh.
It's caused by Highlander-style immortals. - diggydougie, on 05/10/2009, -0/+4Hollywood ruined the vampire myth from the beginning by making them some sort of morbid sex thing. Before the vampire movies Dracula just murdered people.
I've never understood why a cold dead vampire would give a rat's ass about a sexy woman. I mean, do we give a crap whether the cow was cute when we eat a burger? Or for that matter if it was a cow or a bull? - diggdiggerid, on 05/10/2009, -0/+4please tell me this is meta-sarcasm
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