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- GreenDragon78, on 05/18/2009, -4/+1215Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed:
Zubaz Pants
Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream (Hardcover)
How to Live with a Huge Penis: Advice, Meditations, and Wisdom for Men Who Have Too Much (Paperback)
.....ROFL - ravedigger, on 05/18/2009, -4/+956I'm not going to lie, I love how the internet can take something as mundane as a t-shirt on Amazon and turn it into something awesome!
- zacbro, on 05/19/2009, -3/+684Who else gets the feeling that by the time everyone sees this in the morning it'll be filled with a bunch of really stupid reviews by people who aren't funny but want in on the joke anyway?
- aceakm, on 05/19/2009, -4/+620My daddy puts that shirt on when he beats me.
- Bobby1978, on 05/18/2009, -8/+506Aroused asthmatic breathing.
- corey407woc, on 05/18/2009, -6/+476When I finally received and wore this shirt, I grew 2 inches of chest hair. My biceps and triceps became instantly toned and my crotch area felt extremely tight.
- scecilio, on 05/18/2009, -2/+344Just read the first review from the "How to live with a Huge Penis" book:
You know, life isn't easy. I have to lug around a 25" penis and, quite bluntly, I need some advice on how to live life. People think my right leg has a weird growth on it. My lower back is always hurting. If I get aroused, my head spins and I pass out. It's a cornucopia of problems and people always laugh when, after being asked what the problem is, you respond with "I have a really massive wang".
You know, it's not always funny. It's painful.
I thought, maybe, Richard Richard Jacob and Owen Thomas were kindred spirits in my battle against excessive genitalism. But NO --- these two chuckleheads decide to make this whole book a comedy.
Now, admittedly, the humor is pretty funny here and there...but there is real pain here. You ever throw out your shoulder tossing your penis over your shoulder because you had to wear shorts? Does your massive wang cause whirlpools should you ever decide to skinny dip? You know what it's like to not be able to make love to your wife within the same ROOM as your wife?
It's not bloody lovely. That's what it's like.
It even makes work a bother. At every interview, I get asked to first, show my penis and then second, bang the receptionist. You know, I'm not a piece of meat. And all of the queries as to why I'm not doing porn get annoying. I TRIED doing porn once and accidentally smashed the camera when I was fully aroused and turned around too quickly.
...I also gave my leading lady a concussion, broke a window in the next room, and, well, impregnated 3 different women in a 5 block radius. It was a little mortifying.
People always say it's a blessing. Well, I'm not seeing it. When you have to lug around a wang that weighs more than a full grown Great Dane, then you can talk to me.
And, no, I didn't type this using my fingers. I CANNOT do that.
Life is so unfair sometimes. - freefalll, on 05/19/2009, -2/+335Not as good as this one: http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedicated-Link-C ...
"After I took delivery of my $500 Denon AKDL1 Cat-5 uber-cable, Al Gore was mysteriously drawn to my home, where he pronounced that Global Warming had been suspended in my vicinity.
Yes, I had perfect weather: no flooding, no tornadoes, the exact amount of rain necessary, and he pronounced sea levels exactly right and that they were not going to rise within five miles of my house.
Additionally, my cars began achieving 200 mpg and I didn't even need gasoline. I was able to put three grams of cat litter into the tank and drive forever.
What's more, the atmosphere inside my home became 93% oxygen and virtually no carbon dioxide. In fact, I now exhale oxygen.
One heck of a cable.
Didn't notice any improvement in audio quality though."
Some of the reviews are even more hilarious - dvsbastard, on 05/19/2009, -3/+301It's a nice shirt... But it's no Tuscan whole milk...
/For those new to the internets - Welcome!:
http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128 ... - cuevas4711, on 05/19/2009, -1/+283"You don't put this shirt on your torso you put it on your soul."
- inactive, on 05/19/2009, -1/+270this made me lol the most:
entitled: Pure Fabulousness
"I purchased this shirt with the intention of giving it to my father. I knew he would feel it was fabulous and wear it with proud distinction. What I did not anticipate was the compelling gaze of Wolf #3. Upon opening the package I was instantly enraptured by its eyes and knew without a moment's doubt that my father could not have this t-shirt. It had to be mine.
Fate mocked me, however, for the gift arrived on Father's Day and I had no choice but to give it to him.
The anguish I was forced to endure was beyond the most savage of torments Hell could bestow upon the lowliest of mortals. What choice was I given? I murdered my father in a fit of jealous rage.
I sometimes pay a prostitute to wear the t-shirt and visit me in prison just so I can look lovingly upon it. " - OneFreespirit, on 05/19/2009, -0/+239 The owner of the company actually answered the reviewers with his own review:
5.0 out of 5 stars It's all fun and games...., May 14, 2009
By The Mountain (Keene, NH) - See all my reviews
We appreciate humor as much as the next company, but we don't approve of some of the Classist remarks that are being generated here. Since we live in a relatively free society, this sometimes makes it easier to look past our own shortcomings and throw stones in glass houses.
The Mountain is a wholesale company and does not sell shirts on Amazon, so this viral assault went under our radar until the shirt made it into the top 10 in the amazon apparel section.
Some say: "Bad publicity is better than no publicity at all. We however disagree if it's at the expense of others in a Classist, Racist or Prejudice manner.
We are a New Hampshire company and some of the folks you ridicule are our neighbors, our friends and those that make our shirts, that are part of The Mountain family. They are the working class of America. Not everyone can start out at the top and not everyone from our neck of the woods lives in a trailer or cruises Walmart to hook up (though we do shop there for cheap Blue Rays).
We are inspired by our natural surrounding, nature, you can mock it, but please do us a favor and don't visit.
One of our favorite moments in the last few years was when Martin Margiela stole one of our shirt designs and repurposed it for his $1300-3000 per item line. Apparently we are cutting edge design...
You can see this story on LAtimes dot com around July 08. Search for: "Martin Margiela horse tee carries $1,395 price tag"
Please keep it clean some of the stories are pure genius and really made our month.
Feel free to submit your story/review to us and we'll pick the best and send the weekly winner a free 3 Wolf Moon Shirt!
In response to the one star post by Go Down, Moses:
By Go Down, Moses
So I got this wolf shirt because of, you know, the sweet wolves on it.
However, having owned this shirt for three weeks now and having tried it out in a variety of situations, both formal and informal, I'm beginning to believe that some of the benefits ---- as described by other reviewers ---- are exaggerated. For example, not ONE supermodel has approached me. Some of you may be used to having supermodels approach you on a regular basis but, believe me, I am not: I would notice one should she appear in my vicinity.
Similarly, I have not been invited to a vision quest, even though I wore my wolf shirt in New Mexico.
There is one thing, though, and that is that whenever I wear the wolf shirt I have a lot less issues with involuntary urination. I have not studied it long enough, however, to establish a cause/effect relationship.
Once, however, while wearing the wolf shirt I was mistaken for Schneider, the building superintendent on "One Day at a Time."
So I guess the jury is still out.
The Mountain says:
We at The Mountain do not guarantee that you will become a magnet for super models. There is no governing the fate of one man to secure the kindred love of a like-minded mate for life while baying at the moon on a warm Summer's night; to the man who wears not the 3 Wolf Moon and stumbles through life on a path of loneliness of one forgotten by the mortals he walks among.
To be asked upon a vision quest would require a more appropriate attire of which can be searched on Amazon. Something more along the lines of Flight of the Shaman or One Family are sure to gain you access to these ancient rituals performed by our country's true founders. To be part of the family you must have the ancient key and proper wardrobe.
We feel that your rating of 1 star is unwarranted as we make no claim to the hook-up as stated above nor do we guarantee a vision quest invite by wearing a wolf shirt. We will however take up the involuntary urine expulsion case and add it to our long list of Mountain shirt wearing miracles and try to file an NDA with the FDA because we are sure that this is a problem for many folks of your ripe old age.
If you find yourself in a position such as that again, we recommend removing the shirt from your torso and fashioning a diaper. The thickness of our shirts and the 100% cotton will prove a fantastic level of absorbability and for that we feel we deserve at least 3 stars from you.
Our Response to Jackie the Control Freak:
By Jackie2 (Ca) - See all my reviews
My 5 stars is for the hilarious reviews! My husband actually OWNED this shirt at one time and I have been trying for 20 years to get him out of his trailer trash clothes! We live in a very nice PAID for home with NO wheels and do just fine financially( I have all my teeth too :)BUT to look at my husband you's never believe it! Well, after reading the reviews to him, I think...FINALLY, after all these years, a light bulb went off. He's upstairs right now going through his closet! Not holding my breath...it'll take baby steps but the shirts are GOING! NOW, if we can just do something about the belt buckles and West Virginia cap...Whoa, I better slow down...baby steps....:) Thanks guys!!
The Mountain says:
Jackie, thanks for the 5 Stars but we are a bit offended by your response. It seems you want to change your husband into something he's not. Do you know how huge your balls have to be to wear one of our shirts. These are the shirts of legend. Who are you to judge your man's virility? We suppose that you have had him neutered as well, which is probably why he felt the need to wear a wolf shirt in the first place. No one neuters the wolf without losing a hand.
We are very concerned for your well being and your negative feelings about your fellow man in the trailer. It seems you may be a Classist which is a very ugly trait for any human. Not everyone has the ability to wear Louis Vuitton. One of our favorite moments in the last few years was when Martin Margiela stole one of our shirt designs and repurposed it for his $1300-3000 per item line. Who's slumming now?
Best Wishes to your Husband.
Please let him know if he ever feels the need to get back to his roots that we'll be here for him.
The Mountain - TheBadWolf, on 05/19/2009, -3/+226Even the 1 star reviews are great.
"After reading the reviews i ordered a dozen of these hoping to either bring my wife back from the dead or at the very least meet the wolf god who took her." - Needles13, on 05/19/2009, -1/+181Just like Digg submissions
- vtbarrera, on 05/19/2009, -12/+178How did only 1,423 of 1,437 people find this review helpful?
"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."
This is probably the most useful Amazon product review of all time. - OneFreespirit, on 05/19/2009, -0/+160You need to write a review.
- iamnerp, on 05/19/2009, -4/+136wrong
"I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God." - freefalll, on 05/19/2009, -0/+126I have some extra, here " "
Beautifully random review:
"The second that these 3 Wolves touched my chest I benchpressed 5 meth labs and wrote an essay about moonlight. When I wear this shirt as pants I can run to Canada in only 42 days." - 8FoldPath, on 05/19/2009, -1/+127I am not worthy of such a treasure.
- Hedison, on 05/18/2009, -2/+99It's about going viral. Who knows why it happens
- uclaith, on 05/19/2009, -5/+99clearly a remake of this classic, the original wolf shirt..... the reviews for this one are classics
http://www.birkoph.com/Wolf_tshirt.htm - TurdFaceManLove, on 05/19/2009, -0/+94It's already happened...
"Of the shirt I can say only this: When I wore it, I was able to kick Chuck Norris in the apple sack. "
/sigh - masudnets, on 05/18/2009, -0/+92"I put my poly-blend cotton armor of awesomeness in my closet the other day and it sexually & violently abused all my other t-shirts!"
- kyleabcd, on 05/19/2009, -2/+85I'm not even joking my grandpa has this shirt and will wear it for 4-5 days before switching shirts.
- blaydcor, on 05/19/2009, -1/+79If you were allowed to give one 6-star rating once in your life on Amazon, I would obviously give it to this shirt
- commentposted, on 05/19/2009, -1/+78The part about the courtesy scooter was really where the plot thickened.
- inactive, on 05/19/2009, -1/+74But it is awesome!
- FreckleEars, on 05/19/2009, -0/+72But it was a magical beating... right?
- blaydcor, on 05/19/2009, -5/+76What??!! No way, I don't believe you, you cynical ***** *****
- Xcrion, on 05/19/2009, -1/+71And why didn't you post the more hilarious?!
- inactive, on 05/19/2009, -41/+110God love /b/
- freefalll, on 05/19/2009, -0/+63Fair enough, a shorter one and a very long one:
"I installed one of these cables between my gigabit ethernet switch and my Canon Pixma 6700 color printer. I know it's not a sanctioned use, but I was looking for the ultimate in speed and color fidelity. I'm freaky that way.
The first time I downloaded a picture to the printer over this cable, the bits moved so fast the printer collapsed into a naked singularity, right there in my office.
Since then, I can't find the cat, and my entire set of VAX/VMS 4.7 documentation (DEC Will Rise Again!) (Mmmmm, orangey!) has gone missing.
Please, for the love of God, please, do not use these cables! The very existence of Earth may depend on your decision!
UPDATE: I mean, can you imagine *two* naked singularities, one male, one female, on the Howard Stern show? Not even a loving God could excuse this!"
Long one (not the funniest but very elaborate):
"OMG OMG OMG - those are the only three letters on my keyboard I will ever need to use in my life from now on: I have seen the future, and that future is DENON AKDL1!
I received three of these cables in the mail without warning - I came home and they were just sitting on my front step. I never ordered these cables, so I wasn't sure what was going on. I brought them in the house and set them aside while I checked my Amazon account. Surely enough, it had seemed that someone purchased these cables four days prior, using my account. At first I thought it might be fraud, but if so, why were the cables shipped to my house and not somewhere else? So the only other explanation that made sense to me was that maybe Amazon got my account mixed up with some other purchase.
I was in the middle of sending an email to Amazon about this mix-up, when my laptop network cable went dead! I pulled an AKDL1 out of the package and hooked it up between my laptop and router. ALL I CAN SAY IS OMG. I didn't follow the directional markings on the cable. After all, ethernet cable is bidirectional, no? I didn't think it mattered which end I plugged into the laptop. I WAS SO VERY WRONG.
To make a long story short, it appears that IF YOU HOOK UP THESE CABLES BACKWARDS, THEY WILL SEND AND RECEIVE ETHERNET PACKETS INTO THE PAST. That's right! When the cable were hooked up backwards, every website I visited served content from four days in the past. Few examples: Windows Update tried to install old patches my system already had; visiting the WWW clock website showed the date from four days prior; my Amazon.com account didn't show the cable purchase I just mentioned above; all articles from digg and reddit were four days old; no email that I sent or received within the past four days was being displayed by my email host.
When I switched the cable to be connected properly, I started seeing current website content again. What the heck was going on? The only thing I can figure is that maybe the Denon cables pass electrons at faster than the speed of light, effectively causing them to travel backwards in time.
To see if this was really the case, I switched the cables back again so that they would serve content from the past, and I logged into Amazon and purchased three of these cables. When I received a tracking number from Amazon, I compared it to the tracking number on the package I received, and they were identical! So it turns out that I had been the one who originally sent myself the cables, only I hadn't known it because some weird sort of causality loop caused a time irregularity to spontaneously form. I wonder if this causality loop was somehow caused by someone else who had also hooked up the AKDL1 improperly.
Anyways, I love these cables and plan to see what weird effects I can accomplish with three of them hooked up in random configurations. I'm going to try to download some diagrams of a flux capacitor to see if I can make something like that with these cables. I also am going to do a Google search to see if I can submit winning lottery numbers to online lottery sites four days in the past. If so, I should quickly be able to win up enough money to buy a few more of these cables. I'll report back on my progress by sending an email back to myself, telling me to edit this comment with the results.
[UPDATE: These cables do all that I hoped they would, and more. In fact, you better buy them while you can - I have enough money now to buy Denon and discontinue their production facilities. This cable is too powerful to be allowed to fall into the wrong hands.]
My overal opinion - if you have the choice between life-saving surgery or buying one of these cables, buy the cable! You'll be able to send yourself an email into the past to warn yourself about anything that's coming up. Also, you could probably send emails into the past whenever you get into arguments or whatnot with your significant other. That alone is well worth the exorbitant price!
[UPDATE: My apologies to Denon for calling their prices exorbitant. It seems that they too experienced time causality problems with these cables; they updated their website pricing from far in the future, when $500 is worth more like $25 of your present day currency, due to inflation. And as you can guess, my attempts to buy Denon were unsuccessful. They have more of these cables than I do, and were effectively able to out-strategize me.]" - TheBigBad, on 05/19/2009, -1/+59I have become extremely jaded over funny stuff on the internet. But every great once in a while you find a link to a little gem like this and it restores your faith in a random strangers ability to make you laugh until you piss your pants. Well played, wolf shirt reviewers. Well played indeed.
Oh and by the way, I ordered one. - inactive, on 05/19/2009, -0/+55WTF?
http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/5236/screenshot ... - powatom, on 05/18/2009, -5/+59Such finery I have never before witnessed!
- rantone9, on 05/19/2009, -0/+50and what does he do?
- Supernova36, on 05/19/2009, -0/+49Sales rank 25 in apparel. Good sales tactic..
- Lewie, on 05/19/2009, -0/+46I was hoping someone would post the original link! I'm surprised after 18 attempts this link never made it to the front page.
"OMG says...
This shirt cured my Aids!
Admin@everythingwolf says...
There is no way our shirt cured aids." - gttim, on 05/19/2009, -1/+46Who's your daddy?
- malcolmlo, on 05/19/2009, -2/+46Funny thing is. If enough internet geeks like us read these reviews, anyone legitimately wearing the shirt might think it has powers.
Digg user: "Hey man, i LOVE your shirt. You know it has powers right?"
Joe Dirt: "Uhhh...wheylp, i dun been told that." - jakeblat, on 05/19/2009, -0/+44I thought this was the best review:
http://www.amazon.com/review/RXXPVOUH9NLL3/ref=cm_ ... - AFHeretic, on 05/19/2009, -2/+46Wolf Shirt+ Zubaz pants = WIN
- CanIGetAWitness, on 05/19/2009, -1/+43Ok, I like The Mountain owners replies, but this got the biggest lol considering their points...
"(though we do shop there for cheap Blue Rays)."
Who is with me? - Shiftgood, on 05/19/2009, -9/+50ugh. The most glorious story to hit the front page of digg in 36 years and you give us a copy paste for first comment?
ill see you in hell. - IamNomad, on 05/19/2009, -5/+45I think someone just got a couple hundred more sales
- HallenbeckJoe, on 05/19/2009, -0/+38Martin Margiela horse tee carries $1,395 price tag:
http://www.latimes.com/features/lifestyle/la-igw-c ... - khalid066, on 05/19/2009, -0/+37
"I have now reached new levels of godhood. In fact, this computer isn't even connected to the internet, I am posting this with my sheer will".
- groberts1980, on 05/19/2009, -1/+37Yep, that review showed up this morning. Why can't people just read something and enjoy it without feeling like they have to get in on it?
- STARTSOMETHING, on 05/19/2009, -0/+36Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"
"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."
That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.
Classic! - malcolmlo, on 05/19/2009, -1/+37"Though I generally consider myself to be of above average masculinity, I proved to be unworthy of wearing this shirt. As many of you have noted, this shirt does have some special powers. However, the powers you have been enjoying (or lamenting) are not a result, but rather a side effect of the true purpose of the shirt. The shirt actually represents a challenge to the Wolf God. Under specific circumstances the shirt unleashes the challenge and calls a mighty thunderstorm driven forth from some vast transcendent reality incomprehensible to most mortals. Upon the greatest thunder cloud rides the Wolf God Fenrisúlfr, flanked by Sköll and Hati Hróðvitn (these are the three shown on the shirt).
As far as the specific set of circumstances that initiated this challenge, I must admit ignorance. I certainly was not doing anything that is out of the ordinary. I was perched atop my trailer enjoying a post-coital menthol cig when REO Speedwagon's Riding the Storm Out came on my Walkman. Predictably, the moon was full and I was wearing my brand new wolf shirt. Though all of my actions described hitherto are practically quotidian for men of my quality, I will say that something did seem slightly out of the ordinary. As I dismounted the metallic roof to my home, leaving my sister alone to ponder what exactly I meant by "benign rash", a great gust of wind nearly pulled me from my feet. Though such winds normally indicate the approach of yet another tornado, I was not afraid, I knew my wolf shirt protected me from such petty threats. I then heard a siren. At first I thought that it bellowed a warning of the approaching storm, but then I realized that it was actually the opening to a live version of Riding the Storm Out. The sound came from the nebulous mass of thunderclouds approaching with unnatural swiftness.
Seated atop these clouds were the three Wolf Gods whom I had accidentally summoned. Fenrisúlfr spoke to me in a voice that was half roar half echo and said that my challenge was accepted. All three howled in unison and I found myself joining in. I don't remember anything after that. I woke up and realized I was naked, alone and covered with the blood of infants. Now I spend my life wandering aimlessly, adrift in an incomprehensible sea of internal anguish and palpable existential angst. There is a hole in my heart that can not be filled with any amount of methamphetamine (believe me I have tried), and the mocking reality that is my desire for my lost shirt will haunt me till my dying day.
So I caution you friends, do not wear the shirt unless you intend to face Fenrisúlfr and can endure the torment, the walking death that is life without the shirt." -
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