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Man Kidnapped, Forced to Chug Beer, Freed

asylum.com — A man in Utah told authorities he had been kidnapped, tied up, force-fed two beers and dumped by the side of the road over the weekend.

Who dugg this? Made popular Jul 16, 2009

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130 Comments

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  • TimtheTaxMan, on 07/16/2009, -2/+194Let me guess…he a Mormon who didn’t want to tell his family that we was out partying and this is the story he came up with.
  • artfiend77, on 07/16/2009, -2/+187I hope they find the ***** who did this and force them to party. Disgusting.
  • morefrommoe, on 07/16/2009, -0/+82somehow i could imagine a worse kidnapping...
  • badenglishihave, on 07/16/2009, -0/+58Probably not far from the truth. Being kidnapped and force-fed beer is the only legal way to consume alcohol in Utah.
  • MacEnvy, on 07/16/2009, -0/+36That was my first thought as well.

    "Oh sweetie it was awful - they kidnapped me, FORCED me to drink 2 whole beers, and then let me go. Then they put lipstick on my collar and sprayed me with cheap hooker cologne!"
  • inactive, on 07/16/2009, -1/+36I'm drinking Natty Light. You can force-feed me any two beers. I can safely say they can't be worse.
  • Kral, on 07/16/2009, -1/+34Or more likely there were no kidnappers, he drank some beer, and came up with this excuse for it.
  • avataros, on 07/16/2009, -1/+33Is that how they do frat pledges in Utah?
  • Sequoiathrone, on 07/16/2009, -0/+32...And he was pissed at this becaaause?
  • chopeh, on 07/16/2009, -0/+29Pffft. This happens to me all the time.
  • wdw25, on 07/16/2009, -0/+28That reminds me of those two college girls that would kipnap men, blow them, and then make them sandwiches. It's a sick ***** world we live in.
  • TimtheTaxMan, on 07/16/2009, -3/+25Of course, you're right, but I really think you need to find a better hobby than nitpicking grammar at 6:45 in the morning. I haven’t even had my coffee yet, therefore I am not responsible for my actions.
  • TimtheTaxMan, on 07/16/2009, -0/+21@beat

    I don't think global before coffee.
  • wejmahtin, on 07/16/2009, -5/+25i'm giving more and more thought to becoming an evangelical atheist.
    "knock knock"
    "Hello?"
    "Yes, um.. do you really believe this *****?"
  • Superthug, on 07/16/2009, -0/+20Two hot chicks just walked into my work and handed me a paper saying it was a "free invitation" to something. I was like "alright free invitation". I looked at it and realized they were jahova witness inviting me to "learn how to survive the end of the world." Sneaky bitches.
  • wejmahtin, on 07/16/2009, -0/+18Don't knock it till you've tried it.
  • thatcat, on 07/16/2009, -0/+16Maybe they forced two Natty Lights upon him, I'd be pretty upset then too!
  • inactive, on 07/16/2009, -4/+19Mormons are not supposed to drink alcohol because they think it is a great sin. They even stay away from caffinated beverages! Perhaps the kidnappers thought it would be funny to force a Mormon to drink alcohol just for laughs! "lol!"
  • xXsteelcobraXx, on 07/16/2009, -0/+15This sounds like a Friday night to me.
  • bellisimo, on 07/16/2009, -2/+16Ah Utah...is there anything you can't do?
  • HardSide, on 07/16/2009, -0/+13Take me...
  • tgc1, on 07/16/2009, -0/+12Maybe it was light beer?
  • jerrykew, on 07/16/2009, -0/+12I which case, please enjoy this link

    http://www.break.com/index/door_to_door_atheists_b ...
  • beatbinky79, on 07/16/2009, -1/+13We don't know he's in your time zone.
  • dowelly, on 07/16/2009, -0/+11YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE!!!!
  • TimtheTaxMan, on 07/16/2009, -1/+11mmmm...It tastes like how wet dogs smell.
  • metallimus, on 07/16/2009, -0/+10That's not entirely true. Alcohol is forbidden within the confines of what is known as The Word of Wisdom (which also excludes hot drinks: coffee, tea, etc., excessive amounts of red meat, and eventually narcotics were added as well). While the WOW was originally just a suggestion of healthy and wise living, it became a commandment. Caffeinated drinks, however, are not specifically included as restricted. A lot of Mormons started abstaining from caffeinated sodas, and then turned it into a tradition of abstinence to the point that many Mormons feel it is part of the WOW. Sadly, that's the same behavior that turned the WOW into a commandment in the first place, i.e., perceived doctrine through tradition.

    At any rate, this story does sound awfully suspicious. I too tend to think the man just tried to concoct a story to excuse his behavior.
  • ratherbeinvegas, on 07/16/2009, -0/+10"I swear honey, thats what happened... well, they might have taken my debit card to withdraw money at a strip club as well."
  • buckyballs, on 07/16/2009, -3/+13If he's pissed after 2 cans of beer, then he really is a lightweight.
  • tito13kfm, on 07/16/2009, -3/+13"How about a vegan and feed him steak."

    I'd suggest shoving it directly up his mangina.
  • inactive, on 07/16/2009, -1/+10No one likes to drink alone. Perhaps the kidnappers just wanted some company?
  • DeadSkinMask, on 07/16/2009, -0/+9It started off as a simple excuse to the wife, and then got out of hand quickly...
  • moojuece, on 07/16/2009, -0/+9This is what I want for my birthday, I expect all of you to remember this.
  • NJank, on 07/16/2009, -0/+9glad to see you got those priorities straight.
  • IHaveIssues, on 07/16/2009, -0/+8Milwaukee's Best?
  • ripple123, on 07/16/2009, -1/+9party DOWN.
  • daschupa, on 07/16/2009, -0/+8And then *sob* and then they told me to eat *sob* Taco Bell, it was horrible!
  • BuckCynnie, on 07/16/2009, -0/+8Well, at least that is what I tell my wife.
  • SmilinChris, on 07/16/2009, -1/+8Party on Garth!
  • CTK14A, on 07/16/2009, -0/+7@Amlethus:
    "Wanna hear how I met your mother?"
  • vbullinger, on 07/16/2009, -1/+8That's entirely possible. There was a girl that went to a Mormon school in Utah (not sure which one, but probably BYU) that had sex with a couple of the football (?) players. When word got around, she claimed they raped her. Luckily, she came to her sense and told the truth when she realized she was about to ruin their lives.
  • DickyT83, on 07/16/2009, -0/+7Until you've had Burger Beer, that's not a safe assumption.
  • NJank, on 07/16/2009, -1/+8or be without humor you know
  • Amlethus, on 07/16/2009, -0/+7That sounds like some sort of bedtime story fathers would tell their sons.
  • bencefeher, on 07/16/2009, -0/+7"I don't think global before coffee." What a great line. I'm going to use that at work today :D Thanks!
  • LupeFiasco, on 07/16/2009, -0/+6DUFFMOBILE!
  • DemDude, on 07/16/2009, -1/+7Add a stripper and I'm game.
  • inactive, on 07/16/2009, -1/+7Keystone Light is worse. It tastes like if they took Natty Light and had random people from Colorado fart in it.
  • jason80, on 07/16/2009, -0/+62 beers is not partying.
  • MrZaiko, on 07/16/2009, -0/+5Sounds like a case of Bro-rape.
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