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In case of a terrorist attack... follow these hilarious signs

safenow.org — The Dept. of Homeland Security has released these signs to help you prepare for an attack. Now safenow.org has provided their own interpretation, hilarity ensued.

Who dugg this? Made popular Feb 13, 2007

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  • Zippo, on 10/12/2007, -4/+244If all else fails, escape to Canada. No one hates Canada. Hating Canada would be like hating toast.
  • ranalicious, on 10/12/2007, -26/+188that made me lol
  • dosle, on 10/12/2007, -7/+121......................................__.....................................................
    .............................,-~*`?lllllll`*~,............................................... .
    .......................,-~*`lllllllllllllllllllllllllll?`*-,................................. .
    ..................,-~*llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll*-,........................
    ...............,-*llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll....................
    .............;*`lllllllllllllllllllllllllll,-~*~-,llllllllllllllllllll......................
    ..............lllllllllllllllllllllllllll/.........;;;;llllllllllll,-`~-,..................
    ...............lllllllllllllllllllll,-*...........`~-~-,...(.(?`*,`,........................ .
    ................llllllllllll,-~*.....................)_-..*`*;..)..........................
    .................,-*`?,*`)............,-~*`~................/............................... .
    ..................|/.../.../~,......-~*,-~*`;................/..............................
    ................./.../.../.../..,-,..*~,.`*~*................*..............................
    ................|.../.../.../.*`..............................)....)?`~,.................... .
    ................|./.../..../.......)......,.)`*~-,............/....|..)...`~-,...............
    ..............././.../...,*`-,.....`-,...*`....,---........../...../..|.........?```*~-,,,,, .
    ...............(..........)`*~-,....`*`.,-~*.,-*......|.../..../.../........................
    ................*-,.......`*-,...`~,..``.,,,-*..........|.,*...,*...|.......................
    ...................*,.........`-,...)-,..............,-*`...,-*....(`-,.....................
    ......................f`-,.........`-,/...*-,___,,-~*....,-*......|...`-,...................
  • Anrkist, on 10/12/2007, -25/+117Good stuff.. but sadly, so old at this point.
  • rudy23, on 10/12/2007, -4/+71this one made me lol

    If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.
  • Zippo, on 10/12/2007, -1/+52It's kinda sad that so many people are terrified of the possibility of a terrorist attack, even when the chances of it actually happening are... next to none. Sure, 9/11 was horrific, but there's no real reason to live in fear of terrorists.

    In the last 20 years, 3,403 people have died in the US from terrorism. 9/11 accounted for 3,227 out of that 3,403. The other deathly attacks were the WTC bombing in 1993 (6 deaths), the Oklahoma City Bombing in 1995 (168 deaths), and the Centennial Olympic Park in 1996 (2 deaths).
    For comparison...
    In the US, over 40,000 people are killed as a result of motor vehicle collisions every year. 43,443 in 2005.
    16,692 Americans were murdered by other Americans in 2005.

    And people are worried about *terrorism*...
  • Maxpower57, on 10/12/2007, -5/+43love that Anti-terrorism whistle
  • Szandor, on 10/12/2007, -3/+39Yeah, that was, like, kinda the whole point of the site.
  • tuxthepenguin, on 10/12/2007, -1/+36Look they have coloring pages: http://www.ready.gov/kids/_downloads/coloringpages.pdf
    Who knew terrorism could be so much fun!
  • bobotheking, on 10/12/2007, -0/+33Damn, they changed the best one!

    "If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures."

    used to be:

    "If your building collapses, climb under your table and give yourself a blowjob."
  • kosmoX, on 10/12/2007, -6/+38Am I the only person that found this mildly entertaining....
  • inactive, on 10/12/2007, -7/+39ok, it has to be said:
    CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!!!!!
  • sjbdallas, on 10/12/2007, -1/+33Damn you Canada and your funny, round bacon!
  • iamdan1, on 10/12/2007, -2/+33I always thought my closet was a gate to hell, now at least I know what to do about it.
  • damonic, on 10/12/2007, -2/+33I want t-shirts of some of these.
  • RMD78, on 10/12/2007, -3/+32"Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now."

    You kidding me...how do you think you can get away from a dude who can crush pool balls with his bare hands and is, in actuality, a robot in disguise?
  • praisethelard, on 06/06/2008, -2/+30http://www.ready.gov/kids/_images/homepage/main.jpg
    That is the gayest cougar I've seen.
  • Muzz27, on 10/12/2007, -1/+27The Dept. of Homeland Security's programs are up there with the Civil Defense "duck and cover" garbage.
  • mrgreen4242, on 10/12/2007, -3/+27"I WOULD SHOOT MYSELF IF THAT WAS ON THERE."

    Well, *****. We were THAT close.
  • washcapsfan37, on 10/12/2007, -2/+22@Szandor

    Stop being such a tool. Or I'll get Vin Diesel to kick your ass.
  • dilbertmouse, on 10/12/2007, -1/+20@tidu: Are you perchance thinking of:
    http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/2086459/

    I'm not sure which one came first, but I enjoy mibi's version on deviantart. And as an added bonus, you can actually order the print!
  • APHughes, on 10/12/2007, -5/+22I love seeing forwards from 2002 on digg
  • SaxxonPike, on 10/12/2007, -4/+21"Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds."

    I think they're actually thinking of the best for this country. If you think about it, it would prevent the stupidest of our population from reproducing...
  • fooplex, on 10/12/2007, -1/+18This is true. I guess people have given up on worrying about murders, car crashes, heart disease, cancer, AIDS, the war on drugs etc.

    The US city I currently live in has a higher murder rate than most cities in Iraq right now. The US has a higher per capita imprisonment rate than any other country in the world, and in those prisons murder, rape and torture are unchecked due to politicians that only care about being 'tough on crime' whilst imprisoning the innocent.

    I'm not saying to stop worrying about terrorism and the Iraq war, but we need to put things in perspective. People are all gung-ho about being anti-war, yet they don't give a thought to the people living in prisons in their own towns who are being raped and tortured every day. Nobody cares about them. Nobody cares about drinking and driving which kills thousands of Americans every year. Nobody cares about the everyday stuff which impacts our lives far more than global warming, or any of the highly politicized problems that are popular on CNN and NBC news. The mainstream media is doing us all a grave disservice and you're all buying into it.

    Govt 'fear mongering' is the least of what you should be worried about.
  • popltree2, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15Obviously the cougar is a gay explorer.
  • Zippo, on 10/12/2007, -2/+13I'll correct myself with saying there have been a handful of other "terrorist" incidents in the US in the last 20 years... most of which either didn't kill anyone, killed one or two people, or were aimed at specific people (such as abortion doctors).
    The only major terrorist incident I failed to mention was the Anthrax stuff in 2001... that killed 5 people.

    Even with all that, terrorism still pales in comparison to murder and traffic accidents.
  • tidu, on 10/12/2007, -6/+17I definately remember a different version of these, because the "respiratory and digestive systems" one talked about standing akimbo...
  • PureGamer, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10"If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that."

    Best one.
  • mewhocorrupts, on 10/12/2007, -3/+13A little hostile, aren't we?
  • sparkles, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10Abusing the first comment to point out some plagiarism.

    This is the original. It's scary how many people just ganked the first page and took credit for it.

    http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46223
  • smackhero, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9in the case of really obscure and totally unlikely emergencies which would probably kill you if it ever happened regardless of the "safety guidelines"? yes, it is fearmongering.

    you're much more likely to die from a car accident or heart disease. they should just shutdown the homeland security agency and donate the funding to medical research.
  • AnonymousFan9, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9Apparently the kids from YouTube who comment with "LOL" or a funny line from the video/article have made it to Digg. Great.
  • LoopyChew, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9Obviously, Ready.gov kid's program designer has seen Kim Bauer in peril.
  • popltree2, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8Wait, he's a Transformer?
  • DDRSkata, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9I came in here expecting to say, "2002 called. They want their humor back." But this is still just as hilarious as it was then.
  • V1ncent, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8Better advice than the govt's actual site. I give it 3 out of 2 stars...
  • rauz, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7Could anyone point me to the actual pdf from where these signs were taken from? Some of the designs would make nice t-shirts...
  • inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7but that's completely falling short of what he actually is... a zombie, cougar, car, chameleon (of sorts) robot who can change internal pressurization on the go to enable things such as moonwalking... now how do you think you can get away from that?!?! o.O
  • evolcdc, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6I created an animation with a bit of a serious take on all of these icons...check it out at http://www.perpetualartmachine.com/index.php?option=com_gallery2&Itemid=50&g2_view=core.ShowItem&g2_itemId=9866
    created with aftereffects. you can also find it on google video and you tube under the title "Modern Times"
  • neom, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7I looked at this in class at college and started laughing, uncontrollably. :(
  • Fejerro, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6I may be a little late, but here's a website with the same signs and user-submitted punch lines.

    http://www.humormeonline.com/archives/totw/totw_120.html
  • SWiG, on 10/12/2007, -4/+9"hilarity ensued"

    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
  • xister, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5I am Jack's subtle anarchy...
  • counterstriker, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6"In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item." LMAO
  • popltree2, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5"Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood."
    Classic...
  • MemeWarrior, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5Furries are terrorists, we all knew this...
  • Zippo, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6@Gir53457
    It's called "mixed economy" toast, and it's what most of the world has, too. Our toast has publicly funded social programs and companies, as well as private corporations.
    Get with the program; your toast is burnt and expensive.
  • grape, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I'm in ur planet, *****' with ur nation.
  • ostracize, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5"If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that."

    If you see colors in the sky, you must have smoked some bad granola.
  • Underbyte, on 10/12/2007, -4/+7Where's the "Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye" sign?
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