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Greatest Police Car Escape Ever Made By Gay Porn Star

tastybooze.com — While handcuffed in the back of the moving car, Taleon smashed out the rear window by head-butting it. He then dove through the window and its steel frame, causing $1,800 in damage, Kunkel said. After landing on his face, Taleon rose to his feet still handcuffed, fled into a nearby pond, police said. “He swam across like Flipper".

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  • OldGrandma, on 02/29/2008, -29/+46I never gay porn was so awesome
    • SuperWinner, on 02/29/2008, -7/+19I refuse to believe that about you...
    • whymanwhy, on 02/29/2008, -2/+187apparently you are so flustered you can barely type
      • georgetds, on 02/29/2008, -2/+51Well, it usually takes both hands to type...
        edit: I can't believe I said that. Oh well.
        • MWeather, on 02/29/2008, -19/+4If it takes you two hands to type, you need more practice.
        • REsplin, on 02/29/2008, -3/+2would have been funnier without the edit
      • Lukesed, on 02/29/2008, -0/+25He just forgot his punctuation:
        "I never, gay porn was so awesome!"
    • smackafiyah, on 02/29/2008, -3/+10I'll...errr...will just step back.
    • ElectroOverlord, on 02/29/2008, -3/+6So I guess they are both bottoms?
    • dboy3587, on 02/29/2008, -7/+5^knew
    • elegantjihad, on 02/29/2008, -1/+14Old Grandma's getting a little horny and senile in these long years...
    • DemDude, on 02/29/2008, -2/+11Verbs are our friends!
    • raynar, on 02/29/2008, -1/+7Well, seeing as its the "Greatest Ever made by a gay porn star"...I'm going to assume there have been others?
    • cyclopropene, on 02/29/2008, -1/+10I never knew Chuck Norris was a porn star.
    • dicknuts, on 02/29/2008, -2/+10I watch gay porn all the time and it is just beautiful. Sure, it's lesbian gay porn but I have to say it's the best there is.
    • PixelMagic, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1Or sentence structure.
  • drewdown112, on 02/29/2008, -2/+169Wait... I can't tell if this is actually a real crime report or a plot for a gay porn flick...
    • sampanc, on 02/29/2008, -0/+26"He swam across like Flipper, taunting the officers saying, 'You'll never catch me,' " Kunkel said.

      That would make a good ending, that's for sure.
      • FasterGun, on 02/29/2008, -0/+35"Flustered, chief Richard "Big Dick" Slifer ripped off his general issue police garb and dove in pursuit, the cold water brushing against his well-toned chest."

        Er........
      • gcnaddict, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1"That would make a good ending, that's for sure."

        I think it would make a good beginning, actually.
      • XSVFizz, on 03/01/2008, -0/+1Escaping through "one big ass-pond"
    • zephyr42, on 02/29/2008, -0/+5After they get outa jail... it will probably become a flick as well.
    • EarlOfLade, on 02/29/2008, -0/+5Gay-porn documentary??? "Barebacking the beauty shops!"
    • davidrools, on 02/29/2008, -9/+5Well of course a gay porn star would go to desperate lengths to avoid prison rape...er wait...
      • Sinten, on 02/29/2008, -2/+21that's hilarious!

        gay men love getting raped because they like men, just like heterosexual women love being raped!

        idiot.
        • nogayskthx, on 02/29/2008, -6/+1you got it backwards. heterosexual men love being raped by women
          • Darkhacker, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4You would like being raped by a big fat 300 lbs woman? That's the analogy I make when people get some ass-backwards idea that gay men would love prison rape.
          • Memitim, on 03/01/2008, -0/+1I'd rather be sexually assaulted by a hot piece of ass, but I've banged fat chicks. I'd have to say that you'd have to get into flabby grandma territory before there'd be any sort of actually outrage, and even then I'd just be grossed out instead of violated. Sorry to disappoint but many of us guys just don't hold being involuntarily sexualized by a woman, although we completely understand when the roles are reversed and revile male rapists as much as you do.
    • PxCxG, on 02/29/2008, -0/+14So you're saying your very familiar with gay porn flick plots?
    • tillerman00, on 02/29/2008, -0/+13"Upon reaching the other side of the pond, the fugitive was promptly ***** by the deputy in charge."

      Hm, this only adds more controversy to the question you posed.
    • Gozchev, on 02/29/2008, -0/+10"Sir, I'm gonna need you to put your hands on the hood and spread your legs..."
  • ichchappycat, on 02/29/2008, -0/+73If it weren't linked to a respectable news source, I would say this has to be the work of The Onion, because nobody else could make this kind of stuff up...
    • rholland356, on 02/29/2008, -32/+3Well, actually, the cops probably made it up when they submitted their report. Why? Well, the water boarding and the beatings left the handcuffed guy drenched and bloodied, and the cops enjoyed the fun of smashing out a window on the patrol unit they've grown to hate.
      • screwzluse, on 02/29/2008, -6/+3Wow... Thank you for. No, seriously. Makes it easier to block people when they make stupid comments like this in unrelated topics.
        • MWeather, on 02/29/2008, -4/+8Yeah, police misconduct is almost unheard of, especially against minorities like gays.
        • rholland356, on 02/29/2008, -2/+0I don't find this report plausible. Of the millions who are handcuffed in the back of moving police cars each year, you might expect this type of thing to happen more often. Yet it does not.
          Now, there is not shortage of stories of cops beating handcuffed undesirables. Thus, this story is incredulous and respectable news report or not, it all goes back to what the cops wrote in their reports. Video or it didn't happen.
          Take it to mythbusters: can you break out of a cop car by smashing out the glass with your head? Can you swim handcuffed and fully clothed across a body of water? How can you fall from a moving vehicle, handcuffed, such that you are uninjured enough to run and swim?
          • csw1342, on 03/01/2008, -0/+1On crack?? Yes I can. Swimming with clothes on without using your arms is not that hard. Head through a window more than likely possible. Out of a moving vehicle, you just gotta roll. Adrenaline is awesome.
    • serif69, on 02/29/2008, -1/+7tastybooze.com is a respectable news source?
    • TaylorTAP, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4How about Philly.org? - Twin gay-porn stars arrested in rooftop burglaries
      http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/200802 ...
    • Kythas, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3Truth is always stranger than fiction.
  • lpmiller, on 02/29/2008, -1/+110And you thought action movie heroes were bad ass, they ain't got nothing on gay porn stars.
    • yfguitarist, on 02/29/2008, -2/+28This guy is a boner-fide badass.
    • Nougat, on 02/29/2008, -1/+39"Gay porn stars" and "bad ass" go hand in hand. Or hand in something.
  • davidamerland, on 02/29/2008, -3/+27Ok, this report just increased my faith in the ability of law enforcement to apprehend serious criminals and keep us all safe at night. I am glad taxpayers' dollars are being used to keep these cops agile, alert, buff and incredibly tough!
    • spyder91, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2I question the fact that a "Rooftop Burglary Task Force" actually exists... how many rooftop burglaries do they average a week?!
    • TheUngod, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2It's kinda funny that if they did make this into a porn flick, the cops would be buffer and more in shape than the real cops.
  • unusualbob, on 02/29/2008, -9/+72I love gay porn stars because they doesn't afraid of anything.
    • SuperWinner, on 02/29/2008, -4/+49I know one thing they does afraid of...
    • davidsmero, on 02/29/2008, -5/+8Do you know how i know you're gay?
      • srgtTarantula, on 02/29/2008, -3/+44From the rough anal sex last night? Or was it because I wanted to spoon afterwards?
      • blindmonkey, on 02/29/2008, -0/+8Because you are holding each other ever so gently.
      • H0tKarl, on 02/29/2008, -2/+8Your dick tastes like *****?
      • thebellmaster1x, on 02/29/2008, -0/+7Is it because you macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts?
      • SuperWinner, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2suit up buddy, yer going in.
    • eyefone, on 02/29/2008, -2/+17Taleon is a pretty cool guy eh does gay porn and escapes from police and doesnt afraid of anything
    • yfguitarist, on 02/29/2008, -3/+9This gay porn star is the ***** of the walk...I was a little scared when the cops came up the behind but he must've busted a nut making his escape. Now you know whenever you seemen like gay porn star to give him respect.
    • ayeroxor, on 02/29/2008, -4/+3They sure doesn't...?
    • JohnboiWaltune, on 02/29/2008, -13/+2If taking a shot of AIDS-sauce up the keister is just another day at the office for you, escaping from police custody probably doesn't seem that dangerous.
      • 1timeuser, on 03/01/2008, -1/+3holy crap, is it the 80s again?!
        • ayeroxor, on 03/03/2008, -0/+1No. If it were the 80's, AIDS would be a gay disease. Today, most people with AIDS are hetero.
  • nahsrocketeer75, on 02/29/2008, -4/+10Few of the facts buffed, too, maybe? I'm having a difficult time with the handcuffed swimming.
    • Tippis, on 02/29/2008, -2/+8Swimming without using your arms isn't particularly difficult.
      • uptwolait, on 02/29/2008, -1/+34Exactly. I did pretty well until I ran into that egg.
        • Tippis, on 02/29/2008, -1/+7True. Although, to be fair, you were a bit more... tail:y back then, and that always helps.
    • whymanwhy, on 02/29/2008, -10/+26Yeah, I know right? Blacks can't swim
      • VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -14/+2Oh if only I could digg you down one billion times into the bowels of hell. ***** racist.
        • FlagrantDrugUse, on 02/29/2008, -1/+9calm the ***** down, it was probably a joke. I'm don't consider myself a racist, but racial jokes of any kind are funny (I can't help it). I would love to hear some white people jokes if anyone has any.
          • GreyICE, on 02/29/2008, -2/+7Vanilla Ice.
          • pyro789x, on 02/29/2008, -2/+4I find that roughly 92% of "white people jokes" I hear aren't funny because the majority of them are thinly veiled insults and threats masquerading as jokes, while there actually are some genuinely innocuous, hilarious jokes about minorities.
        • adventchild08, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Agreed
      • raynar, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4If they could they wouldnt be in the US.
      • adventchild08, on 02/29/2008, -5/+1Go back to 4chan *****.
      • deejqu1k, on 02/29/2008, -2/+5Jesus calm down. If he had said Whites cant dance you wouldnt say *****. It is true relativley blacks are less apt to be proficient swimmers than other races. Also its funny.
        • VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -2/+3Yeah... it's funny just like "white men have tiny dicks" is funny.
      • H0tKarl, on 02/29/2008, -2/+2Actually could be true. The more muscle mass you have, the less bouyant you are, making it more difficult to swim. If you believe that blacks have more muscle mass, then it makes sense that they can't swim as well.
      • csw1342, on 03/01/2008, -0/+2Well, its true, don't know what all the fuss is about most black people in america do not swim and do not like large bodies of water. Or snow for that matter. Here nor there, its just like the fried chicken thing and watermelon, its funny cause its true. The way white kids do dumb ***** and get ***** up. Extreme sports . . .
    • dtr18c, on 02/29/2008, -7/+3The real question is what hasn't been up his ass?
    • heymike, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4I am having trouble with the $1,800 in damages from head-butting the door. How much to just replace the whole door: $500 for the stock door, another $500 to customize and weld in the cage, $250 for the steel and painting and I am still $550 short
      • Authustian, on 02/29/2008, -1/+8$550 ***** police tax... at least that's how i'd itemize it.
      • 4degrees, on 02/29/2008, -1/+1piggies gotta wet their beak too.
      • ccanni1028, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3The rear windshield and frame, not through the door.
    • PxCxG, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1Yeah, how can this possibly be real? I mean, it says he landed "on his face" from a moving car and was still well enough to escape! Come on...
    • latrosicarius, on 02/29/2008, -1/+3You have more of a problem swimming with handcuffs than headbutting through a headbutt-proof metal cage designed to prevent people from headbutting through said headbutt-proof cage, due to it's headbutt-proofyness?
  • degron, on 02/29/2008, -6/+154That guy sounds like he has some issues. I wonder what was up his ass?
  • GlassCalx, on 02/29/2008, -5/+30What kind of place is a beauty saloon?!?

    From now on I will refer to all gay bars as beauty saloons.
  • shadowspawn, on 02/29/2008, -1/+58wow 1/2 oz of crack, and a handgun. of course he's gonna bolt, that's 20 years. should've stuck to mancrack.
    • Shagisley, on 02/29/2008, -2/+1I think he is going to be set on crack for a while, now.
  • VacaN, on 02/29/2008, -14/+2This is good LULZ.
  • jstohler, on 02/29/2008, -9/+237For everyone who's confused, the Ray Gun in Action story is here: http://digg.com/gadgets/The_Ray_Gun_In_Action. This is the Gay Run in Action story.
    • stonebone4, on 02/29/2008, -2/+45Gold medal
    • rootryan, on 02/29/2008, -8/+2Am I the only one who's really confused?
    • HenvY, on 02/29/2008, -10/+1Why are you getting dugg up with a busted link?
    • Nougat, on 02/29/2008, -3/+20Dammit, I made a "gay run" joke on the first story, and no one liked it.
    • sanotaan, on 02/29/2008, -1/+18well done.
      that's the sort of thing you wait a lifetime to have fall in your lap.
      jstohler, i'm afraid it's all downhill from here
      • jstohler, on 02/29/2008, -0/+15I'd like to thank my wife and kids, my agent, my manager, and everyone out there who believed in me. This is for all of you! Good night!
        • xTRUMANx, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4Don't forget mom and dad for conceiving you.
  • paintpro, on 02/29/2008, -2/+19I am picturing him flippering around the pond like Rob Shneider and laughing at the police in a dramatic 1950's voice, "You'll never catch me copper, haha!"
    • sdcarter, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1"He swam across like Flipper, taunting the officers saying, 'You'll never catch me,' " Kunkel said.
    • ReyX, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Same here, except the voice in my head is that of the greased-up deaf guy.
  • dunderballer, on 02/29/2008, -6/+7These guys are really willing to do anything to get cash for their next crack hit whether it be doing porn with family or diving head first through windshields only to land headfirst on the ground.I doubt they are even gay--probably just in gay porn for crack money. Posers.
    • an0nymous, on 02/29/2008, -1/+13So you are in gay porn for non-crack related reasons?
    • Napoleone, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1Gay porn actors not authentic enough for you?
  • polarbobbear, on 02/29/2008, -1/+15Perhaps the most intriguing headline I have ever seen on digg...
  • Ell3, on 02/29/2008, -10/+0Mental Masturbation for the feeble minded.
  • provost, on 02/29/2008, -1/+25holy *****.. the summary is enough to get me through my day.. i will read the full article if I start to feel depressed
  • revansii, on 02/29/2008, -11/+2::Insert gay joke here::
  • mechman, on 02/29/2008, -11/+42“He swam across like Flipper".
    Well, with a blow-hole as big as his, I wouldn't be suprised.
  • eddy23170, on 02/29/2008, -12/+3you should see him screw a grown man in the pooper....
  • Maciula, on 02/29/2008, -6/+7Why was he running, in the joint he'll get his share of manly love. He'll be the biggest star.
    • coresnake, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1Prison Mike: You'd be the belle of the ball! Dont pick up the soap Dont pick up the soap *kissing noises*
  • aserer511, on 02/29/2008, -3/+23police were stunned when taleon revealed he was able to store a stun gun in his rectum
  • bthug7, on 02/29/2008, -1/+16A title worth a thousand pictures.
  • Jade10145, on 02/29/2008, -8/+7Well I would say this pretty much makes you not be able to say that gay men are fairies.
  • aaronadms, on 02/29/2008, -11/+6shouldn't he be stoked to go to prison?
  • dupswapdrop, on 02/29/2008, -5/+2Born free, free as the wind blows... uh oh different movie never mind!
  • deltronik, on 02/29/2008, -3/+8Dugg for “He swam across like Flipper."
    lol
  • slumbum, on 02/29/2008, -2/+18This is precisely why people shouldn't ***** with gay people.
    They are fierce. The military could use men like this.
    • oldhick, on 02/29/2008, -1/+2It was a good story, thats it. He's as representative of the gay community as Ru Paul is. We don't actually even know if they're gay. They could just be addicts willing to doing anything for a hit.
  • rholland356, on 02/29/2008, -0/+8Hey, you wonder why criminals don't smash out police car windows with their heads more often? With 1 of 100 persons in the USA in prison, you'd think this would happen a lot. Yet it doesn't. Perhaps it did not happen the way the cops reported it.
    Next on Mythbusters ...
  • republicker, on 02/29/2008, -11/+3lol crackhead ***** swims through pond like flipper.
  • liah, on 02/29/2008, -0/+20I clicked the link and the article wouldn't load for me, but I dugg it anyway just because the description was the most amazing thing I've read all day.
    • zengonzo, on 02/29/2008, -0/+7This is probably my favorite part:

      ' "You'll never catch me," [Taleon said]

      Taleon turned himself in a week later. '
  • graemee, on 02/29/2008, -10/+2He's GAR.
  • Hraes, on 02/29/2008, -1/+2GO GO DIGG EFFECT
    In other news, Google's cached mirror is only working in text-only (http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:FNUH23D5EqIJ: ... Mirror anyone?
    • kingmanic, on 02/29/2008, -4/+2Is it to tacky to mention the original name: the Slashdot effect? the digg effect?.... Use a new term like, site is dug down but just to rip off an existing term. Kids these days.
  • bthug7, on 02/29/2008, -3/+1The link wont work ;((
  • MyDiggIsBig, on 02/29/2008, -25/+4So the other day i was walking from the park when this gay dog started peeing on my leg. His owner just watched and said, "he likes it that way." I was gunna tell the guy off, but his boyfriend came and they started making out. I just decided to leave, but what happened next made me stay. The owner whistles to the dog, and he runs to him. At this point the two lovebirds are on the bench making out, and the dog has now jumped on their lap. The owner pulls down his pants and it is as if the dog knew exactley what to do, for it started sucking his dick. I started to throw up in my mouth a little when i saw this, and apparently the sound of my gagging disturbed the two lovebirds from making out. So the boyfriend gets up and walks over to me and gets uncomfortably close. He whips out his ***** and starts mocking me with a distubing lisp, "you afraid of peepees? You no like my peepee?" and right then he started pissing on me. The other dude comes over and starts pissing on me too. The dog joins in again as well. They started making out while they pissed on me.
    Fortunatley though, this was just a nightmare, but the sad thing is, when i woke up i found my Uncle Phil and Cousin Carlton pissing on me.
    • SaggyNad, on 02/29/2008, -0/+16 feet for idociy.
    • stormgren, on 02/29/2008, -0/+6I think you have some issues to work out.
    • zengonzo, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2You're in the wrong place.
    • KSUdesigner, on 02/29/2008, -0/+5Uncle Phil and Cousin Carlton? Funny, I don't remember that episode of The Fresh Prince of Belair.
    • LastDitchHero, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1Who on Earth would let an institutionalized individual such as yourself have access to a computer, or even pointy objects.....
  • ...---..., on 02/29/2008, -1/+20Here's another link:
    http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/160172 ...
  • ieure, on 02/29/2008, -2/+12The blog this linked to is hosed, so here's the actual story, which is utterly epic: http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/200802 ...
    • ucbluman, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1epic is by far the only adjective capable of describing this story.
  • Aslander, on 02/29/2008, -2/+23Police arrested Taleon for possessing about a half-ounce of crack cocaine and a loaded .25-caliber automatic handgun. While handcuffed in the back of the moving car, Taleon smashed out the rear window by head-butting it, police said. He then dove through the window and its steel frame, causing $1,800 in damage, Kunkel said.

    After landing on his face, Taleon rose to his feet and, while still handcuffed, fled on foot and into a nearby pond, police said.

    “He swam across like Flipper, taunting the officers saying, ‘You’ll never catch me,’ ” Kunkel said.

    Indeed, they didn’t. Two officers were injured while chasing Taleon. A week later, he turned himself in. But he didn’t return the department’s handcuffs, Kunkel said.

    Jesus Christ! Head butting through the window or a moving car and then flipper kicking away!? That is ri-goddamn-diculous. They say it was a pond but that must have been one big ass pond if the officers couldn’t run around to the other side and catch him when he got out.

    The story does get better. This dynamic identical twin duo are not only online gay-porn stars but they have also been arrested by a Roof Top Burgarly Task force investigating 40 rooftop burgarlies that have occured in the Phileadelphia area over the last 18 months. The two gay-porn/criminal masterminds where caught breaking into a beauty saloon through the roof using an axe and a hacksaw.

  • rages4calm, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4Original story http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/200802 ...
  • OccamsRza, on 02/29/2008, -2/+16Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
  • yfguitarist, on 02/29/2008, -8/+19Homosexuals are GAY
  • tkilgore04, on 02/29/2008, -1/+3Headbutting, diving face first from a moving vehicle, flipper swimming.... He must have had some good drugs.
  • NickyBatts, on 02/29/2008, -8/+2PCP is a helluva drug...
  • MisterNipples, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/200802 ...

    Try that link for the original story
  • Jade10145, on 02/29/2008, -1/+1Link to story since the sight is down...
    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/02/29/national ...
  • fiskintl, on 02/29/2008, -2/+3 "He swam across like Flipper, taunting the officers saying, 'You'll never catch me,' " Kunkel said.

    AMAZING.
  • Superfreak77, on 02/29/2008, -2/+1epic!
  • merbot, on 02/29/2008, -1/+7Any reason why they had to go into detail about their porn movies, thought this was about their arrest
    • ktk1336, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Because it makes the story more SENSATIONAL!!
  • Misinformant, on 02/29/2008, -0/+8This alone makes it worth it.

    "He swam across like Flipper, taunting the officers saying, 'You'll never catch me,' " Kunkel said.
  • msk275, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1I should have just stuck to the description instead of reading the article..
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