What is Digg?148 Comments
- zwendkos, on 11/11/2007, -8/+270 Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. - Attrition, on 10/12/2007, -2/+148The last autopsy joke wins.
- Winters, on 10/12/2007, -5/+118Just to be fair, some of the exchanges might be a sort of "just to get this straight" or "just to get the facts on record" kind of thing.
Consider this one:
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
The lawyer might have wanted a name, so that it is part of the court record. If the jury is wonder who the spouse is, you would want the name as part of the record. You don't want to leave anything ambiguous. - Condottieri, on 10/12/2007, -3/+117Judge Judy would never tolerate such humorous cross-examinations.
- jimbo5910, on 10/12/2007, -2/+114Now this one really did make me laugh!
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Why do I never think of answering like that!
;-) - retral, on 10/12/2007, -8/+116Second to last is my favorite :)
- br10ta10, on 10/12/2007, -4/+89Digg has become my parents, sending me Internet jokes that I saw 10 years ago.
I wonder if I post the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe if it would get over 1,000 diggs. - zwendkos, on 10/12/2007, -3/+72 Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan. - muka3d, on 10/12/2007, -12/+75@Jaxal
If use Internet cliche, Digg buries you! - zcreem, on 10/12/2007, -0/+62One of my favourites, after the last autopsy:
* Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
* Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot." - benitojuarez, on 10/12/2007, -1/+61A scribd.com article without that annoying document viewer? DUGG.
- Ninjab3ar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+52Yes, "PRNTO".....
- Hennell, on 10/12/2007, -0/+50Some could easily have been said in court, and if they weren't who cares? Still funny.
- Eastlygod, on 10/12/2007, -0/+48One with more quotes on - http://www.10-7.com/humor/courtroom.htm
Including
"Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No." - justoman, on 10/12/2007, -0/+34They did, at the top of the article.
From a little book called "Disorder in the Court." - Oracle95, on 10/12/2007, -3/+37And just think... most politicians are former lawyers...
- Xanrez, on 10/12/2007, -7/+40Wow. Email spam from the 90's is making the front page now.
- duddles, on 10/12/2007, -3/+34It wasn't me - I was dead at the time!
- thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -1/+30Nah... You're not my type.
- ICSU, on 10/12/2007, -1/+27@Axeman2063
Yes, that would be terminated by divorce, just like you wrote... - ij00mini, on 10/12/2007, -2/+24What the hell? I just got this in an e-mail forward this morning (an hour ago) from my Dad.
Michelson... are you my daddy? - Llanowar, on 10/12/2007, -3/+21It might be a perfectly normal question, however it does sound stupid.
- WoollyMittens, on 10/12/2007, -1/+18Think of the co-eds in Oral-school.
- steviebaby, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."
- duke, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14Oh, I very much believe it, and I don't play poker. This stuff happens all the time.
- Nerys, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14I absolutely believe a doctor would have said that in court and I bet the judge was laughing his ass of or REALLLLY wanted to REALLLY badly :-) hehehehe
- calvmari, on 10/12/2007, -11/+23Here it is: http://uggachaka.blogspot.com/2007/03/funny-airline-quotes.html
This isn't the direct link, I copied to my blog so I could find it easily myself. Don't click if you don't like the blog spam ;) - HalFTW, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12*are
- c0ldevil, on 10/12/2007, -6/+17Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
This isn't a stupid question. He might know things he might have forgotten such as his name, his friends, wife, whatever... - jackhole, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12Here's the real link: http://www.businessballs.com/airtrafficcontrollersfunnyquotes.htm
And here's the digg link: http://digg.com/offbeat_news/Funny_air_traffic_controllers_quotes - moisie, on 10/12/2007, -3/+14Those sound too perfect to be real.
- CaptMonkey, on 10/12/2007, -4/+151997 called, they want their junk e-mail back.
- Dpack1, on 10/12/2007, -2/+12I think you miss the point in that he just gave an example of things he has forgotten, such as what kind of effect the problem has on his memory.
- InfamousAtheist, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
I should have become a litigator. - crillbilly, on 10/12/2007, -4/+14Makes me trust attorneys all that much more...
- foolfromhell, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10@michelson (submitter)
You seem to be linking to scribd all the time in your submissions.
One suggestion in case you are the author.. LOSE the flash paper/ whatever. it is ANNOYING AS HELL.
One example http://www.scribd.com/doc/3649/TPS-Report-from-Office-Space - cheech_sp, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9PRNTO..... genious, my new web2.0 is born!
Dang, PRNTO.com already taken =( - noobieee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8I was in court to testify to a crime I witnessed
Defendant's Attorney - Did you rob the defendant at gun point?
Defendant - No way, I don't need the money
Defendant's Attorney - What do you mean?
Defendant's - I'm an artist, I make a lot of money, I don't need anyone else's. I have more than I can spend.
Prosecutor (on cross examination) - Points to the Defense Attorney, "Who is that?"
Defendant - My attorney
Prosecutor - Is he an attorney from the public defenders office?
Defendant - Yes
Persecutor - No further questions - shiola, on 10/12/2007, -2/+10It's just above the naval.
- cinnix, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8*Quote from article we all just read seconds ago*
- JezusGhoti, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8Special needs people very rarely get to question witnesses. Usually a lawyer handles that.
Now some of the responses, on the other hand... - lazydrumhead, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9@ duddles
"I was on the moon! With Steve!" - Urusai, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9Oral Roberts University? I bet they're nice and repressed...
- oddmanout, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7how about he just explained why he didn't link to the article, jackass... not only that, he admitted it was blogspam, and it was posted to his blog on the 14th... sound like a totally innocent thing to me, jackass.
- DanBru, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Thats not stupid at all. I know, because my dad is on dialysis and can't piss because of it - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6The guy thought "fracas" means "testicles".
- optigon, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7All of those remind me of the area of Kentucky my father lives in. There the court proceedings are displayed on local public access. In a divorce case, the wife began to testify, to eventually say, "HE CHEATED ON ME AND GAVE ME THE GHANDA GORILLA!" then kicked him in the nuts. In the background, the security guard was discovered napping and it took that to finally wake him up.
Since then, I thought The Ghanda Gorilla would make an excellent Sex Ed. cartoon character. - tHePeOPle, on 10/12/2007, -5/+11You woulda had me if you had said pr0nto.
- clownguyx, on 10/12/2007, -9/+15Some of those are classic lines, but it would be nice to cite the source on these.
- stryker2you, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5If you did that, you would have exploded in your chair...
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