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Awesome Math Jokes

mitadmissions.org — Some creative math jokes from MIT! Try these out on your calc teacher and see how they respond!

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  • Fighterspj, on 10/27/2007, -2/+22lol that made me laugh

    "pi r squared no pi are round"
    • Cappez, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10first math jokes i ever came across that are actually funny!...which is because the style is 'bonehead math' rather than 'ultrageek math'
    • MBarnwell, on 10/12/2007, -2/+11who needs pride...i'll be the first to say i still don't get the first one about the people moving out of the building..:(
    • plum, on 10/12/2007, -15/+7Yesterday was a little anniversary. 50 days old (the content, not the URL).

      http://www.digg.com/offbeat_news/New_Breakthroughs_in_Mathematics_funny
    • Sphonix, on 10/27/2007, -3/+25Two go in... three come out:

      2 - 3 = -1

      If exactly one goes back in:

      -1 + 1 = 0

      There is no one in the building.

      I think it may have deeper connections with labeling an inital unknown variable 0 in order to track changes to it over time.
    • tribble222, on 10/12/2007, -8/+3The limit as x -> 8 for 1/(x-8) is negative infinity (if you follow the assumption/convention that you approach from the left), not positive infinity
    • SEMW, on 10/12/2007, -2/+57The limit as x -> 8 for 1/(x-8) is not defined under the Reals, damnit!

      :-)

      Seriously; I don't like using infinity -- actually, I don't like any numbers which can't be written as ratios of integers. I know; it's an irrational fear...
    • kmb1794, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1At first I didn't think I got the one on the blog and then realized I wasn't thinking dumb enough.

      Where are the tougher math jokes?

      Like:

      I want to slip my infinite surface area into your tight, finite koch curve.
    • etruscan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+26I love the sideways 5...

      That's the mark of an artist caught in math class. That's me, right there.
    • masterfoo, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4"Are you differentiable? Cause I'd love to be tangent to your curves"

      -Wasn't on there but thats one of my favorites
    • Mirag3, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2he just copy and pasted all of the submissions from the Facebook group :( I was hoping he had new ones.

      @SEMW
      Technically, a limit "Does Not Exist" when it has oscillating behavior, infinities, etc, but saying infinity is just more specific than D.N.E.
    • adamsucks, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Here are some more math jokes:
      http://digg.com/offbeat_news/Metric_Conversions_for_Americans_Funny_and_very_clever

    • Jo9100, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1Old Old Old... Bury that
    • niktech, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0@Sphonix: This is where the simplistic "counter" model fails and a better data structure is needed, such as a list or even a queue. No need to redefine 0.
  • an7agonist, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14I love this one
    http://web.mit.edu/mna/Public/blonde_equation(2).jpg
    Pretty funny stuff
  • ldura9t, on 10/12/2007, -1/+34A lot of those are good, but not originally from MIT. I've seen them all other places before.
  • urielis, on 10/12/2007, -6/+7Awesome, but may have been taken from http://thefunniest.info/top.html (which is run by the guy from xkcd.com, I believe). Or is it the other way around?
  • MadOtaku, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3The first one stumped me at first; I was looking for something related to the the comments made by the other two. But it's damn funny after a second.
  • cybermort, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4they were funny! but it doesn't take a math major to find it funny which is what i was expecting.
  • JuyLe, on 10/12/2007, -18/+1OLD.
  • alism, on 10/12/2007, -9/+5So "Awesome Math Jokes" would be a triple-oxymoron then?
  • Jarasmen, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1Even our math lecturer showed those to us ages ago. Old as hell, and I think the same jokes were on the front page at least a few times.
  • Desolite, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7the expansion one is the best. you can see that the teacher didn't get it at first because she wrote a ? in the middle of the problem.
    • riah, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2hmm, never mind. Nothing to see here people.
  • maverick0624, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2The Hangman is great!! I liked it.. Total funny story..
    Similar amazing maths puzzle here http://techiecorner.blogspot.com/2006/02/amazing-puzzle.html .. Ha!
  • Tourney3p0, on 10/12/2007, -2/+10I haven't slept in about 36 hours, and I've had like 8 beers. But I'm pretty sure the limit one is wrong.

    If you approach 8 from the left, it's negative infinity. Approaching it from the right and it's positive infinity. Therefore the limit does not exist. The student's answer is just as correct as the person who "explained through various lessons and examples".
  • mikejohnston, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7Well. We are officially geeks now.
    • idreamincode, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6because being on digg didn't make us geeks???
  • Saeros, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I like the " tree+tree+tree = 9 " (found this in another website) I just went to that site yesterday because I'm currently doing a project about math jokes.
    • WaterDragon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Is that part of that joke whose punchline is "Dirty tree, and a turd"?
  • mjagiello, on 10/12/2007, -17/+1Welcome to the internet, those seeing this for the first time!

    HEY GUISE CHECK OUTS THIS KEWL NUMA NUMA VIDEYO TOO!1!!111!: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/numa.php

    LOLOL!L!L!OL ALL YOUR BASE R BELONGE 2 US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!: http://static.kdenews.org/mirrors/malte.homeip.net/base.swf

    OMGGGGGGGGGGGZOR
  • BlueScreenOD, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10A couple of nerdy ones we used to say in calc class:

    Q: Why shouldn't you do calculus at a party?
    A: It's against the law to drink and derive.

    TI-83: Weapon of Math Deduction
    • arnar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Here's one for the calculus people:

      Let ε < 0 ...
  • barney74, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5dirty Tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd + Dirty tree and a turd = 100
  • staralfur15, on 10/12/2007, -16/+1"Two go in... three come out:

    2 - 3 = -1

    If exactly one goes back in:

    -1 + 1 = 0

    There is no one in the building.

    I think it may have deeper connections with labeling an inital unknown variable 0 in order to track changes to it over time."

    If two go in... three can't come out.
    • Sphonix, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9And this is why negative numbers were invented...
  • barney74, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1What is a third and a half a third of 26? Answer with solution will be given in 4 hours if not already solved.
    • lewikee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+113.
    • Sphonix, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Well either 13... or 9... depending on how you interpret the question (if they are both fractions of 26, or 1/3 + 8 2/3)
    • barney74, on 10/12/2007, -0/+213
      (1/3 + 1/2(1/3))*26
      1/2(1/3)= 1/6
      (1/3 +1/6)*26
      (2/6 + 1/6) * 26
      (3/6) *26
      (1/2) * 26
      Thus it equals 13.
      (This is using basic word-problem solving)
    • malfourmed, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3> What is a third and a half a third of 26?

      What is 1/3 and 1/2 of 1/3 of 26?

      = 1/3 + 1/2 of 8 2/3

      = 1/3 + 4 1/3

      = 4 2/3

      = four and two thirds.

      :-)
  • vare2, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1Seriously, these jokes are so old and ungeeky. And just because it's posted by a blogger who's studying at MIT doesnt make these jokes "from MIT".
  • dreserd, on 10/12/2007, -1/+35What did zero say to eight?
    Nice belt.
    • riah, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven, eight, nine.
    • dhulser, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10why was six afraid of seven?
      Because seven eight nine...

      EDIT:
      DAMN! just seconds behind... =(
  • logantracyo, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3To add to the humor, the .cfm extension on the page Cristianna references at the end of the comments (http://www.physlink.com/Fun/Jokes.cfm) means it's written using the ColdFusion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coldfusion) web programming language -- intentional or not, an extra laugh for everyone but Fleischmann & Pons (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_fusion) !
  • dpcdomino, on 10/12/2007, -3/+17Oldie...

    Mathematic proof that Women are evil

    first, we state that women require time and money:

    Women = time * money

    ...and as we all know, "time is money":

    Time = Money

    ...and therefore:

    Women = Money * Money = (Money)^2

    ...and because "Money is the root of all evil":

    Money = sqrt(evil)

    ...therefore:

    Women = (sqrt[evil])^2

    ...and we are forced to conclude that:

    Women = Evil
    • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1i was just about to do that one
    • M2Ys4U, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Isn't it the love of women that's the root of all evil?

      Therefore, it's the love of women that's the root of all evil :( We're all damnned to hell :P
    • Dylan16807, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1'Require' is not an equal sign. It's women are a product of time and money.
    • consonance, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Dylan, you'll understand once you start doing word problems in high school.
  • ASSASSYN, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1That was funny.
  • stesun, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Engineers think that equations approximate the real world. Physicists think that the real world approximates equations. Mathematicians are unable to make the connection.

    That's no joke, everyone knows the engineer is correct.
    /engineering student
    • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
      "Hmm," says the physicist, "you mean that at least one Scottish sheep is black."
      "No," says the mathematician, "all we can say is that there is at least half of a black sheep in Scotland."
    • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2sorry but it's clear the Physicist is right
      / Student of Physics
    • SEMW, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5Better ending of that joke:
      "No," says the mathematician, "All we can say is that there exists at least one sheep in Scotland, **at least one half of which** is black".

      cal0001: In stesun's original post, engineers are correct; but I think he's got Physicists and Engineers the wrong way round. In my experience, Physicists are perfectly aware that they're trying to model the real world -- hence why Physicists use the term 'model'. Engineers, on the other hand...

      Then you get Pure Mathematicians, some of whom take a perverse pleasure in trying to make sure what they do has no real-world applications. Of course, they always fail, thanks to Applied Mathematicians!

      /Maths with Physics student
    • arnar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2@semw: What are the mathematicians applied to? :o)

      / maths with comp-sci grad.
    • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2"Then you get Pure Mathematicians, some of whom take a perverse pleasure in trying to make sure what they do has no real-world applications."

      Like my math Tudor we all ways end up in long discussions about the impossibilities of modeling/graphing equations. He is a guy quit science and instead majored in mathematics because it was much more exciting. Not that I'm putting down math but when he told me he had a computer set up printing primes 24 hours a day and i asked why he answered with the puppy love look on his face "to look for patterns".

      It's funny how some people take pride in doing something that has no practical use

      but they always fail

      after all boolean algebra was invented before it had a use
    • Kale, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Can't believe no one's posted this yet:

      A doctor, pastor, and engineer were playing golf one day, and they noticed the group in front of them were having a hard time, stumbling around, appearing not to know what they were doing. After summoning the owner of the club, he explained the story... the club house caught on fire one night, and three firemen risked their lives to save everyone inside, but were left blind as a result. Out of gratitude, they were offered permanent membership in the club.

      The pastor said, "I'll pray for these three men everyday, that a miracle will happen and they will recieve their sight".
      The doctor said, "I'll research a good specialist and pay personally for them to visit"
      The engineer said, "Why don't you let them play at night?"
    • WaterDragon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@Cal0001
      "A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
      "Hmm," says the physicist, "you mean that at least one Scottish sheep is black."
      "No," says the mathematician, "all we can say is that there is at least half of a black sheep in Scotland."


      Then a quantum physicist intervened, and pointed out that -- since the observed sheep was on a moving train, it couldn't be said for certain that it was 'In Scotland', or any other location.
    • kludwick, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0@stesun

      The correct ending to that joke is "Mathematicians don't care".
    • SEMW, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@WaterDragon: No s/he wouldn't. Uncertainty in position is bounded by h / 2pi*(Uncertainty in velocity); If the sheep is greater than that distance from the border, it could be said with certainty to be in Scotland.
  • awldun, on 10/12/2007, -3/+8Here's my favorite joke:

    Q: Why did the cat fall off the roof?
    A: It lost its mu.


    /hahahahah...mu...mu...mew.....ha...makes me cry every time.
    //,,,heh
  • ImTheDarkcyde, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1I was hoping for something new... oh well, recycled humor is just as good on noobs, eh?
  • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -2/+14Premise I: God is love.
    Premise II: Love is blind.
    Premise III: Stevie Wonder is blind.
    Conclusion: Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
    • podkanski, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0And this is exactly how you learn the difference between tautologies and simple, one-way implications ;)
    • Dylan16807, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Someone needs to learn set theory.

      Or the meaning of is.

      Whatever.
  • snurfle, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8Time-Warner cable just started carrying the e-channel. It's channel 2.71828183.
  • snurfle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9A Cherokee chief had three wives, each lived in a wigwam made from the skin of exotic animals... hippo, zebra, and leopard.
    It came to pass that each of the wives became pregnant, and one fine autumn day, all three gave birth.
    The squaw (politically incorrect term, my apologies.) in the leopard tepee had a fine strong boy with blue eyes.
    The child born in the zebra wigwam had a boy with brown eyes.
    But the wife in the hippo wigwam had a baby girl, with one brown eye and one blue eye.
    That is why they say,
    "The squaw of hippopotamus is equal to the son of the squaws of the other two hides."
    • SEMW, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4But only with a right-angled wigwam. Er, triangle.
    • setdosa, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1That was a good one. Loved it
  • moolcool, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2RDRR
  • thingy, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2My favourite math joke is:

    What did the 0 (zero) say to the 8 ?
    Nice belt!
  • thebrokenlight, on 10/12/2007, -3/+4If you guys think these are funny, you should join the "I Wish I Were Your Derivative So I Could Lie Tangent To Your Curves!" group on Facebook.

    http://hs.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204911489
  • rompom7, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15Q: Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
    A: To get to the same side.
  • Mediaright, on 10/12/2007, -9/+2Funny stuff...I'd laugh if I hadn't already seen it on the homepage about 3 months ago. Dupe people.
    • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -6/+3we don't give a *****

      Now then we have ways of making you laugh
  • fuggo, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1This is from the comments...
    "1 dollar = 100 cents = (1/10 dollar)*(1/10 dollar) = (1/100 dollar)= 1cent.
    Hence 1dollar = 1 cent"

    Maybe this is how Verizon does their math!
    • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8100cents = 10(1/10 dollars)

      there is no real trick there just bad math
    • newdna, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1100 cents != (1/10 dollar)*(1/10 dollar)
  • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4A=B+C
    4A - 3A = 4B - 3B + 4C - 3C

    4A - 4B - 4C = 3A - 3B - 3C

    4( A - B - C ) = 3( A - B - C )

    [ 4( A - B - C ) = 3( A - B - C ) ] / ( A - B - C )

    4=3

    clearly 4 =/= 3

    but it's funny when people don't know why

    Math is all logic and if you follow the rules then the above equation has a flaw do you know what is is?
    (Yes i know what it is and yes i know it's simple but it's fun to see who can't work it out )
    • idreamincode, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6A - B - C = 0
      therefore
      4 x 0 = 3 x 0
      and the world keeps spinning
  • Jack9, on 10/12/2007, -10/+1Last time the title was along the lines of "little kids logic errors". This is obviously not about "math jokes". Dupe beats out inaccurate.
    • cal0001, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3stop being such a spoil sport and be happy people are in to math for once ( or twice as the case may be)
  • mynameistim, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1http://www.xkcd.com/c190.html

    i'm not 100% sure i get it, but i love the fact that he's killing new jerseyans with a crossbow!
    • binnis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1And what's wrong with New Jerseyeans?
  • Sheb, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4What's the square root of 69?

    Ate something!

    Oh man that's dirty.
  • alteratti, on 10/12/2007, -25/+2YOU ***** DIGGDIOTS

    THIS IS SO ***** OLD

    ***** LOSERS

    AND WHEN ANYONE SAYS THAT, YOU DIGG HIM DOWN

    WHAT ***** IDIOTS

    ANYONE HAVENT SEEN THIS BEFORE

    YOU IGNORAT BASTARDS

    ALL OF YOU

    OH WAIT, THERE S MORE:

    CHECK THIS OUT IF YOU HAVENT:

    WWW.GOOGLE.COM

    OMG!!!!11 ITS A ***** SEARCH ENGINE!!!!!!11

    AMAZING!!!!!!!111

    OH WAIT, YOU KNEW THAT? HOW COME?

    BLOODY IDIOTS

    AND NOW, I'LL BY DUGG DOWN

    ..BY SOME OF THE MOST RENOWED DIGG LOSERS

    WHO DIGG DAY AND NIGHT AND

    DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO HAVE SEX

    "I'VE FALLEN BEHIND ON DIGG, DARLING..

    WAIT TILL I HAVE DUGG THE LAST 22 PAGES

    GO MAKE ME SOME SALAD BY THE TIME"

    ***** LOSERS.
    • habfan29, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Done yet?
    • Agent_M, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Suuuuuuure, alteratti.

      WE'RE not the ones spending "day and night" on digg, as you say. That's precisely why we digg stories that have frontpaged before. We're not dumb. We don't double-digg stories just for the hell of it.

      So what if we haven't seen it the first two times? We have jobs and lives outside of the internet, and frankly, sometimes digg moves too quickly for some of us.

      Obsessed much?
    • McLumpy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Aaaaaaaand...blocked.

      Bye, alteratti.
    • alteratti, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1I apologize for the use of bad language above.

      I was having a really bad day.

      thank you.
  • seeyounorth, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Kind of gross, but related to the topic, so I had to...

    Q: What did the constipated mathematician do?

    A: They had to work it out with a pencil.
  • newdna, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3In my high school Algebra class, this really funny girl stood up and told the teacher, "You can kiss my axis!" Everybody laughed, she got detention.
  • cromus, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1This is like the 3rd time these "jokes" have made the frontpage. I swear to god I'll shut the internet down if they get submitted and dugg by you idiots again.
    • collective, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2only Al Gore can shut down the internet.
  • BrainCoder, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1Not funny.
  • ldura9t, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Pi makes the world go round.


    And, one of my favorites:

    One day 1 and e^x were walking down the street, when suddenly, 1 pointed across the street and cried, "Oh no! There's the derivative. The derivative will annihilate me!" e^x replies, "Have no worry, I can deal with the derivative, and it can't do anything to me."

    So, e^x walks across the street, walks right up to the derivative, and says, "Hi, I'm e^x."

    The derivative replies, "Hi. I'm d by d y."

    >:)
  • scilec, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0As a recovering math major, I offer the following advice:
    If you ever want to get a date, then just stop.
  • Zipko, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6From one of my CS professors:

    Two bytes meet one morning going into work, the one says to the other "You're not looking too well, is something wrong?" The other says, "Yeah, I've got a parity problem". The first replied "I thought so, you looked a bit off."
  • crashingechelon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2When one of my pre-cal teachers wrote "Happy Cardioid Day" on the board, I knew part of me had died and become a math nerd.


    If anyone needs a hint, it was Feb 14 that day.
  • superguysteve, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1When I see a reference to 'math jokes' I head for the hills. I bet you were the funniest accountant in your statistics class...zzzzzzzzzzzz....zzzzzzzz....
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