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- wtfdan, on 10/12/2007, -2/+45I'm a telemarketer.
Honestly, we'd rather you just tell us to ***** off and hang up than ask us questions.
We love it when people hang up. It gives us a little bit of time to relax and doodle.
The more offensive you are when you do it the better. That way, we have an excuse to put you on our "rejected" list where you won't be called again. - Wiggles2, on 10/12/2007, -1/+40Whenever a telemarketer calls, I just try to sell him something- usually an old pair of shoes I have. I always offer a good deal. Hey, if he can cold call me to sell me something, I can certainly try to sell him something too.
- Sk3pt1k, on 10/12/2007, -0/+27One of the best scripts . . .
* Seinfeld (to telemarketer): I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number, and I'll call you back later.
* Telemarketer: I'm afraid we can't do that.
* Seinfeld: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you and bugging you at home.
* Telemarketer: Right.
* Seinfeld: Well now you know how I feel. - WaterDragon, on 10/12/2007, -3/+26@ wtfdan
"I'm a telemarketer.
Honestly, we'd rather you just tell us to ***** off and hang up than ask us questions.
We love it when people hang up. It gives us a little bit of time to relax and doodle. "
The POINT IS to inconvenience you bastards as much as possible, and crfeate a nuisance for you, as you do to others! --not to give you more freetime. - deut, on 10/12/2007, -0/+21I love it.
I start by informing the telemarketer that I am recording this conversation for "quality control and security purposes and that the recording may end up being posted to an Internet blog".
If that doesn't put them off, I go straight into my questions ...
1) name
2) company name
3) how did they get my number?
I then request that they remove my number from their database and then say goodbye.
The thing is, never let them get started on their sales talk. Never answer any of their questions like, "how are you?", etc... as this leads them into their prepared script. - BlendedRacer, on 10/12/2007, -0/+21I told an Indian lady trying to sell me something to 'SOD OFF!' at the top of my voice. Her supervisor rang to tell me I was rude. He found I could get a lot ruder.
They haven't rung back since! - guregu, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21I like the script but why would anybody actually fill in their own address and phone number and send the form back to the netherlands?
Obviously we don't have too. I just thought it was strange. What are they doing with this information? - b3mus3d, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18Every few minutes repeat, “You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem…who is this again?”
http://www.zefrank.com/donotcall/ - m0dded, on 10/12/2007, -2/+18the thing about telemarketers is that it is illegal for them to hang up on you, because then it is considered a prank call, and their employers don't allow it. so you can just blabber on and do the most ridiculous things you can think of, just as long as you don't hang up. it's awesome.
- rogermoore, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14My Mum always says: "I'm sorry, I can't hear you because I don't have a phone..."
That always seems to confuse them... - sirsomeone, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13i'm not sure if this works outside of the UK, but when somebody dials a UK landline, you can put them on hold, call another number and wait for an answer, and thus connect the person that called you to a completely seperate third party.
now whenever i get a cold call, i simply make some excuse for having to put them on hold, call up some sales centre somewhere, and sit back as both telemarketers end up trying to sell each other something neither of them wants. - ShadySpace, on 10/12/2007, -2/+15Or, you know, you could just hang up.
- VeganG, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13Hanging up makes them assume a technical malfunction and puts you on a list to get called back.
- salmonmoose, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13@wtfdan
Hopefully then, there are other people in the world like me, if you call me and I'm not talking to anyone else, I will happily spend the afternoon talking to you, without paying attention to what you're saying, whilst happily going about my own work. I figure if I can waste your time, you're not annoying the crap out of something else.
Also, as a point of ethics, if you don't care about your job, you shouldn't work there, it's doing a dis-service to both you and your employer. - InsaneMachine, on 10/12/2007, -2/+14You aren't the boss of me. Digg up.
Besides your 3 comments have said teh exact sam ethign with teh same misspelling. Bury, no. Block yes. - jimmy87lee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Or, when the telemarketer asks you "Could I speak to Mr. Smith?"
"In the most pleasant, accommodating voice [say], 'He's not here right now, motherf*cker.'"
(taken from http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=31066 ) - amigiac, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12@thebadrash
Just hanging up can be funny.
Some of them call right back saying "I think we were cut off", I generally say "No I ***** hung up you idiot". - blonderengel, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12I read poetry to telemarketers. My own. It drives them to despair.
- stable, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11I have a natural tendency to upset telemarketers because my answers and reactions never seem to be on any scripts, and no, I do not ask female telemarketers for a date, I do in fact answer to their questions, but in such an unpredictable yet natural way that they aren't prepared to deal with it and get upset.
The last time a telemarketer called me I had him speak for a half an hour only to tell him that I wasn't really interested in the product he was selling. When he asked me why I made so many questions about something which I wasn't interested in I replied that I was on my way home and had nothing to do during that half an hour so at least talking about it kept me distracted. He got so pissed that his reaction was to hang up on me immediately. - CeeJayDK, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11I live in Denmark , where all of this is completely unnecessary.
All forms of telemarketing over any electronic media (phone, email , fax, sms .. etc) are opt-in.
That means that you haven't previously asked to be contacted , then contacting you is illegal and carry fines.
I've never gotten a single spammail (from somewhere in Denmark) or had a telemarketer on the phone.
The beauty of proper legislation .. :-) - fredsterss, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11yeah dude, nobody watches over telemarketers. If you buy something, you just get added to more databases to be called from. If you dont, then you get called back, and if you hang up, you get called back, and if they hang up, well you're lucky.
- Darmichar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10I worked as a telemarketer for AT&T many years ago. It put food on the table for 6 months when I was laid off. m0dded is absolutely correct. A telemarketer that is actually following the guidelines of the TCPA can not hang up on the person they have called for any reason. If the person becomes irate, the call can be handed over to a Supervisor though.
Keep in mind, the person on the other end probably dreads calling you at supper as much as you dread getting the call. - gbeirne, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I put a false name on anything that is likely to end up in telemarketers' hands.
That way, when I get a phone call asking for Mr Vern, I know it's time to get my sarcasm on. - huister, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I get 6-10 telemarketers a day, thanks I'll use the seinfeld one!
i am sooo sick of em,
someone should make a program that gives off the highest pitch noise a computer modem can give out(like fax machines) so whenever i hear one of them I can click on a button and all they'd hear is that noise - ojk007, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9In Australia very soon were gettin a Do Not Call list. So if a telemarketer, usually from India, calls us they(the company) get fined $AU250,000.
I have a feeling its goin to stop very soon..
At least in Oz - Rayza, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9That's a pretty well thought out script. If I get a call from a telemarketer I'll tell them I'm illiterate if they're selling a newspaper, or that I'm under house arrest for a crime when they offer a cheap/free trip somewhere for example.
Pretending to be foreign and speak hardly any English works well also.. - ifor, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9Al Kyder
- VeganG, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9Yup, sometimes the FCC is your friend.
- saccrant, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8What I do is say.. oh please wait a second, then put the phone down without hanging up and continue with my work. After a writing a few documents and a toilet break i'll pick up the phone again and usually the telemarketer would have hung up by then.
- EdLesMann, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8Try Vogon poetry. It once made a man chew his own arm off to get away...or so I am told....
- rdotson, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8I used to ask them to hold on while I: 1. answered the door, 2. turned off something on the stove, 3. answer another phone call, or whatever you can dream up. Then I would put the phone down and go on about whatever I was doing until I heard the telephone complaining about being off-hook (a loud beeping sound). I used items 1 and 2 on the SAME telemarketer once (she called back a second time thinking we had been "accidentally" disconnected). Only after the second time did she catch on, and then called me back a *third* time just to curse at me - LOL!
- zoolap, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Amanda Hugankiss
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7i agree. i have seen this thing before, and it has always seemed a bit odd. it seems like it should be a sort of funny way of getting back at telemarketers or something, but it is just serious to the point of being strange. i would feel so weird actually asking a telemarketer these questions.
- lcarsdeveloper, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I like that :)
"Oops, must have dialed a fax line! I'll just go ahead and blacklist this number" - lcarsdeveloper, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Being currently unemployed, I'm always up until about 5 or 6am working on my website (and applying for jobs). I sleep in until about 12 or 1pm every day. But I'm being woken up by the phone almost every day, around 11am, which puts me in a bad mood. It's always some Indian (not being racist, just telling the truth, it's ALWAYS someone from India) trying to get me to switch to Optus or Telstra or something. Usually I'm too tired to make up a good excuse about why I can't talk, and I end up listening to 20 seconds of sales script crap (which I don't understand anyway). I'm going to print this out and keep it close by for the next time one of these people wakes me up when I'm trying to sleep.
If anyone knows any other good scripts, or has any other good ideas, feel free to post the links in here :) - m0dded, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7@satch
you're wrong. nice try though. - DNABeast, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7I was always more partial to his,..
"Yesss, I am interested in saving money on my long distance calls"
*hangs up* - Syntaxis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Ah, I remember the Dutch version of this. I usually started off the conversation with:
Me: "Sir, I have a script here to handle you, and you probably have heard it a thousand times before. Let's not annoy eachother, I hang up and you remove my name from your list. Or you try to sell me something regardless, in which case I will promise you to go down my list, entertain you and myself by doing so and basically wasting your time. For your effectiveness I suggest hanging up, because I'm not buying anything. What do you think?"
But usually I can't say the whole thing, when they hear 'script' they sigh and say "goodbye sir, thank you for your cooperation" and hang up.
Although some die hard marketeers don't give up, but call back many times. Upgraded the security level on my phonenumber the next day - never heard a single marketing person ever since. - ZenFu, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6LMFAO! That's great!
Some US radio show did that with 2 chinese takeaway places a while back. It was funny as hell listening to them trying to figure out what was happening. - Kale, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5And that's the way it should be here in the US, too.
- asauterChicago, on 10/12/2007, -5/+10@Waterdragon
Sorry, I have to jump into the middle of this argument. Don't yell at wtfdan because he's a telemarketer, he could be working for a perfectly legitimate company. I started my career in sales working for AT&T in the early 90's as a telemarketer. I wasn't ripping any one off, and I was working for a global company. As a annoying as it is to receive "save money on long distance" calls, at that time it was relatively new concept (deregulation) and people were actually willing to talk to me. I didn't rip any old lady's off, I didn't commit any felony's, I didn't even really cost anybody money (I usually saved people money). The money I earned went to pay for college.
I eventually graduated college, started again in sales, this time in outside sales and worked my way up to be in National Sales for a software company, now selling and dealing only with Fortune 500 companies. I am continuously recognized as a leader in the company and a important part of keeping us profitable.
As much as people would like to bitch and complain that sales and marketing is evil. It's part of a driving part of our economy. If there are no sales within a company, there are no administrative, IT, customer service, accounting or payroll jobs available, oh and did I mention there are no IT jobs? Whether you like it or not, a company needs the money it makes off its sales and advertising efforts to pay it's employees. Unfortunately, for most companies, it's not as easy as setting up a store on Main Street and hoping your customers walk through the door. You have to keep your overhead low and make a name for yourself. Sometimes (especially if you have a limited advertising budget) making a name for yourself requires you to do the uncomfortable task of picking up a phone and letting a potential customer know you exist.
Sorry if this is long-winded, but wtfdan was very brave to admit he is a telemarketer, especially in a room full of IT People. If you don't like sales calls, tell them your not interested and hang up, that simple. You won't offend him and it gives him more time to find someone who is interested. Don't agree with the company's marketing strategy? Then don't buy from them. It's far more work to do all these ridiculous pranks and questionnaires when you can just hang up. - vajra918, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5it would cost at least $30/hr for me to put of with the kind of crapola I dish out to the telemarketers.
Why is it the hardest jobs pay the worst? - Clbck, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6Funny that the guy with the most +diggs right now was the one who asked to be buried.
- lcarsdeveloper, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6I haven't seen this before. I agree it shouldn't go under "news", because it's not a recent "event", but it's still a cool thing.
- nwheavyw8, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Another thing to do is be like this lady, who goes completely apes*** when a telemarketer called her:
http://crazytelemarketer.ytmnd.com/ - carlosauresrex, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4dude, that's awesome, i am going to make that work for me.
- spyrochaete, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Thanks for reminding me!!
Back in my BBSing days (early to mid 90s) I used a connectivity program called TERMINATE. It was handy for so many things, like auto redialing Ticketmaster for Green Day tickets (hey, I was young), wardialing for modems, and harassing annoying people. It had a commandline function that let you output AT codes instantly (all modem programs had this).
Word to the wise - the faster the connection, the more annoying the initialization tones! The 56k connect sound is the longest and most shrill of them all! Especially on auto rety, over and over and over... - SledgY, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Open up hyperterminal and type "ATA" followed by enter.
- PaulOwen, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5My younger brother claims that when he gets someone cold calling him, he goes into one of two modes depending on whether they're male or female. One's called Muscle Mary Mode, the other's Miscreant Masturbator Mode.
Both involve breathing heavily, and partial nudity.
He doesn't get so many of those calls these days. -
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