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9 things I learned about the world from anonymous stock photo models.

thebestpageintheuniverse.n… — Maddox comments on the crappy stock photos on the web: "Finally," I thought to myself, "a site that sells chubby black women." Unfortunately, after hours of searching there were no black women to be found; only DSL and local phone service. Here are some other photos I found on corporate websites, and what I learned about the world based the images:

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  • Schug, on 10/12/2007, -6/+214At least it he didn't wait 4 months to update his site this time.
    • skunkit, on 10/12/2007, -79/+11Lost his touch in this one.
    • Shwenk, on 10/12/2007, -74/+17wow this really isn't that funny
    • SultanTravi, on 10/12/2007, -56/+29@Shwenk
      Something is wrong with you if you don't find this funny (in context):
      "I'm going to light up a fat blunt and then I'm going to rape your mouth!"
    • dshPls, on 10/12/2007, -4/+45I don't think you'll care unless you're a designer. I've seen a few of these before, and the ones with that stand out as the most BS are the Equality ones, I've always had the admiration to put 1% alpha nazi signs on the stuff I've used stocks for, just so someone, somewhere will pick up on it.
    • afx1, on 10/12/2007, -37/+5my cats breath smells like cat food

      and mike is the fat one
    • Digitalicious, on 10/12/2007, -5/+25This one's priceless! I'm not sure what people expect from Maddox, this was absolutely hilarious. I suppose it might help that I'm a designer myself, and one of the people producing these lame excuses for equality. =/
    • jamessavik, on 10/12/2007, -17/+3613% of the population can out-whine, out-bitch and out-moan the remaining 87%- primarily because the 87% have to work for a living and don't have time to be professional whiners.
    • LocalDocal, on 10/12/2007, -19/+11@Sultantravi
      "Something is wrong with you if you don't find this funny (in context):
      "I'm going to light up a fat blunt and then I'm going to rape your mouth!""

      Hot damn, comedy doesn't get any better than that! Please stop me from laughing.
    • Netrilix, on 10/12/2007, -11/+4Anyone else feel like he could have gotten the same effect out of that punchline without the useless filler [read: article] beforehand?
    • fatmas, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1To jamessavik:

      Are you implying Maddox doesn't work?
      He maintains his site while working full time.. If you took a moment to read the FAQ... maybe?
      He can whine as much as he wants because instead of whining, it's more like *** stompage
    • Tebixan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3@fatmas

      He's not talking about Maddox, RTFA
    • haiduz, on 10/12/2007, -4/+4@fatmas

      Not not maddox, jamessavik is just being racist because as a white man he is overburdened by the fact that he was to go to work while the [sarcasm] THE ENTIRE 13% OF SAID POPULATION [/sarcasm]doesnt.
    • orgasmatron, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"***** it." -Microsoft's advertising agency
  • LordIV, on 10/12/2007, -7/+18Just good to see some updates...
  • futureisours, on 10/12/2007, -13/+56makes me proud to be a caucasian!
    • 2ndEdition, on 10/12/2007, -5/+22we put the ***** in asian
    • theone3, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Wow.. both meanings of that are true. Well played.
  • bjornski, on 10/12/2007, -11/+43Damn, I love Maddox
    • Nick5309, on 10/12/2007, -9/+6ALL HAIL THE BEST PAGE IN THE UNIVERSE!
    • stupidverizon, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4A few comments of "Toon" actually made me think he was maddox so I added him to friends lol. Their humour is very similar. Check for yourself.
    • kaelyiesta, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2Maddox, the MANLY voice of reason.
  • mannymix03, on 10/12/2007, -5/+66the diversity part is so true
    • mattyxo, on 10/12/2007, -4/+46Token Black Person. That's what they're called sometimes.
    • sjbdallas, on 10/12/2007, -4/+76Yeah, but what's missing is the black girl with a big afro, someone with dredlocks, and the hip looking asian chick (usually with retro eyeglasses).
    • stupidverizon, on 10/12/2007, -2/+98I see the "hot black girls with curly hair" soooo much on tv. But not once in real life honestly.
    • Y0tsuya, on 10/12/2007, -6/+42Because they're in great demand as models and thus are too busy to meet your scrawny ass.
    • BeyondGoodNEvil, on 10/12/2007, -2/+35The black metrosexual guy with long curly afro-ish hair is all the rage in modern advertising. Even though they're about 1% of the population and I can go for weeks without seeing one, the powers that be think they're a huge portion of every high tech demographic.
    • Urusai, on 10/12/2007, -5/+23I never thought I'd say this, but I'm sick of seeing Japanese chicks in every advertisement. I can only assume the ad execs are surfing the same sites I do...
    • mt066, on 10/12/2007, -2/+30It's easy to claim racial diversity...hell it's illegal not to. I wanna see on of these with a morbidly obese person and a flamingly gay man. Then we'll see who's "diverse"
    • StevethePirate, on 10/12/2007, -6/+16@mattyxo

      ooohh, I always thought it was "tokin' black person."
    • BostonLow, on 10/12/2007, -7/+9really? Damn, I thought it was Tolkien's black person. No wonder why I was getting those strange looks all the time.
    • Pulpx, on 10/12/2007, -2/+12Was at Ubuntu's site and guess what I saw. http://www.ubuntu.com

      Classic.
    • DreKor, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10back in the day we'd just name him Lando, give him a cape, and be done with it.
    • Fhwqhgads, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Hidden in the page's code:

      "And to prove that diversity isn't just about race or gender, they display
      pictures of black people, women, and other "minorities" on their diversity
      page. Clearly the message being conveyed is that diversity only comes from
      people of different color, because it's not possible for black people and
      white people to have similar backgrounds, talents and perspectives unless
      they also share the same skin color. Good job, *****."
    • mdmadph, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3in Ubuntu's defense, a large part of their "thing" is helping bring free software to Africa (the founder's from South Africa), and believe it or not, a lot of black people live in Africa.
  • Hayes, on 10/12/2007, -8/+38Too much research, not enough bad words.
  • silentarcher, on 10/12/2007, -10/+13Glad to see maddox made it to the front page. He Rocks!
  • rancidchickn, on 10/12/2007, -16/+63"Jerry: No, limp dick! I'm going to light up a fat blunt and then I'm going to rape your mouth!"
    • Hayes, on 10/12/2007, -49/+7That was not funny. Plain and simple. This article was mediocre at best.

      -MaddoxAddicts.com Owner
    • Zopmaz, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2I concur. Excellent observation.
  • aschmack, on 10/12/2007, -86/+3I think that "hot black woman" that Microsoft uses is a man. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/black_hotness2.jpg

  • Masterbaiter, on 10/12/2007, -31/+2Wow, that's like a day or 2 old. Readit on reddit yesterday.
  • JPresEFnet, on 10/12/2007, -32/+3Yes, I totally understand how this made it into the offbeat NEWS section....
    • bergur1, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8It fits Design
    • Fhwqhgads, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2Digg definitely needs more categories. Just about everything is in offbeat news.
  • billymonster49, on 10/12/2007, -20/+10jeez, maddox has lost it.
    this is not that funny, he just throws random words together.
  • amunimanghi, on 10/12/2007, -32/+5I can't believe that that guy thinks that black people are big assholes. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/enthusiasm_asshole.jpg
    • heartbreakboy, on 10/12/2007, -6/+11Ummm, I think he was saying that the guy in that ad was an *****, not ALL black guys are assholes.
    • MonkeyFarts, on 10/12/2007, -3/+11amunimanghi:
      Nice try on pulling the race card, but it just only you look like a total idiot.
  • riskybeats, on 10/12/2007, -7/+15Yeah, it's good to see that now that his book and comic are done, he will be able to triplefold updates to his site with mediocre content... According to my calculations, that means we can at least expect one every year! Yay!
  • pronouncable, on 10/12/2007, -6/+27I went to one of his book signings once.

    It was surreal.
    • Zinite, on 10/12/2007, -3/+38I bought 3 books just so I could talk to him 3 times. He's pretty much the manliest man to ever walk the Earth. He wore a ***** cape and crown for the signing.
    • RealityCheque, on 10/12/2007, -12/+5I used to think he was funny a few years ago; however, his routine grew tired really quick once I learned he was an out of work programmer acting tough. It worked so much better before that.

      Some of his posts will remain all time classics, though.
    • zebstah, on 10/12/2007, -11/+5never heard of him.
  • hcnelson, on 10/12/2007, -24/+11Good to know Maddox is still not funny.
  • Zmaz, on 10/12/2007, -5/+20I thought it was moderately funny. His book's better though.
  • dugR, on 10/12/2007, -8/+7i think that he is not very funny, but i enjoy his commentary.
  • jawagas, on 10/12/2007, -14/+1www.diggmirror.com
  • radooo, on 10/12/2007, -5/+18The amount of forced enthusiasm you have for a commercial product is directly proportional to how big of an ***** you are.
  • dchoi22, on 10/12/2007, -8/+7"There are only two reasons you should ever be this delighted about anything, and both of them involve meeting me and lube." - Mr. Maddox
    gross dude.

    "If you could divide-by-zero when calculating the size of an *****, this is what it would look like:" - Mr. Maddox
    funny dude.
  • Jsmuli2, on 10/12/2007, -18/+8Here is the thing about Maddox, the kid makes good points, but to be honest, that time he wrote about why Christopher Reeve was an a$$hole for caring about paralysis only when he was the victim was the reason why I stopped reading his site.

    I wanted him to know that living your whole life fighting all diseases, injuries and disabilities and fearing all of them isn't much of a life. I couldn't write any of that crap to him because he never reads what people write him. If he does then he has no soul, but he does usually tell it like it is, and for that, I appreciate this link.
    • m3mn0n, on 10/12/2007, -5/+16Hurray for people calling folks in their late twenties/early thirties "kid" in an attempt to sound wise!
    • bjornski, on 10/12/2007, -5/+17But! Reeve DIDN'T give a ***** about the paralyzed until he became one.
    • RealityCheque, on 10/12/2007, -8/+4So that makes him a bad person for devoting his life to helping others like himself after he BECAME one?
    • idonthack, on 10/12/2007, -3/+11Remember, guys: Maddox is satire. It's *supposed* to offend you.
    • osbjmg, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4realitycheque - No, but it keeps the pressure off others that feel pressured to submit to cause X just because a celebrity has the handicap. Why is Christopher Reeve any more important than someones mother or brother? He's not.
  • poogy21, on 10/12/2007, -22/+4Funny as hell, but the author has a serious problem with his gay tendencies.
    • bjornski, on 10/12/2007, -3/+18No. YOU have a problem with his gay tendencies.
  • walkingalone, on 10/12/2007, -11/+2that took forever to read... but it was great
  • floppyparty, on 10/12/2007, -4/+18I'm a web developer, and I think this is AWESOME. I work for a mortgage company, and you wouldn't believe how much of this ***** I run into.
    • BeyondGoodNEvil, on 10/12/2007, -6/+4Do us all a favor and refuse to use any black-smiling-metrosexual-male-with-afro-hair photos in anything. Just straight-up refuse. Oh, and show a few white guys in them... I notice they're still a huge portion of the high-tech buying demographic, but usually less than 20% in ads.
    • saifatlast, on 10/12/2007, -4/+25I am also a web developer and I think this is awesome. I am also an aerospace engineering major and think this is awesome. Furthermore, I am a dude and think this is awesome. I am half Mexican and think this is awesome. I am very good at Matlab and think this is awesome. I write image processing programs in C# and think this is awesome. I am a junior in college and think this is awesome. I am a one-time member of the band SAIF and think this is awesome. I am a huge fan of Modest Mouse and think this is awesome.
  • cenithx, on 10/12/2007, -18/+6Completely dead for me. Duggmirror caught it:

    http://www.duggmirror.com

    • cenithx, on 10/12/2007, -15/+3Why bury a person for giving a duggmirror link?
    • Zinite, on 10/12/2007, -3/+18Because it's not down.
    • sbgunn, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I have a few personal guidelines for burying/blocking.

      1) Using "then" for "than" is a bury. So is confusing you're/your.
      2) Caps-lock is a bury, unless necessary or used ironically.
      3) Using a "sig" gets you blocked. Your name is just above your comment.
      4) A comment so long that it slows down my browser gets buried. Maybe even blocked if it's overly formatted and full of links.
      5) Getting one comment buried, then posting another comment to complain about getting buried gets you double buried and blocked.
  • pktgumby, on 10/12/2007, -15/+4Man, Carlos Mencia wouldn't even steal these jokes.
    • yourmightyruler, on 10/12/2007, -4/+15Carlos Mencia doesn't have the balls to steal from Maddox. If he ever stole from Maddox, Mencia's balls would be ripped off and would be choked to death by beef jerky and hot sauce.
  • SeafoodWatch, on 10/12/2007, -20/+2kind of racist
    • stealthboy, on 10/12/2007, -2/+15ummm... that's kinda the point. Corporate images go over the top to try to appear to be "diverse", but in doing so they just mock themselves and point out the entire problem with diversity programs. The best example is the "1 in 3 people are black even though they make up 13% of the population".
  • endustry, on 10/12/2007, -13/+7Funny in that self-hating-white-liberal sort of way.
    • idonthack, on 10/12/2007, -11/+3endustry, meet blocklist.
      blocklist, meet endustry.
    • endustry, on 10/12/2007, -1/+17I didn't even know that you existed 45 seconds ago so why should I care that I'm now on your personal block list? If you're going to block someone, just do it. No one cares, least of which the blockee.
  • mal1964, on 10/12/2007, -6/+4you are learning, actors and photographers are getting paid
  • browwiw, on 10/12/2007, -7/+3I used to work tech support for Qwest DSL. I smoked a lot of pot back then.
  • FatPhil, on 10/12/2007, -6/+3he's had better articles. I love this guy
  • slopersncrimps, on 10/12/2007, -9/+2Maddox wasn't funny back in the day, and he certainly isn't funny now.
    • silverchrysalis, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7then why do you bother being on this thread?
  • DietCoke597, on 10/12/2007, -1/+13***** and giggles, once again. One of the few internet writers that makes me laugh out loud.
  • TimChuma, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1I have registered with a stock photo website (not telling) and they occasionally send out requests for very specific photos that I do not have. A lot of the photos do seem to be quite safe as you are meant to get a model release for every photo you upload (mine are taken at gigs so I don't get the chance.)

  • TBolt, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4lol
  • TBolt, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6LOL...I love the enthusiasm-to-ahole index. Great stuff. :)
  • soil, on 10/12/2007, -11/+1Ummm, not to rain on your parade, but most black women don't have naturally straight hair...as do many white women.
    • MonkeyFarts, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3And your point is what, exactly?
    • soil, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1Not some huge point, but the article made a big deal about showing "black women with curly hair" and I'm pointing out that it's like saying "yet again, National Geographic used pictures of trees with bark to portray a forest." I don't see the author's point in making some huge delineation about black women with curly hair.
  • oddmanout, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10i'm doing the one handed knee thing like he said, and of course, i'm on digg.... getting some real work done
    • idonthack, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Wait. Are you young, sexy, wearing fashionable clothes, and reclining in one of those cool circular chairs in a stylish apartment or bright office with lots of shiny things and big windows?

      Because if you're not, you're doing it wrong.
    • sagititus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I normally do the one handed thing when I'm on...um.. other sites... not digg. To each their own, I guess.
  • st3ady, on 10/12/2007, -4/+8ALL HAIL MADDOX
  • raymore, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3I like the one about the DSL guys. So ***** true.
  • matyrice, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6His hate mail pages are also amusing. Brilliant writer.
  • ispshadow, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2Thank you Maddox...thank you.

  • osbjmg, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2Solid.
  • clf99, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3holy crap i think i just peed in my pants
  • buckeye45, on 10/12/2007, -5/+9"im gunna light up a fat blunt and rape your mouth"

    if i got a nickel for every time i've said that...
  • 0ffl1n3, on 10/12/2007, -9/+2Did anyone else notice that the "use of the hot black woman for marketing Vista" in point number two was really a male. It is definitely a guy and if I'm not mistaken its the kid from High School Musical on the Disney Channel. I am almost positive that it is him.
    • meatloafsurpriz, on 10/12/2007, -1/+70ffl1n3: "I dun git it"
    • gonerogue, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8That's why before the picture it says this: "Microsoft also tried to employ use of the hot black woman for marketing Vista recently, but as usual, they got it wrong:"........
  • transcendz, on 10/12/2007, -10/+3How can so much hatred and selfishness be promoted ? This guy should switch off his computer and have a real life...
    • BirdCatcher, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Yeah and this is why Maddox pwns
  • diggbot7, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3It's nice to be able to appreciate art that other people are too stupid to recognize.
  • Bega, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3A friend of mine in college had a friend he called token. He was the token black guy (A&M is predominantly white). Also because he liked to toke up.
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