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121 Comments
- DudleyInnocent, on 10/10/2007, -0/+96My English Professor's first words to us were:
"So... What are you all doing here? You want to make money? Here's a tip. Don't go to college. Open up a bookstore next to a college."
Those books really can kill ya. - satx, on 10/10/2007, -2/+8210. Wrap it before you tap it.
- Joe_rigby, on 10/10/2007, -2/+48#10 Bring three shovels and a bag of lime, because when you accidentally kill a hooker (AND YOU WILL ACCIDENTALLY KILL A HOOKER), your roommates can help with the disposal.
- yargthepirate, on 10/10/2007, -2/+41If it was really about survival:
#1: Work on your alcohol tolerance. - wikk3d, on 10/10/2007, -1/+37#5: Don't forget Number 5.
- Jereso, on 10/10/2007, -1/+37#11 Torrent your books in PDF files.
- greenriver572, on 10/10/2007, -3/+34where's number five????
- Phr00t, on 10/10/2007, -3/+27@ Orion16
I suspect I will get dugg down for this, but you are what's wrong with college today.
Sure, you should have fun at college. But listen to yourself... why pay such high tuition and fees just to sit around, get drunk and high? Oh right, you are probably taking advantage of your parent's generosity.
Go to college to grow up and get an education. Go live in a random apartment with all of your friends to get drunk and high and leave college for what it should be. - Spacemanspif, on 10/10/2007, -0/+18I have never found a pdf of any book I needed for school.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -2/+19My tolerance isn't what it used to be. In college I used to pregame by drinking 10-11 shots worth of vodka in a half hour. Now if I drink that much in a night I'd be pretty wasted.
When I was in college my roommate and I made a pact to only drink on non-school nights. We subsequently signed up for 2 two-hour classes that met twice a week, and 2 night classes that each met once a week giving us a 2 day school week. - inactive, on 10/10/2007, -2/+19freshmen chicks: don't get hammered drunk and get double-teamed chinese finger-cuffs style by two guys you don't even know...
or do. college is the time to experiment. - antforce, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15"As time went on, people separated into 'clicks' as you would expect"
Did he go to Second Life college where people seperate into "clicks"? - fadeout, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15Can't speak about dorm stuff since I got an apt off campus, but the textbook suggestion needs help. If you wait until last minute, yes, you might be able to buy a few less books - but you're going to pay out the nose since campus bookstores charges *way* more than if you bought the book on half.com or ebay or something. That math book on campus? You're looking at $120 at my school. $20 on ebay.
- punchinelli, on 10/10/2007, -1/+14They forgot the most important one of all - after your trip to the local Wal-Mart (or wherever), make sure to wash the damn towels you bought for the beginning of the school year. Else when you go to dry off, you will be stuck with lint balls all over you. /speaks from experience and from countless others who've told me the same episode
Nothing like going to the first day of classes with lint all over you! - postal21, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13Most important thing.
GO TO CLASS. no matter what, its too easy to skip classes and think youre fine.
You will learn so much more just sitting in class half paying attention, then skipping and cramming. - dantidote, on 10/10/2007, -1/+12Nice, I'm sitting in a hotel right now, waiting to move in later today.
- andy2na, on 10/10/2007, -2/+13i definitely agree with the books thing. 60% of the books I bought the past 4 years, I did not open once.
oh and I definitely agree with the "wrap it before you tap it." dont be a fool, wrap your tool - bigmacholmes, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11Some good tips. Not so much a survival thing, but it does make it better i suppose.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -3/+14I just blew $500 on books and I've been in college for three days. I don't think I can survive now :(
- nphase, on 10/10/2007, -1/+11You would think going to class would be in there somewhere.
- Zopmaz, on 10/10/2007, -3/+121) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm her
21) If you really love her, wear a cover
22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
25) No glove, no love
26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the *****
30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown
31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
35) Cloak the joker before you poke her
36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
37) Cape your throbber before you bob her
38) After detection sheath your erection
39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
40) Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
41) Cover that lumber before you pump her
42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
44) House your noodle then release your strudel
45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
47) Cage that snake then shake and bake
48) Cover your peter it will be much neater
49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
50) It's always funky to cage your monkey
51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
53) It's not much money to catch your honey
54) Don't be a fool cover your tool
55) Hood that match then scratch that thatch
56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
59) Contain that sputum before you use him
60) Restrain your log then plow her bog
61) Glove your pecker before you check her
62) Coat that slimmer before you prime her
63) Condomize then womanize (or sodomize)
64) Cover old pete then grind her meat
65) Guard your peter before you meet her
66) Check your list before you tryst
67) Wrap your bate before you mate
68) Can your worm before you squirm
69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
70) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
71) Bag the mole then do her hole
72) Cuff your carrot before you share it
73) Jail your number then call the plumber
74) Cover your vein then drive her insane
75) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink
77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
78) Hide ole harry then take her cherry
79) Wrap that spout then bore her out
80) Conceal your train don't cause her pain
81) Guard your bridge then do her ridge >
82) Shroud your trout then make her shout
83) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
84) Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers
85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout
86) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
87) Cover your steamer before you ream her
88) Protect that fish then dip it in the dish
89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
91) Clothe the boner before you hone her
92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!
93) Cork your pump or you don't hump
94) No unwrapped stags get between my legs
95) Dress that erection to make a deflection
96) Contain that shanker before you spank her
97) Cap that seeder before you breed her
98) Stop the stream before you cream
99) Secure that ladder then drain your bladder
100) Protect your screw to catch that glue
101) Package your meat for a real neat treat
102) Holster your gun then shootings more fun
103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her
104) Garage the tractor then attack her
105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her
106) Sock that wanger before you bang her
107) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
108) Trim your hardwood then do her real good
109) Garnish your oak then give her a poke
110) Pouch your associate then go fornicate
111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate
112) Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates
113) Catch that goat before it bloats
114) Ensnare that barbarian then do her abdomen
115) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
116) Prune that stalk then make her squawk
117) Wrap that rod then please her bod
118) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
119) House that bottle then mash her throttle
120) Sash that hash then thrash that gash
121) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
122) Can your knob then throb her swab
123) Contain old Doug then clean her rug
124) Cover your limb before you swim
125) Retain your bailer then impail her
126) Rope your dope then make some soap
127) Net your salamander then make salad in her
128) Cap your flapper then sniff her snapper
129) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
130) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft
131) Cover your stone before you bone
132) House your hose then curl her toes
133) Saddle your penis then straddle her mean ass
134) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
135) Shield your rocks then pond her box
136) Cover old sly then do her dry
137) Wrap your rail then fill her pail
138) Glove your chimney before you come in me
139) If your nude tube your dude
140) Cloak your hitter then go split her
141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her
142) Can your spam then bam that mam
143) Corral your ram then slice her ham
144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
145) Twist your wick then stick that prick
146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart
147) Shed old spot then do her slot
148) Drawer your pip then split her lips
149) Contain that leach then mash her peach
150) Bag your elm then take the helm
151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem
152) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
153) Constrain that agate you ain't no *****
154) Survey your land then plant her stand
155) Before you drive her protect that diver
156) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
157) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
158) Cover you post then slice her roast
159) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
160) Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon
161) Contain that viper before you pipe her
162)PUT A CONDOM ON STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - ddxChrist, on 10/10/2007, -1/+9Yes, studying is important if you're taking challenging courses. Problem solving in small groups tends to be efficient for demanding courses.
- KyleGoetz, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7I moved out of the dorms 3 years ago (law student now) and I still wish I lived in the dorms. I lived in my university's honors dorms for two years and I had so many fascinating, intellectual conversations, and I rarely get to have those now. :(
- BridgetDS, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6Yeah, credibility might be improved on this one if he knew the plural of 'freshman,' too.
- firebone, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6thank god for a top 9 submission instead of top 10. Catastrophe averted everyone!
- kingvik, on 10/10/2007, -1/+7being russian, my natural tolerance for alcohol is allready high
- yargthepirate, on 10/10/2007, -1/+7If you were in an English class, I don't know why he would expect you to be making money.
- shotgunl, on 10/10/2007, -3/+9Indeed, cover that whacker before you attack 'er.
- mhensley1288, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6not buying books until you need them is actually a horrible tip, i tried to pull that for a class in my spring quarter and by the time i needed it for my final paper every bookstore on campus was sold out. if your syllabus says you need the book for a specific project, buy it right away.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -1/+6I hope you're getting that 10.5 hours of workstudy at minimum wage...
- DudleyInnocent, on 10/10/2007, -6/+11Look and lick before you stick?
She'll enjoy the second part better if you do the 'fore mentioned. - Kyosuke86, on 10/10/2007, -2/+7"503 service currently not available"
It seems like College freshmen are screwed either ways. - mexicanman07, on 10/10/2007, -1/+6y'all just didn't look hard enough
- jcroweall7, on 10/10/2007, -1/+6It's not that hard to get by in college without these things. The first tip is good but unnecessary - you're bound to make friends. Chances are, you'll make a couple in your building, through classes and through mutual friends. And that's not counting if you get involved in activities and events. Also, as someone pointed out here, switching roommates doesn't guarantee a better person to live with. The guy playing WoW until 4 in the morning while you tried to sleep might seem pretty sweet if you get the guy who only bathes when he's got a presentation to make that day. My feeling about college is that everyone's experiences are different. These tips can be useful, but there's no checklist that will work for everybody.
- LethalAmbition, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4http://www.duggmirror.com
- Spacemanspif, on 10/10/2007, -1/+5http://duggmirror.com
They got it. - VeniVidiVici064, on 10/10/2007, -2/+693 digs and its down for the count!
- KyleGoetz, on 10/10/2007, -2/+6That's not a college tip. That's a don't-be-a-retard tip.
- rnwen2750, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3I've been an RA. You probably would not hate me. I do my job but am pretty laid back too.
- PeeCee, on 10/10/2007, -1/+4Give up now! It's all downhill.
- KyleGoetz, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Welcome to college. Major in a foreign language or abstract math--the books are cheaper because they're usually small and paperback (abstract math) or you need one per year (foreign language).
- rnwen2750, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Wow, then you must be in a dumb major. 'Cause us bio / chem majors actually have to study.
- geodescent, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Word to the wise: make friends with hot freshman who don't have the book yet. Offer to help them "study."
- Spetz, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Yeah you definitely do need to study at Uni. However in freshman year the importance is getting the work/play balance right. I, for one, worked a bit too hard and took it a bit too seriously and didn't have as much fun as I could have. I did get straight As, but it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Don't work TOO hard, just work hard enough to comfortably get into 2nd year.
- frostieDude, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2It is not always an accident.
- MikeMacMan, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2This article sounds kind of gay, but it is great advice. My freshman year I lived in the "nice" upperclassmen dorms and I completely regret it. My social life suffered greatly. Freshman are very friendly, outgoing, looking for new friends, etc. Upperclassmen aren't. The freshman dorms were a completely different world. A lot more fun too.
The only thing I disagree with in this article is the part about buying books. You are spending thousands to goto college, are you really going to cheap out on a few more hundred for books? Look for cheap books online, shop around, check out ebay, etc. But get the book if the teacher recommends it. You might only use the thing to study the night before a test, but at time its priceless. - frostieDude, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2College is different than high school. Some people find that high school is harder, others find that college is harder. It depends on the situation. If you are the kind of student who hates busy work, then probably college will seem easier. If you aren't good at being self managing, high school will seem easier.
In college your grade is often based far more on tests than in high school. Many of your professors will not even have homework count for a grade. When I taught college classes I based grades only on exams and in one class also a presentation. So, your "homework" assignments typically consist of reading assignments. You will be tempted not to do the reading because there is no immediate consequences of not doing the reading.
The thing I always found to be "hard" about college was that I often did not have any idea what the format of the exam would be prior to seeing the exam. This can make it hard to prepare. If you have the opportunity to find out what the exam will be before hand, do so. For example, some classes would test mostly on learning vocabulary words from the book (i.e. terms related to the subject and the definition of the term). Other classes, the test consisted of applying principles to new situations. How you study for the test can vary depending on what the format would be.
One class I took as a freshman was old testament religion (I ended up taking this because I was required to take an honors class and my name was at the end of the alphabet and everything else had filled up) and a huge part of the exam was being able to produce maps of various areas pertinent to the parts of the bible we were studying even though most of class had little to do with maps. Once i knew what the test was going to be, learning to make the maps ahead of time was pretty easy.
So as you prepare for college one thing you want to do is learn how to study. That means for each class, figure out what the test is going to be like. One way is to read the syllabus - sometimes it will include this information. Sometimes the professor will tell you what the format is. Sometimes they intentionally want to hide it (in which case, ask someone who took the class in a previous semester.) Then pick a study strategy that prepares you to do well on the exam.
Some classes will grade homework more like high school. These will often be the first classes you take as a freshman. Just do all the homework and turn it in on time. - Jereso, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2You can't be in the draft while in college.
- Rethcir, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I have to say that I'm not sure if the first week is really that important. In the context you wrote about (setting trends for comradery) this could be the case, but in my observation, the first two weeks of freshman year everyone is putting on a pretty big charade in order to make some friends (which is a survival tactic).
Also, make sure you make friends with two people in particular: the older student with a car, and the older student who is 21. Staying on good terms with your RA has some benefits as well, although a lot of RAs are callous ***** (I should know, I used to be one!) - kingvik, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2that's a good idea
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