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203 Comments
- badjoke, on 10/11/2007, -14/+281I expected tips on how to avoid cops, or how to talk your way out of tickets.
- trghpy, on 10/11/2007, -10/+178Yea, it may be common sense to you, but there's a ***** load of drivers out there still clueless.
- essjay, on 10/11/2007, -4/+156It may be common sense, but it never occurred to me that having my side windows only partly down is a risk to my ability to wear hats.
- wildfire, on 10/11/2007, -27/+164I was expecting an article on how to do stunt-like moves as seen in movies. And, these aren't "secrets" -- just common sense.
- fmaxwell, on 10/11/2007, -3/+132Common sense isn't common.
- GawtMilk, on 10/11/2007, -31/+144Here's a final tip: if you see blue lights in your mirror, pull to the right immediately. If they're for you, stop immediately. Turn on your interior lights and place both hands on the wheel. Answer all questions with either "Yes, officer." or "No, officer." Have a nice day.
HOLY *****! This is it. This is key. This is the most important thing you diggers should listen to. Police officers aren't facist pigs, so wipe the dirty attitude. If you're running late for a meeting, saying "HURRY UP, YOU OVERPAID PIG!" isn't going to help. Neither will talking about Big Brother. So stop being such a baby about it, be polite, and the cop will let you go. I'm guessing that they don't want to be with you, either. - NiteTrip, on 10/11/2007, -14/+97I like "HURRY UP, YOU OVERPAID PIG!" better.
Of course I am writing this on my weekly hour of library time in state prison. - Seruphim, on 10/11/2007, -18/+93While I don't like the way you put what you said (you sound like a real dick, and not someone I would want to deal with) I do agree completely with you on this
well at least on that cops deserve respect and don't need all the ***** that they get - darkwalter, on 10/11/2007, -9/+729 Driving Secrets from actual cops!
1) You're a cop, you can drive how you want. The traffic laws do not apply to you.
2) Blinkers are optional. See #1.
3) If you come up to a red light and don't want to stop, just flash your lights and run it. See #1.
4) When sitting on the shoulder looking for speeders, be sure to park with at least 15% of your squad car's width sticking out into the fast lane. If someone hits you, it's their fault. See #1.
5) Regardless of what the other thousand people on the road are doing, you should drive in the middle lane at the speed limit (20 MPH slower than the flow of traffic).
6) Alternately, just go weaving through traffic at speeds far higher than anyone else is doing. Don't bother turning on your flashers to do this. See #1.
7) Driving on snow or ice is impossible in a rear wheel drive cop car.
8) If the person in front of you is going the speed limit, try to see how close you can get to their rear bumper. See #1.
9) If you drop your bear claw on the floor and it slides up underneath one of the pedals, stop the car before you try to retrieve it EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST ONE IN THE BOX. - spearce, on 10/11/2007, -10/+59if you're not white and you're out past 10 pm then you're probably up to no good anyway. i'm just sayin'...
- jamonterrell, on 10/11/2007, -9/+52@Xanin
Speed limits are a generalization about how fast the majority of the population can safely drive. Weather conditions and driving skill aside. Many times, they're not at all standard... the same road in the plains of Iowa will result in a 30mph lower speed than than in the hills of eastern Kentucky. A driver who has lived in southern California his entire life and never even seen snow clearly shouldn't be driving the same speed as a northern New York'er. Speed limits are more a revenue source than a 'law.'
I mostly don't understand why you're preaching to us that if we drive above the speed limit we're endangering everyone's lives. Go bitch at the 80 year olds driving on the freeway with their right blinker on as they coast in the far left lane at a cool 25mph. There are a lot more people doing stupid stuff on the roads that driving fast.... A friend and I counted the other day as we were at a stop light. 8 out of 10 drivers that went past had a cell phone to their ear. Hell, even the jackasses that flick their cigarettes out the window, not thinking that the motorcycle or convertible behind them might not appreciate it--or of the acres of trees and houses that have burned because of their retarded habit. Perhaps you could give us a rant about people who don't turn on their lights when it's raining--because they aren't endangering anyones life by being nearly invisible on the road. Don't get me started on road rage, tailgating and the idiots that stomp their brakes all need to grow a ***** brain... it should rank right up there with hate crimes for severe punishment.
Go waste your breath elsewhere, if you don't like how fast we drive, don't ride with us and don't coast in the far left lane when there's plenty of room in the right lanes and nothing stopping you from going the same speed there. Learn to share the road, whether you approve of how fast we drive or not. And since you questioned our driving, I'd be happy to wager that there are a great number of people who drive fast routinely and have never been the cause of any accident. I'd also wager that of the groups that are the most dangerous drivers, speeders are no where near #1.... they usually pay attention to the road while they're going fast. - AriaStar, on 10/11/2007, -7/+49What the hell is the point of not just spelling the words "*****" and "bitch"? If we can tell what they are anyway, and will mentally say those words, just write the god damned word right, m'kay?
- clemsontiger, on 10/11/2007, -4/+45Yeah its also common sense to get over into the right lane if someone is behind you. People fail at that all the time.
- drum_bum, on 10/11/2007, -3/+39How about using the "inaccurate" bury button?
- Seruphim, on 10/11/2007, -7/+42I was expecting a list of ways to not get caught speeding/get out of a ticket =(
- cpeter9, on 10/11/2007, -1/+33I still hate you AOL.
- rollem, on 10/11/2007, -1/+32@Osjpr: For every case you've heard of a person being saved by being thrown from their car, there are many thousands of people who die by not being buckled up. Imagine going through a windshield, it's generally not pleasant.
- jamonterrell, on 10/11/2007, -2/+32Wow, the Final Tip is the worst tip I think I've ever heard, and any real cop would certainly agree. If you see blue lights in the mirror, definitely get out of the way, if the cop pulls in behind you so that you know that you're the one being pulled over, for God's sakes do not "STOP IMMEDIATELY," Find a nice safe area up ahead where both you and the cop will feel safe before you stop.
- perogi21, on 10/11/2007, -0/+28"Actually I've heard from friends who visited the states they've been chased by police for over 15 minutes before they realized that it was a cruiser behind them and not a snow plow."
Umm, Crown Vic versus a snow plow... Wtf are you guys smoking up there? - rarson, on 10/11/2007, -5/+31"Yeah its also common sense to get over into the right lane if someone is behind you. People fail at that all the time."
No, it's common sense not to be a ***** moron driving in the *passing lane* to begin with. You're either passing someone or you're in the right lane. - Furkle, on 10/11/2007, -2/+26Yeah in Canada it's not such a smart idea to pull to the right for blues either as that's what our snow plows use, you'd quickly end up getting buried in the white stuff. Actually I've heard from friends who visited the states they've been chased by police for over 15 minutes before they realized that it was a cruiser behind them and not a snow plow.
- realdcurtis, on 06/03/2009, -0/+24Actually, lots of new cars, including VWs, do cool things after you crash.
The car will automatically turn all the interior lights of the car on, and unlock the doors, so that you can be extracted. Some cars even turn off the radio, and start OnStar automatically (if so equiped). - pathy, on 10/11/2007, -2/+25Remember that if you're alone in the car, you may want to move somewhere better than just the side of the road - Especially if it's at night. Just because you see the lights doesn't mean it's 100% of the time a cop, and you can never be too safe.
- alloystudios, on 10/11/2007, -14/+37When cops stop blazing through red lights for no reason and making illegal u-turns themselves, maybe they will gain some respect. I'm sure there are good cops out there but I've never met one. I was very polite to a couple of cops last year and I was still yelled at, forced to get out of the car, threatened to be tasered and frisked all before the cop asked for my license. My lawyer ended up getting the stop expunged from my record because they didn't follow protocol, but they can do whatever they want when its just them and you. I take my earlier comment back...they all suck!
- sabach, on 10/11/2007, -3/+23Not much of a difference
- spinchange, on 10/11/2007, -3/+22Keeping your hands on the wheel and having the light on shows the officer readiness to comply and is somewhat psychologically disarming. Cops are trained to watch hands & body language, etc as they never know who they could be pulling over or what the person may try.
I would add that if you have you to get something out of the glove-box etc, it's best to tell (or better, ask)the officer what you're going to do, before you do it. It may sound like overkill, but at the very least it shows respect & signals cooperation.
This advice is especially applicable if you're pulled over out-of-town, or late at night, etc. - PaulOwen, on 10/11/2007, -12/+31Sorry I can't take any traffic police advice seriously unless it's brought to my screen by Sheriff John Burnell.
- Mooco, on 10/11/2007, -6/+24@trghpy
Yes, and most of them go to AOL for their primary news source.
You've got to love the last line, though;
"Answer all questions with either "Yes, officer." or "No, officer." Have a nice day."
Mmm, doesn't conformity taste delicious? God forbid you talk to an officer like, oh I don't know, an actual person? In my experience ( and trust me, with the cars I've driven I've been pulled over a lot, regardless of whether or not it resulted in a ticket), a little hospitality and understanding of the PERSON go a long way. Even if they turn out to be a total dickwad complete with an asshat, a genuine smile really is the best way to make them feel like one for acting it too. - inactive, on 10/11/2007, -0/+18@perogi21: You forgot the "eh?" at the end, he'll never reply to you now.
- darkwalter, on 10/11/2007, -0/+17I find it's a good policy to be polite to people who are carrying guns whether they've earned my politeness or not.
but hey man do what you want. - blogger1947, on 10/11/2007, -4/+20"***** pay" ????
You need to look at the Baltimore Examiner article a week or two back, where the entire police payroll is listed, including overtime.
Here in Murder City, most of the police salaries are higher than the median income, and with overtime there are quite a few who end up with six-figure paychecks at the end of the year.
Whether the work is dangerous, or the pay is appropriate is another argument. But these folks are NOT working for the kind of crap pay that people get in the private sector. To give you an idea of "comparable worth," here in Baltimore a private security guard's pay averages $9.50 an hour, topping out at less than $15. The upper limit is for those who work armed details, such as the guys who schlep hundreds of pounds of money on and off armored trucks. And, BTW, they are far more likely to be the point-man in a violent encounter than the copper who shows up to draw a chalk outline around them. - EndersGame, on 10/11/2007, -8/+23Well thats just common sense, you don't want to piss anybody off that can cause you trouble. Of course don't confuse politeness with complete cooperation, you have to know your rights also. Sometimes cops will be dicks just to intimidate you if they want something. For example if a cop pulls you over for a broken taillight he may proceed to ask you if he were to search your car would he find anything illegal. He is hoping you will give him the permission to search his car which he needs in such cases where he doesn't have reasonable cause. You can answer him in several ways but you should make it clear that you don't give him permission.
Sure if you don't have anything to hide and don't mind waiting an extra thirty minutes its up to you to allow whatever. Last time a cop searched my car, and this was for a DUI so he didn't need my permission, my glove compartment contents were emptied onto the passenger floor, CDs were everywhere, pretty much everything wasn't in the place that I had neatly left it...and to top it off the officer stole my fifty dollar green laser pointer. I was so pissed after that, I guess I kind of asked for it though. - Sundae, on 10/11/2007, -0/+14In Sweden, even though we drive on the right side, you should not stop if you see blinking blue lights. Here the police will signal with alternating red and blue lights if they want you to stop. Flashing blue lights mostly just means "get out of my way".
- mcraigw, on 10/11/2007, -2/+15
If your hands are in plain view on the steering wheel, then the officer knows that you don't have a gun in them. If you start fishing around in your glove box for the registration before he gets to the car, you could be looking for your gun. You turn on the interior lights so they can see that you don't have any weapons. The easier you make it on the officer, the more likely it is that he will make things easier for you, just give you a warning. - CaviMike, on 10/11/2007, -0/+13Talk about false advertising.
Here are some REAL secrets from police officers;
Drive 7mph over, no faster.
Have your license, registration and insurance in hand and your window rolled down BEFORE he gets to your window.
Do NOT ask him why you're being pulled over, he will ask you and BE HONEST, he knows you know the answer unless it's for a light out.
Always say 'no' at a sobriety check point when asked if you've been drinking. Don't elaborate, don't sweet talk, it will get you a sobriety test, even if you appear sober.
There are some others I don't quite recall but these are sure shot ways to avoid being ticketed and/or arrested. - adml_shake, on 10/11/2007, -0/+13That cop is the guy (or girl) thats gonna write your big "Internet" talking ass up for being a little prick and giving him/her ***** for no reson.
- thorn101, on 10/11/2007, -2/+13@EbilPhish
No, it wouldn't. Chances are high that the doors will get stuck anyways when you come to a standstill. That's why "jaws of live" are standard equipment when there is a car crash. And when you are in a crash which isn't severe enough to get the doors stuck shut, chances are you can unlock them yourself again when you come to a standstill. - greghunt, on 10/11/2007, -6/+17If you're from the UK you will know most of this stuff anyway.
We get taught how to use the steering wheel, which foot to use (most of us drive manuals anyway, so our left foot is for the clutch only)
The thing about the windows was interesting. I would have thought locking doors would make it harder to extract you after a crash. And what about flashing somebody who has left their high-beams on? - Battleloser, on 10/11/2007, -1/+12Some cops may be good, never really met one that didn't act like an *****, but if it were a simple a matter as not associating the good cops with the bad cops, then I might have dugg you up.
Truth is though it's not that simple. Cops have a tendency to have a good guys vs bad guys attitude. They not only keep quiet when they see a fellow officer do something wrong, but if the ***** hits the fan they'll become directly involved in intimidating witnesses and lieing to the higher ups.
What was it, 2-3 months ago when that off-duty cop beat up that woman working in the diner? First everyone acted surprised it was a cop, and I laughed. Then the OTHER cops started threatening the business if they didn't drop the matter, and everyone in the media acted as though this was a once in a blue moon thing.
That kind of ***** happens all the time, the cops are usually smart enough to find out where the tapes are though. - inactive, on 10/11/2007, -4/+15
Never drove a standard, huh?
Most cops are decent, hard working individuals like you and me. It only takes a couple bad apples to tarnish the image. Much like the tendency to label all Democrats "leftist moon-bat" or someone with a conservative approach a "neo-con".
Someday you'll reach a point of maturity where these things become more apparent. - inactive, on 10/11/2007, -1/+11...or if you're white and it's a minority police officer.
- jamonterrell, on 10/11/2007, -4/+14@ariastar
What's this ass-kidding you talk about, sounds like some kind of sicko pedophile activity. - darkwalter, on 10/11/2007, -0/+10My mom does, or at least she used to. I haven't ridden in a car she's been driving in many years so I dunno if she still does.
Mom's a bad driver. - bedwyr, on 10/11/2007, -3/+13I disagree with the last point.
Many public service programs are instructing people to first call the local dispatcher and have them inform the cop behind you that you will pull over when you find a well-lit and very public street; you should drive the speed limit, find a suitable place, and then pull to the side of the road. In quiet, more secluded suburbs or rural towns, there's an easier chance for some psychotic who managed to procure an officer's uniform and some flashing lights to accost an innocent driver.
Denver just recently had a case where some kid was incarcerated for asking to see the officer's ID after being pulled over. He contested and all charges against him dropped. As a result of the incident, the cops in Denver are now being trained to expect and respond (appropriately) to anyone's inquiry as to their credentials.
There's definitely no reason to treat an officer of the law with disrespect or disregard (yes, even if he is being a megalomaniac jerk)--their job is to keep us safe, and they don't respond well to disrespect or uncivil behavior. But we should also not leave ourselves wide open for being taken advantage of some nut in a stolen uniform. - colifis, on 10/11/2007, -1/+11Do people really left foot brake? The only time I do that is on the race track or when I'm trying to light up the rear tires in a cloud of smoke.
- blogger1947, on 10/11/2007, -0/+9I have been arguing for tougher license requirements and periodic retesting for as long as I can remember. My words have always fallen on deaf ears.
- LMaxey, on 10/11/2007, -2/+11@perogi21
I don't think he ever actually said that
and he's very right by the way - elperegrino, on 10/11/2007, -1/+10"Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the Gs, and fast heel-toe work. " (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)
- Rooster99, on 10/11/2007, -0/+9@robertcamb5
They all knew what they were getting into when they joined the force. No sympathy
I know Im going to be dugg down for this, but its the few corrupt cops that ruin it for all of them. I have personally had my property vandilized by a police officer (he poured green paint all over my back seat during a random, unprovoked search that yielded nothing). Im still waiting for the sarg to get back to me about a replacement seat and a replacement set of pants for my passenger who was forced to sit in wet paint. - jeff303, on 10/11/2007, -0/+9@jamonterrell
OK but don't get all pissed off and start tailgating me if you fly up behind me going 20 MPH faster in the left lane, but I can't get over because there is no opening. Also, when given a choice, prefer to pass me on the left rather than the right (this is common courtesy).
Not saying YOU personally do this but you get my point. -
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