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69 Comments
- GruntGrunt, on 11/21/2007, -2/+192Here's the list
1. Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated: Student
2. Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper: Tax Accountant
3. Explain big words to sales people and then cower before customers while trying to convince them that the sales people really didn’t say what the customers understood: Customer Solutions Engineer
4. Learn laws created ages ago so that I can tell engineers why I’m smarter than they are while complaining how it’s a travesty that they get paid more: Physics major
5. Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism: Fireworks Stand Manager
6. Help people lie consistently to their bosses: Business Intelligence Consultant
7. Teach your kids enough to complain but not enough to make a difference: College Teacher
8. Stand on a field and get yelled at for hours: Baseball Umpire
9. Make people who are already filthy rich somewhat richer by duping poor people into buying stuff they don’t need: Corporate Software Engineer
10. Find as many synonyms for “explosion” as possible: Novelist for Teenage Boys
11. Supervise the guys and gals who try to protect the good people from the bad, only to be hated by the good people AND the bad: Police Sergeant
12. Watch the lunatics take over the asylum: Teacher
13. Manage waste recycling, promotion & sales: Antiques Dealer
14. Arrive after the battle and bayonet all the wounded: Auditor
15. Sell gas: Energy and Telecom Business Analyst
16. Tell forty year-old men it’s okay to behave like fourteen year-old school girls: Printing Press Production Coordinator
17. Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms: Tv Ad Director
18. Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire: Consumer Products Tester
19. Manage urban renewal and pest control: B-52 Bomber pilot
20. Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds: Sailing Instructor
21. Draw up plans for something that will not be built according to those plans: Civil Engineer, Transportation Design
22. Teach kids to be evil…or so they say: Video Game Creator
23. Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool: Lifeguard
24. Do all the tasks nobody else wants to do: Admin Assistant
25. Wear a tuxedo and smash metal plates into each other: Musician
26. Go to strange people’s houses and take their money: Pizza Delivery Boy
27. Sell gluttony: Cinema Concession Stand Attendant
28. Tell people that they can’t spend money they thought they had: Government Analyst
29. Take pictures of the unlucky and the stupid: X-ray Technician
30. Profit from the misfortunes of others: Cops and Courts Reporter
31. Take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand or hope to fulfill: Lawyer
32. Bring a little rain into the lives of flood victims: Government Debt Collector
33. Have people spend far more than they estimated: Building Inspector
34. Make sure nothing ever happens: IT Security
35. Move things from one tube to another: Microbiologist
36. Clean up an animal that makes more money then me in a year: Assistant Horse Trainer
37. Make people feel bad about their work: Quality Assurance Tester
38. Be a human napkin: Stay-at-home mom of three
39. Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out: Fast Food Employee
40. Repeatedly fix what you repeatedly break: IT Director
His top 10
1. Help people hate each other: Divorce Lawyer
2. Talk in other people’s sleep: College Professor
3. Try not to kill the baby: Housewife
4. Show people how beautiful the Earth would be without them: Mountain Landscape Photographer/Climber
5. Copy and paste the Internet: Student
6. Write words that no one wants to read: Technical Writer
7. Misinterpret the universe: Astronomer
8. Spend most of the day looking out the window: Pilot
9. Run away and call the police: Security Guard
10. Sell magic potions filled with psychotherapy: Bartender - bralynn, on 11/21/2007, -9/+93"Try to think of a way to fit Ron Paul into my comment: Digger"
- NightcrawlerX, on 11/21/2007, -5/+61My favorite quote : "Copy and paste the Internet: Student"... Anyone who has been student will approuve it ;)
- blinki, on 11/21/2007, -2/+54I for one appreciate your copy paste effort more than just clicking the digg button.
- mark_1581, on 11/21/2007, -2/+4011. Knowing when a server has no chance of surviving the Digg front page: Psychic.... or someone who knows how to spot Wordpress.
- Discerneth, on 11/21/2007, -1/+3223. Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool: Lifeguard
This one made me LOL. - Fizban140, on 11/21/2007, -0/+2719. Manage urban renewal and pest control: B-52 Bomber pilot
Classic. - Ellipsys, on 11/21/2007, -0/+25How about this: Make people equate inconvenience to safety: Airport Security
- MaxisReed, on 11/21/2007, -0/+23Tell a stranger a story in a frightening way, then repeat that a similar version of that story everyday: TV News Producer.
- adidax, on 11/21/2007, -2/+22Shove wieners in my mouth: professional food eater guy.
- riverstyx, on 11/21/2007, -2/+21Trying to resist my sexual urges: "Mortician"
Having you 9 months later when something goes wrong: "Prostitute".
Exporter of Fine Asian Cuisine: "Animal Control"
Working on the 3 million mark: "Meatspin.com record holder"
Having a tongue that no longer works: "Peep Show booth attendant"
Come on, someone help me out here..im trying to be tasteless and it's not working the way it used to. Im getting so out of date.
Heh, the best part about being a necrophiliac is you dont have to bring flowers..They're usually already there :P - Davoucci13, on 11/21/2007, -4/+23Every week, remind people that they will be doomed for eternity unless they do as he says. Priest
- adidax, on 11/21/2007, -0/+18Eat Flaming Death: Wordpress
- everfalling, on 11/21/2007, -0/+17Assure people that the $70 standard definition DVD player they are about to buy will look 100x better with a $120 video cable and swear on my mothers grave that even though neither will ever fail that it's still a good idea to get a 5 year extended warranty for another $100: Fry's Electronics A/V Salesman
:-D - SuperCow1127, on 11/21/2007, -0/+17I'm trying to imagine a day when "digger" would actually be a job.
Edit: I just realized that's probably more than half of us. - insomniacal, on 11/21/2007, -0/+14Act calm and reassuring while stifling the impulse to gag at bad breath and tooth rot: Dental Hygienist.
- sherakama, on 11/21/2007, -0/+13Run back and forth blowing a little whistle for 90 minutes only to receive 90,00 death threats: FIFA referee
- GameDog, on 11/21/2007, -3/+16Run away and call the police: Security Guard... lol
- mbelleghem, on 11/21/2007, -1/+14*head asplodes*
- brucerchapman, on 11/21/2007, -0/+12meh when I was a student, there was no copy and paste from the internet. There was, however, photocopy from the library and re-transcribe - which is just an inefficient version of the same thing.
- Braxo, on 11/21/2007, -0/+11I appreciated your necrophiliac joke at the end. I'll give you a thumbs up.
- vervalsing, on 11/21/2007, -2/+13I hope you were able to get to bed at a reasonable hour after thinking that one up...
- shadowsurfr1, on 11/21/2007, -0/+11You obviously scrolled all the way to the bottom to leave a comment. Did you somehow miss the one on top that has the listing of them?
- Bamborzled, on 11/21/2007, -2/+12Here's mine.
Steal money from idiots: Geek Squad "technician". - randysouth, on 11/21/2007, -0/+10Slowly go insane while trying to explain to people why their expired trial copy of Norton AntiVirus 2003 let viruses get on their computer. - Computer Tech
- deathbyspatula, on 11/21/2007, -0/+10Shiver uncontrollably while performing manual labor for minimum wage: Grocery store frozen/dairy department employee
- unitethenations, on 11/21/2007, -1/+11approve
- ZenMojo, on 11/21/2007, -1/+10"Telling people they can't know what they think they do: Philosophy Major."
"Telling people they can't see what they think they do: Politician."
"Telling people they can't trust who they think they do: Political Pundit."
"Telling people they can't love who they think they do: Pastor."
"Telling people they can't hate who they think they do: Priest." - TheLoneWolf071, on 11/21/2007, -4/+13Post A Comment Of Something I Just Read: Digger
- everfalling, on 11/21/2007, -0/+7laughing while kicking a dead horse until the image of it seeps into our collective unconscious and possibly makes its way on daytime television to fill a slow news day: Anonymous
- Pake, on 11/21/2007, -0/+6Figure out 10 possible ways to fix a problem that never existed and is only broke after you attempted it: Mechanical Engineer.
- vuke69, on 11/21/2007, -0/+6See, copypasta, exactly what he was talking about...
Thanks for the live demonstration Braxo. - psykiv, on 11/21/2007, -1/+7Charge a lot for solutions to problems that never existed: Consultant
Click some buttons on the mouse: Computer Technician
Tell people they're not crazy: Psychologist
Collect money for drugs for a living: Cashier at pharmacy
***** up people's lives: Judge - saifatlast, on 11/21/2007, -0/+6Parrot the same hackneyed joke over and over: digger.
- compgeek, on 11/21/2007, -4/+8call people try to sell them ***** they don't need but you have to force them to need cause you need the bonus money: telemarketer
- supdigga, on 11/21/2007, -2/+6Taser loud people to death: Police Officer
- teh_techie, on 11/21/2007, -0/+3The guy who gets a transferred phone call and asks the customer the same questions that he's already been asked by the first guy he just talked to: Tier 2 Technical support.
- mfelkins, on 11/21/2007, -0/+3Sell money: Loan Officer :)
- Zaneris, on 11/21/2007, -1/+4That one is so true...
- ladyarcher85, on 11/21/2007, -0/+3I think you got psychologist wrong. It should be tell people they are crazy and they need you to cure them - Psychologist
- crazybugger, on 11/21/2007, -0/+2Bringing sites down: Digg
- Myztry, on 11/21/2007, -0/+2Enable Hereditary Infertility: invitro fertilization specialist
- ladyarcher85, on 11/21/2007, -0/+2I love this one "Sell magic potions filled with psychotherapy: Bartender"
Its so true! - DirtySnachez, on 11/21/2007, -1/+3Seriously, I agree with his most of his principles but the constant tirade of spamming from his supporters have totally turned me off voting for him.
If he's great, let people figure it out themselves - dont fill every available message board and commentbox and forum and IRC channel with "VOTE RON PAUL" *****, unless you want him to become known as the BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS ON THE WEB ever.
Bury me if you're a spammer for Ron paul. Digg me up if you like him, but are pissed that his supporters have gone way way wayyyy overboard (and prolly shot themselves in the foot) - Jordan117, on 11/21/2007, -3/+5Drive in circles really fast in front of thousands of rednecks, and then disappoint them by NOT dying in a fire: NASCAR driver.
- jkarhu24, on 11/21/2007, -0/+2Encourage kids to scoot around on a piece of wood: Professional Skateboarder
- inactive, on 11/21/2007, -2/+4what you just did: fail
- jshare, on 11/21/2007, -0/+1The original post + comments with other smart-alecky job descs is here: http://jobmob.co.il/blog/funniest-short-job-descri ...
- DustyinBFE, on 11/22/2007, -0/+1Come in when everyone is asleep, and play "clean up crew" for every little thing your dumbass co-workers didn't do right in the 16 hours you were gone: Hotel Night Auditor
- crazybugger, on 11/21/2007, -0/+1I am digging you for hilarity!
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