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107 Comments
- Railer, on 10/12/2007, -2/+152Reminds me of an old joke.
I want to die like my grandfather, in my sleep. Not screaming and hollering like the rest of the people in the car. - cculver, on 10/12/2007, -1/+101I dunno. I can honestly say I don't want to be bludgeoned to death by a giant penis.
- oddmanout, on 10/12/2007, -0/+71death by snu snu!
- wild, on 10/12/2007, -0/+39I would rather be bludgeoned by it than choked on it.
- RexMaxus, on 10/12/2007, -3/+42Okay, 33.33333333333333333333333...% of that list was about a toilet. I think that could have been summed up with a simple "on the toilet" and used the other two spots of other bad ways to die.
Fire for example...
Maybe paper cuts?
man, death by paper cuts hurts just thinking about it - BESTenemy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+34Mitch Hedberg: "Smith drowned in pool of her own vomit. Do you know how much someone has to vomit to fill up a pool?"
- dclowd9901, on 10/12/2007, -0/+29We need rest. The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy... and bruised.
- AriaStar, on 10/12/2007, -2/+24What's lamer is that the account is suspended for exceeding its CPU.
So here:
http://duggmirror.com/offbeat_news/10_Ways_I_Don_t_Wanna_Die/ - IEatHamburgers, on 10/12/2007, -0/+20If you were in that situation I'm sure you could use your other hand to dial 911
- gte879p, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21#1 best way:
death by sexual exhaustion. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -3/+20Death by curb stomp is not there...that is the worst.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a08PnAc76CI
Edward Norton - American History X - vypergts, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16Mine's dysentery. Oregon Trail style.
- SeaBass22, on 10/12/2007, -2/+17Actually 30%
- HyperJack, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15If anyone has seen lock, stock and two smoking barrels,
you will remeber Smithy, who got beat to Death by Harry the hatchet,
the mureder weapon: A 15" Black rubber *****. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15The guy in Fargo didn't die by woodchipper, the other guy was just disposing of his body.
- huckmank, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14I never thought I'd die like this, but I'd always really hoped.
- MonkeyMCSE, on 10/12/2007, -6/+20i know i'll be dugg down for this comment, but you owe me a new keyboard, I just shot pepsi all over it. That was quite amusing and I'd never heard it.
- swordedge, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12You can get a fantastically better list by perusing the Darwin award winners
- M2Ys4U, on 10/12/2007, -10/+21lame. Bludgeoned by a penis?
- CodeAlchemist, on 10/12/2007, -3/+14The last pic is NSFW, btw.
- lockedon, on 10/12/2007, -2/+13That was like the gayest top ten i have ever seen. My number 1 is
1. Not be skinned and put in a pool of vinegar salt water. - PJNowak1213, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11Randal: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
Dante: How did he go?
Randal: He broke his neck.
Dante: You call that embarrassing?
Randal: He broke his neck while trying to suck his own dick! - huckmank, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10This is the at the very top of my list of ways I don't want to die.
From chapter 1 of Foucault's "Discipline and Punish." Sorry for the length, but it's necessary to get the whole picture.
On 1 March 1757 Damiens the regicide was condemned "to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris", where he was to be "taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds"; then, "in the said cart, to the Place de Grève, where, on a scaffold that will be erected there, the flesh will be torn from his breasts, arms, thighs and claves with red-hot pincers, his right hand, holding the knife with which he committed the said parricide, burnt with sulphur, and, on those places where the flesh will be torn away, poured molten lead, boiling oil, burning resin, wax and sulphur melted together and then his body drawn and quartered by four horses and his limbs and body consumed by fire, reduced to ashes and his ashes thrown to the winds" (Pièces originales..., 372-4).
"Finally, he was quartered," recounts the Gazette d'Amsterdam of 1 April 1757. "This last operation was very long, because the horses used were not accustomed to drawing; consequently, instead of four, six were needed; and when that did not suffice, they were forced, in order to cut off the wretch's thighs, to sever the sinews and hack at the joints...
"It is said that, though he was always a great swearer, no blashemy escaped his lips; but the excessive pain made him utter horrible cries, and he often repeated: 'My God, have pity on me! Jesus, help me!' The spectators were all edified by the solicitude of the parish priest of St Paul's who despite his great age did not spare himself in offering consolation to the patient."
Bouton, an officer of the watch, left us his account: "The sulphur was lit, but the flame was so poor that only the top skin of the hand was burnt, and that only slightly. Then the executioner, his sleeves rolled up, took the steel pincers, which had been especially made for the occasion, and which were about a foot and a half long, and pulled first at the calf of the right leg, then at the thigh, and from there at the two fleshy parts of the right arm; then at the breasts. Though a strong, sturdy fellow, this executioner found it so difficult to tear away the pieces of flesh that he set about the same spot two or three times, twisting the pincers as he did so, and what he took away formed at each part a wound about the size of a six-pound crown piece.
"After these tearings with the pincers, Damiens, who cried out profusely, though without swearing, raised his head and looked at himself; the same executioner dipped an iron spoon in the pot containing the boiling potion, which he poured liberally over each wound. Then the ropes that were to be harnessed to the horses were attached with cords to the patient's body; the horses were then harnessed and placed alongside the arms and legs, one at each limb.
"Monsieur Le Breton, the clerk of the court, went up to the patient several times and asked him if he had anything to say. He said he had not; at each torment, he cried out, as the damned in hell are supposed to cry out, 'Pardon, my God! Pardon, my Lord.' Despite all this pain, he raised his head from time to time and looked at himself boldly. The cords had been tied so tightly by the men who pulled the ends that they caused him indescribable pain. Monsieur le [sic] Breton went up to him again and asked him if he had anything to say; he said no. Several confessors went up to him and spoke to him at length; he willingly kissed the crucifix that was held out to him; he opened his lips and repeated: 'Pardon, Lord.'
"The horses tugged hard, each pulling straight on a limb, each horse held by an executioner. After a quarter of an hour, the same ceremony was repeated and finally, after several attempts, the direction of the horses had to be changed, thus: those at the arms were made to pull towards the head, those at the thighs towards the arms, which broke the arms at the joints. This was repeated several times without success. He raised his head and looked at himself. Two more horses had to be added to those harnessed to the thighs, which made six horses in all. Without success.
"Finally, the executioner, Samson, said to Monsieur Le Breton that there was no way or hope of succeeding, and told him to ask their Lordships if they wished him to have the prisoner cut into pieces. Monsieur Le Breton, who had come down from the town, ordered that renewed efforts be made, and this was done; but the horses gave up and one of those harnessed to the thighs fell to the ground. The confessors returned and spoke to him again. He said to them (I heard him): 'Kiss me, gentlemen.' The parish priest of St Paul's did not dare to, so Monsieur de Marsilly slipped under the rope holding the left arm and kissed him on the forehead. The executioners gathered round and Damiens told them not to swear, to carry out their task and that he did not think ill of them; he begged them to pray to God for him, and asked the parish priest of St Paul's to pray for him at the first mass.
"After two or three attempts, the executioner Samson and he who had used the pincers each drew out a knife from his pocket and cut the body at the thighs instead of severing the legs at the joints; the four horses gave a tug and carried off the two thighs after them, namely, that of the right side first, the other following; then the same was done to the arms, the shoulders, the arm-pits and the four limbs; the flesh had to be cut almost to the bone, the horses pulling hard carried off the right arm first and the other afterwards.
"When the four limbs had been pulled away, the confessors came to speak to him; but his executioner told them that he was dead, though the truth was that I saw the man move, his lower jaw moving from side to side as if he were talking. One of the executioners even said shortly afterwards that when they had lifted the trunk to throw it on the stake, he was still alive. The four limbs were untied from the ropes and thrown on the stake set up in the enclosure in line with the scaffold, then the trunk and the rest were covered with logs and *****, and fire was put to the straw mixed with this wood.
"...In accordance with the decree, the whole was reduced to ashes. The last piece to be found in the embers was still burning at half-past ten in the evening. The pieces of flesh and the trunk had taken about four hours to burn. The officers of whom I was one, as also was my son, and a detachment of archers remained in the square until nearly eleven o'clock. - Beshitehboss, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I wanna die like grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine.
- ledpamster, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8death by over-ingestion of said ***** or urine
- nimrod245, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8I think Bill Hicks was right, when I'm old I wanna go out in an action movie. "do you want your grandmother to die in a hospital, alone, surrounded by strangers, or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris."
- IEatHamburgers, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Being hit by the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile.
- z00k, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I would have to say being eatin by croc's would be a bad way to go.. Cant image anyone... Oh wait *Checks recent digg story*
- mynameistim, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7eaten by a pack of non-poisonous spiders would be # 1 on my list.
- Hentez, on 10/12/2007, -5/+12What about bludgeoning your own penis, being found dead with a death grip on your own junk would be high on my list.
- kcmedic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I want to cum and go at the same time.
- Mtdewrulz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7@mccrusc
That would be pretty badass, but I think it would be better if you got hit by a tractor trailer truck that was driving in front of a bus full of kindergarteners... Then maybe the rear tires would kick you up and into the windshield of the bus.
That would be WAY more awesome than just being run over by the bus. - Chompy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6I want a death by misadventure..
- quacker912, on 10/12/2007, -0/+41. During an Inspirational Speech
2. On the toilet
3. On an outdoor toilet
4. In the toilet
5. Getting caught by a slow zombie
6. In a woodchipper
7. Getting squashed
8. Because I wasn’t paying attention
9. Before I have sex one last time
10. Pummelled to death with a giant penis - mccrusc, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5@southwestnut
It wasn't a top 10 list, that was just one way with 7 steps. Another good way- Hit buy a bus full of kindergarteners on a field trip.
edit: while walking, not in a vehicle of course, wouldn't want the little buggers to get injured... - gte879p, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6Supposedly drowning isn't physically all that awful. You choke for a bit as your lungs fill with water, but then there's no pain. You just lose consciousness in the next ...minute? or so as you no longer are receiving air to the brain. The part that terrifies people, is the mental aspect of it. "oh no, if I breathe in, water will fill my lungs and I'll die." We are all afraid of the -idea- of drowning, as it invokes in us a terrible feeling of choking/not being able to breathe. But it's supposed to not be so bad.
- Urusai, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5How about falling into a septic tank? That's got to be a bad way to go.
- kcmedic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Most drownings are "dry". As the the water hits your vocal cords they spasm and close, keeping the water (and air) out. It's more like suffocation.
Ask a person with severe asthma if it feels bad or not. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I have, but before I had read that it was used as a torture technique during the Inquisition. Absolutely no idea as to the truth of that, though.
Also, there's a variant used in Room 101 in 1984. - LatvianHedgehog, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5Oh thank You, Lord in Heaven !
- Metaridley, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Death by being kicked into a pit, a la 300, is surely the best way to go. It's not pretty, but your name will certainly live forever.
"Dude, did you see that part where ke kicked that guy into the pit?!" - huckmank, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4"Proof that atheists are nasty people."
Pretty idiotic comment, considering this was pre-revolutionary France and was in response to the attempted assassination of Louis XV, a Roman Catholic king. - Nougat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4@huckmank (#6309015)
I am always amazed at the resolve which people had in these times when such horrible punishments were common. In so many of these cases, had the accused confessed to the crimes which they were being prosecuted for, their death would be far more swift and merciful. And yet, so many refused to confess.
That's balls. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Yea, but if your boss is close enough to make that out over your shoulder, you shouldn't be on digg at work anyway.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Red hot cauldron of rats duct-taped to your stomach, with a blowtorch held to the bottom of the cauldron so the rats frenzy and eat their way out.
Gives me the heebie-jeebies just typing that. - EustaceTilley, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4i think we all know that drowning becasue you are trapped underwater since the surfae is covered in oil, which is on fire, is the worst way to die.
top that - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3"You stake a guy out on an anthill in the desert, see? He’s facing upward, and you put honey all over his balls and pecker, and you cut off his eyelids so he has to stare at the sun till he dies."
slaughterhouse-five - robharper, on 10/12/2007, -0/+33 broken legs... also Oregon Trail style.
- otaku244, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3painful... definitely...
embarassing.... no - RexMaxus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2okay, so maybe math isn't really my thing
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