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10 Ways I Don't Wanna Die

cottonandsand.com — Out of all the embarrassing ways to die, If I end my time on this Earth in one of these 10, the first thing I ’m going to say the divine entity I meet up with is, “Ha, Ha, Ha, very funny motherf*cker”

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  • M2Ys4U, on 10/12/2007, -10/+21lame. Bludgeoned by a penis?
    • cculver, on 10/12/2007, -1/+101I dunno. I can honestly say I don't want to be bludgeoned to death by a giant penis.
    • Hentez, on 10/12/2007, -5/+12What about bludgeoning your own penis, being found dead with a death grip on your own junk would be high on my list.
    • Shuk, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2I think I would rather be bludgeoned by a giant penis than crucified, drowning to death, buried alive, or being eaten by bugs.
    • wild, on 10/12/2007, -0/+39I would rather be bludgeoned by it than choked on it.
    • AriaStar, on 10/12/2007, -2/+24What's lamer is that the account is suspended for exceeding its CPU.

      So here:

      http://duggmirror.com/offbeat_news/10_Ways_I_Don_t_Wanna_Die/
    • BESTenemy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+34Mitch Hedberg: "Smith drowned in pool of her own vomit. Do you know how much someone has to vomit to fill up a pool?"
    • HyperJack, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15If anyone has seen lock, stock and two smoking barrels,
      you will remeber Smithy, who got beat to Death by Harry the hatchet,
      the mureder weapon: A 15" Black rubber *****.
    • z00k, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I would have to say being eatin by croc's would be a bad way to go.. Cant image anyone... Oh wait *Checks recent digg story*
    • swordedge, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12You can get a fantastically better list by perusing the Darwin award winners
    • Chompy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6I want a death by misadventure..
    • quacker912, on 10/12/2007, -0/+41. During an Inspirational Speech
      2. On the toilet
      3. On an outdoor toilet
      4. In the toilet
      5. Getting caught by a slow zombie
      6. In a woodchipper
      7. Getting squashed
      8. Because I wasn’t paying attention
      9. Before I have sex one last time
      10. Pummelled to death with a giant penis
    • deviouskoopa, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2About the girl dying IN the toliet in #4... what the hell is going on??
    • raynar, on 10/12/2007, -5/+2haha, what a ***** dork. actually posted some Bon Jovi lyrcis. Jesus digg, why doth thou sucketh so much?

      personally, I'd hate to be *****'d to death, but thats just me.
    • Beshitehboss, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I wanna die like grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine.
    • allengeer, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1@BESTenemy: Mitch Hedberg died well before Anna Nicole Smith did.
    • Price, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2@deviouskoopa:

      Basically the ship they are on is under attack by a massive sea monster thing, like a squad but a monster psycho killer squid... It's massive, OK. And the tentacles try and pull her through and then she explodes for some reason (I'm being serious). At least, that's what I remember from watching it ~5 years ago.
    • BESTenemy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@allengeer

      I believe his joke wasn't about Anna Nicole, but some other celebrity. I posted the first quote of Mitch Hedberd I could find. I don't know what the first name of the person in his joke was. Doesn't really matter. It's just funny.
    • mfratt, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Wheres the tanning beds from Final Destination 3?
  • Railer, on 10/12/2007, -2/+151Reminds me of an old joke.

    I want to die like my grandfather, in my sleep. Not screaming and hollering like the rest of the people in the car.
    • MonkeyMCSE, on 10/12/2007, -6/+20i know i'll be dugg down for this comment, but you owe me a new keyboard, I just shot pepsi all over it. That was quite amusing and I'd never heard it.
    • Scheissen, on 10/12/2007, -11/+0ha

    • CletusJones, on 10/12/2007, -9/+6My grandpa wanted me on his lap when he died... he got the electric chair.
    • ronsii, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1I always heard it when 'my grandfather' was an airline pilot and all of his passengers were screaming!
  • banderbe, on 10/12/2007, -19/+6This is stupid. Do people just blindly digg anything Mister Booby Man submits?
    • hirak99, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@banderbe (#6304967)
      I did not digg it blindly. Hell, I did not digg it...
  • RexMaxus, on 10/12/2007, -3/+42Okay, 33.33333333333333333333333...% of that list was about a toilet. I think that could have been summed up with a simple "on the toilet" and used the other two spots of other bad ways to die.

    Fire for example...

    Maybe paper cuts?







    man, death by paper cuts hurts just thinking about it
  • nimrod245, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8I think Bill Hicks was right, when I'm old I wanna go out in an action movie. "do you want your grandmother to die in a hospital, alone, surrounded by strangers, or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris."
  • oddmanout, on 10/12/2007, -0/+71death by snu snu!
    • dclowd9901, on 10/12/2007, -0/+29We need rest. The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy... and bruised.
    • LatvianHedgehog, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5Oh thank You, Lord in Heaven !
    • huckmank, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14I never thought I'd die like this, but I'd always really hoped.
    • troye, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1Perfect, I really like snu snu.
  • mynameistim, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7eaten by a pack of non-poisonous spiders would be # 1 on my list.
  • yourfavweapn, on 10/12/2007, -4/+5drowning in ***** and/or urine. Just try and beat that.
    • ledpamster, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8death by over-ingestion of said ***** or urine
  • ruz322, on 10/12/2007, -14/+1I wouldn't want to die as a Democrat. I wouldn't want to live as one either. Guess its a lose-lose situation.
  • ChicknBot, on 10/12/2007, -3/+20Death by curb stomp is not there...that is the worst.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a08PnAc76CI

    Edward Norton - American History X

    • MikeEnIke, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I refuse to watch that video, simply because i know what a curb stomp is. I couldn't even watch the woodchipper one



      Oh, and I've played Gears of War
  • Zackypooh, on 10/12/2007, -10/+9......stupid, buried
  • christofer10, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3death by digging, that should be applied to this website
  • CodeAlchemist, on 10/12/2007, -3/+14The last pic is NSFW, btw.
    • detlev409, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Yea, but if your boss is close enough to make that out over your shoulder, you shouldn't be on digg at work anyway.
    • HallsOfMandos, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Shouldn't have to scroll half-way through the comments to find this out, it should have been posted in the summary.

      And the boss doesn't have to be looking over your shoulder to be able to find out that you visited a website with pics of naked chicks on it...now because its from a Monty Python movie you may just get a small warning if you have a cool boss, but nonetheless...please for the love of god put **NSFW** in the summary so I don't even try to look at this at work. Thanks
  • bobbothegrayson, on 10/12/2007, -4/+5http://www.duggmirror.com
  • EustaceTilley, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4i think we all know that drowning becasue you are trapped underwater since the surfae is covered in oil, which is on fire, is the worst way to die.
    top that
    • southwestnut, on 10/12/2007, -6/+3getting your head lopped off by a terrorist?
  • lockedon, on 10/12/2007, -2/+13That was like the gayest top ten i have ever seen. My number 1 is

    1. Not be skinned and put in a pool of vinegar salt water.
    • vypergts, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16Mine's dysentery. Oregon Trail style.
    • detlev409, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Red hot cauldron of rats duct-taped to your stomach, with a blowtorch held to the bottom of the cauldron so the rats frenzy and eat their way out.

      Gives me the heebie-jeebies just typing that.
    • Felshadow, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1You read the sword of truth im guessing? cause thats where i remember reading that :P
    • detlev409, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I have, but before I had read that it was used as a torture technique during the Inquisition. Absolutely no idea as to the truth of that, though.

      Also, there's a variant used in Room 101 in 1984.
    • robharper, on 10/12/2007, -0/+33 broken legs... also Oregon Trail style.
    • shinynew, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Most spectacular - large pill filled with ceasium. Stuff explodes on contact with water.
      Worst - there is to many, I keep on topping it before I type it.
      Best - OD on E or something to that effect
  • airquotes, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3This website died a gruesome death
  • mannymix03, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3i really hope i don't die as fast as this server did
  • IQpierce, on 10/12/2007, -4/+3I think we need a "top 10 ways to die" list.

    If I could choose how to die, it would be this.
    1. Go skydiving.
    2. Somehow get myself over a suburban area.
    3. Jump from the plane and don't pull my parachute.
    4. Aim for some unsuspecting family's backyard.
    5. Screaming as I fall, land in their backyard...
    6. ...In their barbecue pit...
    7. ...While it's running, and the whole family is gathered around.

    If I could line that up, it would be the best possible way to go out. Fall from a great distance INTO a roaring flame... that's goin' out with style my friends!
    • southwestnut, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3I counted 7, where are the other 3? :>)
    • daschupa, on 10/12/2007, -1/+18. Reading another top (insert number) list
    • mccrusc, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5@southwestnut
      It wasn't a top 10 list, that was just one way with 7 steps. Another good way- Hit buy a bus full of kindergarteners on a field trip.

      edit: while walking, not in a vehicle of course, wouldn't want the little buggers to get injured...
    • Mtdewrulz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7@mccrusc

      That would be pretty badass, but I think it would be better if you got hit by a tractor trailer truck that was driving in front of a bus full of kindergarteners... Then maybe the rear tires would kick you up and into the windshield of the bus.

      That would be WAY more awesome than just being run over by the bus.
  • gte879p, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6Supposedly drowning isn't physically all that awful. You choke for a bit as your lungs fill with water, but then there's no pain. You just lose consciousness in the next ...minute? or so as you no longer are receiving air to the brain. The part that terrifies people, is the mental aspect of it. "oh no, if I breathe in, water will fill my lungs and I'll die." We are all afraid of the -idea- of drowning, as it invokes in us a terrible feeling of choking/not being able to breathe. But it's supposed to not be so bad.
    • kcmedic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Most drownings are "dry". As the the water hits your vocal cords they spasm and close, keeping the water (and air) out. It's more like suffocation.

      Ask a person with severe asthma if it feels bad or not.
    • detlev409, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1As someone who very nearly drowned as a child (still can't swim very well) I can tell you it sure ain't fun.
    • kcmedic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I should clarify my post above.

      True "dry" drownings are the minority (cords stay closed until you are dead), but in the majority of drownings the person goes unconscious prior to the cords relaxing. So to the person drowning, it feels more like suffocation.
  • gte879p, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21#1 best way:

    death by sexual exhaustion.
    • IEatHamburgers, on 10/12/2007, -0/+20If you were in that situation I'm sure you could use your other hand to dial 911
    • kcmedic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I want to cum and go at the same time.
    • mccrusc, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Death by Snoo Snoo?
  • soulonaroll, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15The guy in Fargo didn't die by woodchipper, the other guy was just disposing of his body.
    • roblun, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Thank You! I thought the same exact thing when i read the article.
  • IEatHamburgers, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Being hit by the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile.
  • knuckles, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1Rule #1, we don't talk about fight club...
  • Urusai, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5How about falling into a septic tank? That's got to be a bad way to go.
    • Nougat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@urusai (#6308917)
      I recall a story of an old man in the Appalachians who fell through the floor of his outhouse and was down there for a couple of days before someone heard him. He lived, though. Saw it on History Channel or some such.
  • EclipseGSX, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go."
    -Lt. Frank Drebin
  • MrCali626, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1What about the hooker who got screwed by the razor dildo like in seven....or the black guy (who hit his son drunk) who had all four limbs and his neck twisted off in the movie Saw III.

    All the faces of death movies, the drawing and quartering. ETC. All pretty unpleasant.
  • huckmank, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10This is the at the very top of my list of ways I don't want to die.

    From chapter 1 of Foucault's "Discipline and Punish." Sorry for the length, but it's necessary to get the whole picture.

    On 1 March 1757 Damiens the regicide was condemned "to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris", where he was to be "taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds"; then, "in the said cart, to the Place de Grève, where, on a scaffold that will be erected there, the flesh will be torn from his breasts, arms, thighs and claves with red-hot pincers, his right hand, holding the knife with which he committed the said parricide, burnt with sulphur, and, on those places where the flesh will be torn away, poured molten lead, boiling oil, burning resin, wax and sulphur melted together and then his body drawn and quartered by four horses and his limbs and body consumed by fire, reduced to ashes and his ashes thrown to the winds" (Pièces originales..., 372-4).

    "Finally, he was quartered," recounts the Gazette d'Amsterdam of 1 April 1757. "This last operation was very long, because the horses used were not accustomed to drawing; consequently, instead of four, six were needed; and when that did not suffice, they were forced, in order to cut off the wretch's thighs, to sever the sinews and hack at the joints...

    "It is said that, though he was always a great swearer, no blashemy escaped his lips; but the excessive pain made him utter horrible cries, and he often repeated: 'My God, have pity on me! Jesus, help me!' The spectators were all edified by the solicitude of the parish priest of St Paul's who despite his great age did not spare himself in offering consolation to the patient."

    Bouton, an officer of the watch, left us his account: "The sulphur was lit, but the flame was so poor that only the top skin of the hand was burnt, and that only slightly. Then the executioner, his sleeves rolled up, took the steel pincers, which had been especially made for the occasion, and which were about a foot and a half long, and pulled first at the calf of the right leg, then at the thigh, and from there at the two fleshy parts of the right arm; then at the breasts. Though a strong, sturdy fellow, this executioner found it so difficult to tear away the pieces of flesh that he set about the same spot two or three times, twisting the pincers as he did so, and what he took away formed at each part a wound about the size of a six-pound crown piece.

    "After these tearings with the pincers, Damiens, who cried out profusely, though without swearing, raised his head and looked at himself; the same executioner dipped an iron spoon in the pot containing the boiling potion, which he poured liberally over each wound. Then the ropes that were to be harnessed to the horses were attached with cords to the patient's body; the horses were then harnessed and placed alongside the arms and legs, one at each limb.

    "Monsieur Le Breton, the clerk of the court, went up to the patient several times and asked him if he had anything to say. He said he had not; at each torment, he cried out, as the damned in hell are supposed to cry out, 'Pardon, my God! Pardon, my Lord.' Despite all this pain, he raised his head from time to time and looked at himself boldly. The cords had been tied so tightly by the men who pulled the ends that they caused him indescribable pain. Monsieur le [sic] Breton went up to him again and asked him if he had anything to say; he said no. Several confessors went up to him and spoke to him at length; he willingly kissed the crucifix that was held out to him; he opened his lips and repeated: 'Pardon, Lord.'

    "The horses tugged hard, each pulling straight on a limb, each horse held by an executioner. After a quarter of an hour, the same ceremony was repeated and finally, after several attempts, the direction of the horses had to be changed, thus: those at the arms were made to pull towards the head, those at the thighs towards the arms, which broke the arms at the joints. This was repeated several times without success. He raised his head and looked at himself. Two more horses had to be added to those harnessed to the thighs, which made six horses in all. Without success.

    "Finally, the executioner, Samson, said to Monsieur Le Breton that there was no way or hope of succeeding, and told him to ask their Lordships if they wished him to have the prisoner cut into pieces. Monsieur Le Breton, who had come down from the town, ordered that renewed efforts be made, and this was done; but the horses gave up and one of those harnessed to the thighs fell to the ground. The confessors returned and spoke to him again. He said to them (I heard him): 'Kiss me, gentlemen.' The parish priest of St Paul's did not dare to, so Monsieur de Marsilly slipped under the rope holding the left arm and kissed him on the forehead. The executioners gathered round and Damiens told them not to swear, to carry out their task and that he did not think ill of them; he begged them to pray to God for him, and asked the parish priest of St Paul's to pray for him at the first mass.

    "After two or three attempts, the executioner Samson and he who had used the pincers each drew out a knife from his pocket and cut the body at the thighs instead of severing the legs at the joints; the four horses gave a tug and carried off the two thighs after them, namely, that of the right side first, the other following; then the same was done to the arms, the shoulders, the arm-pits and the four limbs; the flesh had to be cut almost to the bone, the horses pulling hard carried off the right arm first and the other afterwards.

    "When the four limbs had been pulled away, the confessors came to speak to him; but his executioner told them that he was dead, though the truth was that I saw the man move, his lower jaw moving from side to side as if he were talking. One of the executioners even said shortly afterwards that when they had lifted the trunk to throw it on the stake, he was still alive. The four limbs were untied from the ropes and thrown on the stake set up in the enclosure in line with the scaffold, then the trunk and the rest were covered with logs and *****, and fire was put to the straw mixed with this wood.

    "...In accordance with the decree, the whole was reduced to ashes. The last piece to be found in the embers was still burning at half-past ten in the evening. The pieces of flesh and the trunk had taken about four hours to burn. The officers of whom I was one, as also was my son, and a detachment of archers remained in the square until nearly eleven o'clock.

    • Nougat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4@huckmank (#6309015)
      I am always amazed at the resolve which people had in these times when such horrible punishments were common. In so many of these cases, had the accused confessed to the crimes which they were being prosecuted for, their death would be far more swift and merciful. And yet, so many refused to confess.

      That's balls.
    • Simplex42, on 10/12/2007, -7/+2Proof that atheists are nasty people.
    • huckmank, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4"Proof that atheists are nasty people."

      Pretty idiotic comment, considering this was pre-revolutionary France and was in response to the attempted assassination of Louis XV, a Roman Catholic king.
    • Simplex42, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1@huckmank

      > Pretty idiotic comment, considering this was pre-revolutionary France and was
      > in response to the attempted assassination of Louis XV, a Roman Catholic king.

      No *****.
  • IEatHamburgers, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Getting hit by lightning, while listening to my iPod playing "Ride The Lightning"
    One guy who got on Digg had that happen I think, but he survived. I wonder how that lawsuit against Apple went?
  • PJNowak1213, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11Randal: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
    Dante: How did he go?
    Randal: He broke his neck.
    Dante: You call that embarrassing?
    Randal: He broke his neck while trying to suck his own dick!
  • mythandros, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1The author of this abortion demonstrates all the literary skill of an angry pre-pubescent and you tools decide to digg this onto the front page? Just so I understand the formula, 30% scatalogical humor gets me to the front page, right?
  • Metaridley, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Death by being kicked into a pit, a la 300, is surely the best way to go. It's not pretty, but your name will certainly live forever.
    "Dude, did you see that part where ke kicked that guy into the pit?!"
  • atkinso8, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1but he didn't say BAD ways to die... he was listing EMBARRASSING ways to die.

    im pretty sure dying on or in the toilet qualifies.
  • kendra, on 10/12/2007, -1/+011) Jack Bauer.
  • Mtdewrulz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I decided a long time ago that I want to be eaten by a grizzly bear on live national television. Sure, it would probably hurt, but it would also be frickin' awesome... and I think the awesome factor would outweigh the ouchiness.
  • Alimack, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Two bad ways to die that actually happened:

    Rasputin - Ate a meal laced with cyanide.
    That didn't do anything, so he got shot in the back.
    Then he woke up, chased his shooter up a flight of stairs on his hands and knees, and was shot twice more. Just to be safe, his unconscious body then got the ***** kicked out of it.
    His body was taken to the river and dropped through a hole made in the ice. This time, he really died, but only after regaining consciousness, breathing in icy water and making a holy sign across his chest. Ooh, so close.

    Some MP - found hanging by his neck with an orange in his mouth wearing lady's tights. Forgot the guy's name, but it was in a Ricky Gervais sketch so it must be true.


    And another one, that's at least quite secret-agenty:
    Georgi Markov, a Bulgarian defector living in Britain - Died from a tiny poison pellet thought to have been shot into his leg through a specially converted umbrella. A Death Umbrella.
    • TheNik, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I remember seeing a special on Ricin on the Discovery Channel and Georgi Markov was on it. Seems like a ***** way to go, too.
  • Appleboi4evr, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Good job digg, you made this poor webmaster exceed his cpu quota. way to go!
  • otaku244, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1How about getting chopped up by a propeller while fighting Indiana Jones.... or worse yet, having a sword-to-gun fight with the man as well

    There's nothing that says "I lack intelligence" like bringing a sword to a gun battle.
  • soulonaroll, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3"You stake a guy out on an anthill in the desert, see? He’s facing upward, and you put honey all over his balls and pecker, and you cut off his eyelids so he has to stare at the sun till he dies."

    slaughterhouse-five
    • otaku244, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3painful... definitely...
      embarassing.... no
  • benmarvin, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1If I had to go, I would love to die in a blaze of glory.
  • mwanaume, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1If i were to choose how i would die then i'd go for a heart-attack just when i hit "climax" during a wild shag. A combined feeling of busting a nut and your heart backfiring. Rockafella style. Recycling any one?
  • enginbeering, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1dugg for the Eddie Murphy reference in the description
  • melbourne28, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Can you digg yourself to death??
  • M4tt3r, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Getting your ***** and balls cut off, then jammed into your own mouth is definitely #1 on my list.

    Faces-of-Death...
  • harrier666, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Not to make light of a tragic situation, but here in the bay area a plane recently went down. Didn't just go down in a field, or side of a mountain, but landed squarely in a sewage plant. They had to drain and sterilize the tank before they could recover the aircraft and bodies inside. THAT is my personal #1 way I don't want to go.
  • neutrascrub, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2what about when the bitch in 13 ghosts gets crushed between the walls and her skull cracks in half?
  • iamsam28T, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1The scene from A Clockwork Orange that was mentioned but not included here

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=xgcFcGNDdbs&mode=related&search=
  • jamza, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0A top ten worst deaths list http://www.jamza.com/list.asp?id=148
  •  

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