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239 Comments
- Billiam627, on 10/10/2007, -2/+183I've always had this fantasy of getting pulled over for speeding, and when the cop comes up to give me the ticket I start insinuating about crimes I didn't commit...
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"You finally caught me, you played the game well officer, pity your partner didn't." - Renton, on 10/10/2007, -3/+152@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
%The_Coolest> y?
+Enyo> why?
%The_Coolest> :o
@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said '*****' - ChileanGoD, on 10/10/2007, -7/+132Get a white friend
- PureForm, on 10/10/2007, -10/+93I find it amazing that encounters with our authorities usually require us to play their "game". Jump through this hoop, jump through that hoop. It's like a test they hope you never studied for.... DUGG!
- f4nt0m4s, on 10/10/2007, -6/+83Seriously...cops are *****. But so are a lot of the people they pull over. I have a lot of friends who have been pulled over, felt like they needed to show off their teen-angst, and got written big tickets. When a cop flashes his lights, pull over immediately, turn off your radio and remain calm. Keep your hands on the steering wheel at all times unless asked otherwise. When the officer comes over, greet him by saying "good morning/afternoon/evening officer" and leave it at that. Most officers will be caught off guard by your polite greeting, and I mean it. If you work the whole, "why did you pull me over officer i didnt do anything!" you are asking for trouble. And if you give the cop *****, expect to get ***** back.
And if you are driving drunk or high you deserve to get your ass pulled off the road and your car searched anyway. Congrats, dumbass.
If you are sober and transporting booze, the cop isn't going to search your trunk unless you give him a reason to. A little common sense and some manners can tame even the biggest douche bag PIG. - omegadude, on 10/10/2007, -3/+72whatever you do, don't give them your brother's information and get booked under his name... it's a real pain in the ass to get all that ***** fixed
- TheMeatball, on 10/10/2007, -5/+66In the case that it's mall security, just laugh in their face.
I did this, and he assured me I'd find a ticket in my mailbox later that night. From the mall police. In my mailbox. Within 3 hours. - justok, on 10/10/2007, -0/+58"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Cuz you thought I was the donut wagon?" - MasterThief117, on 10/10/2007, -2/+56Its funnier to admit to committing a crime that happened before you were born.
- horatiolust, on 10/10/2007, -5/+57Your first words should be: "I want to speak to my lawyer" - this stops the police in their tracks from talking to you
Your second words should be: "I'm having chest pains. Please take me to a hospital" - this gives you time to calm down, because unless you're used to being arrested, you're adrenaline is going to be pumping, your heart racing, your breath shallow, and sweat will be pouring out of you in buckets as you envision life in a cell with a 6'8' guy named Buck. In short, you're going to be totally freaking out. - PRlME, on 10/10/2007, -3/+54dont go for the cops gun!
- mrswirl, on 10/10/2007, -0/+49How to Not Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police
1. Obey the law
2. Use Common Sense
3. Stop Immediately
4. Turn that ***** off
5. Be Polite
6. Shut the ***** up
7. Get a White Friend
8. Don't Ride with a Mad Woman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj0mtxXEGE8 - deskattire, on 10/10/2007, -2/+45I like how the test question implies that you beat your girlfriend.
- aceallways, on 10/10/2007, -3/+46Have you not heard this age old joke?
A man is pulled over for speeding, the officer approaches the car. The officer asks the man if he knows why he was pulled over, he says "probably for the gun in my glovebox".
The officer reaches to his radio and calls for back-up.
"of course it could be the body and shovel in the trunk"
The officer detains the suspect until his captain arrives.
The glovebox is empty, the trunk is empty.
The officer is sent home for making up crazy stories and the man drives home-free.
It can be told better but that is the jist anyway. - joaob, on 10/10/2007, -4/+42NEVER consent to a search. If they have a legitimate reason to search your vehicle...they will have to get a warrant.
Especially if you have something in the vehicle that you do not want them to see.
Cops are ONLY allowed to search things that are within arms reach without your permission. DO NOT unlock your glove box and DO NOT open your trunk.
Know your rights. - santiago1, on 10/10/2007, -2/+39 Michael, is that you?
- Dush, on 10/10/2007, -3/+39I always hate it when I see cops making an arrest or handcuffing someone who you can tell is completely compliant, even turning around and putting their hands together.
But the cops still have to force them to the ground, put their face in the dirt and their foot in the person's back. It's completely unnecessary force when someone is doing nothing to resist. It's just intimidation and domination.
Maybe if someone here is a cop they can enlighten me as to why police feel this is necessary even when the person is not offering any resistance or threat. - emanggid, on 10/10/2007, -13/+49
...wait.... so do NOT "don't talk?" - so i should talk? this should have been worded more carefully. When i see a list of things not to do, i expect the things to appear in the list. like: talk....not "not talk" - or "not 'not don't talk'." - Cathab, on 10/10/2007, -2/+3711) Don't yell at the top of your voice "I've only had one *****, drinkstable!"
- jdaniel284, on 10/10/2007, -1/+35It seems you have seen the "Never Get Busted DVD". That's bad advice. Once I was pulled over, the officer ask to search my car, and I said no. He did anyway, found some *****, and arrested me. I got a lawyer, and EVERYTHING was thrown out in court. My lawyer then turned around and sued the police department for unlawful conduct and we won. The ***** he found couldn't even be admitted in the civil case.
NEVER give permission to search, ESPECIALLY if you have something in your car. Don't consent anyway though. If you don't have anything, just say, "No, this is America *****". - skooma, on 10/10/2007, -2/+34I used to work closely with police k-9 trainers, and if you don't think the dogs are trained to alert on simple nonverbal commands, then you my friend are extremely disallusioned
- aaaaa, on 10/10/2007, -4/+34"And you may be arrested for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Dude, it sucks being an american.
Greetings from Europe. Sweden to be precise. Smoking pot as we... uh... huuh... - aceallways, on 10/10/2007, -0/+29oh I found the joke, it's here:
http://www.dirtyjokesinc.com/joke-police_jokes-11401.htm - Pyrogen, on 10/10/2007, -0/+28This is actually taught to armed professionals when dealing with the police after a shoot. It gets time for the company attorney to "help them figure their statement out" in the hospital. Delaying the police talking to the employee is of vital importance to a company after the employee just killed/shot a man.
- TheMeatball, on 10/10/2007, -2/+30Are you joking?
They can only search if they have reason to believe there is something illegal going on. Refusing to consent to a search is no reasonable cause. If the officer sees a crackpipe sitting on your dash, he has reasonable cause. If you have blood dripping from your trunk, he has reasonable cause. IF you say "No officer, I do not consent to any searches", he DOES NOT have reasonable cause.
You have rights, you know... - sofaKing812, on 10/10/2007, -5/+32You can learn all of this from watching an episode or two of Cops.
- Gryffydd, on 10/10/2007, -1/+28The bottom line is, if they're *asking* to search your car they don't have probable cause. If they have it they'll not be asking your permission.
- chimaera2005, on 10/10/2007, -3/+29http://duggmirror.com//offbeat_news/10_Things_NOT_to_Do_If_You_Are_Arrested/plain.html
- Pyrogen, on 10/10/2007, -0/+26In most states, no. You have no right to resist government authority, even if improperly used. The original charge is right out the window, you can sue for violation of your civil rights, but you're still looking at resisting arrest.
- hipnerd, on 10/10/2007, -1/+26No, this is contrary to the civil liberties that our country was founded on. They are even defined in our Constitution. Our forefathers fought and dies so that I have the right to resist unreasonable search and seizures. I'm not going to give up that right to a police officer on a power trip at his whim. Arrest me. Book me. But don't expect me to surrender my liberties without a struggle.
- atbnet, on 10/10/2007, -0/+25I think a few things you should know about getting arrested, speaking from experience, is to
1. Shut the ***** up. They don't care what you have to say and you'll just incriminate yourself.
2. Comply when told to do something. If they tell you to sit on the ground do it, you will only make things easier for the both of you.
3. For *****'s sake, don't run. They have mase, tasers, guns, night sticks, muscles - you aren't going to get away watch Cops if you don't believe me. They will ***** you up. One guy in the tank that night got mased and another got his face bashed pretty good.
4. Don't freak out. It isn't the end of the world unless you killed someone. Jail isn't that bad. They have separate holding cells for misdemeanors and the felons. The really bad guys go someplace else. Unless you are a total tool, no one is going to bother you in jail, they don't want to be there either. Just be calm and wait to make bail. - bagelpirate, on 10/10/2007, -1/+26Anyone else catch this at the end?
"To this I add, make sure you don't make any sudden moves and if your black yell: "is that an asian dude with a camera?" and run!!" - greenriver572, on 10/10/2007, -1/+20the most important part is not to argue, resist, or consent to a search. by doing any of these you give up your rights some way or another. privacy is the foundation to freedom, and now police are pouring new concrete to keep you in one place, and ignorant/naive place where you believe everything they say and you think you have got no rights when you are arrested
- meobrien, on 10/10/2007, -0/+19because then it becomes domestic abuse, not a simple assault.
- nreynolds, on 10/10/2007, -2/+19I don't think "transporting booze" is a crime, even for those under 21, as long as it's in the trunk of the car, away from the driver. Imagine if you borrowed your mom's car(and you were under 21) and she had a few bottles of wine in the trunk, that's not illegal.
- Protonz, on 10/10/2007, -0/+17So many stupid people believe the laws do not apply to the cops.
Wish I could escape the stupidity, I can dream. - TheCaterpillar, on 10/10/2007, -0/+15Really good advice. Basically summed up in three rules: 1. Don't be an idiot/*****. 2. Don't say anything except "No" or "I'd like to call my lawyer", I cannot stress this enough. I've been in the position and you feel like this can be reasoned out if you explain yourself. The will say you will get less punishment if you fess up, etc.. They are not the judge/jury, you do not have a lawyer with you, do not say anything.3. If the policeman asks permission for anything i.e. "can I look inside your car" or "I'm going to take a look around your house" NEVER give them permission. They have no right to search anything no matter how much they lie to you, if they do not have a warrant, always say "NO." A common misconception about this advice is that its only purpose is to not incriminate yourself; actually by doing these things you are greatly increasing the chances that the cops violate your rights, pretty much ruining any case against you. Trust me, ALWAYS follow these rules.
- sikosmurf, on 10/10/2007, -1/+16I hate seeing that too, but i would hate it more if the guy being "compliant" yanked out a knife and stabbed the cop when he got close.
- jersey, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15yeah, not so much. I for one have nothing to hide, and i'd refuse a search without hesitation.
In my town on the first friday of every month they have check points to check for expired licenses, tags, and emissions. I dont even roll down my window to hand the cop anything. I simply press it up against the ***** window, as I'm being detained without reason. Tell me to pull over and ask to seacrh my vehicle, dare you. - bigtizzle, on 10/10/2007, -0/+14Not really. When a person is accused of something they didn't do their strongest instinct is to try and convince others of their innocence. It's against our nature to just sit back and let someone detain and eventually cart us off, especially if there are people watching.
- digger1942, on 10/10/2007, -4/+17Are resisting arrest charges dropped if it's found the cop had no reason to detain you, or detained you in an improper manner (like not telling you why he's shoving you to the ground and putting his knee in your back)?
- jersey, on 10/10/2007, -2/+15FAIL.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13Shut the ***** up.
You're comparing apples to oranges. Traffic cops hate their ***** jobs, and rightfully so since a lot of the ***** they pull you over for is TRIVIAL so the city can get money. A lot of cops in that position get off on the power trip.
Has nothing to do with a cop who comes and busts a burglar or takes out the guy trying to rape you. Totally different sides of a coin. - horatiolust, on 10/10/2007, -2/+14And yet I was given two negative Diggs by those who will probably sing like canaries
- SpeakerFTW, on 10/10/2007, -1/+13Refusing to give consent does not give an officer probably cause for a search. Surrendering your rights by consenting to a search is a sure way to get yourself arrested (if you've got something to hide). Severity of punishment does not have correlation to whether you consent or not. I'm not exactly sure where you went to law school, s33k4, but that was just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. A more appropriate piece of advice would to be to just not carry anything illegal in your car.
- bdhughes, on 10/10/2007, -4/+15i do it work almost exclusively for attorneys in honolulu and one of them told me, in the no talking vein, to not lie to a federal agent. sounds like it makes sense, but i think the 'natural' thing to do when talking to someone in authority is to lie. martha stewart went to jail for lying to a federal agent. other big name cases were prosecuted not for the 'crime' but for lying to a federal agent. stfu is probably the best advice but the hardest to apply.
- TheCaterpillar, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11one more thing, try really hard to remember the event as well as possible, you want your story to add up
- Tarnum, on 10/10/2007, -2/+13They do it for their own safety. A standing man can pull a gun. A kicked on the ground, disoriented victim cannot.
- ms020j, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11funny if only every cop car didn't have a microphone trained to record everything the driver is saying.
- Onyxblaze, on 10/10/2007, -3/+13Because they can.
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