What is Digg?130 Comments
- imacmike, on 03/14/2008, -4/+176Dear Nintendo,
We've been in a business relationship for quite a while now, and to be honest, I never used to have any complaints about my job. I mean sure, my line of work has never really been considered "easy" by any means, but in the early days it just felt so much more... rewarding.
Do you get what I'm saying guys? I wasn't too fond of chasing a huge ape up a series of ladders, but with that fine-ass Pauline waiting for me, I didn't mind. Same thing with running around Mushroom Kingdom, I don't mind taking out a few Koopas since I know Peach is going to be waiting for me. ("At another castle"...God that joke gets so old)
But recently, you've been forcing me to do ***** that just isn't in my job description. I remember the first time Shigeru called me up. "Yo Mario, wanna go to a party? How about 8 of them?" And of course I said yes. That's because my idea of a party is knockin back a few cold ones with some buds, some drinking games with the ladies, and maybe Superbad. But no, you twisted *****' idea of a party is to have me and all the ***** I hate run around in circles for twenty minutes. That's not a party, that's a track and field meet. Which brings me to my next point.
Have you seen my waistline in the last few years? I would assume not, because you've got me playing more sports than Michael Jordan. What on God's green Earth gives you the slightest thought that I would make a good soccer player? Have you seen how long a ***** soccer field is? It's rediculous. While we're talking about rediculous things, whose bright idea was it for me to compete in Olympic events against Sonic of all people? He was about to retire anyways, but no Nintendo, you just had to bring him back and have him compete against me in track events. What were you thinking? He runs so fast you can't see his ***** feet.
Finally, as I'm sure you're all well aware, for most of my life, the enemies I have faced have all been relatively tame, being dispatched with a simple jump or three at the most. Now you want to take me and make me battle to the death against a man with a gun? I can punch him, he can shoot ***** bullets at me! You're all *****, I hate you.
Die in a Fire,
Mario - talonstriker, on 03/14/2008, -4/+76Why can't you be more like your brother?
- Innisskillin, on 03/14/2008, -12/+81What a bitch! Think of all the coins he has collected over the years. He can retire today if he wanted.
- slamm71, on 03/14/2008, -4/+68*ridiculous
- Mipmap, on 03/14/2008, -2/+50Reader's digest version:
Dear-a Nintendo-a:
Im-a tired!
-It's-a me, Mario - whatthefu, on 03/14/2008, -1/+48Inaccurate. Mario writes the same way he talks, putting "-a" at the end of everything-a.
- UnterDenLinden, on 03/14/2008, -1/+43I'd be more annoyed about someone who can swallow you and encase you in an egg via some weird digestive process.
- mrelusive, on 03/14/2008, -2/+41It's a me! Suspendedo!
- ChairShot83, on 03/14/2008, -0/+37To his discredit, he has yet to fix this pipe problem we have in the Mushroom Kingdom.
- Mewchu11, on 03/14/2008, -0/+36When lava world freezes over
- endlessoul, on 03/14/2008, -2/+26I don't know about you, but the "Die in a Fire, Mario" ending wraps it up very nicely. ***** hilarious, as a matter of fact.
- StMac, on 03/14/2008, -0/+24I can't tell you the number of times I've slipped into the toilet and ended up on a rainbow cruise ship, or some other ***** up place.
- iPood, on 03/14/2008, -3/+24This would make a great Robot Chicken sketch.
- selfdisplaced, on 03/14/2008, -2/+22Technically he has a missle launcher...much better.
- JoaquimLeiteiro, on 03/14/2008, -1/+21maybe he wasted them all in *mushrooms*
- fasda, on 03/14/2008, -0/+20Starfox and Samus have a gun
- smilennod, on 03/14/2008, -0/+19Has mario forgotten he can shot fire balls from his ***** HANDS?!
- surKaz, on 03/14/2008, -2/+17Luigi?, That-a-loser, all he does is follow me around, and copies me.. hell, he even dresses like me.. Damn 'Green Stache'...
- jeremyduffy, on 03/14/2008, -7/+21"While we’re talking about rediculous things, whose bright idea was it for me to compete in Olympic events against Sonic of all people? He was about to retire anyways, but no Nintendo, you just had to bring him back and have him compete against me in track events. What were you thinking? He runs so fast you can’t see his ***** feet."
No kidding! Sonic's just slowing down to make him feel better. - Cyber_Akuma, on 03/14/2008, -0/+14You try fixing the plumbing when there are giant man-eating plants, coins everywhere, and entire underground kingdoms stuck in the pipes.
- MacSuxWindozSux, on 03/14/2008, -0/+14Think of all the free lives he's stolen, and ruined.
- sdcarter, on 03/14/2008, -0/+13... unless he'sa really piss-eda offa.
- idiggitall, on 03/14/2008, -0/+12only when he's high.
- blate, on 03/14/2008, -1/+13People that don't know the difference between spelling and grammar piss me off more than people who can't spell.
- wild, on 03/14/2008, -4/+15Mario Galaxy rocks.
- Zippo, on 03/14/2008, -2/+13Luigi rocks my socks... I wish he hadn't turned him to such a scaredy-cat, though... guess that haunted mansion really traumatized him.
- surKaz, on 03/14/2008, -1/+11Seconded..
- DreKor, on 03/14/2008, -0/+10And a mortar tube, and grenades, and land mines, and a grenade launcher
- roosterjm2k2, on 03/14/2008, -0/+10it would get killed.
- AutumnWindz, on 03/14/2008, -10/+20At best, this was a terribly weak piece.
- ChromaVita, on 03/14/2008, -0/+9P.S THE CLOUDS ARE THE ***** BUSHES. WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS?
- noahhoward, on 03/14/2008, -1/+10Dear Nintendo,
To put it lightly, "This account has exceeded its CPU quota."
Take the point,
Mario - tradwolley, on 03/14/2008, -3/+11you might even say its rediculous.
Doh! - strictnein, on 03/14/2008, -1/+9It's amazing how many people misspell that word.
- ChromaVita, on 03/14/2008, -1/+9When Koopas fly! Oh wait...
- talktomikey, on 03/14/2008, -7/+14More buried than Mario Sunshine
- robopuppy, on 03/14/2008, -3/+8Buried because it really wasn't that funny.
- Akaji, on 03/14/2008, -0/+5Fox, Wolf, Falco, Samus/Zero Suit Samus, Snake (rockets > guns), Diddy Kong (okay, so it shoots peanuts, but it's still a gun)
- Zippo, on 03/14/2008, -0/+5You're too sloooooow~
- onwardknave, on 03/14/2008, -3/+8Because the page was down quickly, the letter isn't particularly witty, and the author didn't spell check. Lots of people like Mario, but let's not digg up everyone who pings our sense of pop-culture and nostalgia. I suspect people will want to digg me down for being a wet blanket on their good memories... but that's not at the heart of this criticism. I hope diggers will realize that.
- Radan, on 03/14/2008, -0/+5http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/
- Ydnar723, on 03/14/2008, -0/+4Dugg for the Mario 3 Flashbacks of the commercial with all them people chanting "Mario...Mario" during the commercial while reading this.
- inotocracy, on 03/14/2008, -1/+5http://digg.com/nintendo/An_Open_Letter_From_Mario ...
- psykiv, on 03/14/2008, -0/+4Mario Accountancy? Mario sets the VCR? Mario Goes Shopping?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq-3crO_TNg - RoboDigger, on 03/14/2008, -0/+4Dear Mario,
We are sympathetic to your situation and feel that airing your dirty laundry to the world is not the best way in resolving this situation. We understand that we have expanded your job description to include many more robust activities in the recent years. However, you have to realize that times are changing and that we cannot just have you starring in games every five or so years. Your brother, Luigi has been given starring roles in the past but the public feels that his green outfits and homosexual tendencies are a turn off. You are a crucial member of Team Nintendo and must realize that you are a role model to people everywhere. You must always put on a brave front no matter the situation and realize that you can talk to us whenever you have questions or problems.
Get N or get out!,
Nintendo
P.S. Who do you think you are, Ron Jeremy? You are easily expendable. For one thing we hired you as a plumber and I have yet to see you fix any of our leaking pipes. All you do try to stick your penis in them so we had to make bigger pipes. All you do everyday is play with monkeys, harass women using lame plumbing related porno one liners, play sports all day, drive recklessly trying to get to work and do donuts in the parking lot, destroy valuable brick buildings, steal coins, kill many endangered animals, and do drugs on the job. Unless you want to face serious sexual harassment charges, company thief, drug charges, and get thrown in prison where everyone will have a fun time playing with your wii, we suggest you keep your month shut forever. We own you for life, get use to it. - mhweaver, on 03/14/2008, -0/+4duggmirror?
- Eldorian, on 03/14/2008, -0/+4R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S
Please for the love of Donkey Kong spell it RIGHT. - Cyber_Akuma, on 03/14/2008, -0/+4If it were to ever suffer the Digg effect the paradox would kill us all!
- lolwutpear, on 03/14/2008, -1/+5...Nintendo announces Grand-a Theft Mario to be released Q1 2009.
- doshindude, on 03/14/2008, -0/+3no *****.
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