theonion.com — Don't worry, folks, everything is probably going to be all right. If I had to guess, and I most certainly do, I would say that I have this situation totally under control. In fact, I've performed lifesaving CPR dozens of times before. Like inside my head and stuff.
Jun 15, 2010 View in Crawl 4
drhuntzzzJun 16, 2010
Just a little CPR plug here. If you think somebody need CPR, do it! If they don't really need it you will not hurt them, even if you are untrained. Unless it's a child don't even worry about mouth to mouth. Move the person to a firm surface and pump hard, deep, and fast on the chest until paramedics arrive.<a class="user" href="http://consumer.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=634267" rel="nofollow">http://consumer.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=6342 ...</a>
acknotswJun 16, 2010
They should tell people the reality of the situation when they teach it, I've known more than a few people that carried around a lot of guilt because they felt like they didn't do it right, didn't practice enough in the class, or didn't pay close enough attention in the class. Yes, those things can cause it to fail, but the vast majority of the time the person was doomed the instant they woke up that morning unless they managed go down in a fully equipped hospital emergency room with fully trained, alert, and attentive personnel standing by. Even then....
greenlight2001Jun 16, 2010
WTF? The goal isn't to 'break their sternum so that you know you're pushing hard enough". The goal is compressions of 2-3" deep. If you crack a few ribs, then oh well, but don't go and try to do damage.
hivoltage815Jun 16, 2010
To continue what these guys were saying, mouth to mouth is only appropriate if it is an extremely attractive woman.
mimiginsJun 16, 2010
Or, y'know, "Stayin Alive"
thuktunJun 16, 2010
*buried
danjessbergerJun 16, 2010
Get your spell check out of my internets!
joeparanoidJun 16, 2010
It was years after I was first certified, but it was the difference between life and death. Funny how things come back to you in a crisis.
drhuntzzzJun 17, 2010
It's true. You can hurt them a little, but according to the study the odds are small, and the injuries are minor. The point is you shouldn't be afraid of hurting them, and if they are in cardiac arrest you will only help them.