bbspot.com— Los Angeles, CA - The RIAA has updated its mission statement from "Our mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial vitality..."
Mar 22, 2007View in Crawl 4
Los Angeles, CA - The RIAA has updated its mission statement from "Our mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial vitality" to "Our mission is to maximize hatred for the music industry by using creative legal and innovative technological methods which will further destroy our member's creativity and financial vitality." The organization hopes the change will more accurately reflect their long-term goals.Chairman and CEO of the RIAA Mitch Bainwol said, "This change allows us to focus on our goals of ridding ourselves of annoying artists and consumers completely. The Internet has made this possible. In the days before the Internet only a few artists and industry insiders hated the RIAA, now hatred for the RIAA is at an all-time high."Bainwol explained that a committee formed three years ago has developed most of the ideas used to foment the growing hatred for the organization."We're proud of them. When more people hate you than the President you know you're doing something right," Bainwol said.Innovative methods for producing more hatred from consumers and artists in the future include: * Suing a family in a refugee camp in Darfur, who doesn't even know what a computer is, for sharing music illegally. * Running a public service announcement campaign which will equate downloading music to molesting children. * Make charitable donations to Hitler Youth and KKK. * Seizing iPods from troops in Iraq and searching them for illegal music. Filing suit against violators."With strategies like this we're bound to reach our goals in five years. Maybe even sooner," said Bainwol.The RIAA was recently voted the worst company in America in a recent online poll, narrowly beating out Halliburton. Upset by the news and the RIAAs plans, Halliburton announced plans of its own.CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals."If that doesn't build the hate, then I don't know what will," said Johnson.
Yeah just last week the FBI (of all governMENTAL agencies) said "oh by-the-by, there's terrorists who are taking jobs as schoolbus drivers but it's nothing to worry about....really, it's not". Yeah, I have been flummoxed as of late.
"CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals."The article gave me a chuckle until I read this. Damn that's funny. I feel bad for those that can't tell satire like this from real news. Is the reading comprehension of Diggers decreasing or is it just senses of humor?Don't get me wrong, if this article was the real thing I'd have laughed myself to a wet spot on my pants.
I thought the part about haliburton was just as funny as the RIAA stuff."CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals."
Is there ANYONE that even values what the RIAA does or is trying to do??Oh and please restrict internet radio... I haven't seen the piracy chart spike straight up for a while, it should be good for a laugh. (But really, Pandora rox my sox!)
Closed AccountMar 23, 2007
Los Angeles, CA - The RIAA has updated its mission statement from "Our mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial vitality" to "Our mission is to maximize hatred for the music industry by using creative legal and innovative technological methods which will further destroy our member's creativity and financial vitality." The organization hopes the change will more accurately reflect their long-term goals.Chairman and CEO of the RIAA Mitch Bainwol said, "This change allows us to focus on our goals of ridding ourselves of annoying artists and consumers completely. The Internet has made this possible. In the days before the Internet only a few artists and industry insiders hated the RIAA, now hatred for the RIAA is at an all-time high."Bainwol explained that a committee formed three years ago has developed most of the ideas used to foment the growing hatred for the organization."We're proud of them. When more people hate you than the President you know you're doing something right," Bainwol said.Innovative methods for producing more hatred from consumers and artists in the future include: * Suing a family in a refugee camp in Darfur, who doesn't even know what a computer is, for sharing music illegally. * Running a public service announcement campaign which will equate downloading music to molesting children. * Make charitable donations to Hitler Youth and KKK. * Seizing iPods from troops in Iraq and searching them for illegal music. Filing suit against violators."With strategies like this we're bound to reach our goals in five years. Maybe even sooner," said Bainwol.The RIAA was recently voted the worst company in America in a recent online poll, narrowly beating out Halliburton. Upset by the news and the RIAAs plans, Halliburton announced plans of its own.CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals."If that doesn't build the hate, then I don't know what will," said Johnson.
scbysnxMar 23, 2007
10 million people?! you must get up very early in the morning
billraydrumsMar 23, 2007
Yeah just last week the FBI (of all governMENTAL agencies) said "oh by-the-by, there's terrorists who are taking jobs as schoolbus drivers but it's nothing to worry about....really, it's not". Yeah, I have been flummoxed as of late.
Closed AccountMar 23, 2007
ban 'em
ghstfceMar 23, 2007
"CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals."The article gave me a chuckle until I read this. Damn that's funny. I feel bad for those that can't tell satire like this from real news. Is the reading comprehension of Diggers decreasing or is it just senses of humor?Don't get me wrong, if this article was the real thing I'd have laughed myself to a wet spot on my pants.
mrmatchgameMar 23, 2007
When's "f**k You RIAA/MPAA Day?"
jacknorthstarMar 23, 2007
EVERY DAY is f**k You RIAA/MPAA Day.
tsf5000Mar 23, 2007
I thought the part about haliburton was just as funny as the RIAA stuff."CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals."
joeleviMar 23, 2007
Don't forget, if you want to save online radio (like Pandora.com) you need to write your Senators and Representative before the Copyright Resource Board's new fee structure is put in place! - www.JoeLevi.com<a class="user" href="http://www.joelevi.com/blog/index.php/2007/03/20/the-death-of-internet-radio/">http://www.joelevi.com/blog/index.php/2007/03/20/the-death-of-internet-radio/</a>
fragger06Mar 23, 2007
Is there ANYONE that even values what the RIAA does or is trying to do??Oh and please restrict internet radio... I haven't seen the piracy chart spike straight up for a while, it should be good for a laugh. (But really, Pandora rox my sox!)