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"Good day Mrs Smith." Joshua said politely to his final customer for the day as he swept the fine gold powder off of his set of scales and into a small plastic bag. Business was booming after the collapse of Founding Fathers Fortress, the only rival store to his Uncle Sams Freedom of Choice within twenty miles of here, and Joshua couldn't be more pleased. He hadn't even had to do anything, the faulty electrical wiring of the triple Fs' giant neon sign (which some people claimed could be seen from space) had caused the fire all by themselves, burning the store to the ground. He'd heard that the owner, Christopher, had been injured in the fire and had had to spend his lifesavings (almost eight thousand Rollars!!!) on medical treatment, leaving him without the funds to reopen his store. Life was sweet in this utopia.With a cough, 'Damn asbestoes.', Joshua knelt down and opened the safe, taking out his private set of scales, the ones that were accurately weighted rather than the shop one, which could call an elephant an anorexic. He weighted the bag holding the days taking and smiled, carefully jotting it down in his accounts book before returning the scales and the bag to the safe. He then closed the safe and stood up behind the counter, gently lifting his SAW out of its tripod and began walking up to the door. He didn't take any chances these days, not with Christopher possibly seeking revenge and he'd heard that Walmart was expanding their territory everyday. When they said hostile takeovers they weren't kidding.He reached the front door, locked it and flicked the sign over to 'Closed'. The words 'Open... except to darkies, mexicans, kikes and foreigners.' now faced inwards and he smiled, remembering the last person on that list to try and enter the store. It was the last big get-together he'd had with the town and what fun they'd had. He still had the rope somewhere in his room upstairs.Cautiously Joshua walked over to the side of the store, past the shelves of Freedom Chow and to the glowing security system. He quickly flicked the switch to 'On'. The light blinked several times, died completely for a minute and then with a shudder the huge shutters came down over the store windows and doors. He'd had to call in three different electrical companies to try and fix the problem in the end. The same electrician had appeared on all three occasions, each time in a different uniform and a s**teating grin on his face. He'd only figured out what was wrong the third time after a golden handshake. Bastard.Joshua now headed to the back of the store, turning off the lights as he went before heading into the back. The backroom was the storeroom, full of produce ready to stock the shelves. On one side sat the Econo brand range of food, clothing and toiletries and on the other was a collection of Premium Freedom brand delux goods. In the middle sat a scanner/printer combination, a label maker and a sewing machine. The old companies had spoken of profit maximising, well they didn't had s**t on this. The labels were so easy to replicate, they were almost asking for it and so long as that delivery man kept wheeling in the Freedom brand boxes through the front no one was the wiser. Getting the right level of lead into the paper was always tricky but it wasn't like anyone actually expected more than the light grey shine he gave all the paper.It was late and Joshua was hungry. He quickly locked up the storeroom too and walked past the cans into his house. Downstairs was the kitchen while upstairs was his bedroom with the ensuite toilet. It wasn't much, but it was his. He walked over to the sink and turned the tap. There was a hiss and a stream of cold water came pouring out from his private water tank which supplied all his own water needs. After the last row between Water Inc and Sewage Inc resulting in water neither flowing nor getting taken away Joshua had brought a part of the Nanaco river by his house and had it pumped up to his own tank, while his drainage dumped straight back into the river. The Nanaco was over a hundred miles long and he was in the last five, it was pratically in the sea already, no one would mind. He opened his fridge and took out a can of the Premium Freedom Chow, the real stuff (how else would he get the labels to copy?), and sat down to eat. He got his New Hampshire Army Knife (now with seventeen attachments!) out, careful not to cut himself on it's many pointy bits and started cutting around the lid. Finally the tin lid popped up and a noxious wave hit Joshua; this tin hadn't been sealed properly and had rotted. Holding his breath Joshua disabled the security of his kitchen window and tossed the can out onto the ground outside. 'That was expensive!' Joshua thought annoyed as he reached for another can. This one was fine, only the slightest trace of mold around the edges of the meat cylinder as it slopped out onto the plate. Joshua put it in the microwave, putting his hands in front of it as he felt the head radiate out towards him.With his dinner finished Joshua reclined on his bed upstairs and switched on the tv. Instantly the tv listings appeared and Joshua quickly laid out a schedule for himself; three hours of patriotic news, comedy and entertainment. A message appeared on his screen telling him that the value of the programs was being deducted from his account. Joshua smiled, he'd bribed a tv clerk to redirect his tv bill to a large hotel several miles away, he wasn't paying for a thing. A minute passed and another message appeared telling him that thanks to his customer loyalty he was getting a free hour of On the Front, a live action camera show of the American-Mexican border wall, showing the best of America repel the blacks and wetbacks with all the firepower that freedom provided them. A thirty second trailer played, showing a collection of fat old men pointing machineguns over the wall and firing, their faces all masks of pure glee. Suddenly a Blackwater private operative stepped forward, holding a strange underarm tube and pointing it over the wall. There is a click and the small bulbous rocket at the end shoots out of shot of the camera. Suddenly the screen cuts and Joshua just sees the head of a mushroom cloud forming. It was Davey Crockett Day and the Texans were celebrating. As the images washed over Joshua he felt his eyes grow heavy and he fell asleep. Life was good.-----Life was bad, but it was about to get a hell of a lot better for Christopher Marsellus. That bastard Joshua had burnt down his store, damn what the fire report said, he must have bribed the company, and put him out of business and into the hospital! He wanted revenge, any rational person would want the same thing! He wanted Uncle Sams and Joshua erased from the Earth just like the triple F had been! Once the locals were without a store to go to they'd clearly pool their money together to start up another business with Christopher, with his years of experience would only be happy to run for them. It made perfect sense. It'd cost him a lung, a kidney and his left hand but damn if it hadn't been worth it (well the left hand had covered his medical expenses, but that wasn't the point). Sitting opposite him in the alley were three of the best Businessmen around. When they close a deal, it stayed closed, sometimes several feet underground."I want him and his business gone. Don't make it obvious, but make it.... painful." Christopher said with relish. The leader of the men opposite him just nodded and stood up, off to do his job.-----TRAGIC FIRE CLAIMS BUSINESSMANS LIFEThe men of Ice Cool fire elimination service (Call them now for cheap and easy fire insurance 03758 839937) were called out in the early hours of the morning to respond to a blaze in Uncle Sams Freedom of Choice (BEST BARGAINS IN TOWN, THE ONLY PLACE TO SHOP, ONLY ON MAIN STREET) on Main Street. A crowd gathered, quickly putting out the blaze as it spread to the ajoining properties (one man was detained and arrested for trespassing as he strayed onto property without permission).The fire was contained by the Ice Cool fire elimination service (Call them now for cheap and easy fire insurance 03758 839937) but sadly the owner of the building Joshua Lendleson was killed by the inferno before the firemen of Ice Cool fire elimination service (Call them now for cheap and easy fire insurance 03758 839937) could enter the building. Eyewitnesses report that Ice Cool fire elimination service (Call them now for cheap and easy fire insurance 03758 839937) officials suffered mild confusion about whether they had permission to enter the property to search for survivors. Fire Chief Patrick Swanson of Ice Cool fire elimination service (Call them now for cheap and easy fire insurance 03758 839937) is quoted to have said "The delay may have cost Joshua his life, but without an autopsy it is impossible to tell. This is why we recommend all our customers take out our Legal Aide package, ensuring a lawyer accompanies our team with all the necessary legal documents to perform their duties as swiftly as possible. Call now on 03758 839937 for more information about how we can help you." The Fire Chief also stressed the importance of fire exits, now no longer required by law, and recommend their comprehensive construction package to make your home fireproof (Note: This is not a guarantee against the start or spread of fires or flaming material in your property).Joshua leaves no family behind. If you would like to donate to Joshua Lendlesons autopsy, funeral costs or inquest please call the Government Office of Deaths, Burials, Roadways, Parking, Sewage and Parks on 03728 387284 (Calls will cost 50 Paunce a minute).

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