mayoclinic.com— When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Nov 28, 2007View in Crawl 4
The way I look at forgiveness and forgetting is a sort of dualistic situation. One can either forgive, but not forget or one can forget, but not forgive. How can one forgive something if they don't recall it? And if you forgive, then you're still remembering what it was that was forgiven. Either way, they can't logically co-exist. It's like faith and reason. You can't have polar opposites existing simultaneously in the same place and at the same time.And forgiveness is silly. I don't know how anyone will learn unless there are social consequences for their actions. Forgiveness is a pardon for all crimes against one's self. It's letting the individual be a place mat for those who would use them. No thanks.
"If they are always forgiven quickly without consequence they will continue to do the same thing."I agree. But, you can forgive the offender WITH consequence....."yes you hurt me", "yes i forgive you", but, "no, you will never do that to me again". Set your boundaries so that the offender can't hurt you like 'that' again - even if it means cutting the person out of your life (extreme, I know)....be careful, though...there is a fine line between holding a grudge and cutting ties with offenders.There is a lot to be said about 'time heals'....
Here's a thought: forgiveness was invented to make people take s**t from priests and warlords as opposed to fighting back. There is actually no such thing as forgiveness. You can try to convince yourself that you have "forgiven" whoever has hurt your but all you get is cognitive dissonance. Dr. Piderman (the author), by the way, looks like Miss Cognitive Dissonance 2007. So what are you supposed to do if somebody hurts you in a world without forgiveness? Examine your feelings. Figure out if whatever hurt you is a big deal in the first place. Unless its something major, you'll feel better over time anyway. If it is something major and you are not at fault, see if you can fight back without getting into even more trouble. If you can't fight back - what are you gonna do? The world is a hard place. You can't expect to live in some kind of blissful emotional state. Anger is just as valid an emotion as any other.
yuttNov 28, 2007
"...poking hypocritical and sanctimonious twits where it hurts."Are you referring to ass sex here? I get the impression you are.
Closed AccountNov 29, 2007
The way I look at forgiveness and forgetting is a sort of dualistic situation. One can either forgive, but not forget or one can forget, but not forgive. How can one forgive something if they don't recall it? And if you forgive, then you're still remembering what it was that was forgiven. Either way, they can't logically co-exist. It's like faith and reason. You can't have polar opposites existing simultaneously in the same place and at the same time.And forgiveness is silly. I don't know how anyone will learn unless there are social consequences for their actions. Forgiveness is a pardon for all crimes against one's self. It's letting the individual be a place mat for those who would use them. No thanks.
nitsujNov 29, 2007
"maybe that Jesus guy really did have something to say..."Nothing that the buddhists didn't say a lot better.
lsccbeanNov 29, 2007
"If they are always forgiven quickly without consequence they will continue to do the same thing."I agree. But, you can forgive the offender WITH consequence....."yes you hurt me", "yes i forgive you", but, "no, you will never do that to me again". Set your boundaries so that the offender can't hurt you like 'that' again - even if it means cutting the person out of your life (extreme, I know)....be careful, though...there is a fine line between holding a grudge and cutting ties with offenders.There is a lot to be said about 'time heals'....
fakerboyDec 1, 2007
Here's a thought: forgiveness was invented to make people take s**t from priests and warlords as opposed to fighting back. There is actually no such thing as forgiveness. You can try to convince yourself that you have "forgiven" whoever has hurt your but all you get is cognitive dissonance. Dr. Piderman (the author), by the way, looks like Miss Cognitive Dissonance 2007. So what are you supposed to do if somebody hurts you in a world without forgiveness? Examine your feelings. Figure out if whatever hurt you is a big deal in the first place. Unless its something major, you'll feel better over time anyway. If it is something major and you are not at fault, see if you can fight back without getting into even more trouble. If you can't fight back - what are you gonna do? The world is a hard place. You can't expect to live in some kind of blissful emotional state. Anger is just as valid an emotion as any other.