independent.co.uk — Lying causes humans emotional stress – yet psychologists say we are primed to deceive. Studies show there are clear biological benefits to dishonesty, writes Alice-Azania Jarvis . How do you know if someone is lying to you? What, exactly, are you supposed to look for?
Jul 5, 2010 View in Crawl 4
smacksawJul 5, 2010
As the article mentions at the end, there's nothing wrong with "Radical Honesty", it's a skill like anything else, lying included. I try not to intentionally lie, it's too much of a hassle. I just can't be bothered. Thus, you're left with the radical honesty thing. And if someone has a s**t haircut, with a little bit of tact and genuine respect for the person you can tell someone that without having any sort of bad intentions behind it.
Lying is comfortable to people. Like it said, people want to believe lies. They tell them, so you have this game with unspoken rules. But when you break the habit, you learn to let the security blanket go and then you don't need to believe people's lies. The cream rises to the top. When you expect better of people, better people give you what you expect. They will begin to shoot straight with you more and more. And the people who keep lying anyway? That says what you need to know. Poor character, insecure, bad habits, whatever. It all becomes crystal clear.
I dunno. For me, I think lying can be largely overcome. The problem is convincing other people to try it and use objectivity best guesses over trust when examining the unknown or unknowable.
guabancexJul 5, 2010
I'm too lazy to be an habitual liar, no matter what the perceived psychosocial benefits. The Truth is easier to keep track of.
getbrownJul 5, 2010
I very often lie just to see if the other person will believe it. Maybe it's some kind of social disorder, but it's very entertaining.
Last year I managed to convince my manager that reindeer were fictional, like unicorns. She claimed to have seen some in a Christmas parade, and I told her that they just attach plastic antlers to regular deer.Comment is buried, click here to see the rest.
thedudediggsJul 5, 2010
If she is a hot girl, she is probably lying to you.......
ueichenJul 5, 2010
Buried for failing to mention Paul Elkman
leif777Jul 5, 2010
If someone mentions cake there's a good chance it's a lie.
sloiJul 5, 2010
For Science... you monster.
fxspec06Jul 5, 2010
Here's my 2 cents. I'm 21, competitive, grew up in suburban area near the city, and went to a private school. My parents (especially my mother) raised me pretty well. I've told many lies before, but my mother always seemed to catch me every single time. I was six years old when i remember the first time I lied. My mother asked me if I had brushed my teeth and was ready to leave. I said yes, but she already knew I hadn't. She yelled, i cried, denying it, and eventually i yelled and screamed and ended up brushing my teeth and leaving with her. To this day, this sticks in my head and every time I think about telling a lie i remember and try to do the right thing. The problem is, being completely honest is not easy and has many disadvantages. You can hurt someone who cares about you (telling a parent or spouse you did drugs, something someone told you not to do, a choice you made that you know isn't the best option) and disappointing that particular person can be very hurtful and very hard for them to handle correctly. This is a major problem, and mainly stems from other people in their lives not being honest with them, that person not being honest with themselves, and being met with a situation that at one point seemed very unlikely to happen. However, I have found that the first time you tell the truth is the hardest. Once you've got past that first *barrier* i'd like to call it, it becomes easier. I think it's because you have a higher expectation of yourself. The other person is usually surprised and eventually starts getting used to the idea of you telling the truth instead of hiding things. Pretty soon word of mouth gets around, you get more respect from everyone, and like someone else said, the ones who don't tell the truth and engage in bad habits etc stick out like a sore thumb.
/truestory
I hope some little kid is reading this and listens to me, same can be said for anyone!
cygnus2112Jul 5, 2010
Most people lie to avoid a negative reaction, even if it's an innocent/harmless lie. You lied to your mother because you didn't want to get in trouble. That's pretty much the core of life of the majority of teenagers.
Closed AccountJul 5, 2010
This is the best article I've ever read. :)
HogwcristienJul 5, 2010
agree 100%
usernr1337Jul 5, 2010
liar!
usernr1337Jul 5, 2010
i don't lie (at least i don't notice it), i also don't get in situations where i have to lie, but it doesn't matter...
...my version of getting out of telling the truth - tell something that's obviously a lie and turn it into a joke and don't say anything else. every time i have noticed myself do this, the question i didn't want to answer was about someone else. when the question is related to me, i either tell the truth, no matter how embarrassing (i don't care, though i don't do too embarrassing stuff), or say i don't want to talk about it and i don't, no one can make me...
monodedeJul 5, 2010
I tend to do the same thing just because I don't want to talk s**t about people, especially to others and when they're not around.
morpheousmartyJul 5, 2010
You can never truly tell if someone is lying to you because, first, it is self correcting behavior. If you are caught in a lie, you lie different next time, eventually you find a system that works. Second, the better someone knows you the easier it is for them to slip in the blind spot of your lie detector. I imagine that is why trust is so important in close relationships.
The best advice I can give is look at someone's face. Pretty much all the info you need will be written there, but be careful, it will only tell you what they are feeling, not why.
oboshoeJul 5, 2010
Awesome book. Can turn almost anyone into a human lie detector.
http://www.amazon.com/Never-Lied-Again-Conversation-Situation/dp/0312204280/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278345384&sr=8-1
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Closed AccountJul 5, 2010
>_>
<_<
blackturtleusJul 5, 2010
The article mentions a book called "Liar: The Truth About Lying" by Feldman. The best I can tell is that the book was published as "The Liar in Your Life: The Way to Truthful Relationships". At least there's a book by that name listed at Amazon by Feldman and the table of contents seem to cover the topics discussed in the article.
ymegJul 5, 2010
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive!"
diggadiggaJul 5, 2010
I grew up with two very demented and psychologically manipulative parents, and then with some demented 'friends' in elementary school/jr high school. This resulted in being very good in telling if someone's lying, both in technical aspects and developing a 6th sense. I really don't like it, I feel like im prying into people's privacy. It really feels bad especially when someone lies about something they're insecure about and the lie does no harm to anyone and benefits the lair with some needed self-esteem. I sure as hell wouldn't want to be around someone who could 'read my mind'.
In turn, I almost never lie, every lie I could care to give, there is almost always a way to expose it or have someone realize it's a lie. Maybe not in the moment, but eventually. Other people are not as good as I am, but coincidental 'connect the dots' moments do happen.
usernr1337Jul 5, 2010
i've got the same ability, though i'm never 100% sure i'm right, i'm only about 90% certain :(
hereticoftruthJul 5, 2010
A lie is a very poor tool to use in trying to establish positive trust and cooperation in interpersonal relationships. However, if that is not your goal, then lying may suit your purposes for a while. I you see no future in growing old, then mature behavior is not high on your list of priorities.
wheelingdude86Jul 6, 2010
The ability to lie is about the only thing that has evolved.
johnmfoleyJul 6, 2010
Resolving to be more truthful starting now (or am I?)!
Closed AccountJul 6, 2010
I read the whole article.
neutrino50Jul 6, 2010
Pants on fire == liar