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lbuchaAug 9, 2010
i cannot stand the group birthday dinner - splitting the bill, quibbling over who ordered starters, trying to drink as much as possible, getting stuck next to the worst guest because you were late... grrr. That being said, I love when someone pays for it all.
crazyredivanAug 10, 2010
My husband and I try go get our college/hometown friends together at a bar for our birthdays. Just a "if you can make it, we're just wandering to dive bars all night" type things- the "birthday" aspect is just an excuse to go drink, really.
We all just bring cash and pay our own way through- no need for tab-splitting crap. Unfortunately, last year for my husband's birthday, we got stuck paying a $90 bar tab of stuff we didn't even order...it was friends-of-a-friend that opened a tab then simply walked away. We were the last to leave (and it was a bar we were regulars at), so we had to pay. Needless to say, we're not so hot on the big gathering anymore.
gfoderaAug 10, 2010
hey thanks for picking up that tab, we really wanted to get sloshed and it was the perfect way to dip out for us. in the end, your husband told me i had a cute ass so i figured i was entitled. PS im a dude.
crazyredivanAug 10, 2010
Well, my husband *is* an ass man.
jsmith39Aug 10, 2010
Hmm, I guess for the most part I have a better class of friends, we're a decent mix of well off, doing okay, and broke ass college kid. With the exception of 2 people (who's birthday dinners we skip, and just meet for a beer afterwards) we always pick a restaurant/bar everyone can afford to eat at and no one feels there is some requirement to order the very best appetizers or wine. When the bill shows up, it's passed around and everyone throws in for their meal/drinks, the appetizers are generally split up between 3-4 people each and everyone throws in an extra $10 or so for the man/woman of the hours bill.
As a result I've always enjoyed the birthday dinner, a few hours of joking with friends and it costs me about $40. Guess I'm just lucky in that none of us (except those 2) have anything to prove to one another.
javandiverAug 10, 2010
I always try to have a big birthday dinner at someplace that many people have not ever been to. I also pick up the tab. I do not see why my friends should have to be put out in order to spend time with me.
boeremaAug 10, 2010
I moved up to The Twin Cities recently and had a similar encounter. Some friends were in the area for a birthday. It seemed that my friend, we shall call him Josh, was going to start teaching and wanted one last night of debauchery before the risk of meeting a student's parents at the bar was too high.
As silly Midwestern 20-somethings, they chose a mid-priced bar at which to spend the night. They also opened one tab, thinking to divvy up the tab at the end of the night. When it actually came time to leave, the 6 of us had accumulated a $750 tab. This really wasn't such a terrible deal as there was much enjoyment being had. The problem was that three people had already gone home drunk and the other two besides myself didn't have $250 to spend, so I was stuck with $750 on my credit card for 2 months until everyone finally payed me back.
The lesson is that you should never rely on anyone to split a bill with you. Ever. If you can't cover the whole thing in the worst case, don't get in the situation.
eastwood24Aug 9, 2010
Yup, I've been to a few of those dinners now :( Being in my late 20s I have friends that are married, some have young children and others single. About a month ago, I went to a 30th b-day for a close friend's wife. As silly as it sounds, we celebrated at a waterpark. We got a group discount and it was actually really fun for everyone. The mother's got to hang out and catch up and watch the kids play and wear themselves out and most of the rest of us spent the day getting increasingly s**tfaced on smuggled in rum concoctions, act like idiots on water slides and regress back to when we were younger. Definitely more fun and memorable than some pricey dinner.
gamingforeverAug 10, 2010
I saw a card at Spencers saying "Why should I care if it's your Birthday"
aquapeteAug 10, 2010
Today is my birthday!!!! Why thank you Digg!!
iignotusAug 10, 2010
You bastard.
greg2kAug 10, 2010
f**k you, I'm not coming to your stupid dinner.
shiftybiznissAug 10, 2010
Me too! August 10th-ers represent.
I have a birthday dinner planned tonight... but it's nowhere fancy.. just pints n pub food.. does that still qualify as a 'wretched affair'?
aquapeteAug 10, 2010
happy birthday sir.
and personally i dont find anything wrong with birthday dinners, but for me its just a close group of friends i graduated with.
mcroflAug 10, 2010
Happy B-day man, I am just going out to get Brick Faced tonight, cause it's my 21st, XD
mcroflAug 10, 2010
me 2, August 10thers in da house, its my 21st too, :)
aquapeteAug 10, 2010
happy birthday sir.
Closed AccountAug 10, 2010
I have two friends who were born on this day. Theyre trying to get everyone out for dinner/drinks. Thank god I have a flight to catch today as Im low on cash this week...
manoshandsofateAug 10, 2010
Another August 10th here. 34 years old today!
aquapeteAug 10, 2010
happy birthday sir!
mcroflAug 10, 2010
happy b-day man!
antdudeAug 11, 2010
Old fart! ;)
mcroflAug 10, 2010
Happy B-Day Aquapete, hope it's a swell one, :)
jeffwmartinAug 10, 2010
Damn, missed it by a day. Mine was yesterday.
ripple01Aug 10, 2010
I hate these things. This article is spot on. I also hate sitting at a round table when going out with a group. You are basically stuck talking to the two people on either side of you. At a long, rectangular table, you have at least 5 people within easy conversation reach, unless you are at one of the ends.
Closed AccountAug 10, 2010
Dugg for transmogrifies.
butterbeeAug 10, 2010
If no one will have people at their house for a gathering in your honor, then invite them over to your own place. If that's a problem, then that means nobody wants to celebrate with you and you're either a bad person or need medication.
galacticrerunAug 10, 2010
I've been stuck in this plenty of times. Well from now on I figure I'll order plenty, and let it be split among everyone else. Why should I be so conservative and order drinks outside of the meal when others just go and get whatever and my carefully calculated price goes right out the window and I'm paying close to £7-10 more than I worked out was my share. And that's at Christmas, when there's nobody to kick in for.
rglarson13Aug 10, 2010
Ugh. While I 100% agree with the article, and think it's well-written, I'm burying this because this very same article was on Slate 3 or 4 years ago. Rehashing old stuff on an aggregate site is one thing, but when content providers start doing it, it's just lazy.Comment is buried, click here to see the rest.
tconnect80Aug 10, 2010
It must have been so inconvenient for you to open the page and then close it once they admitted it was a repost. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, having missed it the first time around and am glad they chose to re-use this excellent piece.
greg2kAug 10, 2010
I prefer hosting one or two small-scale parties with people who know eachother well than hosting just one. The whole point of the party isn't so you can be with all the people you enjoy being around, it's so people can enjoy themselves on your birthday.
bart5986Aug 10, 2010
I find it too hard to go out to dinners like these.
I have to try and guess beforehand if the group will want to split the bill evenly or split it according to who orders what.
Why are there so many people who order the most expensive things on the menu but call you a cheapskate when you aren't happy to pay an even portion when you have ordered the cheaper item to save money? I might as well purchase the most expensive thing as well.
sky75Aug 10, 2010
Wow, am I the only one who thought "What a selfish douchcebag" when I read this article? Sorry that I wanted to have all of my friends together for one night of enjoyment and you're so socially inept you can't make polite conversation with people you don't know for a couple of hours for the sake of a good friend. Comment is buried, click here to see the rest.
juankovoAug 10, 2010
What good does it do either the host or the guest if they don't even get to talk to each other?
gfoderaAug 10, 2010
I love how the article is eloquently, smartsy-fartsily written and then the guy makes it sound like the dude who got a separate check just split the atom at the dinner table. If you haven't thought about how the bill is going to be paid, maybe you shouldn't be eating out in the first place. Oh an f**k Simon and his girlfriend, he can pay for the whole thing he's a BRAIN SURGEON.
zb757Aug 10, 2010
f**k the girlfriend? Let's!
bosskeyAug 10, 2010
In this economy I stopped having my birthday out, because I didn't want to make my unemployed friends think they had to cough up $30 just to not sit there hungry and stuck in a distant seat. Past couple years I just said "party's at my house" and if someone wants to just bring a $3 bag of chips, that's fine, someone else always brings the wine, beer, and cake.
rainemakerAug 10, 2010
Its funny how in college, 40 dollars in one night was a splurge of epic proportions usually consisting of multiple rounds of shots and a virtual buffet of fast food at the drive through on the way home. I remember such buyers remorse the following morning at blowing two twenties in one night. HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THAT?! After all, you could usually easily stretch 20 bucks over a 5 day week for food and drinks. (Ramen/generic store brand mac 'n cheese and natural light).
Fast forward 10 years. You've got a advanced professional degree, and have been practicing for 8 of those last 10 years. These days you don't bat an eye unless there's a comma in the bill, and yet, you find that you're having less than half the fun and enjoyment you got out of that 40 dollars back in college.
To all you college students out there; grad or otherwise. I salute you.
zb757Aug 10, 2010
Natty? Kamchatka and Hawaiian Punch is better
tommyboy919Aug 10, 2010
If you are poor to the point where how the bill is going to be split up is actually a case for concern, then don't go. Problem solved. This article makes the author sound like a pathetic, selfish beggar. It's not hard to say "sorry, I can't make it, but have a great time." Some people, myself included, like to get together with a select group of friends to celebrate my birthday once a year. I would hope that if anyone feels the way the author of this piece does, that they would simply decline rather than being a petty little bitch about it and secretly harboring ill feelings about it. Comment is buried, click here to see the rest.
Closed AccountAug 10, 2010
Thats not the point. The point is, you pay more than you would normally for a typically miserable time. Due to the large party, the assigned seating and level of service that comes with such a large party, its not usually as fun as just hanging out at a bar and getting a pie to split.
akazabamAug 10, 2010
Reminds me of this:
http://digg.com/food_drink/Welcome_to_my_party_NOW_PAY_UP
zb757Aug 10, 2010
Why can't people link to the single page form of articles, especially when there is a link that says "single page" on the damn thing!?!?!?!?!?
theyarAug 10, 2010
This is why it's a pretty old etiquette for there to be a host who both throws and pays for the party. This host can solicit co-hosts ahead of time to help pay. It is entirely impolite to invite someone into this sort of situation to begin with, or to not work out the details of funds ahead of time and to subtely let people know that it is taken care of.
TommyBoy919 is entirely incorrect that the burden is on the person invited to forgo the event because he can't keep up with the financial success and tastes of other friends. You don't invite people to something that is going to cost them, especially if it is going to cost them more than they can afford. Otherwise, you need to price it per head and put the price on the invite.
The author is also incorrect that the first option that the other non-rich friend employed was "cheapskate." It was the honest and proper thing to do given the situation he'd been put into. Only order what you can pay for and only pay for what you order, and don't eat or drink anything you didn't order unless the person who did order it offers it to you. Work it out with the waiter so that it doesn't become a complicated public issue when the check comes. There is nothing cheapskate about that.
I didn't realize this had become a common thing people do. The birthday boy and his girlfirend are being thoughtless, slefish, and rude, period.
fr1234Aug 11, 2010
Great article. Hit the nail on the head. I've just turned 30 and would much rather spend celebrations getting s**t faced at the local dive bar with 3/4 of my closest than have a sit down meal