chicagonow.com — Anybody who’s ever driven has experienced the parking-lot assh**e. He’s the guy who parks his $40,000 car like it cost him $4,000,000. He’s the guy who rams his Dodge Neon into the 5 feet of space left to the side of your well-parked car. Everyone hates a parking-lot assh**e, and these are 55 examples of just how bad they can get.
Jul 31, 2010 View in Crawl 4
wjappeJul 31, 2010
I like the one where years ago I bought a new car, I parked my car way out in a mostly empty parking lot, parked properly in a space far away from anyone else. I come out of the store and someone parked right next to my car. I guess that's the way people are sometimes.
thoughtsonthisJul 31, 2010
That has happened to me, too, only they also keyed my car. I think these people do this to annoy the person who cares for his car and doesn't want it damaged.
badqatJul 31, 2010Submitter
Those people do that because they're assh**es.
arschgaudiJul 31, 2010
I often park next to the guy whose seemingly taken great care to park as far away from everybody/everything else. Brings great joy.
wojjieJul 31, 2010
It seems that you are more likely to get your car damaged trying to baby it then if you just parked normally as if it wasn't a new car. Stuff happens unfortunately, doesn't matter where you park, and parking far away just draws attention, possibly from people that are jealous.
matthewdukeJul 31, 2010
parking lot assh**e? Or parking lot angel?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKwhpPOXPTg
therealricoJul 31, 2010
haha I did that once too at a Costco in like98 . It was a Porsche, and I drove a 92 Honda Civic mint aqua sea foam green still unsure of the color. I however didn't key the car or hit it, just parked in the spot next to his. Hey I didn't want my nice car to get scratched!
Also I recommend people go to this link and print out a few copies and put them in your car just in case. You may want to key the assh**es, but this gives you just as much pleasure and is much funnier and more legal!
http://www.youparklikeanassh**e.com/notices/notice_1.pdf
http://www.youparklikeanassh**e.com/notices/notice_2.pdf
tyg10Jul 31, 2010
Oh....the sixth one. The red car. Who in the WORLD was driving that? some Grandfather???
ctwoJul 31, 2010
Where do I get a pack of those cards? They would come in handy way more than my business cards!
Closed AccountJul 31, 2010
http://www.youparklikeanassh**e.com/give.html
sewermuttJul 31, 2010
To be fair. If someone has an expensive car, I don't give a s**t if he takes up 2 spaces making me walk just that little extra distance. Picture 26 for example. He parks this way so some dumb f**ks don't hit or scratch it. Although... it does look like they are possibly handicap spots so that does make him a douche.
On a side note... I love that plate. (#1)Comment is buried, click here to see the rest.
karatemediaJul 31, 2010
Seriously? So you've never been in a packed parking lot, trying to find a spot, only to discover that some assh**e has taken up two spots with his precious car?
If someone's going to do that s**t, then they should be the ones walking a "little extra distance." Park your car at the farthest end of the lot if you're so concerned about it. Why should some assh**e's fear of getting their precious little car damaged inconvenience everyone else?
Here's an idea - if your car is so expensive and special that you can't leave the house without fearing that it will be damaged, then maybe you shouldn't be driving it to the local Sears. Drive it to your friends' houses if you want to show it off. Don't expect me to give a s**t about your overpriced status symbol. In fact the very act of take up two spots to protect your car just exponentially increased your chances of having me intentionally scratching it. Park like a normal human being and I wouldn't even consider such an act.
wojjieJul 31, 2010
I agree, as long as they park FAR away from the store, they can take up 3 spots for all I care. But if they take the best 2-3 spots available, then the car deserves to be keyed.
ruarctbJul 31, 2010
All that's gonna cause is someone in a Carolla or Accent squeezing in and parking a hairsbreadth from your precious car.
weebitJul 31, 2010
Some of them were parked in such a way to where it looked more like they didn't know how to park. Or how to drive.
smacksawJul 31, 2010
#14 is the WTF money shot of the week.
Some of them don't really bother me at all. Not sure why they bothered the person with the list. Like #17. The spot narrows as you go in from either side. And they're not uniform anyway? So what? If I had a large SUV, that's the sort of spot I'd look for. Take a good one with no one around you, but you can't get in and neither can anyone else if it's a 7' wide or less space. Some of them are. And the guy in the Taurus wagon is why the Lexus moved over anyway.
Ones like #21 I don't even get. Some guy leaning on a car after-hours in the back of a lot? That's bad somehow?
sebconnJul 31, 2010
Wouldn't #14 be cars that have been parked on ice which has subsequently melted?
yexyAug 1, 2010
#21 took me a minute...the car that he's leaning on is parked crooked. *shrug*
jackoftherealmJul 31, 2010
http://bit.ly/dlrqGJ < and this is what assh**es do when they hit your car
carterxJul 31, 2010
http://www.youparklikeanassh**e.com
carterxJul 31, 2010
http://imgur.com/poQQ8
balthisarJul 31, 2010
#17: I kind of think the Lexus SUV is parked the way he is because of the crappy job done by the Taurus wagon.
#19: Wow, I think everyone but Mini drivers would be assh**es here. The parking spaces are barely large enough for the Mini!
#21: It's late night at an obviously empty parking lot. Dude's just posing for a picture.
#24: Maybe the guy owns both spots, since they're numbered? Public garages (in my area, anyway) don't have numbered spots.
kent1146Jul 31, 2010
They could have probably routed the fire hose in #23 around the car, instead of through it. Which just makes it that much more awesome.
1d1dntdo1tJul 31, 2010
I bet they love to to do that to people park in front of hydrants. Hay if you park there you deserve it. It would be even more awesome if the guy had to leave for work but had to wait 6 hours for the FD to put out the fire.
chadfaaborgJul 31, 2010
From what I understand, firefighters "have" to do that if someone parks in front of a hydrant (and there's a fire, obviously). They can't go around because the radius of the hose is too great when the extreme pressure of the water comes through it.
seinmanJul 31, 2010
Sometimes. A friend of mine is a firefighter, and he says they usually can route it under/around a car, but in some situations (like in the one picture where the hydrant is very close to the side of the car) the only option is to break the windows and go right through. It's a last resort option, but it does have to happen sometimes.
yobladJul 31, 2010
Honestly if I had a car that cost more than some people's house I would probably park it at an angle and take up two spots as well. You know how I hate more than people with fancy cars parking like dicks? The dicks in s**tty cars who fling open their doors when parked way too close to you and smash into your car. I've had this happen to me while still inside my car. The bitch just looks at me funny and walks off while I've got a huge dent in my door. NEVER in my life have I hit someone's car while getting out of my own.
swordedgeJul 31, 2010
And if I saw your cost more then most peoples houses car parked at an angle taking two spots, I'd want to throw a boulder through your windshield as payment. I never do but my opinion of you would be below that of a hobo.
Comment is buried, click here to see the rest.
kent1146Jul 31, 2010
Anyone else notice how the bad parking jobs are "normal" cars like a Honda or a Toyota, while the assh**e parkers drive big ass pick-up trucks and expensive luxury cars?
campcastawayJul 31, 2010
Aside from all the pictures from eastern europe, there seem to be a whole lot from Louisiana. I'm just say'n
fuzzynyankoJul 31, 2010
I'm not sure if #15 qualifies, even though that's a sucky day for 3 drivers
getjustinJul 31, 2010
As for the Smart car in #53: Some cities (especially those in Europe) allow you to "nose-in," or in this case "tail-in" to parallel spots since the length of a Smart is almost the width of most others.
omicronnineAug 1, 2010
Indeed, that is an intentional part of the Smart car's design.
12340987Aug 1, 2010
I've always wondered if people did that. Now that I know I must buy one.
digitaldeadstarJul 31, 2010
I'm guilty of smashing my door into another car. Pretty empty parking lot, I parked out aways from the shopping center. I come back out and find that, despite the parking lot pretty much empty with tons of parking spots, someone decided to park right next to me. And left me a few inches to get in my door. So I left them a dent. It was horrible of me, but it made me feel better.
Closed AccountJul 31, 2010
#38 too doesn't look like that much of a big deal. It is an empty parking lot, what does it matter how a single vehicle in that lot is parked. And it it is delivery the vehicle would be gone in a few minutes anyway.
keraneuologyJul 31, 2010
#40 is the worst one - and forget that business card thing - that guy deserves sticker with that same language slapped across the license plate. Use the adhesive that bakes on with heat.
12340987Aug 1, 2010
a you suck at parking bumper sticker would friggin sell like crazy.
waterisnotwetJul 31, 2010
I looked at all the photos and it pretty much proved to me what I have felt to be true in America for a long time. If you notice virtually every single one of those photos sporting a license plate from a US state is a luxury vehicle...Hummer, Audi, BMWs, etc. The more expensive the vehicle the bigger the assh**e driving it. These are the same people that drive the same highway everyday and cut across 4 lanes, talking on their cellphone to get to their exit.
1d1dntdo1tJul 31, 2010
Maybe because nobody feels the need to take up 2 spots with their Ford Pinto?
unic0rnJul 31, 2010
A lot of these were reasonably parked.
There are too many people that are trying to key your car and whatnot because they're jealous of it.
I would park my Ferrari on 3 parking spots. I wouldn't care, because I could afford the ticket. Comment is buried, click here to see the rest.
stanleyfordJul 31, 2010
"I wouldn't care, because I could afford the ticket." -- And that's exactly what makes you an assh**e.
jeezoflipJul 31, 2010
I've seen those business cards before. I need to get some.
GreenBizJul 31, 2010
OMG, number 26... at least one of those spaces is a handicapped one too.
sizzzzlerzJul 31, 2010
Some of these are what car keys are meant for.
sonorguyJul 31, 2010
I'm pretty sure car keys were meant to be used with all of these.
drsolaceAug 2, 2010
That was so witty I projectile shat all over my room.
harshucJul 31, 2010
whats the license plate supposed to read on #2?
lantzaJul 31, 2010
nothing, the car is just double parked
inactiveuserJul 31, 2010
Where can I get a sticker like that?
Sometimes I have to drive a bus for the volunteers (seats 50) and park it, its really hard when the mirrors are wet and its dark. All I can say is these people are seriously retarded. I have to park mirror to wall or I don't get it in the shed.
zoso1132Jul 31, 2010
This guy would make it in here, no problem:
http://mattandotherassortedlifesongs.blogspot.com/2010/04/there-are-two-kinds-of-people-in-this.html
stubearJul 31, 2010
After some assh**e put a huge dent in my rear quarter panel yesterday I'm tempted to take up two spaces from now on.
evlgyJul 31, 2010
weird. Seems my key likes all of those situations...
Closed AccountJul 31, 2010
if you take up a gazillion spaces.. i call the tow company.. its illegal.. guess you should have thought of that. If you block me in... I WILL find a way out even if it is at your expense. parking too close, guess you should have thought about that first if you didn't want a dent. I park in my space as close to the middle to allow room on all sides for a REASON, if you don't have the common sense or decency to park correctly, suffer the consequences of your actions
emperorawesomeJul 31, 2010
I love the great justice in #47, it's the only one where someone managed to shaft a bad parker without parking like an assh**e himself.
cheezygrinJul 31, 2010
Most of these pics were just of seriously selfish parking... but the odd one was actually quite smart parking, if you looked carefully.
slamsandwichJul 31, 2010
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slamsandwichJul 31, 2010
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briantest1Jul 31, 2010
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thebumhunterJul 31, 2010
This d-bag should be on there:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOwJN56BG-Y
bytesageJul 31, 2010
If I had lived in a large city much longer and had to deal with the parking assh**es, I would have likely began buying pickaxes in bulk and keeping a few with me to leave embedded in the cars parked like many of these.
Oh and never leave MY fingerprints anywhere.
novion76Jul 31, 2010
#19/52 is in the D Parking Lot of the University of Central Florida. Was really shocked to recognize the garage and lamppost (I park in that lot a lot).
waitasecJul 31, 2010
#5 Police Car is parked in a police only spot, not a handicap spot. The sign is clearly visible in the shot.
For the sinkhole I'm sure they were parked there before the sinkhole formed.
Some of the other shots are unfair as the shots are taken of nearly empty parking lots. You can't tell what the original situation was that caused them to park badly.
spookyttwsJul 31, 2010
But my Civic looks so uch cooler when it's parked at an angle!!
hydesJul 31, 2010
#33 thats the kind of car i have and thats what i do, park as close as i can to assh**es who can't park in 1 space
Closed AccountAug 1, 2010
Another f**king slideshow. When will chicagonow learn?
onethirtytwoAug 1, 2010
Sometimes when other people park bad it makes the next person to park next to them look like they're the assh**e.