theonion.com— Power outages throughout the Midwest have left millions of residents without the ability to watch their library of girl-on-girl DVDs or access fetish videos online.
Jan 29, 2011View in Crawl 4
You're not very funny medic427, and your life must suck. Crack open a history book sometime and you'll see that there has not ONCE been a happy-happy good time where you can say that there aren't bad things "going on in the world". According to your logic we should never be happy or have fun, because the world has ALWAYS been screwed up and it always will be. In fact, things are quite mild now compared to how they have been many, MANY times in the past. Get that stick out of your butt and learn something.
I was thinking of a smart comeback to that smelly comment but I decided rather to present to you an Ode to a Fart!
O wonderfully smelly fart, thou breath of living bowels
who announceth thy presence with a motion of friction
the motion of friction that stirreth my soul
like a flurry of birds, escaping from thine lower body parts.
Even somewhat more like a bird, giving out a chirp
and wafting away in the breeze... wandering unto thy neighbor
and that self-same neighbor, not understanding, complaineth bitterly
he curseth his lot, while plugging his nostrils.
O pity the poor neighbor. But wait! What happens
but the neighbor himself, who snickereth and holdeth his nose
Suddenly his face groweth into a strange position, with the realization
that he had just now released the sacred vapors of the fart.
Damn you, Onion! I was about to start a new Twitter account, Facebook group and Paypal account to help those poor, poor souls get their pornography back!
Um, no s**t. I'm actually, what's called in Illinois, Indiana and Ohio at least, a "Blizzard Baby." I was born in 1979, 9 months after the blizzard of 1978/1979. There's a lot of us.
cikas47Jan 30, 2011
that same headline could be used for Egyptians.
grungegbunnyJan 30, 2011
Why do you think they are revolting?
norman619Jan 30, 2011
I thought was because they learned the truth about the cake.
WreckedEmJan 31, 2011
Hey, that's not nice to say that about them. Many of them are merely hideous.
sanmanJan 30, 2011
it snows a lot in Egypt?
or is it just one guy paid to do a snowjob?
anyway, I've got a ski slope outside of Cairo I'd like to sell you
Closed AccountJan 30, 2011
Ahem....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indoor_skiing
Dubai is not exactly a winter sport country either but you can ski there...
theregjoeJan 30, 2011
global warming worst after effect
theregjoeJan 30, 2011
global warming worst after effect
centraltransJan 30, 2011
good. they can read their bible
randomgorillaJan 30, 2011
Plenty of porn in the Bible.
Closed AccountJan 30, 2011
or they can throw it in the fire for some extra warmth. make it somewhat useful for a change
captkhabJan 30, 2011
lol. have a sense of humor, people. this is funny.
medic427Jan 30, 2011
Not funny considering all that is going on in the world.
norman619Jan 30, 2011
If you can't see the humor in things you are destined for a very miserable life.
AnotherSchmoeJan 30, 2011
You're not very funny medic427, and your life must suck. Crack open a history book sometime and you'll see that there has not ONCE been a happy-happy good time where you can say that there aren't bad things "going on in the world". According to your logic we should never be happy or have fun, because the world has ALWAYS been screwed up and it always will be. In fact, things are quite mild now compared to how they have been many, MANY times in the past. Get that stick out of your butt and learn something.
Closed AccountJan 30, 2011
I was thinking of a smart comeback to that smelly comment but I decided rather to present to you an Ode to a Fart!
O wonderfully smelly fart, thou breath of living bowels
who announceth thy presence with a motion of friction
the motion of friction that stirreth my soul
like a flurry of birds, escaping from thine lower body parts.
Even somewhat more like a bird, giving out a chirp
and wafting away in the breeze... wandering unto thy neighbor
and that self-same neighbor, not understanding, complaineth bitterly
he curseth his lot, while plugging his nostrils.
O pity the poor neighbor. But wait! What happens
but the neighbor himself, who snickereth and holdeth his nose
Suddenly his face groweth into a strange position, with the realization
that he had just now released the sacred vapors of the fart.
http://web.blomand.net/~dennmac/reich-wing/ode_to_a_fart.html
The world is a smelly place - but perfuming your jokes because someone else s**t stinks, is not a good idea.
janetfruminJan 30, 2011
Tragedy!
Closed AccountJan 30, 2011
Damn you, Onion! I was about to start a new Twitter account, Facebook group and Paypal account to help those poor, poor souls get their pornography back!
adml_shakeJan 30, 2011
I love the new tv show. And the fact that someone has enough balls to put to air the truth about Tom Crusies kid...
mrstruggJan 30, 2011
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO
Closed AccountJan 30, 2011
Boy thats cold!!!!!!
imfreeofdebtJan 30, 2011
i would so be jonesn
itsonbadnewsJan 30, 2011
This is clearly a serious issue. Hahaha.
decatfJan 30, 2011
That's why you shouldn't become to reliant on tube sites.
vtpgJan 30, 2011
lol...
great... :D
frozenfabulistJan 30, 2011
Clearly people need to torrent more when the tubes is up.
Closed AccountJan 30, 2011
S'ok ... they are all building snow penises and snow boobs to post on Digg once the internet's up again.
bundalovJan 30, 2011
Well, I believe that everyone has at least one favorite porno DVD compilation :)
thrillki1lJan 30, 2011
There was a story on digg a few years ago after the big blackouts in new york. It said that area had a major rise in births 9 months later.
darwininmotionJan 31, 2011
Not just NY, any time there's a blackout = best time for sex (?) = babbies 9 months later.
cawpinJan 31, 2011
Um, no s**t. I'm actually, what's called in Illinois, Indiana and Ohio at least, a "Blizzard Baby." I was born in 1979, 9 months after the blizzard of 1978/1979. There's a lot of us.
kestrelswienerJan 30, 2011
f**king Diggers.
BoomTakZaagJan 30, 2011
L.M.F.A.O
flamesniperJan 31, 2011
LOL i saw the header and knew it had to be the onion
buddybentonJan 31, 2011
Me too and I also instantly knew it was going to be hilarious.
nygenxerJan 31, 2011
Won't somebody please think of the chil-- uh, nevermind.
taintedloveFeb 5, 2011
That's why one should always _download_ porn to a laptop and keep it fully charged to use during such trying times.