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The Seven Deadly Sins of Horror: How to Ruin a Horror Film

jamesmoran.blogspot.com — It is not the 1950s anymore. It's 2006. There are things you can NO LONGER DO. Intersting post by the writers of 'Severance'.

Who dugg this? Made popular Jan 4, 2007

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  • Kaioshin, on 10/12/2007, -11/+75It's 2007. Marked as inaccurate.
  • totorototoro, on 10/12/2007, -1/+448. PG-13 (or worse, PG) rating.
    9. Cast a bunch of hot actresses and..see #8.
  • Frank_the_Tank, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3210. A flash at the end of the movie hinting that the killer/monster is *still* alive.
  • ebolaworld, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21I hate it when they add a out-of-work rapper to the cast. Halloween movies, I'm looking at you.
  • finnegansfolly, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18He missed Deadly Sin #8: having a dumb joke or pun in the title of the film (e.g. 'Santa's Slay').
  • martin993, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Completely agree with every point he makes. I haven't seen Severance but but clearly this writer didn't watch director Chris Smith's previous movie, Creep, as it's filled with much of the cheesy ***** on his list. I'm positive he breaks rule number 1 many times and it's generally just a sucky, sucky film.
  • Elranzer, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10He's missing the real worst offender... When they get the movie really quiet, almost silent... and then... *BAMMM!!!11!!!!* Loud scary scene. Sometimes it's the monster, sometimes it's just a cat. But all in all, it's the new staple of modern horror. Able to make dumb teenage girls in the audience jump as if they've *never* seen that type of scare tactic in a horror movie before.

    A good, pointless example is the new The Omen remake. They pretty much took a good horror movie and turned it into trash with three or four of those silent-----BAM! jumpy scenes.
  • inactive, on 10/12/2007, -6/+15"How to Ruin a Horror Film"

    Make a horror film.
  • SirBriggs, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6@frank

    Er....that's number 2.
  • meatmcguffin, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7I'm gonna have to disagree with you there. Severance had a good writing team, a great cast and a great plot but there was something about it that screamed amateurism, it felt lazy, like it was cobbled together when they released they had a deadline coming up fast and the jokes were more miss than hit.

    Hate to drag this up for the millionth time but watch Shaun of the Dead for a horror/comedy done right/perfect.
  • gerrylazlo, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Two things:
    1. If you fall when you are running away from your future murderer, you get the ***** up and keep running. You don't turn around to look at the person chasing you as if you are stuck in quicksand. Your hands should be bleeding from pulling yourself up again and running so urgently.

    2. He didn't mention the thing I hate most in horror flicks. When someone comes in from off camera and attacks, surprising the victim, when if you think about it logically, the location they came in from is entirely in the victim's field of view. But the camera doesn't see them, so it implies that the victim can't. It's pure, uncut *****.
  • UglieJosh, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Severance gets an 88% on Rotten Tomatoes........

    I guess this guy might actually have room to talk.
  • BobMysterioso, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5If anyone has seen Descent - I loved the first 50 minutes of it. I watched the DVD timer, its 50 minutes. And then, the close claustrophobic spaces and brooding sinister mystery give out to obvious baddies. Somewhat inventive, sorta, but its a let down. My mind has way scarier stuff in it than what I'm now watching.

    I have seen a lot of horror films and I was more uncomfortable during those first 50 minutes, well Takeshi Miike's Audition aside, than any other film. I think a decent #8 would be

    Contrived visible Baddies when mind games would have done the trick better.
  • ChagrinRiddle, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6No miraculous recoveries in Saw 1, unless you want to count Danny Glover surviving a knife to the throat. I always thought Saw was fantastic, given its twists, and that it appeals to the fear of not being in control of the situation. Or perhaps, rather, being given two equally horrendous options, like kill or be killed. In the main room of Saw 1, the "villain" isn't quite Jigsaw, but is instead, because of circumstances, the other person in the room (Lawrence or Adam). Can you kill the other to save your own life? If it was me and Hitler, I'd kill him in a heartbeat, but if it was a decent, normal guy, like Lawrence or Adam, the moral implications and survival instinct butt heads. I would be totally lost in that situation, and scared out of my mind.
  • chaospenumbra, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I think the worst way to ruin a movie is to include a "little weird kid." Almost every horror/suspense movie has this nowdays, and I'm tired of it. You know, a little kid who never talks, or has some strange intuition, or talks too much, or is evil themselves, or becomes evil, or is so stupid they constantly put the main characters through hell to try and resuce them.

    Every. Single. Movie. I don't watch movies with any little weird kids in the plot anymore.
  • strangeguitar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Haha! Have you seen The Dentist 2: Brace Yourself? It's got Ron Howard's brother. Yeah... it's THAT good.
  • merr, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4@Elranzer
    You're absolutely right. That's mostly what horror movies are these days. It's been a long time since I've seen a horror movie that genuinely creeped me out. The most recent one was The Ring and even that's 5 years old now.
  • chris9902, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I get the history channel and it's just full of re-runs of stuff i've seen before.
  • BobMysterioso, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Watch Takeshi Miike's "Audition" - its horrific. I don't want to give anything away. Its not mindless gore like Hostels - although that has its place too.

    Its even available at Blockbuster all dubbed so you don't have to work your poor eyes.
  • venicerocco, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Could of cited a few examples. And anyway, wasn't this the point of the Scream movies?
  • nallelcm, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3That wasn't a recovery
  • Fireinthedisco, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4**spoiler**


    The Seven Deadly Sins of Horror
    7 - The grabbing hand
    6 - Sudden attacks of deafness
    5 - Magic, psychic killers
    4 - Cars that get scared
    3 - Sudden attacks of clumsiness:
    2 - Miraculous recoveries:
    1 - Characters who don't kill the killer when given the chance

    you should still read the article his comments are pretty good
  • Nydas, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Santa's Slay was never meant to be a horror. Its clearly a comedy.
  • DPowers08, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Similar to 4 - Cars that get scared, another is phones that don't work or connect to a source of help (friend, police, anyone) for no apparent reason. Inexcusable for the same reasons listed as the car not started.
  • ChagrinRiddle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Loved that scene. And up until that point, the movie was fantastic, and then, just as she finishes up, they look back at the corpse and... OH NOES!!!

    They ruined what would have been a great movie with everything after that moment.
  • Roger, on 10/12/2007, -3/+611. Showing the monster early on.

    I'm more scared when I don't know the monster is really some guy in a ***** suit or some homemade CGI.
  • ChagrinRiddle, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Speaking of phones.. when phones ring in the movie just to make someone jump.
  • bloodmoney, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3"this writer didn't watch director Chris Smith's previous movie, Creep"

    *****, I hate seeing this on the same day Netflix sends me the movie.
  • shenlon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2The only thing that made me jump in that whole movie was the truck's loud horn at the beginning, and that was only thanks to a movie theatre sound system.
    It would have been a better movie if the villain had been a deranged human and not an immortal demon creature...
  • DJCult, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2God damn that movie was terrible. It was so hyped up, and I couldn't wait to see it...and then nothing. I felt like the director bent me over, raped me up the ass for two hours, then charged me seven dollars for it. Student discount.
  • ChagrinRiddle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2@ImTheDarkcyde:

    A Deus Ex Machina is a god coming by to solve everything in ancient Greek plays. So the opposite of an improbable cheesy event to magically solve everything to me, is to have a cheesy event to let the bad guy have his way.
  • VeganG, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Audition was ***** gross, man.
  • hbcumber, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2dugg up for this

    "Gun too small? Sharpen it and stab him with it."
  • Roger, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4Severance is a pretty good horror/comedy, I recommend it.
  • davidjunit, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2My girlfriend and her family watch these TERRIBLE (low budget?) Thai "horror" films. The acting is soooo bad and 99.999% of the time they violate all of these rules.

    I saw "Magic, psychic killers" and immediately thought of these Thai movies. Although the article said something different than what I was thinking, in the Thai movies the big thing is evil witches and wizards. They're corny and just god awful and definitely warrant the return of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
  • inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"Yes, but falling down is practically the direct opposite of "deus ex machina.""

    you really, really don't know what deus ex machina means, do you?
  • ChagrinRiddle, on 10/12/2007, -3/+5Like one of the comments on the page said: Wolf Creek employs the #1 Sin. Kill the damn guy! You have a shotgun! And he's out cold! What a horrible movie. You'll never see Hostel make that mistake...
  • WiZZLa, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2As someone who saw both movies before any mainstream buzz existed, I can say that Severance is a good movie; but may not be as good as Shaun of the Dead, but for a fan of comedy-horror movies, both will be enjoyable.
  • FearlessFreep, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3These are staples of B-Movies.
  • UrlorJkron, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I liked the comments after the article as well.
  • merr, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Cars that get scared can be easily attributed to Murphy's Law.
  • ciaziraphale, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Finally, someone who understands what's wrong with most horror flicks. These can also be applied to other genres.
  • grimman, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"Hello, is anybody there?"
  • martin993, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I'm not into Hard Candy much either. It's very well shot and acted but the story pussies out far too many times. And they explain nothing at the end, instead resorting to a cliched chase scene thing and a twist for the sake of one.

    American Psycho isn't a horror movie. People get killed but it isn't scary and doesn't really try to be. It's a comedy.
  • flag8, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2@ChagrinRiddle
    Jigsaw is the killer indirectly, but your mind is more the killer than Jigsaw.
  • spiffytech, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Coral cache: http://jamesmoran.blogspot.com.nyud.net:8080/2006/12/seven-deadly-sins-of-horror-300th-post.html

    I tried duggmirror, but the formatting was messed up.
  • LycoLoco, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"I'd also suggest checking out Hard Candy. It's not horror per se, but if you're a guy, I guarantee you will have nightmares."

    I dunno, it may just be me, but I didn't enjoy that movie at all. Yes, they did an awesome job with ***** with your head as well as the male lead's, but in the end it didn't seem justified to me. There was no merit in the ending and afterwards I just felt sick to my stomach, and not in a good way.
  • Pahtcub, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Wow that dude sounds pissed! hehehehehe, relax it's just a movie. Hes right, but damn he just sounds oddly upset.
  • jtcalhoun, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2On #1 "Killing the Killer":

    --spoiler?--

    In the first Jeepers Creepers, I remember being so proud of the female lead character for not only hitting "Jeeper" with her car, but then proceeding run over him again and again to help ensure his mortality.
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