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The 30 Most Ill-Conceived Movie Monsters

cracked.com — A well-designed monster (say, a burn victim with a glove made of knives) can make a franchise. Behold, the opposite end of the spectrum: the ***** movie monsters possible.

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  • ElBeh, on 04/18/2008, -1/+12This particular photoshop contest has better entries than the last few, IMO.
  • SmooveO, on 04/18/2008, -0/+24Javier Bardem WOULD make a good Count Chocula.
  • dunnylovehun, on 04/18/2008, -0/+12No 1 is hilarious though I'm not sure why it's ill-conceived. She's one of the most terrifying fictional monsters ever created.
    Also, K-Fed. Way to pick the only one that wouldn't translate to a thumbnail as the image for your submission.
    • Fhwqhgads, on 04/18/2008, -0/+9Nobody ever said K-Fed was in the upper echelon of the IQ range.
    • highstriker, on 04/18/2008, -0/+3What do you mean "fictional"?
  • suzywang3000, on 04/18/2008, -4/+33what about the fat blob from that film "bowling for columbine"?
  • kevindjohnson, on 04/18/2008, -1/+2Endroll...that is classic!
  • GlennLThompson, on 04/18/2008, -1/+8Coultergeist was a good pick for the win.
  • clak, on 04/18/2008, -6/+2The Cloverfield Monster was ***** and not scary at all.
    • AsSubtleAsABrik, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2I agree with not scary but I don't think it was *****.
      The little ones were crazy though.
    • inverselogic, on 04/18/2008, -2/+0Kay, i dugg you up for not being a retarded Myspace bitch, but i must disagree, it was a ***** monster that was scary...All JJ has to do is go on some trip to japan , think of a gold piece of ***** , be vague , and the dollars rake themselfs in...
  • effinboy, on 04/18/2008, -0/+10Forgot Monsturd. Real movie... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364527/
    • AsSubtleAsABrik, on 04/18/2008, -0/+11Best quote from Monsturd:
      Waitress: "How about takin' a dozen glazed donuts when you go?"
      Dude: "How about you sit on my face and make me look like a glazed donut?"

      That movie is sitting on the shelf right next to me. The 3 dollars was worth every penny.
  • Dumbledorito, on 04/18/2008, -7/+4So is Cracked trying to become Something Awful now?
    • LongLiveRock2, on 04/18/2008, -2/+1I guess they got tired of trying to become Mad Magazine!
  • 4LeggedtriPod, on 04/18/2008, -0/+11Dugg for Count Chocula
    • GCarden, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1They really should make some live-action movies based off of breakfast cereals... I mean, Disney did theme parks!
      Am I the only one who'd buy tickets to "Trix"?
  • TecK415, on 04/18/2008, -0/+17Aww... I thought they were going to talk about ***** monsters in actual movies..
    • vashth3stampede, on 04/18/2008, -5/+0you, my friend, have obviously never been to cracked.com
      • TecK415, on 04/18/2008, -0/+3Uh.. wow, I visit the site at least once a day, they have articles like that all the time.
    • reefsurfer226, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1yeah i thought CHUDs would make it on the ***** monsters in actual movies.
  • Vohu, on 04/18/2008, -1/+4Dugg for #17 being too cute.
    • 0x0000ff, on 04/18/2008, -0/+5that's the one with the penis, right?
  • funkymoose, on 04/18/2008, -0/+5#13 "when you see it, you'll ***** more bricks"
  • Alix7, on 04/18/2008, -1/+3The last one is just disturbing.
  • tjmb9, on 04/18/2008, -0/+4Torgo is the worst monster, even when the master is away.
    • AshamedAmerican, on 04/18/2008, -1/+3You know he committed suicide because of that film?
      • Rammsteined, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1He died before the film was released -- how so?
  • hobbitontherock, on 04/18/2008, -1/+4lol, I liked the Tech Savvy Ghost
  • darylspong, on 04/18/2008, -1/+7Kevin Federline uses Digg?
  • cmost, on 04/18/2008, -10/+1This was dumb. Dugg down for lame as hell.
  • Terasiel, on 04/18/2008, -3/+1Awesome list. Better than I've seen all year!
  • tiberone, on 04/18/2008, -0/+4"She wants to know what went wrong. And it can't wait until tomorrow." Haha awesome
  • Farceur318, on 04/18/2008, -0/+3"The real monster was us. Get it?"
  • ClarkNoHeart, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2I think the ones toward the bottom are better than the ones toward the top.

    Moby's Dick, Nasferatu, and Narcoleptic Quadruple Amputee are the best.
  • DeFex, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2The last one was worth it.
  • nynety, on 04/18/2008, -0/+4This reminded of that Arrested Development episode where a facelifted Lucille gets cast as the monster in Maeby's movie.
    /pointless comment
    • 4LeggedtriPod, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2Nothing is pointless when it refers to Arrested Development.
  • isny, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1Frankenberry vs Chocula
  • mparker7410, on 04/18/2008, -0/+3Dugg for Crappy CGI-O-Saur.
  • twarner, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1I been Goatse
  • bobburn, on 04/18/2008, -2/+1...this was...very unfunny. Cracked..for shame. I suggest there be no more of these misguided contests until *something* funny is made.
  • LongLiveRock2, on 04/18/2008, -1/+0#16 was ripped off from the forgotten UK TV show, The Goodies, I just uploaded THAT verison!
  • amanilaenvelope, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1"the douche bag from jersey shore" is more of a documentary than a horror flim.
  • Velnich, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2Some cute ideas, but I'm not sure ANY of them look like actual movie posters.
  • TheUserFactor, on 04/18/2008, -2/+2Buried for unfunny Photoshop noobiliciousness.
  • Dealjobber, on 04/18/2008, -2/+0Meh, I was hoping they'd pick monsters from crappy (actual) movies.

    Like Breeders. Alien lands on earth, disguises himself as a man, then rapes women which in turn zombifies them and draws them to a pool of alien semen...(I forgot the next part) Then the guy morphs into this thing with a vertical mouth....anyways, it's quite absurd.

    I didn't really want to see it. I asked for one of the Alien(s) movie for christmas years ago and I got this.
  • fustercluck, on 04/18/2008, -3/+2Wow. *This* made front page? We need to get a life or something.
  • bamapachyderm, on 04/19/2008, -0/+2Dugg for #19. :)
  • KMye, on 04/19/2008, -0/+1The seal needs a yellow bow tie.
  • addiefleur, on 04/21/2008, -0/+0"Monolith Monsters" Had big Monoliths as monsters, those have been the dumbest movie monsters I have ever seen, they didn't even try to make them move.
    A shot of the rock then a person running, then the rock again, then the person, looking back and screaming and running, etc.
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