What is Digg?335 Comments
- boudey, on 12/13/2008, -4/+503"So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male."
- wakethefallen, on 12/13/2008, -6/+322"Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book."
- chillypacman, on 12/13/2008, -3/+301Soooo... a super powerful vampire immune to sunlight and garlic who will live forever does not want to bite a girl because he's worried the girl will end up like him?
What exactly is so precious about this 'mortality' that necessitates it be guarded? - Clearmedium, on 12/13/2008, -1/+256"Me? Oh, no. I'm just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever."
***** nailed the whole story. - bandola, on 12/13/2008, -7/+255Brilliant. Thanks, Cracked! Now I don't have to see the movie!
- theremixtrack, on 12/13/2008, -2/+225"That's right everyone, this whole movie is a two-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest."
I lol'd - EndertheIII, on 12/13/2008, -3/+201wouldn't it just be porn at that point?
- inactive, on 12/13/2008, -4/+167"I love you. Put a baby in me."
Best ***** line in the article. This needs to get worked into a movie somehow. - dman24752, on 12/13/2008, -0/+140Put a baby in me!
- Skab, on 12/13/2008, -6/+140That article was prolly as long as the script.
- RobotBuddha, on 12/13/2008, -0/+128I had the same reaction! If they can just make people into vampires, they're kind of jerks for not doing it. I mean the amount of people stuggling for their lives against cancer, aids, whatever, and they could just cure them instantly and the only downside is that they wouldn't age and would sparkle in the sun or some *****? Do they ever bring that up in the books?
- KRJ35, on 12/13/2008, -1/+116That's hilarious, sums it up pretty well.
- CsHitman, on 12/13/2008, -4/+116Dugg for Chris Hansen reference.
- jasonXhendrix, on 12/13/2008, -6/+103If they have the capacity to worry and love and all that nice girly *****, then what makes them think they don't have any souls? Humans have animal urges they have trouble controlling, too. This whole series is just ***** Christian propaganda.
- summer0f89, on 12/13/2008, -4/+95"Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I'd need to wear like fifty condoms."
this - SilverBack101, on 12/13/2008, -2/+88You mean...you actually wanted to go see it?
- PruneMoon, on 12/13/2008, -1/+82I'm sure your time is precious, that's why you're commenting on Digg.
- NickFrenzy, on 12/13/2008, -1/+79Aren't you supposed to be in the kitchen?
- tenchiws, on 12/13/2008, -1/+73Well it was written by a Mormon house wife. That might explain it.
- inactive, on 12/13/2008, -2/+74You need less stupid friends.
- ChinezePanda, on 12/13/2008, -18/+88Emo High School retards piss me the ***** off.
- PruneMoon, on 12/13/2008, -3/+64I tried to read the book for ***** and giggles, and from what I got through before stopping myself to save my sanity, this article is pretty damn accurate.
- shadekeiko, on 12/13/2008, -2/+61I'm a girl and that is precisely why I ***** hate this Twilight *****. What kind of message is this sending to young women? I wish I could find all of these Twilight fangirls and make them watch Buffy instead to recondition them. o.O;
- Clearmedium, on 12/13/2008, -1/+56I read the book (inb4 lame) bc some girl in my creative writing class in college last year was all ZOMG its the best. So I read it, it was sub part and around 500 pages, however it took about 1 day to read. This Cracked article actually sums it up perfectly. Especially the comments about the author putting herself into the story.
- S7aind, on 12/13/2008, -0/+53@djb28
So they're like politicians? - ShadowFoxxx, on 12/13/2008, -6/+57Jesus, my friends (all of my female friends, anyway -- *all of them!*) are pressuring and pressuring me to see this movie first and *then* read the book. Lets not forget they've spoiled it for me and I've heard enough to make my own opinion, but no, I HAVE to see the movie or my life will not be complete.
I can't wait to see the movie and tear it to pieces and Cracked has assisted me in doing so. God, it's scary the way these fangirls are obsessing with this book...it's turning into a cult...I refuse to be converted! What nonsense. - falstaff, on 12/13/2008, -0/+46So you're fine with all the undead/garlic allergy/wooden stake *****, but vampire boners throw you for a loop?
- KayinAngel, on 12/13/2008, -3/+45what the ***** is twilight ?
- inactive, on 12/14/2008, -0/+41Let me fill you in on the last month.
You see, a study came out suggesting that teenage girls were out performing their male counterparts in mathematics and science. Teenage girls, desperate to overturn this sudden change in public opinion, started to openly praise a series of books about high school vampires. The first book is called Twilight, it is about a girl who is perfect in every way and falls in love with a vampire that has no flaws. There is no conflict in the story and everyone is happy.
The public dismissed this as just a passing phase and that teenage girls really were smart. Teenage girls then launched their Pearl Harbor a few weeks ago and took to the streets proclaiming their undying devotion to this terrible book and pledging their dollars to the release of it's film adaption. They made the awful movie based on an awful book a roaring success, thus accomplishing their mission of looking like irrational mental midgets whose sole purpose in life is to marry a rich man and tend to his every whim. - VitriolAndAngst, on 12/13/2008, -0/+38.. because You are forced to sparkle in the sunlight -- and that is so terribly '80s and lame.
And of course, to be brooding, troubled and anti-socially disturbed by your own coolness is Hotness Extreme. If he had nothing to be brooding about, it wouldn't make being a Vampire nearly as awesome.
This is like having Herpes that sprouts gold and ice cream. - igyigyigy, on 12/13/2008, -0/+37I'm not sure I see the problem :)
- mattyboy555, on 12/13/2008, -2/+39@smackydoodle
"If they want to act all depressed or mysterious, who cares?"
Buried for inaccuracy. Emo kids are not mysterious, everybody knows that they're retards. - LilRabbitFooFoo, on 12/13/2008, -5/+39Mormon women are raised/brainwashed from birth to be like this. No lie.
- djb28, on 12/13/2008, -4/+37They do occasionally worry about being soulless abominations, etc, etc.
So, yes - twinklyJesus, on 12/13/2008, -2/+35Listen, 4chan called, they need you back. They ran out of old jokes and memes. They think you might remember some.
- Zihuatanejo, on 12/13/2008, -2/+34This was a good article, per se.
- kernel16, on 12/13/2008, -0/+31Mormons are vampires?
- VitriolAndAngst, on 12/13/2008, -3/+34It's called independence.
As soon as this girl marries him, she will then change everything about him she found cool. The vampire doesn't know what he is in for, poor sucker. - SirBrittanicus, on 12/13/2008, -0/+30All too true.
- SilverBack101, on 12/13/2008, -3/+32I have always wondered about this one thing concerning vampires. They don't have blood of their own just that coagulated ***** in their veins...so when ladies get all wet over a sexy vampire and wants to ride him like he's a horse how does the vampire get a boner without the prerequisite blood?
- rdvon, on 12/13/2008, -0/+28Current weather in washington: 38 degrees overcast -.-
- TempusEdax, on 12/13/2008, -2/+30I've been waiting for this. Thanks Cracked.
- Hardac, on 12/13/2008, -2/+30So your single, female friends are willing to be dominant and submissive to a guy who treats them like *****? My number is 555-...
- S7aind, on 12/13/2008, -4/+30This is the best 10 times shorter 100 times more honest article they've had
- jasonXhendrix, on 12/13/2008, -1/+27Too stupid didn't read (TS;DR)
- Suricou, on 12/13/2008, -4/+29Because it's a veiled religious message. On the surface its about vampires, but it's also a allegory for premarital sex. The vampire and the girl are in love - she wants him, and he her. But his nature compells him, drives him towards biteing her (having sex) - an act that is immoral and dangerous. Will she be a good Christian girl, resist the temptation and the drive? Will he be able to control himself, or give in to his animal nature?
The moral of the story: All non-christian boys are sex-crazed, and good christian girls should have nothing to do with them. - inactive, on 12/14/2008, -1/+26Get in the kitchen and bake me a pie!
No I agree twilight sucked balls. - TheKappa, on 12/14/2008, -0/+23And took as much time to write.
- wkpower, on 12/14/2008, -1/+24http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFG9lXc2upQ
- KMartSheriff, on 12/13/2008, -1/+23At least the main character girl looks kinda like Emma Watson. So, she is sorta hot. Who am I kidding, it'd hit it like an infidel.
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