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5 Superhero Movie Scenes They'll Never Let You See

cracked.com — It's a tricky business adapting comic books to film. The screenwriter has the unenviable task of cramming decades of backstory into two hours, and difficult decisions have to be made.These cuts, however, are not the difficult ones. Here are five story lines from upcoming comic book films that the studio won't be releasing soon.

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  • mentallyinhell, on 05/16/2008, -4/+36They did some sick ***** back in the day. Today, there would be protests and old men fighting on CNN about what is and isn't destroying America's youth.
  • lpmiller, on 05/16/2008, -0/+80that clip of the hulk is about the funniest panel I've ever seen out of a comic book
  • Palscience1, on 05/16/2008, -3/+1Nice Collection.
  • DrCrankenstein, on 05/16/2008, -1/+15"The size of a fire extinguisher." Hilarious.
    • macweirdo42, on 05/16/2008, -0/+9It sounds all well and good, until you realize that he can't have sex with a woman without killing her.
  • SmooveO, on 05/16/2008, -0/+63Ant-man has officially made me feel inadequate in bed.
    • RealmDown, on 05/16/2008, -0/+5I think Reed Richards would win the title.
      • kingmanic, on 05/16/2008, -0/+2Richards might have length but Galactus has a 'leg' up on girth.
        • edwartica, on 05/16/2008, -1/+1MEh. Galacticus is way too big. He would rip the girl apart in an instant.
        • TheMidnight, on 05/16/2008, -0/+3Galactus would be ***** the black hole at the center of a galaxy, pretending it was a supercluster-sized woman.
      • edwartica, on 05/16/2008, -0/+3Well, there's got to be SOME reason Sue stayed with such a dork!
      • Niightwitch, on 05/16/2008, -0/+4Ben didn't call him "Stretch" for nothing.
  • drkmccrthy, on 05/16/2008, -1/+20Who doesn't want to see ant man making some lady have an orgasm?
    As an aside, the scene I'd like to see in the new Hulk movie would be the bit from the Ultimates where Captain America stomps the Hulk's face in.
  • GoMegaMan426, on 05/16/2008, -8/+3Too bad I can't read this. Cuuurse you Websense!!! Dugg for superheros.
  • Alix7, on 05/16/2008, -1/+29They need to make a Superhero movie FILLED with all the seedy parts of comics they never tell you about.

    • mentallyinhell, on 05/16/2008, -0/+1Maybe just a documentary on it with interviews with the creators.
    • macweirdo42, on 05/16/2008, -0/+7I definitely think we could do with a movie that addresses all of the latent lesbian dominatrix ***** going on with Wonder Woman.
      • ParanoydAndroid, on 05/17/2008, -0/+2Latent? Not even close to latent.
    • Burrito, on 05/17/2008, -0/+2Watchmen?
  • Defuser, on 05/16/2008, -2/+2They forgot the scene from The Authority where Captain America rapes Apollo.
  • antiorblkflag9, on 05/16/2008, -2/+19Old cartoons are soooooo racist. The crows in Dumbo make me cringe every time.
  • chuckDontSurf, on 05/16/2008, -0/+14Shouldn't most of Alan Moore's stuff be in here? Or am I about to get buried into oblivion for suggesting that "graphic novels" and "comic books" can be lumped together?
    • WarMachineWCLH, on 05/16/2008, -0/+1Grant Morrison's stuff too. Cause dear god that ***** is weird.
      • nksoccer13, on 05/16/2008, -0/+1Grant had a run on Doom Patrol from issue 19 to 63. The incident mentioned by crack may or may not have happened in his run.
      • WarMachineWCLH, on 05/16/2008, -0/+1I was thinking of the Invisbles. I can't even attempt to explain half of anything that happened in that book let alone film it.
  • cesclaveria, on 05/16/2008, -1/+7another scene I think they would not include would be from "irremediable ant-man", where he shrinks and spies girls on the shower.
  • MiamiRox, on 05/16/2008, -3/+12Not just regular raped, MAN raped.
  • rmxz, on 05/16/2008, -0/+7Pretty much any of the issues highlighted on superdickery.com could also be on this list.
    http://superdickery.com/propaganda/1.html

    But if they made a movie these days they'd just change it to whatever group it's OK to hate (isn't that what they did with iron man?).
  • wild, on 05/16/2008, -0/+7That Hulk comic is crazy. I didn't realize they did a cross-over with the He-Man series. Prince Adam is getting his grayskull on...
  • remo2012, on 05/16/2008, -1/+1Where is the Aquaman Movie!!!???

    I have to settle for this, Truth.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNdUV1vysAc
    • binaryjorgie, on 05/16/2008, -0/+0Thought James Cameron already made it with Vincent Chase and Mandy Moore.
  • purelithium, on 05/16/2008, -1/+5Tin Tin is a superhero?
  • crapmatic, on 05/16/2008, -3/+1They forgot about Superman in Superman II doin' it with Lois Lane in the Niagara Falls honeymoon suite. Seems some stuff got left on the cutting room floor.
  • edwartica, on 05/16/2008, -3/+1The scene where Tony Stark / Iron Man hires an assassin to take down Captain America comes to mind.
    • cesclaveria, on 05/16/2008, -0/+3I guess you could make a whole movie about Tony Stark being a dick:

      * erasing peoples memory
      * sending bruce banner to be lost on space
      * signing up spidey to hunt other heroes with him knowing
      * making a clone of thor
      * spying on pretty much everybody
      * have a couple of lunatics almost beat to death spider-man
      ah, forget it, just read civil war.
      • edwartica, on 05/17/2008, -0/+1Yeah, I have the TPBs of World War Hulk on hold at the libaray, but I'm hoping Tony stark gets his ass whipped a good one.
  • aschafer324, on 05/16/2008, -6/+1What about the one where superman is flying over a field and sees superwoman lying on her back, yada yada yada, the invisible man's ass hurts?
  • Jeepy, on 05/16/2008, -1/+1The only way the new Hulk can defeat the Abomination that was the first movie is if Edward Norton transforms into a green Tyler Durden at some point in the movie.

    I think movie studios should just stay away from comics that have taboo or weird story lines with a cult following. I mean look at the crapfest Spawn was and if a studio can make a merciless killing machine from hell lame there's no hope for Ant Man. Also how far are they going with the whole respected actor in superhero movies thing? I mean its cool to see good actors filling the roles but it would be a little akward to see Daniel Day Lewis play Captain America or Robert DeNiro playing The Punisher. Al Pacino as the Green Lantern?
  • MCMLXXXII, on 05/16/2008, -7/+2Woah! New comment system! What happened here?
    • TheMidnight, on 05/16/2008, -0/+1I hear Captain Obvious is hiring a First Mate Redundancy. You should apply.
  • allhere25, on 05/16/2008, -0/+6'If 51 percent of American moviegoers aren't ready for gay marriage, then they're sure as ***** not ready for a love affair that combines homosexuality, bestiality, robophilia as well as a little amputee fetishism for good measure.'

    So true, when will people accept that love can come in many different forms.
    • Matri, on 05/17/2008, -2/+2Accepting it and wanting to see it are two totally different boats, buddy...
  • indigit4l, on 05/16/2008, -1/+4How about the scene that actually follows the comic books plot?
  • Laminarcissus, on 05/16/2008, -2/+1In all seriousness I really have to hand it to them, no marketing strategy has ever been so focused and well-executed as Cracked's use of "top" lists to build their traffic.
  • azAZ09, on 05/16/2008, -1/+2"They'll never let your see" , try "probably should not be made movies"
  • krisscofield, on 05/16/2008, -2/+1What's stopping Ant-Man from falling in.....? o_o
  • HanSolo69, on 05/16/2008, -2/+1Actually, I would imagine Hollywood would be all over the spousal abuse parts of Hank and Jan Pym's relationship. They can make it violent and just claim they were sticking to the source and I wouldn't have it any other way.
  • ZenMojo, on 05/16/2008, -1/+4Rip your "head" off...crush "steel balls?" Man, Hulk was subtle back in the 80's, wasn't it?
  • acidbathfan, on 05/17/2008, -2/+2Ant-man always keeps his pimp hand strong.
  • nonks, on 05/17/2008, -1/+3cracked never seizes to amaze me.....great article
  • DarthBrooks, on 05/17/2008, -1/+0fappity fappity
  • dangodango, on 05/17/2008, -0/+0Ant man is pimpin'
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