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- LiquidIse, on 10/12/2007, -2/+420Windows ME Air was going to be listed, but the factory blew up before it even produced a plane
- cenarta, on 10/26/2007, -17/+404Windows Vista Airlines:
You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are "sure" you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.
Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked "Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?" you instinctively say "Allow".
After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.
You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps you buy your return ticket home. - n8dawg87, on 10/12/2007, -2/+250You forgot to mention the planes are made completely out of glass that blurs the ground bellow you. Since the plane is made out of glass the plane is less aerodynamic and causes the plane to fly so slow it almost doesn't make it off the gronud.
There is also no first class and economy class but over 10 different classes, one for each of its different types of fliers. In the process, fliers are so confused about which class is for them they just decide to stick with XP airlines. - PathDaemon, on 10/12/2007, -18/+245Classic, and so completely unbiased...
...seriously, they were really stretching it with some of those. - foomandoonian, on 10/12/2007, -12/+227Linux Air
Inspired by the possibility of free air travel you decide to fly Linux. You search through hundreds of similar sub-companies. They all claim to be able to get you there quickly and safely, but some airlines don't seem to have been used for years and many just specialise in freight. Almost none offer any in-flight entertainment and lack for any instructions but all claim that the other passengers will know what's going on and you should have no problem finding help.
You select Ubuntu Air and have an enjoyable and speedy journey. You even liked the brown suede décor. However you didn't hear anything through the headsets, even though everyone else seemed to have no problems!
--
That's more like my experience, anyway - Rikushix, on 10/26/2007, -3/+212Windows Air:
"The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. "
True, but just before the explosion, there would be a brilliant flash of blue light. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -12/+166Sounds more like Fanboy Air.
- ksgant, on 10/12/2007, -16/+161Gee, after reading that, I wonder what the author would fly. I mean, it's SO not biased at all.
/sarcasm off - OSXpert, on 10/26/2007, -4/+125The mac one should be more along the lines of:
"More expensive than the other airlines, and only flies to the busiest and most exotic locations, but if thats where you want to go, the flight is comfortable and luxurious. Be sure to bring noise cancelling headphones though, or you'll spend the whole flight listening to other passengers telling you how much better this airline is than the competition." - thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -10/+103@elaf
=====================
========= Joke ====
========
... You ... - Langford, on 10/12/2007, -11/+104No, they won't be. They will however, be convinced that they are.
- superal1394, on 10/26/2007, -13/+105OSX Air:
You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a women sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says "Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture." At which point a camera in the wall you didn't notice before takes your picture. "Thank you, here is your ticket" You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say to yourself "wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was missing" - hookshotzz, on 10/12/2007, -13/+103on mac airlines, shouldn't everyone be beautiful?
- uzytkownik, on 10/12/2007, -2/+84Yes. It's made from glass but you can see earth only in 800x640 due to new ant-piracy systems (DGRM - Digital Ground Rights Management)
- cptn_cardboard, on 10/12/2007, -33/+110Ubuntu airlines:
You have to fly somewhere and everyone you know is talking about ubuntu airlines. You decide to sell your ticket on XP Air and download your own ubuntu ticket. Once your on the airplane you install the seat you look around and notice that everything looks really nice, but when your inflight meal comes, instead of a the steak you ordered, you get a block of steak-flavored tofu. The stewardess explains that its just as good, you just have to get use to it. After you eat it, you notice its a little hot, so you turn on the air blower, but it falls apart in your hands. You ask for some help, but the stewardess just gives you vague details of how its supposed to work. You eventually fix it, but as you turn it on, your seatbelt unbuckles. You rebuckle it and your luggage falls out of the overhead compartment. When your flight lands to transfer planes at Dallas International Airport, you sell your ubuntu ticket and buy an XP ticket telling yourself how cool ubuntu air was and you vow to fly ubuntu... next time... - greatblackowl, on 10/12/2007, -14/+83I actually thought they hit the nail on the head for most of those, especially with the windows ones and the linux one (which are also the OSes I have the most experience with). His descriptions of everything seem to mimic the experiences I've had with each OS. His description of the troubles for linux airlines might have been more extensive, however, like, in the process of putting together your seat, you had to dig up old conversations of people trying to build the seat before you, for instance.
- yaosio, on 10/12/2007, -18/+83Linux Air:
You attempt to get on the plane but no matter how hard you try you can't find a door. You ask the ticket taker and they point you to a 1000 page manual that references another 1000 page manual. Neither manual explains how to get on the plane, but does explain how to create your own door. When you finish making the door it's one inch tall and one inch wide and there is no way to open it. You ask the ticket taker about the door and they point you to the 1000 page manual again. - ROFLance, on 10/26/2007, -2/+67That's probably the best relevant comment I've seen on digg.com
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -6/+68Try editing your /dev folder in OS X.
Just kidding, you don't need to know that. /dev doesn't exist. You heard nothing. - prisoner24601, on 10/12/2007, -5/+66He forgot that to actually sit down in the seat you'd need to google for instructions, then drop to the shell and run:
mount /dev/seat /mnt/myseat
Of course you'd still need to specify the seat format depending on the plane, so you could try:
mount /dev/seat /mnt/myseat -t boeing737
mount /dev/seat /mnt/myseat -t airbus300
etc. - gcnaddict, on 10/12/2007, -9/+68Vista (wrote this one): Your ticketing agents and stewards are incredibly sexy. Even your captains are sexy girls. Processing your boarding pass is also followed with this cool 3D tearing effect, and the plane itself happens to be a dreamliner. However, whenever anyone or anything tries to do anything to you (even a simple nudge), everything around you freezes and your screen asks you if you'd like to cancel or allow the action.
- totorototoro, on 10/12/2007, -3/+59excellent addition :D
- Lord_oftheTrons, on 10/12/2007, -1/+48I'm sorry imcontrol I can't hear you over all of the smug.
- thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -4/+50And you'd see a white tunnel of meaningless words form in front of you....
- alteratti, on 10/12/2007, -0/+44"If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines..."
..then after 30 days, the pilot's screen in mid-air would say :
"TRIAL PERIOD OVER" - tallonx, on 10/12/2007, -3/+46don't forget; you need sudo privileges to make the door, or else you'll end up making it in your own directory, and it'd be great to have a floating door and all, but it won't get you on the plane. Then you go to the mIRC kiosk, and ask how to find a door, at which point you are immediately tackled by 12 --300pound-- nerds telling you how stupid you are and to "read the manual" at which point, god throws a twelve thousand pound manual at you to tell you how to create a new door. Finally 3 hours later, you make a new door. But you made it to in compliance with KDE, the plane however, was a GNOME based plane. But, it doesn't really matter, the plane left an hour and a half ago.
At least you can make your own paper airplanes out of the twelve thousand page manual, but WAIT! You don't have sudo privileges, contact your system administrator :D - ZooMigo, on 10/12/2007, -15/+57Obviously the writer never used Linux.
The airline would have never announced any flights, hoping passengers would show up because "everyone knows", then have problems getting the pilots to the cockpit since each plane is designed with 4 different ones, in separate locations, none of which have the same controls.
Additional problems would arise because of lack of documentation on how to close doors, start engines, taxi the plane, control traffic or even load passengers. Assuming, of course, the passengers were compatible with the seats installed in the plane.
....
Sorry, I've tried for almost 16 years to use Linux, from Slackware to Mandrake, Redhat, Ubuntu and Debian. Over that time I've run about 4 full years of Linux and each time quit because of problems. Lack of drivers, drivers that forget how to load (ever re-configure your sound card every time you boot?). Buggy software, lack of usable software, cryptic installs, "magic happens" instructions, etc.... Maybe someday, but not today.
Kevin - TehDoctor, on 10/12/2007, -0/+39Mouse driver? Have you *used* Linux ever? Way to be an uninformed and unjustifiably arrogant boor.
- thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -2/+39@Yaosio
Also, when you ask their customer support representative about all this, he tells you that "you're such a noob, you should go back to windows air if you can't think for yourself...."
(for reference, I develop automated test programs for Linux in a PXE environment... Also, I develop the PXE-based network root fs used to boot over the network.) - shinynew, on 10/12/2007, -1/+35Unfortunately all that anyone wants to talk about on the plane is how great this airlines is and will refuse to acknowledge that they are even talking about the airlines. The people who fly with OSX are almost always labeled elitist.
- nofxjunkee, on 10/12/2007, -4/+37I love OS X, and I want to strangle these smug pricks posting about how much better it is than everything else. It's my favourite OS right now but damn, it's not perfect by any means. I have had to hard-reset my MacIntel, which I never do with my Linux box, and didn't used to do with my PPC Mac mini. OMG OS X has bugs like every other piece of consumer software in existence!
- covert215, on 10/12/2007, -4/+34This is VERY old, but still timeless.
- strabes, on 10/12/2007, -7/+34You forgot that the ticket costs $2000, and you can pay to use the bathroom, but only five times.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28Unununium Air: OMG THERE"S NO WINGS
- Kanna, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28Something's missing in Windows XP Air....
You want to get on Windows XP Air, but you don't want to shell out the cash for it. Your friend comes along and gives you a photocopied ticket, insisting it'll work just like the real thing. When you show up at the gate, you see some passengers being held on the side, while those in front of you are having their tickets checked by the security guards. Fortunately when it's your turn, the security guard got confused and pulled the paying passenger behind you instead.
There we go. - shinynew, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28Linux Air:
Once you enter the airport there is a mass of activity, hundreds of gates with hundreds of different planes. You know you have your ticket, but it doesn't specify which plane to get on. There are hundreds of passengers arguing about which plane to get on. Once you get on one you must either chose to take only the standard seats they give you or you can learn how to make it your self. If you ever chose the second one then you must find every screw and nut the chair needs. Once you fly with Linux air you will learn how to do this with ease and not understand why no one wants to use them. - thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -13/+39Up until the ram goes bad and you can't even get off the ground.
-- recent personal experience - ellisgl, on 10/12/2007, -1/+23Yeah - but the call flight attendant button, light on/off button and air thing are missing and replaced by a single button.
- JD52, on 10/12/2007, -1/+22If this comment was a beer it would be Pabst Blue Ribbon. *gag*
- Vurk, on 10/12/2007, -4/+25meh, wireless networking with Linux is just a nightmare waiting to happen.
- metsfan489, on 10/12/2007, -3/+24Shriker....
shall I say, Master of the Obvious? - tech42er, on 10/12/2007, -3/+24It appears the XP section was written when everyone feared XP like they currently do Vista. I also find it amusing how Diggers are writing their own version of Linux Air ;)
- Rikushix, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21@ thcobbs
Yes, and just before you die, you would the pilot muttering:
"Apparently an exception has occurred at 0028:C11B3CADC. I have no idea what that means." - thedez, on 10/12/2007, -5/+25On Linux Air everything is written in Esperanto if you need a translator you have to ask questions in Esperanto. Nobody wears a standard uniform so you do know who works where. If you ask a question in English, you most likely will get the response: "You know, you should really learn Esperanto". And honestly, as well as the plane may fly or the ticket maybe free, the terminal looks like it was decorated by hippies.
- LMControl, on 10/12/2007, -7/+26Yes, I got tired of working on my computer as well instead of actually doing work on my computer. But, surely this is the year Linux makes the breakthrough on the desktop.... yeah, right.
- nayr, on 10/12/2007, -7/+24I use and love macosx, and that's unreasonable :p
- Tippis, on 10/12/2007, -7/+22Hey, be kind to the mac guys...
...or if not, just throw them a beach ball -- that'll keep them happily occupied for hours on end. - ninti, on 10/12/2007, -5/+19Linux Air:
The tickets don't cost you anything, but when you go to the airport, have to build your own plane from pieces they have lying around with little help, have to learn how how to fly it, have to plan the route using a compass and charts, all of which takes you a long long time. Finally you get it off the ground and approach your destination before discovering you just can't figure out how to land it no matter what you try and parachute out. You swear you are going to take windows airline next time, but when next time comes around and you need to go somewhere you go back to Linux because you feel it would just be so cool if the thing just worked.
Or at least, that has been my trip experience. - bob7, on 10/12/2007, -5/+19Heres my spin on Linux Airlines (some stuff borrowed from other people):
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. The ticket costs are extremely cheap, as the airline only charges you for gas. The tickets are even free if you decide to bring you're own bucket of gas with you. While ordering you're ticket you notice that this airline does not fly to most of Windows Air airports. However, it does fly to many locations that seem to be "close enough."
After arriving at the airport you are greeted by a friendly group of frequent fliers. You are given you're choice of which airplane you would like to fly on; either an FC-6, a Airbuntu 6.10, or a Susing 10.2. You see that all the planes are amazingly beautiful, much smaller than Windows airplanes, and can fly twice as fast. A couple of engineers crowd around you and try to convince you to fly on their plane, while arguing with each other about who's planes are best.
Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable. You are provided with a box of fancy electronics, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the Beryl-HOWTO.html. After installing the magic box yourself a disco ball falls from the ceiling and the windows of the plane turn into Jello so you can play with them.
On take-off, a lawyer from SCO airlines runs out onto the runway, in front of the plane, and screams at the pilot to stop. The plane speeds past the lawyer and takes off on time. The in-flight meal is wonderful, and you are given the largest selection of drinks you have ever seen on an airline, all for free, of course. There is a decent in-flight entertainment system, but the flight attendant informs you that it is illegal to use it in the United States. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but they all either get angry and call you a fanboy, or say they would only fly Linux airlines if it went to their favorite airports. - jayrtfm, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13(1997) Imagine a bank of elevators, each one run by a different computer system:
Altier:
A toggle switch allows you to open the door. A rope hangs from the ceiling, marked off in dot-dash patterns every 12 feet. Pulling the rope allows you to go up 4 stories, when you miss a tug, and crash.
IBM/DOS:
you enter and push a button for the 8th floor, but it can't get past floor 6.40
Mac 7.X
there is a single button for the floors. you push it, and it takes you to the floor it thinks is good for you.
Mac Copeland
You stand outside the elevator door, drinking pepsi, waiting for it to arrive, while reading the sign about how wonderful it is. You get tiered of waiting, so you take the NeXT one.
Windows 95
As you enter, a voice chimes out "where do you want to go today?" so you push the button for the 32nd floor, but it takes you to the 16th floor, twice.
Linnux
Instead of a Button panel, there is a large paper bag full of parts and tools, with instructions in Finnish.
Irix
Everything appears to be in order, but the button panel is ajar, and none of the floors will light up. A highly paid consultant is able to borrow a widget from Linnux's large paper bag full of parts to make them display. -
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