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Skip straight to the operator with your dirty mouth

lifehacker.com — According to this article, "Many IVR (interactive voice response) systems are programmed to recognize key words. Among those keywords are frequently a list of swear words, like the FCC ’s dirty 7. When asked to respond, use on of those epithets and you will likely be transferred directly to a live human being."

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digitalgopher 2 years 27 days ago, made popular 2 years 27 days ago

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digitalgopher, on 10/12/2007, -1/+56One of the comments on this post was by a guy who actually programs these things. he says this interesting bit:

"I actually program these IVR systems for various call centers, hospitals, financial institutions, or just about any place of business.

A tip that I've actually tried - and had work - is to use some expletives while on hold for a CSR. Almost immediately my call was answered....Sometimes they DO monitor you while on hold. So if Big Brother is listening, you can try to use it to your advantage!"
- toastgodsupreme, on 10/12/2007, -5/+43Kind of off topic, but another thing to keep in mind is that when you're on hold, you may be on a special mute. Where I work, we mute people all the time so we can discuss the problem with a colleague, go down the hall to get a specialist, or whatever. They think they've been put on hold so they talk to other people in the room or just mumble to themselves. Well, we get to hear it all.
  
  It's fun to listen to them bitch about you. Sometimes we make them wait longer if they insult us "behind our backs".
- gxcdesign, on 10/12/2007, -1/+30Until we hit the mute buttons on our phones...
- tlogank, on 10/12/2007, -6/+35Actually, you can just keep pressing zero...that ALWAYS works. Seriously, try it with any automated call service. If you just continue to press zero no matter what the automated thing is saying, it will take you straight to an operator. It may take 1 time pressing it, it may take 10, but I promise-it will work.
- uncleFester, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16"Actually, you can just keep pressing zero...that ALWAYS works."
  
  don't count on it. I've hit 3-4 ivr systems over the last 6 months that, after repeated-0 pressings, simply stated they didn't recognize the selection and hung up. one of them was something semi-significant at the time, like a bank or support line for some decent piece of hardware..
  
  the ivr system programmers have steadily recognized 0 as a circumvention of their no-people goal.. (and i also admin a few ivr systems at work.. they suck in ALL realms, not just usage :).
  
  -r
- oxymoron69, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1where i work our ivr doesnt respond to *****....
  theres no 0 or anything like that. way to go creditonebank! i swear its done purely for frustration purposes. lol
- phlogiston99, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Reminds me of the movie "Brazil"
- Ryosen, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Hitting zero over and over doesn't work. I've always found this site to be very useful: http://gethuman.com/us/. It's a database of various companies' IVR systems and their menu structures.
- WolfwoodX, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I have had 0 disconnect me on some systems, so it dosn't always work.
phpirate, on 10/12/2007, -3/+33Haha. Now if you don't want to go through a long automated phone call, you can just pick up your phone, dial a number, and say "F**K!!!". Pricelelss.
- LycoLoco, on 10/12/2007, -2/+34Just remember: This DOES NOT work when calling your mother.
- UNL1M1T3D, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11Or does it?
LordBoozington, on 10/12/2007, -0/+36I actally found this out myself a few days ago while trying to get through to HP. Thier damn system asks you a bunch of questions before you get to talk to someone, and then when you finally get to a live peson they ask you the very same damn questions over again and again as you get transfered to 3 differant people.

Well one day I was in a bad mood when I called up thier tech support and said f*ck a couple of times to the IVR and the thing stopped mid-sentence and put me through to a rep.
- groogs, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I discovered the same thing about a year ago with Bell Canada.. it kept guessing (wrong) what I wanted, and I just got annoyed and "f**k" just slipped out.. next thing it's saying "Alright, okay, I'm transferring your call to a customer service representative". I laughed my ass off :)
- nanboya, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Yup, works both with Telus as well. I had to put a call into their technical support line for a business ADSL issue and kept getting bumped into those voice system. "Give me a f@$king break" was all I had to say and I was promptly put through to an agent...
kaniz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15While trying to navigate rogers voice activated system I got pissed off and yelled "just give me a ***** person", lo and behold -- I got a real person shortly after that.
ziggystardust, on 10/12/2007, -0/+25I did a lil' swearing knowing I'd get put through and the woman that answered told me to watch my mouth or she wouldn't help me. Just be aware that they can hear what you say.
Lumiras, on 10/12/2007, -7/+29How ***** cool................whenever I need to get ***** apple on the ***** phone I'll just need to say the right ***** words to the ***** IVR :)

Ahh, pardon the swearing, but it's fun
- antron, on 10/12/2007, -1/+40Hello, this is Apple customer service, how can I help you?
- Mac2492, on 10/12/2007, -15/+6****!!!... Wait... Oops.
gxcdesign, on 10/12/2007, -3/+7I never really understood why Customer Disservice numbers ask you for your phone number...social...etc...only to get asked again when you speak with someone.....Live....On Pay-Per-View!
- trogdoor, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7"I never really understood why Customer Disservice numbers ask you for your phone number...social...etc...only to get asked again when you speak with someone.....Live....On Pay-Per-View!"
  
  Social security number... Sorry to break this to ya but that wasn't customer service, it was a physher.
  
  I see here that you've ordered a yacht and had it shipped to the Camen Islands. What? you say you don't live in the Camen Islands, how strange...
- Piper7865, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6A lot of times(and I say this from experience) you get asked for your information twice is beacause first the system uses it to route to the correct dept. (even though it usually doesn't) however the phone system isn't linked into the tech's computer so none of that data gets to the tech that answers the phone so they have to ask you again so they can bring up your file. It's pretty iritating for both parties.
- oxymoron69, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1where i work b/c we're outsource we have to ask for the acct# because our phones dont work with the clients ivr system which is apparently more of a softphone setup
  where the acct# is passed to the reps screen.
  
  we as an outsource don't have that luxury of the non-outsourced reps and are always bitched at by lazy customers about how they just entered it.
nicklinus, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3I can verifie this it is 100% true. when you cal vergin mobile and say something like that they say sorry and then transfer you right over.
- stomicron, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12That's because Virgin mobile is ghetto.
dubloe7, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3oh man, now everyone is going to use this and theyre going to curb it so it doesnt work as much or as fast, thanks a lot internet.
missrose, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3So it finally pays to be dirty...
- Kruncher, on 10/12/2007, -1/+19Finally? You must be new here :)
RobotCitizen, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2This is both cool and amusing. I didn't know we had exasperation detection technology! Definitely something to try.
Rosewood, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10A company I've worked with (can't mention because of NDA) has a similar system. If you try this, you will get an operator that is warned that you are upset. That operator is also given the green light to drop you as a customer if you are at all difficult. So ... beware.
- nazadus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3hmm, sounds like I may do this just to get SBC to drop me.
  They didn't give me what they promised (I wanted static IP's lacking PPPoE, they gave me static PPPoE).
  With the amount I spend on phone service, I'm better of paying for static time warner and getting faster speeds and using voip.
- Rosewood, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2SBC (now ATT) doesn't offer DSL w/ Static IP anymore. You get ... quasi static. You also (at least last time I checked) get reverse authority over your block of IPs like you used to be able to. If you used to have static IPs and they do ANYTHING to your account, those go away and you get the PPPoE sticky *****.
elpepe, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5This works but then you have to be extra nice to the operator. Ive noticed this a few times, after waiting for a long time, murmuring goddamnit ***** into the phone gets you connected straight away
awhiteflame, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13What's wrong, Dave?
....
You like your live operators better than me, don't you Dave?
...
Dave? .... Dave?
yensed, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2Simply just say "Operator" enough times and you'll get a person.. And if that doesn't work, keep pressing buttons.... Always works for me.
- exoendo, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10probably because after you are done hitting buttons and running around saying 'operater' into the phone for ten minutes... enough time has passed that it would be your turn anyway...
scottylist, on 10/12/2007, -4/+15I once called my HMO, had their annoying IVR take me in circles, so I finally told it to go ***** itself, and it paused for a few seconds, and i thought i was finally going to get through to a human, but then the IVR said in a really nasty voice "you know what, YOU can go ***** yourself." and hung up on my face. becareful, they sometimes talk back.
- mlerner, on 10/12/2007, -5/+10Umm, if an IVR talks back to me rudely I don't think I would be a customer of that company anymore. Under no circumstances should they do that.
- erikt311, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Unless you actually HAVE a sense of humor (it can be alarmingly effective).
astrosmash, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8My first cell phone was on a pay-as-you-go plan where you dial *611 and use your credit card to add minutes. I used it for about a year before the carrier switched from touch-tone menu system to a voice activated (IVR) system, at which point the phone ended up in little pieces on the ground. I can attest that their system did not recognize any goddamn swear words.

There's nothing worse than having to engage in a voice conversation with a computer named Joanne in order to get something done. Obviously the people who design these things think that Microsoft's Clippy was a really good idea.

***** you, Joanne.
Peepsalot, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Last time I cursed at an automated system, it just plain hung up on me. It was stuck in some kind of loop that kept giving me the same menu options after I kept selecting the one I wanted. The third time it listed them, I said "I JUST ***** PRESSED IT YOU PIECE OF *****."
*Click*, call ended (and not by me).
I took 10 deep breaths, redialed and hit zero repeatedly until the automated voice stopped. That method worked :-)
- djbones, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0I would think companies would NOT want to have live people answer the "verbally abusive" calls but rather put them in voice jail. Interesting that it sometimes works the other way around.
tamzarian, on 10/12/2007, -10/+5***** DIRTY BITCH GET ME A HUMAN!
deusdiabolus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17The unfortunate part of this is that I happen to have a voice that sounds...well, like a professional recording voice. This has led to people trying to determine or flat out asking me if I'm a computer or a real person, which I find insulting. Too bad everyone can't have good diction and proper grammar.
- oxymoron69, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1i share your frustration.... i've gotten that question on more than one occasion. it's degrading to be asked if your a robot or a human. although at no point in my life did i even think i'd be accused of being automated. it's quite ***** to be honest.
riot, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3their is a fault in this logic and the press 0 logic.

I used to work for comcast internet support
if you pressed zero you would be put into a random queue

so if you had a cable tv issue you could get internet support
and because they where using some kind of voip system
we could not transfer you back.

We had to tell you that we can not help you with cable tv and ask you to call again
and follow the correct voice system next time.

... re why ask for number @ gxcdesign

because comcast had a call display unit on every phone
but half the time is was not right.

So if we did not ask for it again we would not be able to pull up the account
also for secuirty reasons.

the system would use the call display and the infomation you provided to see if you were at your house.

yes call display is broken and that is why we asked for it again
so you could not break into someone else account
- erikt311, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Sort of funny that a telecommunications company can't get a phone system that works.
mianus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I've done it with charter... You just tell the computer you want to talk to a ***** operator
nymbot, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3I find that these automated services often can't understand it even if it's a yes/no question. With my luck this is what will happen:

"*****."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you said. Can you say it again?"
"*****!"
"I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you said. Can you say it again?"
"***** YOU YOU ***** *****!"
"I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you said. Can you say it again?"
naisanza, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I just figured this out just recently as well. I was callin verizon because my 3mbps dsl would disconnect every 2 minutes for no particular reason. i think i was like.. what the f*ck. I mumbled it a bit but i guess it still picked it up because halfway into telling me the menu options i was transfered to a person
modpancake, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4That is awesome... wish I would've thought to try that sooner.

This really ought to be on Diggnation.
- UNL1M1T3D, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Yeah I would love to see Kevin and Alex talk about this.
starling, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7You don't even need to swear. Anytime you say "*****", immediately say "cryin' out loud" after. Try it:

"*****...cryin' out loud."
"Fuc...cryin' out loud."
"Fuh..CRYIN' out LOUD."

Then you'll get to talk to The Man.
kalleanka, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Hmm, I just tried this on FedEX, but it didn't work. I said the f word and idiot a few times, but nada. :(
mc7winkie, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4If only it worked the same way in the real world...
CharlesDarwin, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I wonder if Bob Saget ever ran in to this when he made a collect call...
myFriendDerrik, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1They also transfer you to a human if you start talkting dirty to the machine. Because they're all robophobic.

"You got metal fever, boy!" -Bender
Travelsonic, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4" Among those keywords are frequently a list of swear words, like the FCC’s dirty 7."

*****, piss, *****, *****, *****, *****, and *****? Oh wait, those are Carlin's. ^_^
GuineaPig, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I have found this to be the case with one of my CC companies. I just roll off a list of expletives, and I go from being on hold to a live person almost instantly. Works like a charm.
gravedigga, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2liars
Matix947, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Its funny this story came up today. just yesterday i was on the phone with the post office and it wasnt getting me anywhere so i yelled "shut the **** up you stupid ****"
and then it beeped like it was transfering me. good times
eltaito, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1man o man I wish this would work with mlb.tv.....theres seems to be a minimum wait of over an hour to talk to anybody there
ANorton, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1I don't understand why people want to talk to the idiots that are "Customer Service Reps". I rather go shove my head in a tiolet full of *****, then talk to the moron people they hire for these jobs. If it can't be fixed by myself or online somehow, I'd rather cancel the service or buy a new product then talk to morons. I will just call in and say cancel this *****, bitch and it happens most of the time.
gluon, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1I happen to own one of the patents in word spotting speech-recognition. I can tell you that this technology is most certaintly not in place on IVRs.
armosfighter, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Sometimes these things don't work out...
http://www.tourettesguy.com/videos/colgate/

"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody."
sophiaperennis, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Start talking in Zwahili, works every time.
bewareofcabbage, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Telecom NZ's world clock has a similar feature, although not voice activated... if you keep entering an incorrect country/area code, after about 2 or 3 tries it informs you "you seem to be having trouble, please hold while I forward you to the operator".

Quite upset me first time I heard it, rather insensitive lol.
oddmanout, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0this actually works for compaq (suprise suprise that i bought a compaq and ended up on tech support) i cussed into the phone and it sent me straight to an operator, haha.
shotgunefx, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Awhile back, I was stuck in a hellish phone tree and dealing with what I was dealing with, it was something that was fairly urgent.

I kept getting bounced back and forth to menus that made no sense. My irritation built into a fury, I'm smashing stuff, yelling at the phone, hitting 0 did nothing, nor did anything else. I tried asking for operator and various other things.

Finally I screamed at the top of my lungs.
F*****************CKING HUUUMAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That did the trick :)
Ungh, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0This works with Cingular and former AT&T Wireless... If you know a few key words in different languages, just start changing languages as you respond. Their system gives up real quick and passes you on to a live person.
LilGator, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Maybe it senses sudden volumes levels, and detects stress and frustration rather than actual words ?

On a machine that this has worked for you in the past, say the same words slowly and calmly. And then try saying random meaningless words loudly and a tad annoyed :D
saudama, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Ah, keywords. It's sad that swearing into the phone is the fastest way to getting to a live person.
vigor14, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Hilarious; I do like this idea much better then the one I had been using for the past year or so.

I would always use a fruit, say, banana. Then when they asked if I said "####", I would say apple.

I have also used other languages, such as Urdu or French to really mess with them.

Next time I'll try something like "Long, black, donkey, d*ck" !!

Thanks for the link :-)
peppino, on 06/03/2008, -0/+1I wonder if there's a word on the list that isn't too bad. I imagine I would get in trouble, at work, if I starting saying the "F" word a lot.
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