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When a baby is destined to die

msnbc.msn.com — Jeanne and Steve Deibert found out during pregnancy that their son didn't have long to live. Due to advances in prenatal screening, more families face similar wrenching choices.

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  • skuzbucket, on 03/25/2008, -1/+10unreal, but very moving
    • CryRightardCry, on 03/25/2008, -2/+17All too real, and heartbreaking.
      I gotta stop reading this stuff at work.
      • cotaskmemalloc, on 03/25/2008, -1/+7Yeah, I did the same thing. I was bummed for a good part of the afternoon yesterday at work.
        • Charlotte_Web, on 03/25/2008, -2/+6Very sad, but I read the story as a celebration of life.

          Every human life, no matter how small or how brief, touches us in unimaginable ways.
      • phantom_mullet, on 03/25/2008, -0/+18We need a new categorization...TSFW (Too Sad For Work :( )
      • RuffRidr, on 03/25/2008, -3/+3cryrightard: Reading through your other comments I doubt you have compassion... or a job.
  • ashred13, on 03/25/2008, -3/+29I think this is one of the most beautiful, yet gut-wrenching stories I have ever read. Before I had my son 3 months ago, I would have thought this was just plain sad. However, now, I can completely empathize. God bless this family and others who are in similar situations.
    • Grimee, on 03/25/2008, -1/+8I was just thinking the very same thing. We just had our daughter 4 months ago and I realized how much more sympathy I had for this family because of it. It may not make much sense to folks who don't have children. But, when you finally do, you will soon realize how the bond between parent and child is something you never knew would exist in your life. It probably sounds rather corny to some folks. But, the most rewarding thing you can do as a person is become a parent.
    • scorpioX, on 03/25/2008, -0/+6Our daughter and first child is due in three months. I can only image the pain and torment this family had to go through. I hope little Robbie is happy wherever he is.
  • jm4847, on 03/25/2008, -21/+7It seems sad. I can't empathize because (luckily) I'm not a parent.
    • abran1984, on 03/25/2008, -5/+16Dugg down because fatherhood is amazing
    • ghm101, on 03/25/2008, -5/+13You should not have to experience what another experiences to be able to get an understanding of what they are going through.
      The ability to empathise, to imagine/understand what someone else feels, is one of the skills that defines humanity and lifts us as a species above the level of animal instinct.
      If you can’t do so I suggest you learn.
      If you can’t learn, seek treatment, you might have a form of autism.
    • Brownds, on 03/25/2008, -1/+6You don't have to be a father to empathize. It's just being human.
  • cotaskmemalloc, on 03/25/2008, -0/+15This was really, really sad, but it was a worthwhile read.
  • FloorModel, on 03/25/2008, -0/+23my heart hurts for them but I also commend them. To lose a child is every parents hell, but they made sure their baby got the love it deserved and they made it's short life a celebration. My heart goes out to them, no parent should feel the pain of losing a child, no matter when in that child's life span they lose him/her.
  • Matt2k, on 03/25/2008, -1/+34"We think of it as our summer with Gabriel. We took him fishing. We had a family portrait taken. We took him to a baseball game. We picked out his casket. All of those were ways of parenting Gabriel.”

    I think I just died inside.
  • viruz, on 03/25/2008, -16/+17Aren't we all destined to die?
    • viruz, on 03/25/2008, -4/+9I think I am destined to be buried now?
      • redfox2600, on 03/25/2008, -5/+6Actually you're going to remain at the indifferences of +1 where you will never have rest.
    • Alphi1, on 03/25/2008, -1/+18Sure, but there's a big difference between saying "you're going to die someday", or even "your child is going to die someday", and saying "your child will die within his first year of life".

      I'm one of the few that have gone through almost the exact situation as the family in the article - we lost our first-born son in 2002 (at 3 1/2 months of age) due to a similar genetic issue as the child in the article.
    • Ladymongoose, on 03/25/2008, -0/+3Generally not a month after you are born.
  • IHaveIssues, on 03/25/2008, -46/+3God must have hated that child.
    • 4l73r3g0, on 03/25/2008, -1/+9your username sounds to be rather accurate.
    • idhindsight, on 03/25/2008, -1/+8Man, you're ***** edgy. All your friends in the cafeteria must crack up when you tell your incredibly too-edgy-for-words jokes.
    • pjkli, on 03/25/2008, -1/+3Although I see the sarcasm (I hope it's sarcasm) your trying to convey, I still think your comment would have been better left unsaid.
  • hokie47, on 03/25/2008, -19/+15These parents had every right to do what they did, but personally I would not let my baby to be born when he or she will just live a few weeks while struggling to stay alive.
    • pjkli, on 03/25/2008, -2/+10It's a really tough decision to watch your wife go through the pain and agony of child bearing to have your little one die a few weeks later. However, I would mutch rather gain some peace knowing that I was the best Father / equal parent of that babies life. I don't think that the baby suffered in anyway. If the doctors think that the baby might be suffering they will put it on meds until either the baby gets better or they pass.
    • Charlotte_Web, on 03/25/2008, -6/+12It's the difference between allowing the child to die a dignified death when they are ready to go, vs. being suctioned out of the womb one piece at a time and being robbed of all human dignity.
      • amoirae, on 03/25/2008, -8/+3Your mother did us no favors by allowing you to escape the vaccum, you bitch.
        • Charlotte_Web, on 03/25/2008, -2/+4Why would you say such a hateful thing to someone you don't even know?
          • pjkli, on 03/25/2008, -3/+1Why would you DO such a hateful thing to someone you don't know?
          • Charlotte_Web, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2Ummm... you lost me.

            What did I do, and how was hate a motivating factor?
          • metalwolf, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2No, I think Pjkli ment was why kill the baby when you dont know it. Just my guess anyway.
    • Nightfall, on 03/25/2008, -7/+10I love how when it comes to a personal choice, if someone chooses to terminate the pregnancy, they are dug down. Letting the child be born and letting it die a dignified death? Last time I checked, apnea and heart ailments don't sound very pleasing to me. If I was going to live for 30 days in a medical induced life with pain and suffering leading up to death if I was not medicated, I would opt for death. Have hospice tell you sometime how this disease is treated on babies. My wife worked for hospice and has seen this disease first hand. They don't go quietly thats for sure.
    • LacY, on 03/25/2008, -2/+4I think this would be an amazingly difficult choice. While I'd like to say I'd continue the pregnancy, I think of all the times strangers talk to pregnant women, asking them when they're due/what they're having, and when friends and coworkers would ask about baby showers and nurseries etc--and I think it would be like a slap in the face every time.
      • Cerebral, on 03/25/2008, -0/+3Yes but I feel that if you chose to continue the pregnancy then you would also tell everyone your situation. Would you hide instead? I think you would find most people would take your side and be compassionate to you etc. A slap in the face, only if you let it be.
    • nolemonplease, on 03/25/2008, -0/+4was the child struggling, though?
      i didn't get that impression.
  • Dumbledorito, on 03/25/2008, -5/+15Some friends of mine (from a VERY Catholic family) terminated such a pregnancy. Their kid would have been born with club feet, spina bifida, downs, and enough other problems that IF the kid reached the expected age of 3, he would have been hooked up to machines the whole time.

    Thankfully, they've been able to have subsequent kids with no problems.
    • ghm101, on 03/25/2008, -2/+6Hard choice for them, probably the right one though.
    • redfox2600, on 03/25/2008, -1/+7Although that does bring up a good question, would you rather live even for a few minutes and experience the love of your family or would you have never live at all? I'm not questioning what your friends did it must have been the hardest thing for anyone to do.
      • Dumbledorito, on 03/25/2008, -1/+5It's one of those things you never want to face.

        I worked for a screen printer whose wife worked in a neo-natal ICU. She told me some really horrific stories about what defects can befall a baby before they're born and what they have to do to make them comfortable afterwards.
      • Syntaxis, on 03/25/2008, -4/+6I doubt you can fully appreciate (or even feel less understand) the feeling of "love", especially as a newborn baby. It's probably just the parents picking the option that would make them feel the least bad about themselves.

        I'm all for euthanasia, meaning: if I suffer and am terminally ill: kill me. If I'm going to be born and live a miserable, short life full of pain: kill me.

        Needless suffering is bad.
      • ApokalypseNow, on 03/25/2008, -3/+6Good question - I suppose it would depend on whether or not the child would be suffering during that time alive, from my perspective. If the kid would be in pain, then I'd say spare him the suffering.
  • ApolloXLII, on 03/25/2008, -1/+8i was gonna go to break.com after this to watch some idiots fall on their heads or something... but man... that right there just made me feel horrible and question my ethical values. buried for not being digg-like (providing laughter and insite), killing my buzz, and making my question my beliefs.
    /not buried... dont worry... oh god im so sad. D:
  • trispear, on 03/25/2008, -21/+5Typical Christianity -- even with the knowledge such as this, perservere with the suffering until the kid dies naturally (because then 'God' does it, it's suddenly okay). Don't dare give the child the dignity it deserves and find humanity in a quick, painless death.

    Mother Theresa did the same thing, if you watched Penn & Teller's *****. Fundamentalist Christians: junkies for needless suffering "to get closer to god."
    • BitterCandy, on 03/25/2008, -2/+14I'm an atheist, and I can see that this has nothing to do with Christianity - there are plenty of parents out there who go through with the birth of children who will die just after birth who are not Christian. The reason are complex, and you've clearly not read the article properly. I can understand it - to terminate a late pregnancy without having seen your child - particularly a wanted child - is a heart wrenching decision, and for these families this is a way that they can come to terms with their loss in a far more tangible and profound way. Given the high level of medical intervention in these cases, the babies are not suffering - the parents are.
      • trispear, on 03/25/2008, -8/+1I don't think you actually read the article.
    • foxhaze, on 03/25/2008, -9/+4Yeah, I kill babies too. I also partake in the throwing of puppies off cliffs. Good *****, my man, good *****. I do it because I hate Christianity. I'm sticking it to them with great justice.
      • amoirae, on 03/25/2008, -2/+1You're that puppy tossing soldier we saw on tv?
    • redfox2600, on 03/25/2008, -3/+7Well is abortion a quick and painless death? Either way you're going to die, I personally want to spend the few minutes I have on this planet in the arms of someone who cares about me and given a proper resting place rather than to be chop up and sent to a medical waste processing facility. It's not about Christianity it about acknowledging that someone you cared about was person.
    • nominalgeek, on 03/25/2008, -3/+6Maybe it's all about respect for your child. Maybe it's about hope. Maybe these people don't see their child as a medical experiment that they can just throw out and try again.
    • Darkgarion, on 03/25/2008, -0/+3Why is it that so many people are pissed at religion? I am atheist and its hard for me to believe that you would turn this into an argument about religion. So what if someone believes differently as you do. Get over it.

      Every one deserves to live. Its not your right to decide for others what is right. I mean If you knew that you had only months to live and you knew you would slowly die would you decide to jump off a building or would you do everything in your power to actually LIVE the rest of your life?
  • abran1984, on 03/25/2008, -0/+9As a parent myself I know the love that you have for that unborn child; and I can't imagine not doing exactly what they did. I feel so bad for them; seeing my child in pain is heart-wrenching and they had to go through that for their child's entire (albeit short) life.
  • scoutmasterEd, on 03/25/2008, -23/+13We are born to die but abortion is murder disguised as a medical procedure.
    • NikoKun, on 03/25/2008, -4/+9No, it's a legitimate medical option, which in some cases is an absolutely necessary procedure, and should never be taken away, as an option, especially to save the mother's life.
      Yeah, some people overuse it, rather than focusing on pregnancy prevention... Maybe that should be discouraged... but never outlawed, because there are too many exceptions.
      • nominalgeek, on 03/25/2008, -2/+4Too many people abuse abortion. I know of a girl who got two abortions within a relatively short time frame, and continued to refuse birth control. There is a fundamental difference between the people who get abortions, those who are selfish children and those are are adults doing it because they have.

        When these responsible "PARENTS" are given this choice, if the mother's life isn't at risk they are obviously going to hope for the best and give the child the best life and the most love they can in the time they have with them. These poor souls deserve that.
      • talonstriker, on 03/25/2008, -3/+3Completely agree with nominalgeek. Its one thing to do it to save the mother's life, but another if the preg was caused because the mother refused birth control options, in which case it is completely immoral.
    • chicofaraby, on 03/25/2008, -7/+4No one dies in an abortion.
    • astrotrain, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2Abortion is murder damn it.... life begins soon as the first few cells begin to come together. When the medical profession aborts, they kill, they ***** kill helpless humans who have no chance to speak or live.
  • Meekus, on 03/25/2008, -1/+37So this morning my 3 yo woke up at 4am and proceeded to drive me nuts for the next few hours. He refused to go back to sleep. And thus was the stressful start to my day. But after reading this story, I want to leave work right now, pick him up from daycare, and spend the rest of the day with him for some major father and son time.
    • ApolloXLII, on 03/25/2008, -0/+3do it. screw "obligations"
      • daza, on 03/25/2008, -0/+4Except daddy might not have any food to put on the table if he just 'screws' these obligations [work] :)
        • ApolloXLII, on 03/25/2008, -1/+2all he has to do is say "I have I.B.S." and no one will say anything after that.
    • Matt2k, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2Same here. I'm going to go eat lunch at school with my son today. Leaving in about 15 minutes. (Heck, it's nachos, even)
  • stukdog, on 03/25/2008, -2/+10I remember when my sister called and told me that her 2 month old was diagnosed with SMA and had only a couple days to live. It was a hard call to take. But our family all rushed out to Sacramento to meet the little guy and those two days were incredibly powerful and loving for all of us. (I wrote down the story and wrote a song about it called Evan's Lullaby if anyone is interested. http://tinyurl.com/2a6mta )

    Regarding the article, it'd be a hard decision to make on whether to terminate or continue the pregnancy. I think I'd continue as just a couple hours with your son or daughter would be heart filling. (As a recent father, I know that now more than ever.)
    • ApolloXLII, on 03/25/2008, -2/+4http://www.brianstucki.com/gems/evanslullaby.mp3 if you want to go straight to the song if you dont have time to read his blog post. it's a fantastically written and performed song. the ending put a lump in my throat... glad you kept it in key. thanks for sharing even though it's made me even more sad... goddamn you, diggers!
      • stukdog, on 03/25/2008, -1/+4Thanks for the compliments.

        In case you didn't read the post, I put that ending of Brahm's lullaby in for a reason. In the hospital Evan was born in, they play Brahm's Lullaby each time a baby is born. But Even was born in the middle of the night so they didn't play it (in order to let the other babies/parents sleep.) So I wanted to be sure that it was part of the lullaby written especially for him.
    • commernie, on 03/25/2008, -6/+4What if the disease causes the child to have pain or to suffer? Isn't it selfish to still want to have your "heart filled" for two hours?
      • Ladymongoose, on 03/25/2008, -0/+1So what is your alternative? Abortion? Most fetuses are not 100% diagnosed with anything until either something goes terribly wrong during the first few months of pregnancy or at the typical 5-month ultrasound. Have you ever seen an abortion of a 5 month old fetus? It's hideous. Sometimes even Down's babies are misdiagnosed. A good friend of mine had that happen to her cousin. The baby was completely normal even though they said 90% chance of DS. How horrible would they have felt if they had aborted only to find out the baby was fine?

        I would say that abortion is a drastic answer to a problem that may have a happy alternative ending (adoption, medical help, etc.) Once the baby is born, it is going to be far easier to determine the child's condition and treatment options, if any. Sometimes, the real condition cannot be totally know until the baby is born and further tests are done. Many conditions mimic other less or more serious conditions. It's just too hard to tell sometimes, especially when the baby is still a fetus. So, no I don't think any parent would be 'selfish' to bring a child into the world who may die early in life. I think it's brave of them to do it and try to give that baby a chance at life.
    • Ladymongoose, on 03/25/2008, -0/+3Your nephew was beautiful. What a tragedy..I'm so sorry.
  • sqladmin, on 03/25/2008, -7/+8LIFE FIRST.... professional opinion, speculation, doubt, worry... Second; or not at all in most cases.
    God bless all the parents who press on.
    • sqladmin, on 03/25/2008, -3/+5Life is a blessing... even if it's for a short while.
      • commernie, on 03/25/2008, -5/+9No. Life can be painful and not worth living at all. If a child lives for two hours, but those two hours are filled with pain, then it can hardly be described as a "blessing".
  • Nightfall, on 03/25/2008, -5/+10"As Jeanne and her husband, Steve, both Catholics, talked with doctors, they were always clear that they were going to continue the pregnancy. It was against their faith to do otherwise."
    I have to commend them in some way. If I found out my son/daughter was going to die shortly after birth, I would probably not want him/her to suffer. Lets face facts here, it can't be pleasant to have these heart and liver abnormalities. I couldn't stand to see a baby suffer like that for months on end.
    Should they be commended or condemned? I suppose a lot depends on your view of morals and religion. No matter what course you choose here, you are going to be right to some people and wrong to others. If it was up to me, I would ask for an abortion. I would rather see my child put down quietly instead of suffering and then dying over the course of a few months or a year.
    • applemachome, on 03/25/2008, -4/+3It was beautiful how much they loved him, which is why they wanted to let him live as long as he could. I had a cousin that was in this situation (as the baby) and he is graduating high school in 2 years, and is perfectly fine.
  • nutzngum, on 03/25/2008, -1/+7not being a parent, I guess I can't totally understand what these people are going through, but as a human being, I can appreciate the strength they possess to be able to love someone they know will only be with them for a short time. Better to have a few moments than nothing at all.
  • sputnike, on 03/25/2008, -5/+2This really is extremely sad. I wish all the best to those parents. The fact that the child has been born makes it even worse. Seriously, I hope they can find a way to save the child.
    • astrnomic, on 03/25/2008, -0/+5Unfortunately the child died after 29 days, there's two pages to the story.
  • coffee200am, on 03/25/2008, -14/+9She ignored the Doctors, gave birth and made him a real human..He didn't end up as just another piece of flesh sucked down a tube because he wasn't perfect or unwanted. What ever deity watches over us was pleased.
    • amoirae, on 03/25/2008, -2/+5You and your cult of death posing as a "Culture of Life" are vile and disgusting.
  • NathanielJ, on 03/25/2008, -5/+3Gattaca is coming true :/
  • crjunk, on 03/25/2008, -1/+12I've lived in an ICU with my child for about year and a half. The kids you see in there are some of the happiest and loving kids that I've ever been around. The child's medical condition is not what is heartbreaking. What is heartbreaking is to see the child who never has a family member come see them because the parents don't want to be inconvenienced by going to the hospital, are in jail because of drugs, don't take the time to visit their son who is about to die, or can't understand why their family won't come be with them on Christmas.
  • chicofaraby, on 03/25/2008, -15/+7Making a newborn suffer so you can say you didn't have an abortion seems selfish to me. It's funny how "god's will" always seems to coincide with the believers opinions....
    • NathanielJ, on 03/25/2008, -4/+10The baby doesn't look to be suffering from the pictures of it in the article, nor do I see anywhere that it says "oh, and they baby will suffer while it *is* alive".

      Funny how people like you can make things like this into a religion matter when it's about a parent wanting to love their child, and nothing more. Grow up.
      • Nightfall, on 03/25/2008, -7/+5When Is say the word "heard abnormality" and "apnea", what does that mean to you? Doctors don't recommend giving birth to children with these conditions because they compare it to having a heart attack and having difficulty breathing for a prolonged period of time. Sure, there are medications out there that help the effects, but since when did it become ok to watch a human being suffer like that all in the name of faith?
        • ssn697, on 03/25/2008, -0/+4It is really none of your, mine or anyone else's business what decision parents make in these situations. It is a horrible choice, no matter what.
    • talonstriker, on 03/25/2008, -2/+3Do we even know that babies experience pain?
      Regardless, being an athiest, I'd have done the same if I were in their position.
    • Shawn4168, on 03/25/2008, -7/+6Funny how that baby can suffer as soon as it's actually born, but having each of its limbs brutally broken and torn off while still in the womb wouldn't be considered "suffering".
    • SkippySkip, on 03/25/2008, -1/+8Our child had Trisome 18. She did not appear to suffer while she was being held in her mother's arms. She seemed very at peace. She had a life, we respected it. Call me selfish. I disagree.

      My parents were right there, watching me suffer. Should they have aborted me, knowing I'd suffer sometimes in life?
      • amoirae, on 03/25/2008, -4/+2Well, aborting you would have saved thev world some suffering and your sactimony.
    • kittybit83, on 03/25/2008, -1/+5so the second you find out your grandfather or mother has a terminal condition and will die within a few months, are you going to walk over and shoot them point blank and kill them? what is the difference between this case and if it was a baby who wasn't born yet? They are both still lives. A baby is alive before it's born. Watch an ultrasound, they are kicking, sucking their thumbs, even hiccuping. All normal living things.

      And they didn't have an abortion just to say that they didn't. If you had even read the article, the whole thing is about them loving, caring, and wanting the baby to live and be celebrated while it is still alive, and to have what few moments they would have had. How is that selfish?

      And quit pulling religion into all this. I am an atheist as well, abortion isn't against whatever god ppl believe in. It is against humanity as a whole.
  • ashley059, on 03/25/2008, -2/+5it's really hard to be in that situation.... i''m praying for the child.....
    • Suricou, on 03/25/2008, -3/+3If prayer worked, there would be no terminal children.
  • jdpalite, on 03/25/2008, -0/+7I have relatives who went through something very similar. They found out that their baby basically had a hole in her head that wouldn't close, and as a result only would have less than half of a brain. They expected that she would miscarry, but she didn't, she had a completely normal birth. Their daughter lived for about an hour, which is what they were expecting.

    Possibly the worst part is that this was their first pregnancy, but she is in her 40's so she may not have a chance to try again.

    When I first heard about their situation I was really surprised that they would choose to see it through, but after it was all over (including the saddest funeral ever), I completely respect their decision. To each their own but this is a very personal choice and it is no one's business to pass judgement.
  • designer, on 03/25/2008, -5/+14My cousin was told that her baby would be mentally retarded and was advised to terminate the pregnancy. She did not and SURPRISE the baby was born absolutely fine. Don't always believe what doctors tell you.
    • commernie, on 03/25/2008, -8/+5So now, because you claim this happened to your cousin, we're to doubt science? Please...
      • designer, on 03/25/2008, -5/+5OK, so you hate religion but you blindly follow science like a religion? Makes sense.
        • commernie, on 03/25/2008, -1/+2No, not blindly. I TRUST scientists to know what they are doing. They are being OBJECTIVELY reviewed and criticized by their peers all the time. This is not so with priests. Also, whenever I can, I try to UNDERSTAND whatever scientists are saying. Can you do this with religion? That's what I thought...
    • Suricou, on 03/25/2008, -1/+2Internet stranger says that the doctors were wrong! Sorry if you are honest, but... I actually think you may be *lying* here, for political reasons. Its probably just my cynicism, but I spend a lot of time on the more rabbid area of pro-life, debating - and its very common for me to come across a sob-story like that. For several stories I have been able to prove beyond doubt that they were fabricated. I usually get kicked after that, and move on.
  • kopas, on 03/25/2008, -0/+7We almost lost our son when he was born. He suffered from Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy (HIE), which is swelling of the brain due to lack of oxygen. Thankfully the University of Michigan NICU was doing a study on HIE and was able to provide an experimental treatment. A year an half later and our is son is just like any other kid. But during our stay in the NICU I got to experience first-hand many good and bad outcomes for parents and their children. Since then, I have never experienced so much emotion and seen just how caring and supportive people can be. I never want to be in the situation these parents were, but I'm thankful for the care they received. And a race we can be really amazing when we try.
  • adikt, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2My heart can't take these stories any more
  • JointVenture, on 03/25/2008, -9/+2With prenatal testing people will be terminating pregnancies when they find out their child is going to have brown eyes instead of the blue they wanted.

    It will happen.
    • commernie, on 03/25/2008, -2/+7Are you suggesting that having an abortion because a child will be terminally ill is the same as having one because he has brown eyes? If so, you're a dishonest moron.
      • JointVenture, on 03/25/2008, -2/+2WOW, you've got the reading comp of a 5 year old.

        I was simply pointing out that there are pros and cons to "knowing what you'll get".

        dishonest? wtf?
  • mikepictor, on 03/25/2008, -3/+6A good friend of mine just lost her son due to trisomy 13. Knowing early gave her and her husband an emotionally turbulent time, but a time where they could maximize their time and love. It was a very short, but very rich life.
  • vchoy, on 03/25/2008, -1/+3:( (so sad)
  • astrnomic, on 03/25/2008, -2/+3Absolutely beautiful story...
  • lonemarauder, on 03/25/2008, -11/+3If God exists, he hates babies. God does not hate babies. Therefore, God does not exist.
    • JointVenture, on 03/25/2008, -1/+3"God" killed plenty of first borns.
    • TBoneFever, on 03/25/2008, -2/+3Just because God allowed this to happen (if he exists) to a baby doesn't mean it was an act done out of hatred. Maybe it was done out of necessity. Regardless, there is no way humans could even begin to understand God's motives. For you to insinuate that he hates babies is a naive assumption to make. But you're only human, so it's understandable.
      • JointVenture, on 03/25/2008, -1/+3Ive read the bible, Gods killed lots of babies.
  • Shakermaker, on 03/25/2008, -1/+5As a parent whose child was born with cerebral palsy, my heart bleeds for this family. My daughter (whose now 14!) was born not breathing, and had gone through serious fetal distress before finally "coming around". She ended up having some damage to the brain due to a lack of oxygen, and is now confined to a wheelchair, but I count my blessing every single day that she is with us, regardless the amount of care and attention she requires.

    I could not imagine what my life would be like after losing a child, but these people handled it in the best way they knew how. What a heartbreaking story, but these are two very strong people that were able to spend their entire life with their child and was there at the very end.
  • b04155, on 03/25/2008, -0/+6My wife and I wanted to know as much as possible as soon as possible about our baby. We had discussions about what do to after being told all the things that could go wrong... a very surreal experience. Awaiting test results I got the call yesterday from my wife and she sounded nervous, for a moment my heart sank as I thought about all the bad things I was told. Turns out she was just very excited that everything came back negative and we're going to have a boy.
  • IPublius, on 03/25/2008, -2/+4I think the biggest problem with all of the screening stuff is that even as far as medicine has come, sometimes doctors still get it wrong and diagnose children with problems they don't have. This puts parents through torment that was unnecessary and may also end up stopping the life of a perfectly healthy baby if the parents decide to end their pregnancy.
    • Shakermaker, on 03/25/2008, -0/+4My sisters son was diagnosed in the womb as possibly having Down's. Turned out that he was born healthy, but he actually has a form of autism...strange how things work like that.
  • SkippySkip, on 03/25/2008, -1/+13Last October (2007), we had a baby who was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 back over the summer. The time we had with her was precious, and I would not trade it for anything. We knew that she would die, but we did not want to expedite that, and we let it happen when it was time. Similar to the people in the article, we did not want any treatment for manifestations of her condition.
    I broke out crying as I read this article. I loved my daughter, and I am glad that we allowed her to have what life we could. Sometimes things are just not in your control.
  • Sweetheart28, on 03/25/2008, -1/+4Heart Breaking!
  • ScrapNancy, on 03/25/2008, -1/+5As the mother of a stillborn son, I completely understand these families' decisions. I wish had had even that one hour to hold my son while he was alive.
    • mabhatter, on 03/26/2008, -0/+1Going to the hospital knowing it was going to be still born after 3 healthy kids was very hard on my wife. Had to go thru all the motions but not get the baby. Fortunately, the doctors didn't really tell us what was going on in time for us to worry about it, other than keep fighting till it was over.

      I do have a rabid hatred of the pro-life crowd because the doctors were more afraid of the "A" word getting out than telling us the whole truth, even though we intended to go to the end, that really pissed me off.
  • wing05, on 03/25/2008, -6/+3Something doesn't add up about this whole process.

    With our first, it was suggested to us that if we had no intention of aborting if prenatal screening came back with bad news, then we shouldn't do it and leave things to come by chance.

    That totally made sense to us.... fortunately, even though our son had cysts on his brain stem, he didn't have any other signs of trisomy 18... heck, it looked like he was even waving hello to the ultrasound wand at one point.

    Going out on a limb.... the article was about American hospitals while we're coming at it from a Canadian perspective.

    Do these screenings cost more money down in the US and hence profit for someone?

    It seems to me that we got a more practical approach, being suggested we go through screening only if we were planning on doing something medically about it.

    Keeping a pregnancy secret for the first trimester until you're all clear happens for a reason. Deciding to cram a child's life into the remaining 6 months of pregnancy and then going through the motions of a birth party and funeral seems like something the ultra right christians would do and expect everyone else would do. The cynic in me sees a whack of services popping up to separate more money from the people who want to give their terminal fetus just the right experience in their short lives.

    Either way, quite frankly, if we were in a high risk category and we had no intention of aborting a pregnancy, I certainly wouldn't want to have any testing done that would tell us whether my kid was going to live or die.

    /rant
  • Haroshia, on 03/25/2008, -1/+6For sale: Baby shoes, never worn
    :(
    • smek2, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2Wow, somebody dugg you down for that. I guess not everybody is getting that line, ie knows where its from and what its mean.
      • Lastgreatwar, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2Seriously, I'm glad someone else is familiar with Hemingway.
      • smek2, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2Yes, there are still some of us left ;)
    • lexnaturalis, on 03/26/2008, -0/+1I had to login just to digg this comment up.
  • gdha, on 03/25/2008, -0/+2That's extremely sad to hear.
  • smek2, on 03/25/2008, -1/+2Aren't we *all* destined to die?
    • Lastgreatwar, on 03/25/2008, -0/+3It's true-we are all destined to die, but the point of the title is to call attention to the fact that couples that are pregnant are expecting their child to be born and have a wonderful, long, healthy life. The idea of having a child is to create life, not to hear that your child will be stillborn/have major complications/will die.
      • smek2, on 03/25/2008, -0/+3Yes, but there's no guarantee for a "a wonderful, long, healthy life." Matter of fact, just ask 90% of the children in the world, who are almost certainly predestined to die of starvation or war.
    • Ladymongoose, on 03/25/2008, -0/+1Yes, hopefully when you are at a ripe-old age of 95 or so!
  • plecostomus, on 03/25/2008, -5/+5I think it's rather sick that they (the parents) allowed the pregnancy to continue just to comfort themselves while saying it was for the baby's sake. It wasn't heart-wrenching, it was disgusting.
  • RC155, on 03/25/2008, -2/+4I do not think LOVE means doing what makes you "feel good" -- It's doing what is right and reasonable under the circumstances even tough it might deprive you of your "time and feelings".

    I give Kudos to that Doctor that has the honesty and integrity to question the mother's decision to continue a pregnancy thru to birth - just because she cannot "let go" or make the real Loving decision to "Let the bird fly away"
  • Rizmaster, on 03/25/2008, -4/+3So we're celebrating parents who continued a pregnancy to term when they knew the kid was going to immediately die from being horrifically malformed?

    Isn't that torture? At least on some level?

    They made a selfish decision to hold their baby instead of letting it go. I would rather be aborted with some dignity than born to die because I'm physically incapable of breathing.
    • Neo31rex31, on 03/26/2008, -1/+0Since when is there dignity in abortion? You slaughter an innocent life when you abort someone.
  • EBaumsAnonDesu, on 03/25/2008, -4/+1Get over it. These conditions are nature's way of saying "better luck next time." Are you that greedy to bring a suffering, pained existence into the world?

    Adopt a child from the inner city that was born healthy if you really want a kid that badly. Those kids can be helped. All these congenital/terminal diseases are either incurable or untreatable without some degree of massive life impairment or death.

    End abortion stigma, let parents try again, and for Christ's sake, acknowledge the fact that we will all die some day and it might not be painlessly.
    • mabhatter, on 03/26/2008, -0/+2But the struggle is how we learn to advance the medical sciences. We're treating many birth defects in the womb now, and the kids come out just fine. Unless you'd prefer the Spartan way of throwing "unhealthy" babies over a cliff at birth (really done, not just a myth) I agree, there is a limit to resources available for lives that simply cannot be saved, but knowledge learned from trying helps to move the bar just a little lower each year. 30+ years ago, I'd have died at 6 weeks from something that wouldn't have been fixable 40 years ago, but was trivial to fix then... my little brother spent 3 months in the hospital what would have been 3 weeks now.... We're both grown up and over 30 now and just fine. The need to hold on for "one more thing" is strong because you never know if your baby could be the first one to get that problem fixed so babies later are just a "minor issue".

  • faithforever, on 03/25/2008, -0/+5I feel so sorry for the families in this article, and everyone who has gone through this heart wrenching situation.

    But I also find it remarkable how much things have changed in the last 30 years. My brother lived for only a few minutes after birth (by c-section) and probably had a heart defect (no prenatal tests). My mom was never able to hold him. The doctor essentially gave up on him and was incredibly insensitive. It's absolutely haunted my mom - not just losing a child, but also never being able to hold him and the baby dying alone.

    So it's truly commendable that families now don't have to go through that and are able to make the most of however long they have with their children.
  • Darleenie, on 03/26/2008, -0/+1“No, no, not yet,” she pleaded over and over as she rubbed Robbie’s cheeks, hoping to prompt him to inhale.
    That did it for me, after that the rest of the article was read through a blur of tears.
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