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Secret to Overcoming Shyness Revealed ... Tentatively

livescience.com — The next time you're invited to a party but afraid to go, try approaching this: shyness may affect up to 40 percent of the population, but it doesn't have to be a life sentence.

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  • zwendkos, on 10/10/2007, -7/+162Step 1: Turn off the computer...
    • Rosamilia, on 10/10/2007, -6/+155Step 2 : take off your robe and wizard hat
      • Turambar, on 10/10/2007, -4/+79Step 3: Booze
        • loganhid, on 10/10/2007, -6/+29Step 4: Profit
          • GMorgan, on 10/10/2007, -1/+18You missed the unknown middle step. How can you face the shame.
          • DangerMouse9, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9@GMorgan

            By putting back on his robe and wizard hat.
          • themastersb, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Epic phail
        • Hayaemsay, on 10/10/2007, -2/+8Step 4: Repeat step 3 as often as required.
        • thuang513, on 10/10/2007, -11/+2Step 5: Smoke Weed
        • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -9/+2Step 5a: Get laid.
          • hambend, on 10/10/2007, -1/+7That would fall under "profit".
          • thcobbs, on 10/10/2007, -1/+7Unless the condom breaks... then it could be "financial sinkhole"
        • DocHoliday22, on 10/10/2007, -3/+17Step 7: Go ask her out. If she rejects you - well you didn't like her anyway. Go To Step 1.
          • joeyjojo402, on 10/10/2007, -3/+9If she slaps or rejects you, don't worry, she'll be dead and disfigured by the time the night is over anyway!
      • DerekMurray, on 10/10/2007, -12/+6I wish i could digg you 100 times @ Rosamilia
        • ghoul11, on 10/10/2007, -7/+7Wrong.
          Step 1: Cut a hole in the box.
          • KnightWhoSaysNi, on 10/10/2007, -3/+5Step 2: Put your junk in that box
      • Osjpr, on 10/10/2007, -12/+1I wish i could bury you 1,000,000,000 times @ Rosamilia
    • Mossa, on 10/10/2007, -2/+31Cant help thinking that should be "Step away from the computer" after all you don'^t want to have to restart your torrents!
      • Tanath, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Uh, torrents can resume.
        • Mikael141, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Yeah, but if you turn it off, you can't seed!

          Sharing is caring, after all.
    • Gigs, on 10/10/2007, -9/+3Step 2: read The Game, By Neil Strauss.
      Step 3: Practice.
    • groonk, on 10/10/2007, -2/+32Step 3: Cut a hole in the box.
  • Bajeda, on 10/10/2007, -2/+45I had no idea there was such a thing as the Shyness Research Institute.
  • MarkDykeman, on 10/10/2007, -3/+5These are fairly logical steps to try. Might be helpful to some people.
  • Darkhacker, on 10/10/2007, -9/+75Unfortunately it isn't always that simple. I have Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD - don't let the word schizoid throw you off, it is not related to Schizophrenia) and although I could fake being outgoing and such I would eventually feel terrible. Not to sound arrogant but I could get any girl I want and even be a jock if I faked it. The problem is that I feel so horrible inside when I do. Even taking tiny steps like they suggested would eventually lead to a line that I would not cross.

    I think the most important thing of all though that people forget.... Some of use are HAPPY to be alone! We enjoy it and like it and hate it when others are around to annoy us. That doesn't make us antisocial (I have a few select friends). It's not a matter of being afraid of small talk, I just hate it. Doing it in small steps is like saying you could get used to be stabbed to death if I did it one small cut at a time. It's not something that all of us can get used to. We just don't like it.
    • LordSkywalker, on 10/10/2007, -45/+6Calm down, psycho.
      • PecanHead, on 10/10/2007, -18/+3Dugg down? Give me a break - that was funny. If we could keep the humor police from burying every funny comment this site would be a lot more entertaining to read.
        • joe7845, on 10/10/2007, -2/+5How is making fun of a disability funny?
    • jebudas, on 10/10/2007, -20/+7The fact that you made an analogy from social situations to stabbings says a lot about your condition, I'm sorry it is so difficult for you. It's interesting that an internet forum, which is kinda social, is ok...
      • ripple123, on 10/10/2007, -14/+2Yeah dude, your crazy is showing.
    • GMorgan, on 10/10/2007, -3/+33Yeah and a lot of people who are considered shy actually just see the pointlessness of small talk. Like I put to a mate, I have enough things I would like to do of some relevance to last a thousand lifetimes. I don't want to waste time talking about worthless things. I won't make small talk with people I've known since I was 2 but I could talk for hours with any girl I've just met about an actually interesting topic.

      The reason these people get upset is that mates try to push them to be more mindless without recognising that they really don't want to waste time with mindless chatter.
      • mikeon, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6Small talk never interested me either. It just seems like useless babbling to try and stop the conversation from becoming silent and awkward which is what happens anyways. Apparently I'm also suppose to call up my friends everyday and my family and ask how they are doing and what's going on with their lives and just to say hi. Seems more like a waste of both our times if we're doing something.
        • PenthorMul, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0For some (even some introverts), small talk is a game. It's all about studying people and what makes them tick. Kind of a social game. I have a "shy" friend who does this. He still needs to "charge" his batteries often by being alone, like most introverts, but he relishes the "game." Strange.
    • jerbaker, on 10/10/2007, -1/+11Agreed. Some find the conversations about Paris Hilton, K-fed, and who's sleeping with who at the office to be immeasurably boring and vapid. Why even accelerate the eventual heat-death of the Universe by opening your mouth to talk about such inane things? Who wants a to purposefully join in on other people's head games and psychological issues? Many of us "shy" people choose to keep away from superficial social rituals that seem so comforting to others, not because we are afraid, but because it annoys and bores us. "Normal" people are very offended by opinions such as this, and it eventually drives them to conclude that shy people have some sort of disorder. Surely it couldn't be that someone actually finds them boring on the merits, it MUST be a disorder. It is ironic that the very quality that drives "shy" people away from others is the same quality which causes others to view shyness as a thing to be overcome.
      • SurrealDream, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Dugg for "Why even accelerate the eventual heat-death of the Universe by opening your mouth to talk about such inane things?"
        I'm gonna use that one, if you don't mine :)
    • joe7845, on 10/10/2007, -7/+1Sounds kind of like autism. Some autistic people prefer to be alone and enjoy it even. Not necessarily true of all autistic people. Some might find they enjoy the company of others like themselves.
    • mcduckov, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9That is fine. Even a psychiatrist will tell you it is fine to be mostly alone if that is how you like it. I think the article is for people who crave social interaction but are afraid of the actual steps to get there.

      I agree with jeb that your analogy is a bit extreme ;-)
    • colouredlights, on 10/10/2007, -1/+4There should be tips on party management too. I.e. how to not talk to people who want to talk about "k-fed" and how to find the interesting people. Maybe bring a sign that says "What is life" and I'm sure someone interesting will come.

      The thing I don't like is when people make up all kinds of excuses, and will even convince themself they don't enjoy meeting new people, when it's all because they're scared of rejection. NOT EVERYONE is like that, but I think a lot of people haven't really examined themselves to find out. Meeting people, being social, is in our genes. It's a very pleasurable thing when you get past the niceties. Thanks for listening, I love you.
      • thehead1138, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Be quiet Hippy!

        I know I know... dig me down I couldn't resist.
    • javip, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3for a second I thought I might have your condition, until I looked it up..
      "Schizoid Personality Disorder: Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person."

      I definitely don't have what you have! =D
      and now i feel kinda sorry for u =(
      • Darkhacker, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Yep. Still a virgin and have no plans to lose it anytime soon. Most schizoids die virgins.
        • Ssullivan, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Dude thats ***** up... I can't imagine having no sex drive
    • rhabd0mancer, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Oh good lord, stop labeling yourself. There is nothing wrong with you.
  • dantidote, on 10/10/2007, -0/+26For instance, "if a shy man wants to ask a woman he sees at work out on a date, his first goal might be to have a brief conversation with her about some work-related topic," Cheek said.

    yeah has anyone seen that commercial, with that creepy guy at work hanging around the secretary asking for asprin because he pulled his "delts"

    Dont be that guy.
  • DeskFlyer, on 10/10/2007, -2/+37Don't confuse shyness with introversion.
    • SilentSpyder, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2What's the difference? I'm sure I'm one or both of them.
  • manogamez, on 10/10/2007, -1/+39I find it useful to flail wildly whenever an awkward situation arises. This not only eliminates any residual shyness but actually decreases your chances of ever having to talk to another human being again. Hurray!
    • tony4moroney, on 10/10/2007, -2/+2probably the funniest comment on digg for the past week
    • Terr01, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1"Flail wildly"?

      Captain Fwiffo, is that you?
  • merlingen, on 10/10/2007, -5/+47Getting drunk before going to parties worked fine for me.
    • maffiou, on 10/10/2007, -2/+13Yep, works... The real problem is seing the same people once you're not drunk anymore...
      • yargthepirate, on 10/10/2007, -1/+16Not a problem if you don't see anybody when you're not drunk.
        I'm not suggesting that you stay in isolation when you're sober, I think you should become an alcoholic.
      • pantysniffer, on 10/10/2007, -2/+0Just don't stop drinking, didn't you see leaving las Vegas?
    • cnot3, on 10/10/2007, -2/+13If you can't remember it, assume it went well.
    • battletrax, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I hate when people confuse me to be shy... when really i just don't want to talk.

      Breathing problems suck..
  • KMye, on 10/10/2007, -10/+71***** all of this PC *****; humanity discovered the answer to this millenia ago.

    Instant shyness cure: 2-3 alcoholic beverages within 90 minutes. Done. Don't make it any more complicated than it has to be.
    • godamit, on 10/10/2007, -3/+39in russia, multiply quantity by 3, divide time by 2
      • GMorgan, on 10/10/2007, -14/+8In Soviet Russia, quantity multiplies You!!
        • CaptainNem0, on 10/10/2007, -2/+5YES! I troll digg all day waiting for someone to make this joke.
      • cnot3, on 10/10/2007, -9/+4Same math here in America, for non-pussies.
    • jebudas, on 10/10/2007, -9/+2This is probably why you got fired from your job.
    • yargthepirate, on 10/10/2007, -1/+10you need to learn how to hold your liquor...
      • javip, on 10/10/2007, -1/+3explain to me how being able to "hold your liquor" is a good thing in ANY way?
        and note that this is coming from someone who can "hold his liquor"

        same goes for Anteros below.. who apparently feels the needs to tell everyone that he can hold his.. making him a reeaaal maaaan
    • Anteros, on 10/10/2007, -3/+2More like 5-6 for me
  • CaptMonkey, on 10/10/2007, -1/+34I'm generally shy in social situations, but I've found something that helps me out. I just prod myself into saying something short, but leading, like "Hey, I was wondering..." Once I start talking, I think "Well, I've already said that, I'll look like an idiot if I don't say something else." which makes me finish up what I was going to say. Once the other person responds, a lot of the pressure is off and I can carry on a normal conversation.

    It turns out, a lot of the time, the person you're talking to is feeling uneasy too and is relieved when you say something to start up the conversation. I think being uncomfortable in social situations is the norm, if you feel at ease all the time, you're either a drunk or a self-important ass.
    • aduzik, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7I agree. The hardest part with meeting someone new is getting a conversation started. Once you're rolling, it's not so hard. I kind of like your "push yourself off a cliff" approach to overcoming that initial shyness.
  • djmadness, on 10/10/2007, -5/+10Jägermeister kicks shynesses' ass!
  • thuang513, on 10/10/2007, -5/+0mirror anyone?
  • chrismgtis, on 10/10/2007, -6/+15What a bunch of useless comments.
    • RavagesOfTime, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5Welcome to the Internet. We're mostly assholes.
  • NoahK, on 10/10/2007, -17/+1A well written article which further explains why I don't associate with shy people.
    • Codicier, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15It's actually more likely that they're not associating with you.
      • NoahK, on 10/10/2007, -2/+1For good reason. They might cower at the sound of my voice like they do when a balloon pops.
    • nunzi, on 10/10/2007, -2/+3Agreed. I'm alive to live. That involves doing things. Things involve people. I was VERY shy when I was young, even through college. Then I realized how much living I was missing, so I forced myself into what I saw as uncomfortable or akward situations. I quickly learned to get over it and enjoy myself.

      That's not to say there aren't serious disorders or chemical imbalances, such as the SPD person above. But, they don't affect all, or even the majority of shy people (at least the ones I've encountered). Most of the shy people I know are just afraid of other people, or being embarassed in social situations, etc. Once you realize that it doesn't matter, life becomes much easier. That guy over there, making fun of you for your shirt? 75% of the people in the room think he's an ***** and are afraid to say it. He probably doesn't have many friends, and he's making fun of you to draw attention from his own shortcomings. Tomorrow, you'll have forgotten he existed, and will probably never see him again. Was that worth sitting at home all night over?

      Live, and enjoy, your life. Otherwise, what's the point? If that includes being an introvert, awesome, more power to you for finding what works. But if you're shy and *don't want to be*, learn to put yourself in situations you're not comfortable. Think [fill in your favorite public speaker here] was comfortable his or her first time in front of a large group? I doubt it. But by putting themselves out there and practicing these akward situations, they came to be the great public persona you know today.

      I'm sure I'll get dugg down for being insensitive, but I'm just trying to be honest. Most of the shy people I know don't realize the living that they're missing - and the ones I've been able to help overcome their shyness have thanked me wholeheartedly for opening this world up to them, slowly, at a slightly accelerated pace than they would otherwise have done themselves.
    • LordofShadows, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Wow noah, you dont associate with shy people? Thats... wait no one cares.
  • iceman35, on 10/10/2007, -9/+4KMye is right, if you dont want to be shy anymore, get drunk. worked for me
  • SteelChicken, on 10/10/2007, -22/+2grow a pair of balls? stop being such a pussy?
    • banjokelly, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8About as helpful as saying grow a pair of legs to someone without them. Could you grow some emotional intelligence?
      • SteelChicken, on 10/10/2007, -3/+1shyness is like any other fear, it must be faced and dealt with, not sitting around having a circle jerk about how shy you are and how emotionally vulnerable you are.
        Crybabies. Grow up.
    • khellendros1984, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2banjokelly, don't taunt the chicken-monkey.
    • 68024, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Your comment says a lot about your own insecurities...
      • SteelChicken, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Really? I was once shy too, and I didn't cry about it or start a study or support group, I simply dealt with it by going out and being more social. Its called courage. Try it sometime.
        • 68024, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Wah wah, loser. You're such a big boy.
  • degaz, on 10/10/2007, -11/+6I heard ecstacy works wonders.
  • StepCousin, on 10/10/2007, -1/+19I was given a great piece of advice years ago: Feign confidence. Eventually, you won't have to fake it. I am living proof of the validity to that theory.

    Confidence opens up your personality. You'll stop giving a damn what other people think of your opinions (higher self-esteem). Sometimes it hurts me, but most of the time it enhances my life.

    Don't change because you can't get laid. Change because it makes your life better overall.

    • NoahK, on 10/10/2007, -3/+8What's wrong w/ changing to get laid?
      • GMorgan, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11You won't be able to maintain it. If you spend any real time in a gym you see the changing faces and recognise that the people who are successful in the gym are people who:
        1. Enjoy the training.
        2. Want to improve their image solely for themselves.

        The ones who always drop out are the ones who say 'Yeah, I want to get laid so thought a bit of muscle couldn't hurt'. People really aren't as motivated to have sex as is generally believed or at least they aren't nearly as motivated towards sex as they are towards helping themselves.

        I imagine the same would be true in all fields. Self motivation is vital. External motivation can get you into something but only self motivation will keep you there.
        • bonedead, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4Aye, I agree with GMorgan. External motivation is how I got my girlfriend. Almost two years later and it's the self motivation. There was a point when I had to decide if I was okay just getting stoned and playing computer games, or if I wanted her to be around all the time. You've just got to dive in and ***** swim.
        • pnarel, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1People with confidence don't go the gym so that they can look good for other people. If you have confidence in yourself, you don't care what other people think. The people that go the gym solely because they want other people to like them are more likely the ones that have no self-esteem and think they need to improve their looks to get people to like them, rather than trusting in their charisma and/or personality.
        • LordofShadows, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1People with confidence don't go to the shower so that they can smell good for other people. If you have confidence in yourself, you don't care if other people throw up when you approach. The people that go to the shower solely because they want other people to like them are more likely the ones that have no self-esteem and think they need to improve their odors to get people to like them, rather than trusting in their charisma and/or personality.
        • yahoofrom, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Then how do you explain this? Once a creative scientist is married, he's no longer producing creative works. That includes Einstein.
    • Kinkistyle, on 10/10/2007, -1/+4I can second this piece of advise. I actually think of examples of confident, outgoing people, study their behavior and try to act like them. It works pretty well. Although I must admit: its tough work, and I get really tired after awhile and "revert" back to my secret identity because its such a pain in the ass to keep it going.
      • StepCousin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Good point. I remember the weird reactions from my friends and family.....

        "Wow, was that stepcousin with an outspoken opinion?"
        "Did I just hear stepcousin raise his voice?"

        It's an uncomfortable, embarrassing feeling, but it's better than being a recluse for the rest of your life. The fact is that it's not an overnight sensation.....takes time....just like it took time for me to transform from a toddler into a cowering mouse.
    • centran, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Yep, being confident is the key. I think that is why a lot of people are saying just have a couple of drinks. After you have a "few" you stop giving a rats ass.
      There is no reason to be shy around friends of a friend or of a friend of a friend of friend. If you make an ass of yourself you never have to see that person again so don't worry about it!
      • StepCousin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1That was the ONLY way I would meet girls when I was younger. Nowadays, I do much better before getting buzzed. Think about it this way; if you're just as confident with women when sober, then which will yield a better outcome?
    • yargthepirate, on 10/10/2007, -2/+6Getting laid will make your life better overall.
      • H0tKarl, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Your hand will thank you
      • hambend, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5Making your life better overall will get you laid.

        It's a vicious cycle.
      • mcduckov, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7When I'm in a relationship--my hand looks very appealing as an alternative.

        When I'm single all i can think about is being in a relationship.
        • tnoy, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Thats only because your hand never gets a headache.
        • StepCousin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2...and you never have to tell it to stfu.
      • StepCousin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Minus the clap, of course.
      • yahoofrom, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1A extrovert said to me "Dude you should try to get a girl. Then you'll no longer be an introvert. Get a girl. Girls are cure."
        And when I tried to get a girl "Dude, You should try not to be an introvert. Then you'll get a girl"
  • Meekus, on 10/10/2007, -4/+13The author of this article is under the misguided impression that being outgoing and extroverted is how everyone should be.
    • jamspt, on 10/10/2007, -2/+9So an article written by someone who is shy that wanted to stop being shy - for other people who are shy and want to stop being shy - is too pushy for you?
      How is anyone saying that being an introvert is bad?
      It's not always about you, chief.
    • StepCousin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I 've been over my shyness for years, but I'm definitely not an extrovert. You don't have to be a spaz to have an outgoing personality.

      'Shyness' is simply an irrational fear of what others think of you, whereas 'confidence' is sort of a disregard for their opinions.
  • cgmarket, on 10/10/2007, -1/+5i fail to see where this article is helpful to those who are shy.
  • missingpilot, on 10/10/2007, -3/+6Yes, yet another article basically advocating that anyone thats "shy" or introverted, deep down wants to be an extrovert. Not everyone that likes to be alone or be in small groups all the time is deeply yearning to be a social butterfly. I could care a less about making smalltalk with people I dont know just for the sake of conversation. I have a few select friends that I see all the time and have no desire to go out and have 135545 semi-acquaintances that wouldnt remember me from the guy next to me. So I guess this article works if you are a shy extrovert, but for the true introverts, most of us could care a less about your everyone should be extroverted social ideals.
    • aduzik, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3I don't think that's the article's intent. I really do like to meet new people, but that initial shyness makes it hard to strike up a conversation and establish that relationship. Shyness and introversion are different things. There's nothing wrong with being introverted, but there are people who want to overcome their shyness and meet people more easily.
    • SilentSpyder, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I was voted "class shy" in high school and believe me I don't like it.
  • DrHockey, on 10/10/2007, -5/+3There's an old remedy for shyness - it's called scotch.
  • jj2me, on 10/10/2007, -6/+1About 40 years ago, a young Clint Eastwood said, "Shyness is conceit."

    That doesn't fit all reasons for shyness. But it might fit some situations.
  • EvolvedAnt, on 10/10/2007, -3/+6I can't believe they did not mention the ego trick. I was extremely shy, and I overcame it simply by playing on my own ego. If I want to talk to a pretty girl and ask her out, I can't because I am shy. But if someone tells me, "Hah, you couldn't talk to her if your life depended on it!", my ego and drive to prove someone else wrong kicks in, and I talk to the girl like an expert, getting her number and everything shocking my friends who doubted me.

    (I only use my ego when it helps a situtation, I'm well aware of the dangers involved.)
  • samdu, on 10/10/2007, -3/+5Well THAT wasn't all that helpful. -_-
  • fullback, on 10/10/2007, -5/+3I had a website for a few years, the National Introvert Society (NIS) website. Every day it was the same old thing; no new members, no new articles, no posts in the forum and only a few anonymous pictures submitted, but they had black bars across their eyes. We had only one article in 2 years... about fishing. Fishing is apparently the sport of choice for shy people.

    Anyway, there is nothing wrong with being shy. As a matter of fact, it would be a relief if more people would just shut the hell up and muster up some shyness about submitting their useless and stupid opinions and thoughts about everything.
  • mj23thebest, on 10/10/2007, -5/+0No need to get drunk. A bottle of beer should be helpful.
    • cnot3, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1Generally takes a bit more than that...
      • H0tKarl, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Not if you use it to knock your potential "date" unconscious.
  • EmmSee, on 10/10/2007, -1/+18This is the worst advice ever...

    "For instance, "if a shy man wants to ask a woman he sees at work out on a date, his first goal might be to have a brief conversation with her about some work-related topic," Cheek said.

    Before doing so, he should practice the conversation with a friend or a counselor"

    WTF
    • H0tKarl, on 10/10/2007, -0/+17"Hi Sara. How are you today?"
      - flips through notes...
      "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
      -flips through notes...
    • fawkesey, on 10/10/2007, -0/+10That's not shy, that's downright creepy.
    • diggomaniac, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2"Lorraine, you're my density.... I mean, my destiny."
    • yahoofrom, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1counselor : hey how are you doing.
      me : I want a date with you.
      counselor : what?
      me : i want a date with you. Didn't you advise me to practice this kind of conversation with you?
  • xydemba, on 10/10/2007, -4/+0http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php
  • WoollyMittens, on 10/10/2007, -1/+16I was too shy to open the link.
  • fireflash, on 10/10/2007, -0/+10Yeah this is another "introversion is bad, extroversion is good" type article. Kinda insightful, but overall useless to me. I'm a textbook introvert, and I've made attempts to become more "extroverted", but all I do is stand in the background and observe everyone and listen. Yeah, my favorite female friend constantly refers to me as a "wallflower", but hey, it's me. It's more fun for me to sit in the back and just watch everyone get drunk and do silly things than it is to be the one doing the silly things. And I also get drunk in the process. ;) Alcohol has an amazing ability to open up ones personality a bit more, but it shouldn't be used as the one and only tool to become more "extroverted", as that can lead to other potential problems. You were made this way for a reason, learn to embrace it, and stop fighting it. A very good book I'm reading called "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World" has been very helpful for me to better understand my own Introverted personality. I recommend it for all you 'innies' out there.
    • mcduckov, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2When I'm drunk I'm even MORE happy just to watch other people interact.
  • mojibyrd, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Who believes this *****, some people just enjoy being by themselves....all you gotta do when you meet someone new is say, 'hi how are you' and carry on from their...but oh wait we are all now classified as terrorists so perhaps we shouldn't....hmm maybe the 'experts' can help us out on this one.
  • damndj, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8I am shy as hell and I see nothing in this article that is actually helpful. All I see are descriptions of why I suck at the social.

    • XHashmeerX, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1You didn't read the manual for the Zune?
    • blackcap, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Yeah, nothing useful and nothing new. This article could've been written 30 years ago!
  • fawkesey, on 10/10/2007, -1/+3Stop gazing at your navel & get on with it - there's always some excuse for not being talkative, etc., it's fine, but using some pseudo-science to justify & validate personality differences is ridiculous!
    I was shy, or I told myself I was, then I grew-up & realised it was only me telling myself I was shy that was making me shy!
  • evillawngnome, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2It was in the Onett library, last time i saw it.
    • MysticalRecord, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Glad to see I'm not the only one who thought of Earthbound!
  • tizz66, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3I used to be shy at school, and the smallest thing would cause me embarrassment in front of everyone else. Then I finished school, went to university, and it all changed. Because I was meeting new people, and those people had no preconceptions of what I was like and didn't know I was easily embarrassed, suddenly a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I could be how I wanted to be. I have so much more confidence than I did at school.

    By the way, a lot of people are getting confused between introvert and shyness. They are completely different. I am now confident in myself, but I'm still more introverted than extroverted. I just enjoy time on my own doing my own thing, rather than 'socialising'. Don't get them mixed up :)
    • XHashmeerX, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Without a doubt going away to college is an incredible experience when meeting new people from the begining. Especially when you are out of state, and you don't know a single person. Starting from ground-zero like that is something I don't think you'll find many other times in your life.

      After some time though, the norm sets in. Time to go break the cycle!
  • darnoKonrad, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4I'm sure there are people that genuinely have problems with being shy to a fault, but I also wonder how many people who are simply introverted are made to feel inadequate by a constant and relentless culture that expounds on how much better a person you would be if you were extroverted. "From sex to money to success, being an introvert makes you faulty."

    It's really stupid and it has made me angry for years. There is nothing wrong with being introverted. Sadly, as demonstrated by a few comments on here, some people actually despise introverts, or worse yet, pity them -- and you get odd advice like "if you pretend to be confident, you can interact with other people." This is bad advice -- introversion has nothing to do with confidence, and this will cause the person taking such bad advice problems. Confidence is when you become at-peace with yourself (whom ever you are), and if you're an introvert, this means not feeling like you "have" to interact with people -- it's a needless stress.

    I'm an introvert and I have lots of friends -- and they don't make me feel pressured to "break out of a shell" or be more social because they know that I don't need that kind of interaction that they see as integral to their life -- people simply require different levels of social activity to remain healthy -- if you require less, or feel overwhelmed with too much social interaction, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.
  • Eraser85, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0My cure for shyness:
    - JUST DO IT (c) (i think i have to write the copyright thing.. damn nike :D)

    works like a charm, trust me..
  • SparkyMaGee, on 10/10/2007, -1/+0Take a improv class. You practice games that get you interacting with people, it helps over come those fears and it gets your mind sharp for quick witty responses.
  • sherkaner, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5My solution: Get a commissioned job in retail sales. It's amazing how quickly you get over the discomfort of talking to new people when your next paycheck depends on it...
  • CaptainM4d, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Everyone read this and meet me at Dairy Queen!
  • FredoBerfil, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Try vodka. It's a one-step cure.
  • Geat, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1"It involves feelings of excessive self-consciousness, negative self-evaluation and negative self-preoccupation, he explained."

    few paragraphs later:

    "Carducci points out, however, that shyness is not related to self-esteem."

    Contradict much? I'm struggling to find any good advice in the article.

    -james
    http://www.youshydevilyou.com/
  • greydream, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2So you're shy. So what? Embrace it. A lot of girls actually dig shy guys.


    @DeskFlyer, agreed. Huge difference between being shy and being introverted.
  • cyvek, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0I know what we have to do. we have to take the USA, and PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!
  • moltar2, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1look up "Demonic Confidence". It's an audio program designed to do the exactly same thing this article describes. It provides a lesson plan to gradually increase your level of comfort to the point of being super confident and not stressed about anything at all.
  • yahoofrom, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1you want shy people to overcome shyness? how about shy-people-hater to overcome their phobia?
  • donkeySays, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0I guess I am not shy, maybe I just give a damn about people I am not interested in.
  •  

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