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- cjdunn, on 10/12/2007, -3/+70Okay, now THAT is a problem.
I'm all for monogamy (no, seriously), but if the female partner simply no longer wants to and the male does, that is recipe for disaster. I fully understand that we're intelligent, social beings so that we must/can/should control our more "animalistic urge"... but... well... for the entirety of our lives?
More and more of this research as appearing. The two genders are on two entirely different tracks of sexuality. - DiamondIce, on 10/12/2007, -0/+50Half of all women lose their sex drive in a secure relationship. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Coincidence? I doubt it.
- brickbat, on 10/12/2007, -2/+48I know.
I didn't know before I was married.
Now, I know. - szelij, on 10/12/2007, -17/+60Humans are obviously NOT monogamous animals, despite everything that western culture propogates and proclaims. Even this article makes that distinction.
Up until about the empowerment of women a few decades ago, it is understood that a man may "deviate" from time to time and most often, rich men kept mistresses. It was understood by the wives as so.
Men still do that, but they don't do it in public of course...it's all under wraps.
My point is, you can preach whatever you want but men will be men and in the end, we're all animals and our insticts are often our masters. - Zero82z, on 10/12/2007, -20/+63This isn't Fark or Slashdot, so shut the ***** up.
- friend18, on 10/12/2007, -1/+42So does this mean if you want more sex don't make your relationship secure?
- asmodeus, on 10/12/2007, -5/+40I think you'll find that most cultures promote monogamy, not just "western" ones. Cheating on a partner in a marriage type situation has long been regarded as bad by many different cultures, and can be punished quite severely in some.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+32It's not that they don't want to have sex, it's that they want to have sex with someone else
- LordVoldemort, on 10/12/2007, -3/+31You think it isn't painful to be cheated on?
It has nothing to do with religion. - Poco, on 10/12/2007, -1/+29Yup
- jiggleflop, on 10/12/2007, -3/+28My father always said, "Why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free?"
I wish I had listened mor to my fater, for now I know, Women need a reason, men need a place.
My advice, remeber the three kinds of sex:
1. Newly weds, "room sex" exciting sex all the time, every room in the house.
2. Three years, "bedroom sex" booring sex a couple of times a week in the bedroom.
3. Ten years, "Hall sex" leaving your seperate rooms, you pass each other in the hall and say, "F@#K YOU!" on your way to work. - ActiveMatx, on 10/12/2007, -2/+25All I can say is that it doesnt only happen to 30 year olds. My girlfriend who is 23 years old has decreased sex drive too!
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -6/+28If this were slashdot every post related to Fark and its [OBVIOUS] tag would be marked redundant
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -8/+28If this was Fark.com, there would be an [OBVIOUS] tag before the headline.
- gcube9x, on 10/12/2007, -11/+31***** religion.
(where else would we get the idea that following our nature was bad?) - cblalock, on 10/12/2007, -1/+20@brandizzle,
"If I'm in a relationship and get tired of having sex with the person then do I get to ***** other men?"
Yes, indeed you do.
Guys, the line forms to the left. - UncommonSense, on 10/12/2007, -2/+20Someone has a one-track mind...
- freebirdpat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18Oatmeal every morning gets boring, even if you put bananas, apples, or whatever in it. Sometimes you just want to give hot grits a spin.
- toby34a, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17Humans are semi-monogamous- this has been investigated, and the move toward monogamy is mainly because of the legnth of time that it takes to raise children. Women evolved to be able to have sex more often (humans have the largest sex organs of any primate, and have the ability to have sex at any time) so that they could keep men around to help them support and raise children.
Going into our current societal views, it's very possible that the loss of sexual appetite could be because women don't need us to provide for them anymore, or the fact that women have more independence now then they ever have before and can refuse the male sex drive more frequently.
The moral of the story that as long as couples are having sex, they're generally going to do well. - mistshadow2k4, on 10/12/2007, -1/+16Being a woman, I can tell you that it most certainly doesn't apply to all women. I'm rather surprised by the results of this study. I've been married 16 years and my libido has plummeted only during times of great stress, such as when taking care of my mother before her death (of cancer). Otherwise my sexual appetite outstrips my husband's, but then he works around 50 hours a week.
- saska, on 10/12/2007, -1/+16"it's very possible that the loss of sexual appetite could be because women don't need us to provide for them anymore, or the fact that women have more independence now then they ever have before and can refuse the male sex drive more frequently."
I think there's a great deal more to it than biological drive to reproduce or the shrinking-violet need to be supported. We're talking about human relationships, and one of the ways those relationships are defined and communicated is through sex. Humans have sex for pleasure, and not just to reproduce.
In general -- not in every case, but in general -- women ascribe greater emotional significance to sexual encounters than men. If there are other problems in a relationship, women will feel emotional distance and therefore be less likely to want to have sex. Men do not, in general, suffer from this same problem.
Women who develop insecurities about their weight and appearance are far less likely to want to have sex, as they fear being rejected or humiliated. Men, on the other hand, take an offer to fornicate at face value and rarely turn it down when the opportunity itself is safe.
I don't know for sure why I'm bothering trying to give a real answer here. I guess maybe in the hopes that one out of ten guys will think "oh, maybe I should pay her a compliment and see where it gets me," or in the hopes that one out of ten guys might draw the line between stressful arguments and less nookie, and seek to solve the root cause rather than assuming "chicks only do it to get us to marry them." 'Cause that part's 100% *****. - freebirdpat, on 10/12/2007, -6/+19This was on fark.com, the title went something like this: Scientists find out something married men have known for years.
- Wingman007, on 10/12/2007, -2/+15There has been limited research into the benefits of monogamy for natural selection. Offspring have a greater chance to survive with the cooperation of two parents. Whether or not humans are "meant to be" monogamous by nature is a question that has not yet been answered, and may not even have a real answer.
- saska, on 10/12/2007, -1/+13By deductive reasoning, the other half of women in a committed relationship don't lose their sex drive.
I wonder what percentage of men in a committed relationship lose their sex drive for their wife, but not other women. Judging from the above comments, many of you seem to take this in stride. - Visnik, on 10/12/2007, -1/+13 LordVoldemort
Have you looked in the mirror - ChileanGoD, on 10/12/2007, -1/+13@szelij
Yeah... we should all make love to eachother. Eventually we will become one uniformed species of humans, no more races. When that happens there shall be no more wars, no more racism, no more color driven hate, no more cute asian girls, no more hot latinas... no more awesome western girls... no more hot cholcolate chicks...... Awww... ***** never mind. I hope it never happends. - brandizzle, on 10/12/2007, -15/+26Wait how is that fair?
If I'm in a relationship and get tired of having sex with the person then do I get to ***** other men? I don't think that'd be very well tolerated.
Chances are the wife still wants sex just as much as before, you've just turned fat and spend all of your free time on the couch drinking beer. - pyrotherm, on 10/12/2007, -6/+16@gcube9x I believe you could have put that statement more eloquently, but i do have to agree with you on this issue.
- hoyaman, on 10/12/2007, -2/+11I don't think it applies to all women.
Unless my Fiance was lying to me about how much she wanted four years ago ... 'cause even now, seven ain't enough.
Of course, she is constantly jealous for no reason... - mww2, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9A definite victory for gay guys.
- zentro, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I didn't know that Diggnation had that kind of effect ;)
- ElectroBot, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10Better solution:
Create a society where men and women cannot live together and children are raised by the state (so you don't lose sex drive that way).
Wait a minute. This sounds familiar. Oh, wait. I know. It's the book "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley. Everybody was happy there and they had sex quite frequently.
Although personally I prefer a world where intelligence is able to thrive. - berlamont, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9I've been married for 2 years and have been with my wife for a total of 5 years, and it really hasn't changed all that much. Only difference is we live together now so we don't have to find a place to 'park' heh. Of course she isn't as compulsive about it as when we first got together, but really what can I expect? If you have been with someone for a long time everything can become routine and boring. It's true that you have to put a lot of effort into keeping a relationship going for long periods.
- LordVoldemort, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Maybe you should improve your technique.
- saichele, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I took a course on the sociology of the family years ago. One thing that came up was that sex between a man and a woman goes down when they move in together, goes down further after the first child, and even more after the second. something to consider.
- pyrotherm, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7LOL, i love how there's a google ad for female libido enhancing pills on the right of the page!
- LordVoldemort, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7"Men, on the other hand, take an offer to fornicate at face value and rarely turn it down when the opportunity itself is safe."
I have to agree, but this only applies to the common man; better men cheat in their heads. - LordVoldemort, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8It's human nature to feel hurt when cheated on.
- saska, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6@jiggleflop -
I don't know what's sadder - whatever it is that happened to make you so bitter, or the fact that it happened to 6 other people who dug you up.
I'm genuinely sympathetic that you seem to have an axe to grind. I just think the way you've started thinking women are all out to get you, and marriage is awful, you are irreparable for someone else. Men don't get to a position of disrespect by themselves.
If I were cynical, I'd say that after the ring men's behavior goes downhill, and after the ceremony they quit holding the door open for you or even offering to get you a cup of tea when you're sick, and you find out all that chivalry was just because they thought they had to do it or you'd leave them for somebody else, but now you can't. And that after kids, they think you're stuck with them financially, so they ignore you completely, join a WoW guild, nap in front of the television after getting home from work, wake up from the nap mumbling "where's my dinner?" and then stay up until 2 in the morning playing WoW on one monitor and looking at porn on the other.
That's if I were cynical. I'm not cynical enough to believe all men are the same as one of them. And I'm not so narcissistic as to believe I'm faultless, either. - paulryan21, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5I got married last week - should I now be scared????
- saska, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5That's not her sex drive, that's her fear.
If you get off on that, okay. - Vermifax, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Article Dugg down as "Inaccurate".
(They haven't met my wife...) - carpespasm, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6especially someone who's happy enough that 16 years later things are still going well. i'll vouche for her. the trend i've seen with my girl as well as most others is that you have to be happy with one another in general, or after the "new" wears off all you're left with is meaningless sex, which though a man may be interested in, most women are not.
the thing is to make sure you're with someone who you can be comfortable and happy with so that you're still attracted to them for more than the new relationship thing. - freebirdpat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4And it explains lesbian couples a bunch too.
- jadzor, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4How can i digg an article that says i wont get any sex once i get in a stable relationship?!?
- Clbck, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Don't have children?
- iamdecal, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4>>>'cause even now, seven ain't enough.
it is if you do it properly the first time.... ;-) - jiggleflop, on 10/12/2007, -7/+11@saska...
Truth is, once a woman has a certificate of ownership, for their new pet husband, most expect the amount of ass kissing to go up with no significant responsibility on their part.
Before the wedding march, "dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb", all the drunk friends and old jokes were funny and the poor guy was the life of the party. After the wedding and the cake is gone, too many guys find out that their wives find their WHOLE LIFE unacceptable and that everything their significant other said for months or years before, "DOOMS-DAY" was just a lie so you would like them.
Now, comes kids! Yep, someone tells you that women get better after kids, motherly instinct, stable relationship...BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Just more lies from your miserable mates, misery loves company.
Truth is, kids leave women more secure, that way they can hang your "family jewels" from a high place and make you beg to borrow them for a couple of hours every couple of months when you want to go to the pub.
I was told by many, that after the mid thirties, women blossom. Sex drive goes up, the games are over, trying to change the husband stops, and a man can expect more sex and less conflict because women are more comfortable with a relationship with many years invested and the child bearing years behind them.
Truth is, the old devil knows you are starting to get older, maybe a grey hair here or there, perhaps some baldness at the crown. The time involved in trying to start over at you age is just too much, and sharing 401K, college funds, child support, its just not going to work. Sex drops to practically zero, respect disappears, work becomes the most important aspect of consciousness, and regardless of how much ass kissing a man does, he only gets laid when the all powerful witch of darkness wants to let him try.
Pretty grim, nine out of ten men over thirty-five I know are in the same situation with different degrees of severity.
Its no wonder most women live longer than men...Often in nature, parasites cause the premature demise of the host... - ElectroBot, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4You meant to say him.
- mzx639, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Yes, this seems reasonably obvious to most guys that have been in long term relationships. The misleading part of the research is that although I believe men's libido remains the same, it probably doesn't remain the same for the same woman! Even the hottest of girls get old after hitting it repeatedly for years... look at all the models that get dumped by their husband and boyfriends. So a guys libido remains high, but only for some strange....
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