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- daRoach, on 10/11/2007, -4/+494Hays, I don't think the article was meaning that some people like to have their alone time once in a while. It was explaining about 25% of the population who does not have the intrinsic need to socialize and are not stimulated by interactions in the same way extroverted people are. According to the article people with introverted personalities still have friends and have a life, just not the life that an extroverted person would find fulfilling. Loners who keep to themselves are not necessarily lonely, but feel that the time spent alone is more productive and stimulating than socializing with the bulk of society.
- Hayes, on 10/11/2007, -42/+311I'm sure most Diggers like a little solitude. I certainly do. If I don't offset my being the center of the universe with getting away from everyone and being on my own for a bit, then I go insane. But don't try and mistake your locking yourself away from a society who has rejected you with taking a break from a busy social life. In order to get away from something, you have to be a part of it first.
- Shaman760, on 11/13/2007, -3/+263Being "alone" is not the same as "being lonely". I personally enjoy being "alone".
- simpleid, on 10/11/2007, -11/+193@daroach
You said it perfectly, dugg up.
Oh how many people have such a hard time comprehending such a simple thing, it's unbearably annoying; especially when people see you as something that 'needs to be corrected.' Don't screw with introverts, we don't have problems, I'm just annoyed by you and want to be left alone to educate myself. And if I want to talk to you, I'll come out of my shell and go out to relax over some drinks and food (because that will always get me out... :) mmm) I can't stand general society and their blundering ignorance towards individuals which express their contrasting perceptions of reality. Just because you don't get it doesn't mean your in a position to take action you think you need for me. I don't like to agree with everyone just because everyone is in a state of agreement over something, that doesn't justify the truth in anything. Don't bother me with your 'good intentions,' as I've heard before; the road to hell is paved with 'good intentions.'
Extroverts pry too much, they stick their noses in to every crevice of another individuals life, attempting to discover any aspect in the introvert that can be exploited. Disgusting, get out of my face.
There's no escaping 'the wall.'
/cynic - jazh, on 10/11/2007, -11/+147"subject to outside pressure to be sociable."
I have to go through this all the time, i'm a student.
1) I'm expected to to bag a new girl every week (I'm too sensible & shy to do that)
2) Go clubbin 2 times a week (hate dancing and I hate the music)
3) Drink until sick. (why?)
Being shy causes a multitude of problems, if I had the choice I would rather be load mouthed and be like the 75% of the population. They say western society is "open to all". It's simply not true... - cjvos1, on 10/11/2007, -14/+133@GMorgan
"Damn straight. Real men keep drinking and don't get sick."
No, real men don't feel the need to keep drinking just to prove that they are men. - carpespasm, on 10/11/2007, -7/+124unless you have an electric car x.x
- GMorgan, on 10/11/2007, -9/+116May his noodly appendage strike you down for your blasphemy.
- inactive, on 10/11/2007, -16/+121Nobody's a loner on the Internet. In fact, on the Internet, everyone's a goddam attention whore (diggable comments LOL?)
- Mystyrys, on 10/11/2007, -3/+90I find I have to defend myself against people who think I am abnormal for being shy. They refuse to accept I am merely different and they try to "fix" me. They think forcing social situations on me will affect a cure someday. I don't want to be fixed! I like my solitude!
- jazh, on 10/11/2007, -5/+91"Being shy is one thing, but missing out on life is another."
What life would this be? The one to go out "socializing" all the time? People Don't get it, socializing is difficult and stressful to shy people. There is more to life than "Socializing". - sail191912, on 10/11/2007, -3/+78Long drives with a nice playlist is great for recharging your batteries.
- endersshadow, on 10/11/2007, -4/+75Server's going slow, and it's a two page article.
http://www.duggmirror.com
BUT, here's full text:
Field Guide to the Loner: The Real Insiders
Loners are pitied in our up-with-people culture. But the introvert reaps secret joy from the solitary life.
By:Elizabeth Svoboda
Miina Matsuoka lives by herself in New York City. She owns two cats and routinely screens her calls. But before you jump to conclusions, note that she is comfortable hobnobbing in any of five languages for her job as business manager at an international lighting-design firm. She just strongly prefers not to socialize, opting instead for long baths, DVDs, and immersion in her art projects. She does have good, close friends, and goes dancing about once a month, but afterward feels a strong need to "hide and recoup." In our society, where extroverts make up three-quarters of the population, loners (except Henry David Thoreau) are pegged as creepy or pathetic. But soloists like Matsuoka can function just fine in the world—they simply prefer traveling through their own interior universe.
Loners often hear from well-meaning peers that they need to be more social, but the implication that they're merely black-and-white opposites of their bubbly peers misses the point. Introverts aren't just less sociable than extroverts; they also engage with the world in fundamentally different ways. While outgoing people savor the nuances of social interaction, loners tend to focus more on their own ideas—and on stimuli that don't register in the minds of others. Social engagement drains them, while quiet time gives them an energy boost.
Contrary to popular belief, not all loners have a pathological fear of social contact. "Some people simply have a low need for affiliation," says Jonathan Cheek, a psychologist at Wellesley College. "There's a big subdivision between the loner-by-preference and the enforced loner." Those who choose the living room over the ballroom may have inherited their temperament, Cheek says. Or a penchant for solitude could reflect a mix of innate tendencies and experiences such as not having many friends as a child or growing up in a family that values privacy.
James McGinty, for one, is a caseworker in Cleveland who opted out of a career as a lawyer because he didn't feel socially on-the-ball enough for the job's daily demands. He has a small circle of friends, but prefers to dine solo. "I had a bad cold over the Thanksgiving holiday, but that spared me from having to go to my brother-in-law's," he says. "I'm not a scrooge; it's the gatherings I dread." Matsuoka feels his pain: "I can't do large crowds with a lot of noise," she says. "It's stressful to maintain positive interactions and introduce yourself 20 times. I really have to turn on my motor to do that."
Solitary Pleasures
Matsuoka, who is divorced, is open to romantic relationships, but "whomever I'm with must know that at least one day a week I need to lock myself in my room and stick feathers on a sculpture," she warns. Artwork is a form of meditation for her. "I get completely sucked in. It clears my mind until nothing disturbs me." While a few studies have shown a correlation between creativity, originality, and introversion, perhaps more striking is the greater enjoyment introverts seem to reap from creative endeavors.
Amanda Guyer, a psychologist at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, has found that socially withdrawn people have increased sensitivity to all kinds of emotional interactions and sensory cues, which may mean that they find pleasure where others do not. Guyer separated child subjects into "outgoing" and "reserved" groups and then had them play a game in which they had to press a button in order to win money. The reserved subjects showed two to three times more activity in the striatum region of the brain, which is associated with reward, than did the more outgoing ones.
Previous MRI studies have shown that during social situations, specific areas in the brains of loners experience especially lively blood flow, indicating a sort of overstimulation, which explains why they find parties so wearying. But Guyer's results suggest that introverts may be more attuned to all sorts of positive experiences as well. This added sensitivity, she speculates, could mean that people who are reserved have an ability to respond quickly to situations—such as coming to your aid in a moment of need—or show unusual empathy to a friend, due to their strong emotional antennae.
Research by San Francisco psychotherapist Elaine Aron bears out Guyer's hunch, demonstrating that withdrawn people typically have very high sensory acuity. Because loners are good at noticing subtleties that other people miss, Aron says, they are well-suited for careers that require close observation, like writing and scientific research. It's no surprise that famous historical loners include Emily Dickinson, Stanley Kubrick, and Isaac Newton.
The Unhealthy Case of the Lonely Loner
The content introverts' camp closely borders the land of the socially anxious. Matsuoka, for example, says she was "pathologically shy" as a child, which likely laid the groundwork for her current lifestyle, even though she grew much more confident in her 20s. Those who remain "enforced loners" long to spend time with people, but shyness and anxiety inhibit them from doing so. "Introverts are people who like to be alone," says Paula Montgomery, an accountant from St. Louis. "I prefer to be around other people, but because of my shyness, it's difficult for me to join groups and make friends."
Such loners have several stress-inducing strikes against them: They may get butterflies whenever they have to face in-person encounters, and they are subject to outside pressure to be sociable. When major life problems crop up, loners are also less likely to seek out social support.
John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, has highlighted social isolation as a health-risk factor on par with obesity and smoking. "Loneliness is like hunger and thirst—a signal to help your genes survive," Cacioppo says. "When you're lonely, there's a stress response in your body, and it's not healthy to sustain that for a long time." - gcube9x, on 10/11/2007, -7/+76Only inexperienced kids drink until sick.
- daRoach, on 10/11/2007, -2/+69I'm introverted even on WOW.
- alky, on 10/11/2007, -3/+69In other words, this comic: http://xkcd.com/c238.html
- gardnmi, on 10/11/2007, -7/+71Being a loner is one thing. Owning a bunch of cats is another thing called crazy cat lady.
- psilanthropist, on 10/11/2007, -2/+64@ Mystyrys
you took the words right out of my mouth. i hate the people who try to "involve me in social activities" because they feel sorry im alone all the time.
I LIKE BEING ALONE.
i hope you're reading this mom. - GMorgan, on 10/11/2007, -30/+91Damn straight. Real men keep drinking and don't get sick.
- audiowizard, on 10/11/2007, -4/+65I touch myself when I'm alone...I've considered sharing this with the public at large, but don't want to go to jail.
= } - WoollyMittens, on 10/11/2007, -9/+68The voices in my head never leave me alone.
- Technopundit, on 10/11/2007, -6/+65Don't mess with introverts. Especially when they're reloading.
- Mystyrys, on 10/11/2007, -6/+65Oh, I've led a full and interesting life. I was very social in high school and my mother despaired I'd ever settle down as I dated so many boys, till I met the love at first sight guy and married him a year later. I have lived in a dozen different states and cities in each. I rode motorcycles, hunted, fished, camped, traveled, hitch-hiked across country once, spent an entire weekend in a beer garden, lost my shoes and met tons of wonderful people, learned my way around Baton Rouge in 3 days driving a flower delivery van, 26 mile river raft regattas, learned to make BBQ ribs from the pimp that lived upstairs, I taught him how to make turkey and stuffing, college, PTA, certified literary discussion group leader, organized poetry and short story socials at the college, editor of the literary magazine, rode cross country with a truck driver and met many interesting people and only spent one night in jail, won a wet t-shirt contest, been divorced, and remarried my ex, Las Vegas can be fun even if you don't gamble and I am not afraid of snakes.
But I still like to be alone most of the time and I don't like people in general and I really dislike the ones who think I am anti-social just because I am not tickled silly to have people around me all the time. - Aliarse, on 10/11/2007, -6/+63@Mystyrys (#6750464) said: " won a wet t-shirt contest"
Pics or it didn't happen. - meawake, on 10/11/2007, -5/+55@Achalemoipas
I am exactly the same.... I really have one really good friend, and all the other people are just 'people I know'... I don't care that much about friends. I spend a lot of time alone. I would admit that I do feel lonely especially late at night and sometime just having someone I care about next to me is enough to make me feel good. Social functions drain me. Most of my friends, or people I know, at work do not understand why I never go out at night. I much rather go out for a long walk in the day, take my camera, take photos, go back home and work on them, create some 'art' at night then going to a bar full of noisy people and get drunk... When I was a kid, like 8yo to 15 I used to read alone in my corner during breaks at school. The teacher always use to come to my parents to tell them that I should play with the other kids. I never had the need to... Now I know I was rejected and bullied by other kids. I actually took martial arts to give me more confidence and be able to 'fight back'. I had 2 different opportunities to fight back although I am against fighting, in 2 different schools I was, I 'won' each fight in less than 30s and after that _noone_ ever bothered me/bullied me again...
I am now single because my ex-girflriend of 2 years could not handle my needs to be alone, even though I did love her and was about to propose to her, as well as my need to do photography. She was jealous of it because in addition of art I also do fashion photography, and me being also around very pretty girls often. Even though I didn't care, my ex-gf was prettier than any of the other girls I would photography. Anyway, for me it was just an art and a way to realize the images/ideas I have in my head. I have extremely vivid images in my head, I wish I could paint but I can't. I have ideas all the time about everything, art, things to do, work. I was told at work in my last review (financial company) that I am one of the most creative person they know and full of great ideas, that I need to share them... but it comes with a price that I like to be alone, and was told I am 'too quiet', and most people have a problem understanding that, especially considering that when I am alone, really alone without anyone/girlfriend to understand me I do feel lonely...
The weird thing is that I am introvert but I always get along/attracted to extroverts (and most of the times they say that I am great at calming them down)... maybe I am a bit jealous at times also that they can just walk to anyone have fun and talk about anything because I just can't do that... - andregriffin, on 10/11/2007, -2/+51I projectile vomit in your general direction.
- Sithlrd, on 10/11/2007, -0/+45"In our society, where extroverts make up three-quarters of the population..."
This is a ***** statistic. The introverts screen their calls, dont go out much, and we sure as hell don't participate in surveys. We're too busy playing video games and making the ***** world turn with code. - Ergonaut, on 10/11/2007, -6/+50In the immortal words of George Thorogood: "When I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself"
- inactive, on 10/11/2007, -3/+42Being alone is great much better than hanging around people that can't shut up.
Especially the people that just gossip about celeb lives, these people are the ones that are truly empty on the inside. - Mylonite, on 10/11/2007, -4/+42Just for the record, those steps are not the only steps in the social world. If the friends you have act like that is the only way to interact with the world, find a few new friends. If you're a student, you're lucky! There are others like you out there, probably leeching your wireless. You don't have to do the (meaningless?) things that the masses enjoy, you can find your own 'social' pleasures (and your own meaningless fun!) If you define western society as only including that what the popular majority goes for, of course a person in the minority will feel like society is closed to them. Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that there aren't paths for people JUST LIKE YOU.
- jlebrech, on 10/11/2007, -1/+37I'm not alone, I have friends (on wow)
- Ratinox, on 11/13/2007, -2/+36I'm forwarding this article to the mother who made my childhood hell by insisting that I constantly socialize with the glassy-eyed dullards down the street rather than spend the time reading, which is what I actually wanted to do.
Not everyone wants to be part of the herd. - alky, on 10/11/2007, -6/+40Define life
- Continuum, on 10/11/2007, -1/+35I prefer being alone most of the time. But it is not that I dislike people. I hate talking for the sake of talking.
I hope some people here are lucky enough to have those one or two friends that you can hang out with and not say a word to them for hours. Those are the friends I could be social with all the time, the ones that don't feel compelled to talk just for the sake of talking.
Silence is golden. - undersky, on 10/11/2007, -7/+39wow, that explains a lot for me... i will not feel as bad for those friends of mine who seem to always being alone.
- directedition, on 10/11/2007, -2/+34Introversion is definitely a hindrance to my life. I have problems at Christmas when I unwrap presents and have problems expressing true excitment. I want them to know I enjoy the gift, but have problems with communication. I also have problems interacting with women. My introversion is often taken as a lack of interest and have never been able to score a single date. I'm having mediocre success in the film industry right now, I have talent, which gets me far, but my lack of ability to operate properly in a "who knows who" world has been my anchor keeping me from advancing. I like being alone, but society just doesn't make proper consideration for that.
I recently got in the mail my xkcd shirt "Just Shy, not antisocial (you can talk to me!)" A last attempt to express to the world the difference between not liking people and liking being alone. I like how I'm not anti-religious, I'm just an atheist. I don't hate religion, I just like being without one. - MindTrigger, on 10/11/2007, -2/+32I completely agree with this. I am one of those people who seeks out other people to hang around, when I feel like it and on my own terms. I do enjoy my time alone, reading, learning, educating myself, etc. I don't feel the need to be around people at all times and when I do, it's usually over a few drinks or some food. It's not that people scare me, or even that they bother me most of the time. The fact is, I just don't have a lot to say to most people.
Let's face it folks. Most people on this planet are not looking to expand their mind. They are just cows, grazing in the fields of market advertising. Whenever I do hang out with people, all they talk about is last night's TV show, rumors at work, the results of some sports game, the next house or car they want to buy, etc. If I try to talk to anyone about what's going on in the world, or god forbid, philosophy, their eyes just glaze over. I litteraly have to suck down a few drinks just to dumb myself down a little and have some fun. I don't really look down at these people, because I believe life is yours to life how you wish. I just simply can't relate to most of them.
Now, I realize at face value, my comments above sound extremely arrogant. I don't consider myself a genius for others to marvel. I don't talk down or look down my nose at some guy who lives his life for the next Raiders game. I do consider myself someone who wants to experience as much as I can during this short lifetime. I want to learn as much as I can learn about everything, and I really have trouble spending time with people who live in a perpetual cycle of the same ***** 365 days a year with very little sense of adventure.
This is one of the main reasons I love the internet. I can seek out like minded people, and have discussions on topics I enjoy whenever I feel like it. When I'm done, I unplug and walk away. Thank the tubes! - catchthemice, on 10/11/2007, -0/+30right on, meaningless small talk annoys the crap out of me...
- icyone123, on 10/11/2007, -2/+32@gajillion:
Who are you to say its not healthy? Are you a doctor?
You're the audience of this article, but its clear you didn't take the time to read it properly. You are looking at her as any extrovert would: She is not like me, therefore, there is something wrong with her. That reasoning is why people like her choose to stay away from people like you. Would you want to hang around a bunch of people who thought you were sick because you don't behave like them? Hanging out with extroverts all the time can be painful, particularly if you are the type of person described in the article: requiring alone time to re-energize. - oOLiquidNightOo, on 10/11/2007, -6/+34"Define life"
The ***** that takes place while you're waiting for something to happen. - inactive, on 11/13/2007, -1/+29I love to be all alone. My friends and family can't understand why I'd rather stay alone in my house than hang out with them. I just like being alone. It's funny how much this seems to bother them.
- brstilson, on 10/11/2007, -1/+28"Loners often hear from well-meaning peers that they need to be more social, but the implication that they're merely black-and-white opposites of their bubbly peers misses the point."
I had a roommate that would constantly bother me about this. It even got to the point where he was trying to force me to go to social events because it wasn't "healthy" that I wanted to be alone most of the time.
People have this wonderful knack for lacking the ability to comprehend that not everyone is like them. - fragilefingers, on 10/11/2007, -2/+28@gagillion
Many people seem disturbed by the idea that someone would find social situations draining or stressful. However, to me it seems both problematic and neurotic to be disturbed by being alone. Extroverts, it seems, wouldn't be able to spend a day by themselves without feeling lonely and craving attention. Isn't that just as bad? It just happens to be more acceptable to be an extrovert and need time with people than it is to be an introvert and need time alone. - built2spill, on 10/11/2007, -1/+23Jean-Paul Sartre: "Hell is other people."
- tizz66, on 10/11/2007, -2/+24No, he is a *****. First he assumes that everyone wants to be successful. Says who? Some people really are happy to have a job that keeps them going and to not worry about getting bigger and bigger houses and cars. Secondly his last sentence implies that people who enjoy being on their own somehow need to excuse or justify that to the rest of society. His entire post was *****, in fact.
- inactive, on 10/11/2007, -2/+22ugh, nothing pisses me off more than when i'm just sitting there, totally immersed in my (usually happy) thoughts, and someone comes up like "ZOMG WHUTZ WRONG? U CAN TELL ME COME ON"
i never understood why it was so hard for some people to accept that some of us enjoy solitude, and just because we aren't always smiling or freaking out or getting overly excited, doesn't mean we're sad.
hopefully this article will shed some light on that for people who dont have a clue... - inactive, on 10/11/2007, -1/+20@RushG60
It's a shame, at first glance your post actually semmed quite intelligent.
But you're obviously missing the point entirely if you can say something to the effect of, "Not wanting to be social is bad and unrewarding".
Yes, more often than not you need to be sociable and extroverted to be percieved as a success. But not ALL of us want to grow up to become rich buisnessmen. I personally could think of nothing worse.
Why can't 'success' simply be determined by how content a person is with their life? - Zippo, on 10/11/2007, -1/+20some people are just introverted. I love my friends and I enjoy socializing with them... but sometimes I'd much rather be by myself, lost in thought.
- smackywentz, on 10/11/2007, -2/+20@Achalemoipas
You're spot on. My freshman year in college I decided I should try and be more outgoing, so I did all the activities and ended up joining a fraternity. I swear that was possibly one of the most draining 6 months of my life. Not only that but everything else about me suffered. I was there on scholarship because of a high GPA and SAT/ACT scores, and after trying to be such an extrovert I ended up failing out because during the day I just did not want to go out. I would literally spend all day in my room, but in the interest of socializing more I would go out at night. Now that I'm back in school different one, I'm going back to my old ways, it is much more enjoyable and last semester I got a 3.7 with 15 hours of coursework. I just prefer to be by myself.
Did that just sound like one of those commercials you see late at night, talking about the greatness of my new loner plan? - Genady, on 10/11/2007, -1/+19@daroach: Hunter 'eh?
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