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69 Comments
- UltraKill, on 10/12/2007, -1/+68When I get old, and I know I have a few weeks to live, im going to get in the clothes I would be wearing when im dead. Get into the coffin that I am going to be buried in. Have a camera inside the coffin. Then im going to freak out as if I was buried alive. Later when I actually do die, and they bury my body, the camera will still be there recording (time lapse) my body decompose. In my tomb stone there will be a tv. When you hit a button you will see me freaking out as if I was buried alive, then die, then decompose. :) Who all will visite my grave site?
- herrshuster, on 10/12/2007, -5/+50I already have my funeral planned out. During the service, the c4 in my coffin is going to go off and take everyone with me
- ifoam, on 10/12/2007, -4/+43#1 Have your body stuffed like artist Jeremy Bentham.
As requested in his will, his body was preserved and stored in a wooden cabinet, termed his “Auto-Icon”. Originally kept by his disciple Dr. Southwood Smith, it was acquired by University College London in 1850. The Auto-Icon is kept on public display at the end of the South Cloisters in the main building of the College. The Auto-Icon has always had a wax head, as Bentham’s head was badly damaged in the preservation process. The real head was displayed in the same case for many years, but became the target of repeated student pranks including being stolen on more than one occasion. It is now locked away securely. (Side note: you may have to truly befriend a taxidermist whilst you’re still alive to make this first one happen. It’s not really a “walk-in” sort of job.)
#2 Launch yourself into space at Space Services, Inc.
You can, “touch the cosmos… Space Services makes it possible to honor the dream and memory of your departed loved one by launching a symbolic portion of cremated remains into Earth orbit, onto the lunar surface or into deep space.” $495 gets you into low Earth orbit. A cool $13k can get a bit of you-flavored cool-aid mix shot into the heart of our galaxy.
#3 Make yourself into the hardest thing on the planet with Life Gem.
I always wanted to be really shiny, and now, when I die, I can be. Life gem extracts pure carbon from your remains and forges a diamond. Man of steel my foot, I’d rather be the most sought after rarest most well-marketed gem on the planet.
#4 You and your body could always “go green”.
You might be turning that shade after a few days anyway, but now it can be good thing for the environment. Maybe you’ve got concerns about the effects on the environment of traditional burial or cremation. You can choose to be buried in a coffin made of cardboard or other easily-biodegradable materials. Furthermore, you could choose to have your final resting place in a park or woodland, known as an eco-cemetery, and you can have a tree planted over your grave as a contribution to the environment and a remembrance. Get more info at ForestofMemories.org
#5 You could go online.
Everyone’s doing it these days. You don’t even have to have a pulse, just a modem. A quick visit to Online-Funeral.com (I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to) and you’re on your way to stiff cyberspace. Just make sure your will clearly spells out the difference between a Night Elf Hunter’s garb and a Night Elf Druid’s garb for your embalmer. Everyone knows druids are pussies and you wouldn’t want to look silly on the big day.
#6 Have someone eat your sins, if you’ve got six-pence.
(I would imagine, this is handy solution for those without religion, but insecure in their lack of belief.) This was common practice in the 19th century in Wales. A sin eater was hired to place a cube of salt on the dead body and then place a loaf of bread on top of that. The eater would mutter an incantation and then consume the bread with a bowl of beer or milk. It was then understood that he had taken all the deceased sins upon himself. Sin eaters were generally despised in their communities and considered Pariah: irredeemable souls. (And underpaid ones, if you ask me.) references
#7 Maybe you’re not going quietly into that good night at all.
Perhaps you would be best served by U.S. patent #81,437, the coffin escape hatch. “”The nature of this invention consists in placing on the lid of the coffin, and directly over the face of the body laid therein, a square tube, which extends from the coffin up through and over the surface of the grave, said tube containing a ladder and a cord, one end of said cord being placed in the hand of the person laid in the coffin, and the other end of said cord being attached to a bell on the top of the square tube, so that, should a person be interred ere life is extinct, he can, on recovery to consciousness, ascend from the grave and the coffin by the ladder; or, if not able to ascend by said ladder, ring the bell, thereby giving an alarm, and thus save himself from premature burial and death” [pic] I would imagine this was much more useful back then when medicine was a more horrifying less precise science. - listrophy, on 10/12/2007, -1/+31From comedian Nick Swardson:
First thing I'm gonna do for my funeral is I'm gonna have like a chunk of money, and send it off to some random celebrity, and have em show up at my funeral. Like save up like five grand just for this, ya know. Be like "Here's five grand," mail it off to some celebrity, like-- like John Stamos from Full House. Just totally random. Uncle Jessie. Remeber Uncle Jessie on Full House? He's like "Hey!" like the cool guy? Just be like "Here's five grand. All you have to do--keep the money--just fly to my funeral, show up, cry, and leave. That's it, that's all you have to do. Just show up, cry, that's it. You don't have to talk to anybody or anything." I just think it'd be great to see all my friends and family at my funeral like "Oh my God, I can't believe he's dead, man! He's dead! It's just not right, man! It's just not right.. .... .... Hey, is that John Stamos? Wha-- what is he doing here? ... Did Nick know John Stamos? Oh my God, he's really crying!... Were they brothers? Was Nick's last name Stamos? - Urusai, on 10/12/2007, -1/+27Why wait until you die?
- SirSwiftblu, on 10/12/2007, -1/+26*****, I am THERE.
- praisethelard, on 06/06/2008, -0/+16If you're going to die, you might as well bring friends.
- burkewendt, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14When I die, instead of having a normal will, im gonna spice things up. I'm either going to have:
A treasure hunt for all my *****
Or
a Guess Who tournament to decide who get's my stuff - Smills, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13Well, someone is a little closed minded...
- theNazz, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14Is morbidity ever out?
- hardcrocodile, on 10/12/2007, -4/+17Starting to go slow. Duggmirror got it, though:
http://duggmirror.com/health/7_bizarre_things_to_do_AFTER_you_re_dead
EDIT: webgeek beat me to it. Sorry for the double post. - HyperionPrime, on 10/12/2007, -2/+14He should have at least linked the dysentary picture to Bustedtees.com if hes going to use their image.
I always thought a viking funeral (big wooden boat with my body set ablaze) would be a much more impressive funeral than being buried and left to rot. - tpzoso, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12I have always wanted to be surgically attached to a dairy cow.
- psxman, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9They forgot voting!
- airencracken, on 10/12/2007, -4/+13I've always wanted a giant funeral pyre in Mexico, with naked people dancing around it to Death Metal. They should also be roasting meat on the same huge fire that is burning my remains.
That or a dumpster. - zavigny, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I want to be encased in a large slab of clear plastic, then made into a coffee table.
At the wake, the drinks would be on me. - selrahc, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10I want to be fed to tigers.
- MoDinero, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9The next step......
Collect the ashes from your burned remains.........and........mix it in a big bowl of dope.......then.......have all of your friends "smoke" you. - streetscream, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5What about Body Worlds? http://www.bodyworlds.com/
- saladtossser, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6anybody watch that penn + teller bs episode about death inc? the part about the air tight coffins exploding underground?
yeah, guess what i want, except shallower - GrantTheGr8, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Dugg for the Oregon Trail pic.
- goldpress, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6This is kind of the cartoonish parable about the mailman having another mailman, and so on... but ...
For #6, could the sin-eater have a sin-eater eat his sins later? Maybe bring a bigger loaf of bread with him? - crashingstar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4In my book arts class last semester, my prof told me about this poet that had his skin turned into leather which was used to bind a book of said poet's poetry. I wish I could remember the guy's name...
- Digg4all, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4My idea from a few years ago falls along the lines of the taxidermy thing. I told my ex girlfriend this and she just shook her head. Here goes:
I suggested that I should start a company (or sell my body) that sold preserved bodies to advertising. The money made from advertising would be entrusted to the family to ensure their prosperity. The products being advertised on the bodies would get so much publicity it would be a no-brainer for the clients to purchase "space" on the body. And kids could walk by and say "Mom, I just have to get those shoes, they're to die for!" I mean think about it. If you walk by something like that, it embeds itself into your mind. I don't think you would forget it for weeks. Obviously some people would have a problem with this, along with the potential to vandalism, so I think it would work best as a store front display only.
I am seriously considering trying to arrange something like for my after death. What do you guys think? - jun2san, on 10/12/2007, -4/+8gayest.comment.ever.
- LogicBomB, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4"Yes sweety, that diamond ring you've worn since you were 12 is actually your dad. Surprise!"
- robbie87, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5Probably should be titled "7 bizarre things *people can do to your body* AFTER you're dead."
- BJ_Blaskowitz, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Digg seems to have had a change of heart, now digging down the link that needs a referrer instead of the opposite... I find that slightly interesting.
- guitarh3ro, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2When I die, I want someone to mistake my ashes for Chocolate milk powder.
That, or have my son snort them with his cocaine. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Yeah the whole burying in a sealed casket is crazy. Wasting $thousands on some box of wood or metal is crazy, especially in instances of old age. The only advantage would be future checking for arsenic poisoning or DNA testing. In most cases, they should preserve a sample of DNA and hair, and cremate the body, which would save land and money. In the future, I'm certain this is how it'll be done. A death mask of their face, along with a sample of their DNA, and cemeteries could be made more like museums (multiple stories at that) rather than huge expanses of wasted land.
- drewskyjones, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Galapagos...that's cool. Me, I'm thinking Maldives!
- peterinjapan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Cremation all the way. The way they do it in Japan is the best -- you can be cremated along with your favorite possessions, so the ashes are mixed together forever. I've got a really cool R2-D2 action figure picked out already.
- bightchee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2The "You have died of dysentery" shirt:
http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/dysentery - Frozenpython, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2#2 Launch yourself into space at Space Services, Inc.
You can, “touch the cosmos… Space Services makes it possible to honor the dream and memory of your departed loved one by launching a symbolic portion of cremated remains into Earth orbit, onto the lunar surface or into deep space.” $495 gets you into low Earth orbit. A cool $13k can get a bit of you-flavored cool-aid mix shot into the heart of our galaxy.
So Ironic I was actually thinking of this last night... I would love to know that when I go, I would/could be launched in to space. ***** AWESOME! - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I want my ashes scattered on digg
- damneinstein, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Interestingly enough, Jeremy Bentham was an economist (quite famous one in fact) and NOT an artist. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Bentham
- fangorious, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Ask Heath Ledger, http://imdb.com/title/tt0304711/
- Wobble, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I seriously want to have my skin removed and turned into leather and have wallets made out of it and given to everyone that shows up at my funeral. that would be so great
- drewskyjones, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2@modinero
I thought of that a while back. I mentioned to several good friends...none were interested. Perhaps it will be a surprise that I will announce at the viewing of my "video will", after the deed is done. "F*&^in' Bastard" is probably how I would be referred to ever after...but they'll never forget me - PharmaPhool, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I want to be combusted in the Linden, New Jersey CoGen Trash to Power incinerator. I figure...
1. I will be made into some useful kilowatts.
2. Its Linden New Jersey... its not like the smell of my combusting corpse will be the worst smell there.
3. I will float lazily above all that traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike. Not a stressful commute.
4. I am personally Carbon-Neutral. Al Gore would be proud.
5. Its Linden New Jersey... if there is a Hell, its probably nicer.
6. I can float up by the jets on final approach to Newark Liberty International airport. I like jets.
7. My dust will probably be scrubbed out by those really cool catalytic scrubbers at the plant. High Tech, baby!
8. Whatever dust doesn't get scrubbed out will dirty the windshields of all those Long Island fools clogging up the L.I.E. instead of using the many forms of subsidized mass transit they have available because they think its low class. If I am lucky, some will crash, burn, and join me....
9. I can an actual player in a cool sunset.... someplace. The sun doesn't set in Linden New Jersey, it just kinda gets lost in the muck by the horizon.
10. Once I am electricity, the possibilities are endless. Not unlike in life, really.... - leetdood, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1When I die, I totally want my funeral to be uber-rad.
Maybe some strippers or something? What do you guys think? - harmonic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1hahaha.
necrobics:
exercises for the dead who have been revived as holograms - crawfishsoul, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3"#3 Make yourself into the hardest thing on the planet"
Uh, that's me every morning. Morning wood FTW. - doctoralf, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1***** me sideways, how uninformed can you be?
Copied large chunks verbatim from the Wikipedia article on Bentham, and then called him an artist? Bad karma to him! - CedEx, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Launch myself into space? How about just loading me into a catapult, launch me as far as it will go and call it a day?
- waterintowhine, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Become Vice President?
- r0ryb0ryalis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0I do like the sound of an escape route, though a bit more high-tech would be nice ;p. Maybe a button to raise my coffin up out of the ground (and of course this also activates the speakers on my coffin, playing some freakin creepy music for all those who happen to be witness this).
- arwynjorowynn, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0I am going to go the way of Strong Bad. I wish to have my corpse preserved in a jar filled with the tears of all the hot cheerleaders that will be pining-a for-a mee-ah! But if my dumpy younger brother begins to dance, it's Zombie time.
- caseym18, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Jeremy Bentham was a lot of things- a philosopher, economist, writer and an artist.. He was a big proponent of allowing medical students to do work on actual corpses, hence donating his body to the UCL medical school (it wasn't exactly UCL at that point).
The reason his body is at UCL was because he was tied to the founding of the school- one of the first unaffiliated (called Godless) schools in England.
Otherwise, the only other thing I have to add is- I go to school at UCL in the Conservation dept, and we're the ones that take care of Jeremy Bentham (vacuum him, xrays, etc). He even has a special chair that has bolts in it in the conservation lab. His head wasn't damaged in the conservation process- the stuff that the people used to preserve his body originally after he died didn't really take in the head as well as it did in the rest of his body and they have no idea what was actually used. So his head is a bit melty looking and so it stays in a vault where it won't creep people out.
It was a bit disconcerting when I was lost in the Cloisters looking for financial aid to come across a body hanging out in a box... - VillaStraylight, on 10/12/2007, -5/+5"#6. Have someone eat your sins. A sin eater was hired to place a cube of salt on the dead body and then place a loaf of bread on top of that. The eater would mutter an incantation and then consume the bread with a bowl of beer or milk."
Why can't I have that job? You know, minus the dead body part. -
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