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101 Ways to Annoy Your Co-workers

jasonbartholme.com — Many of us are stuck in a cube for most of the day. Why not have some fun with your co-workers. They annoy you day in and day out. Here are 101 ways for you to slowly drive them crazy.

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  • Zasxer, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14Way #1, play Boy George, Bay City Rollers , juice newton, onyour radio all day.
    Way #2, Eat sardine and tuna sandwiches... Make sure you leave the tuna sitting on your desk for hours and hours!
    • Chompy, on 10/12/2007, -3/+99#102: Link to a dead website.
    • mattmcm, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5Personally, I like to stick prank software on my friend's computers in college (UK). It's always refreshing to hear them in a bemused voice, asking "wtf is going on, Matt?"
    • Andytom, on 10/12/2007, -4/+26#102: Take Milton's stapler
    • dealsdealer, on 10/12/2007, -3/+5what is with DUGGMIRROR ???? it has all old stale content
    • DiggsOnlyNeoCon, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12Article filed as Science --> Health. Nice.
    • lark012, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10I like to change the desktop of my co-worker's computer with a screenshot of the current desktop. Then move all the icons to some other folder, move the taskbar somewhere else, and make menus, highlights and text black so they have a hard time changing it back if they figure it out.

      In the end, it looks like the desktop didn't change, but when the co-worker tries to click on an icon that is just the background ... well.. fun ensues. :)
    • cscalfani, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Clip finger and/or toe nails during lunch.
    • jebus123, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Back in the days when people had a mouse with a roller ball in it, I used to love putting a piece of scotch tape over it.
    • masterofsw, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2If they have dual monitors, switch the video cables.
  • senorcool, on 10/12/2007, -2/+25"101 Ways to Avoid Doing Work" would also be an appropriate title.
    • raptordrew, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8Hmm, this article in itself is annoying to me - it doesn't come up!
  • blueskydiver76, on 10/12/2007, -6/+162Many of us are stuck in a cube for most of the day. Why not have some fun with your co-workers. They annoy you day in and day out. Here are 101 ways for you to slowly drive them crazy.

    1. Leave a stack of old applications and a not saying, “Install these”
    2. Staple your reports in the wrong corner
    3. Put tape over the mouse optics
    4. Unplug a co-worker’s monitor
    5. Talk to sick employees while wearing a dust mask
    6. Turn your earphones up all the way
    7. Burn popcorn in the microwave
    8. “Forget” to put your tuna sandwich in the fridge
    9. Turn up the beep volume of the copier
    10. Empty the paper out of the main printer/copier
    11. Empty the ink or toner out of the main printer/copier
    12. Practice beat boxing
    13. Sing show tunes
    14. Hang up the phone before they say, “good bye”
    15. Slurp hot coffee during meetings
    16. Walk around the office barefooted
    17. Empty out a co-workers office on a Friday afternoon
    18. Misplace peoples pens
    19. Insert a 3.5” disk before they turn on their computer
    20. Glue their mouse to the desk
    21. Leave an open can of tuna in their desk
    22. Make a screenshot of their desktop and use it as their screensaver
    23. Turn up the contrast on their monitor
    24. Talk in a funny accent
    25. Use goofy event sounds for your programs
    26. Chant, “Yeay, I got mail!!” every time you get a new email
    27. Print out a phony pink slip and leave It in their mailbox
    28. Send flowers from one co-worker to another
    29. Start your car remotely when someone walk by it
    30. Insist on people to have a great morning
    31. Leave hole punches all over
    32. Leave your lunch garbage in other people’s cans
    33. After each sip give a refreshing, “Ahhh”
    34. Put salt on someone’s mouse pad
    35. Set a password on someone’s screensaver
    36. Carry on a conversation with someone two cubes down
    37. Smirk when a co-worker walks by
    38. Eat half of someone’s lunch
    39. Swap co-worker’s chairs
    40. Fake stomach flu during a meeting and need to abruptly leave three or four times
    41. Stare deeply into your co-workers eyes when they talk to you
    42. Take all the ice out of the community freezer
    43. Listen to comedy tracks and laugh hysterically
    44. Hit all the floor buttons when you leave the elevator
    45. Make hissing sounds into the phone and insist you have a bad connection
    46. Flip the left and right mouse button defaults
    47. Take out the ball in the mouse
    48. Eat sunflower seeds
    49. Tell a long story without a point
    50. Tell a co-worker you liked their hair better last week
    51. Anonymously send flowers to a random co-worker
    52. Bring Cheetos for food days
    53. Drag your feet when you walk down the halls
    54. Exclaim your co-worker didn’t wash his hands when leaving the restroom
    55. Eat stinky foods when you have lunch at your desk
    56. Practice drumming on your desk
    57. Use too many paper clips
    58. Fill out your time sheets incorrectly
    59. Set your mobile phone to an obnoxious ring tone
    60. Forward chain letters and other spam to co-workers
    61. Express your political views at length
    62. Whisper loudly
    63. Come to work sick
    64. Drink the last cup of coffee without making a new pot
    65. Answer your mobile during meetings
    66. Stand over someone while they are on the phone
    67. Sneak up behind someone
    68. Mess with the thermostat
    69. Give everyone a pistol wink when they walk by
    70. Gradually turn down the volume on someone’s phone
    71. Leave unusual print outs on the printer
    72. Throw out other people’s prints
    73. Juggle office supplies
    74. Write all your memos on bright colored paper
    75. Be overly nice to people
    76. Hide whiteboard erasers
    77. Chew gum while talking on the phone
    78. Regularly update everyone on the current weather
    79. Read your emails aloud
    80. Leave the fridge open
    81. Shake up cans of pop in the fridge
    82. Leave fingerprints on the copier glass
    83. Whistle all day long
    84. Wear too much cologne/perfume
    85. Type loudly
    86. Wear bright colored clothes
    87. Give everyone a nickname from a TV show
    88. Do the sneaky walk around the office
    89. Peer over the cube and wait for a co-worker to look up and notice
    90. Use the intercom and page yourself
    91. Swap the regular and decaf coffee
    92. Hide the sugar and creamer
    93. Type emails in uppercase and excessive punctuation
    94. Refer to your garbage can as your in-box
    95. Stick pencils to the ceiling in other people’s offices
    96. Throw a bouncy ball in your office
    97. Tell the same story over and over
    98. Imitate regular sounds like a disc drive opening, door slamming or a mouse click
    99. Talk to your monitor as if it was a person
    100. Schedule meetings at 4:00pm
    101. Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you

    DISCLAIMER: Use these annoyances at your own risk. I take no responsibility for whatever happens to you, your cube, your car or anything else.
    • 8086ed, on 10/12/2007, -2/+25#103: Use the phrase "screensaver" in place of "wallpaper".

      I think for #22 they meant "wallpaper". We took a screen shot of the Windows 2000 logon screen, set the desktop icons to hidden, then changed the settings on the CRT so it moved the bottom part of the screen below what was viewable. It drove people crazy cause they "couldn't login". Good times.
    • Shadee, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3Thanks for pasting the post into the comments blueskydiver76, Dreamhost isn't handling the surge of traffic very well.
    • N00F, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I used to do the same sort of thing, but I'd take the desktop screen shot and flip it upside down. Hide icons and start bar and you've got me smiling!!
    • mrkakka, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11#103. Talking on speakerphone all the time.
    • tHePeOPle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I just went and put tape on my coworkers optical mouse. Sweet.
    • iceperson, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I remember back in the day (before 'doze) changing the command prompt to an obscure/non-existent error code.
    • captmorgan555, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12#102 Refer to all emails and instant messages as "PINGS". ie "Hey Cathy, just ping me that info" or "Bob just pinged me about the meeting"
    • Ridikul, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2@8086ed

      I think it'd be pretty annoying setting it as the screen saver too.
  • severedsolace, on 10/12/2007, -1/+36Only dugg because 99% of my coworkers do at least half of these things on any given day.
  • crashflow, on 10/12/2007, -2/+13"7. Burn popcorn in the microwave"

    why not just burn a sponge.
    • Burento, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9What does a burnt sponge smell like?
    • CaptainEO, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11I'm assuming burnt popcorn?
    • thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3My favorite is write something like "Q4 Sales backup/projections" or something similarly important on it.

      Nuke it in the microwave for a while, watching the sparks fly....

      Then just leave it in there.
    • Asvetic, on 10/12/2007, -1/+47a. Should be: Reheat Last nights Fish Dinner. That one always gets the office rowd up!
    • mccrusc, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@Crashflow

      I totally laughed out loud at that and nobody in this office even looked up. This place is boring, I think I will try to do everything on this list before the end of the day.
  • Asvetic, on 10/12/2007, -2/+28Hum... this list is unnecessary. Anyone that actually works in a "Cube Community" knows that anything and everything that happens between the hours of 9am and 5pm are annoying.
  • Supernova36, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28Terry Tate would kick your ass..
  • listrophy, on 10/12/2007, -1/+35They missed one: once a week, place a nickel in a coworker's telephone handset. Continue for a few months. Then one day, remove all of them.

    -jim
    • schlongmeister, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Or, you could take a co worker's belongings off of their desk and put them inside the break room vending machine.

      -Pam
  • AoSDFA, on 10/12/2007, -3/+8#3 reminds me of the good old days....

    Sun3's used optical mouses that had a special mousepad. The mouse read the pattern of reflective dots on the mousepad. The dot pattern wasn't square, so if you rotated the pad 90 degrees, the mouse didn't work.

    I got lots of calls regarding broken mice. I'd walk in, rotate the pad, and walk away making them feel like a dumbass. This was almost always because a prankster had done the opposite earlier when they were away.
  • kurrent, on 10/12/2007, -5/+66talk chinese loudly on your cellphone and eat some soup that stinks like garbage on a daily basis.

    oh wait, that's happening to me right now.....i hate the bitch beside me so goddamn much
    • prgrmmr736, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Do you work in my office? I swear there is a person next to me that does that everyday.
    • ArmandoM, on 10/12/2007, -14/+3Wonder if she gets annoyed when you "talk american"
  • brstilson, on 10/12/2007, -2/+18102. Drink lots of coffee but never brush your teeth so the terrible stench of stale coffee and tooth decay permeates the air in a 5-foot radius around you.
  • grandpajesus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Guilty of 22 and 48
  • greymaxcat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+28Buy a dozen cheep $.99 digital watches at the local 7-11. Set the alarms to go off several times throughout the day. Pop off the top end caps to the cubicle walls and place the watches in the walls around your victim. After about a week they will snap.
    • theprototype, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6I'm doing that this week!
    • sikosmurf, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Wow... This is my last week at work. I am totally doing this.
  • bmerkl, on 10/12/2007, -7/+3Tell them you made a post about them on http://chainofthoughts.com without telling them where, it will drive them mad looking all over for it, and waste a major portion of their day.
    • DrDabbles, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1You're assuming their coworkers actually value their opinion. In many situations, that's probably a stretch.
  • tehgoatman, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14on some computers ctrl + alt + an arrow key will flip the screen sideways.. we even had IT confused.
    • shotmenot, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7oh god thats great, im gonna try that at school and see how long it takes them to fix it
    • bizchris, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2You just wanted to see how many dumbasses tried it to see if it works, didn't you?

      ...

      (shamefully raises hand)
    • tehgoatman, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1nope.. somone told me it was the computers with intel mobos (dont know if thats true) it doesnt work on my computer but if i walk 15 feet to my left it works on those computers.
    • jiggawoot, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1As soon as the boss goes to lunch... Mwahahahaa.

      Who's the senior technician now huh?
    • MisterWhite, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4"we even had IT confused"--that's difficult at your company?
  • TurtleBeoulve, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9This list made me realize that I am the most annoying person to work with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
  • higherdef, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Retired now, but I think I've got to get a new job so that I can apply some of the cool annoyances that I previously hadn't thought of. My previous favorite was (in addition to the fake "desktop" wallpaper) was to loosen the handset cord on a coworker's phone.
  • iamasmallgoat, on 10/12/2007, -1/+22they should add: "clear your throat at least 4 times every minute"

    the f'n ***** that sits behind me does this and I can't stand it.
    • ms202, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12I think I sit next to her on the train.
    • Olain, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1Go buy her some sinus medicine and cough *****.
    • iamasmallgoat, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1@Olain

      It's been going on since I started here; 10 months ago.

    • gingerchris, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16Did you just censor the word ***** but write out ***** in full?
  • greeneyes137, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5Switch the Decaf for Regular and Regular for Decaff. After a week, switch them back, using Expresso or soemthing like Ned's Atomic Coffee in place of the "regular"
    • nrfx, on 10/12/2007, -5/+9God! Its ***** ESPRESSO! there is no X in it!

      An Expresso is an option package on old dodge neons. god i hated it when they did that.
    • ArmandoM, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6You need to drink another!
    • captmorgan555, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3@ nrfx Expresso Expresso Expresso Expresso Expresso Expresso

      This drink is very Expressoyness
      The starbucks guy Expressoed my coffees
  • afidler, on 10/12/2007, -15/+1wow, this is the lamest thing i have ever seen.

    come to work sick?

    fill out your time card incorrectly?

    huh? i can't believe this has been dug this much...
  • scottix, on 10/12/2007, -3/+15Another one...
    1. Hide taskbar
    2. Take a screenshot of their desktop
    3. Set as background
    4. Remove desktop Icons
    • bmerkl, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9also, put the taskbar on the top of the screen most people don't look for a taskbar up there
  • chazzy, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4This is Science/Health news?
    • silverchrysalis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5sure! pissing people off always makes me feel more healthy
  • BradC, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Several of these happen here every day (I'm sure it happens all over.)

    However, there is a legitimate reason why #2 "Staple your reports in the wrong corner" happens. People from countries where the language is read from right to left often do this out of habit, as my prior boss used to do.
  • Shaman760, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10Spend 1.5 hours of on-the-clock time slagging off writing such a list.....
  • liuite, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8whine

    but seriously...my wife rearranged the desk of someone with compulsive disorder and almost got fired. she made that person break down in tears.
  • Hobofuzz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10This should be called "101 ways to get fired"
    • jstem1994, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9Or 101 ways to get your ass kicked.
  • MoDinero, on 10/12/2007, -27/+21More:

    10. Ask to borrow someone's pen, bring it to the bathroom, stick it in your butt, then return it to the person to smell it. When they tell you that it smells bad, be like "It should! I had it in my butt!"

    9. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

    8. Answer every question asked to you with "***** if I know!" then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

    7. Always walk around with a big smile. Keep one hand down the front of your pants.

    6. Run down the hall with your dick out while urinating all over and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!!" Then when it stops look down and say . . . "Oh."

    5. ***** on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them its the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up and realize that their hand is full of *****, laugh and point.

    4. Before a meeting fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you're hocking up a big loogie. Then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat that!."

    3. Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker," then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good "ass *****."

    2. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't and then punch them in the mouth.

    1. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you're just kidding and that they're just a bunch of retards.
    • l2digg, on 10/12/2007, -11/+8this list is better than the original.
    • shotmenot, on 10/12/2007, -7/+9you forgot one too
      #11. Be Modinero
    • Applied, on 10/12/2007, -7/+5hah..much funnier list. This guy needs to be marked up. {thumbs up} +
    • abajaj2280, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4thats just extreme.

      piss in their cup?!
    • captmorgan555, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1This is a gooder list, i will contribute.

      #11 Wait until you have to take a huge *****. Squat on the walls of the cubicles where they intersect. ***** in your hand and fling it all around the office while making gorilla noises.
    • mikeazorin, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I think the idea of the original list is that all the things are annoying but not terrible. These things are just terrible.
    • capellathestar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2dude, you got some issues.
      Get help.
  • l2digg, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12#105 copy the list and send as an office memo
  • minox, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1247. Take out the ball in the mouse

    Hm, that was be preceded by "46. Take a time machine."
  • ZachRetox, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11#102: Misspell "note" on the first line.
  • VeryBoredNow, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7My personal favorite:

    When someone approaches you ... suddenly stab them and yell "EYY ESSAAYY si qUERIO with me PAHO!"
  • sugarrae, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Way back we went to an anal coworkers office after she left and turned everything upside down. We didn't harm anything - but everything went upside down. She was pissed.
  • rsmaniak, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5#102 replace their browsers default page with goatse, mr. hands or last measure
  • kdogg73, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10#102 Rearrange keys on a keyboard
  • VeganG, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6I'd rather find a way to stop them from annoying me.
  • youngandwise, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7"98. Imitate regular sounds like a disc drive opening, door slamming or a mouse click"

    Definately the funniest one... Made me lol irl
  • SpaceMonkeyZero, on 10/12/2007, -6/+11101 ways to be talked about as "That weird ***** who will probably go Virginia Tech on us all."
  • stan182, on 10/12/2007, -2/+11put people's stuff in jello.

    -jim
  • ookamikun, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3run Windows RG on their computer.
    I had people hard reboot their computers in a fit of rage, and no, they didn't save their work.
    good times...
  • kirealwi, on 10/12/2007, -12/+0How is this Science/Health? WTF?
    • ookamikun, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7being in a good mood is good for your health.
      doing those things to your co-workers puts you in a good mood.
  • gajillion, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1Lame.
  • drexl, on 10/12/2007, -4/+3Super glue a quarter to the break room floor. We used to do this in a grocery store I worked in when I was 16. For more fun times you could insist that people around you refer to you as Mr. or Mrs. or Miss "insert name". I worked with a guy that did that. I got him fired (long story but it involved someones lunch).
  • GarrickAnson, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1wow...modinero...just wow...
  • akatherder, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Raising or lowering someone's chair every time they get up is all in good fun.
  • 7952, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Make bad smells - of any sort.
  • KSUdesigner, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1058. Fill out your time sheets incorrectly

    Might want to avoid that one, your paycheck is likely to be incorrect as a result.
  • designerutah, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5Post a co-workers phone number on the inside of every public restroom you can with the listing, "For a great time, call XXX-XXXXX"
  • fujiyama17, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1#230 Scat on someone's keyboard
  • ookamikun, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Wild Eyes contact lenses
  • diluded000, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Start sentences with soooo. Use the word underpin in sentences at every opportunity. Say, "no problem" instead of "you're welcome".
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