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204 Comments
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+141it's more like
1) any compute can be hacked by wildly flailing and bashing your hands against the keyboard - regardless of what you enter, you'll eventually get in just as the bad guy is laughing about how secure the system is.
2) Sattelites can be easily hacked into and moved within seconds to show you live realtime video of any person on the world.
3) All high-tech computers and machines may a bleeping and blooping sounds and have lots of pretty buttons and lights to show you that they're important and functional.
4) The bad guy posts all the detailed notes and evidence of his crimes on his computer in a single folder or file, only protected by a single password.
5) The password from 4 is never a random bunch of alphanumeric characters, but instead the enemy's name or family members, or his deep secret that only the hero knows.
6) Programming in movies and shows always takes place in an application with a black and green GUI. And the source to any program can be saved on a single 3.5 floppy disc.
7) The programmer always gets the girl. - BitwiseMcgee, on 10/12/2007, -1/+133and by "see how pathetic it was" do you mean "see AcidBurn's titties" ?
cuz that's why I watch it. - bflfab, on 10/12/2007, -1/+91The list:
1. Megapixels aren't important: What determines the resolution of a photograph or audio recording is the "enhancement" algorithm run on it. Any image, when run through the proper enhancement, will reveal sufficient detail to recognize a face, read a license plate, etc.
2. Computer screens output text at 4800 baud and make chirping sounds while doing so: Sometimes, computers can be revved up to 9600 baud, and sometimes, for instance when printing the names of conspirators, slow to 300 baud. There is a great deal of variety in the sound computers make when outputting text, though. It used to be a sound reminiscent of a lineprinter, but modern computers seem to implement a more "boop boop boop" approach. Oh, and most computers output in a 16 x 9 font.
3. All computer systems have backdoors: Hackers can get into any system by way of "backdoors" that are left by the people who originally designed the system. The password of the backdoor is generally the name of the programmer's daughter.
4. There are wireframe schematics of every building on Earth: These schematics interface with a wide variety of sensor and alarm systems. They can be manipulated in realtime and are infinitely zoomable (see #1 above).
5. Decryption works one character at a time, while the other characters cycle quickly through all possibilities: Face detection algorithms work the same way, as do most search algorithms. Oh, and every time a detail is revealed, the computer makes a beep. You know, really, most times a computer makes a partial computation, it makes a beep.
6. It takes 10 minutes to break into a system: A computer expert will first play coy, saying that they don't know how long it will take. Then, in a few minutes, they'll reveal that they can get in, but they'll need a few minutes more (damn it).
7. The US government surveils the entire planet, in realtime, and keeps the tapes: At first, this seemed implausible to me, but then I realized that they probably have a couple dozen Webcams in orbit amd use enhancement.
8. People generally keep incriminating evidence in folders organized by codename: However, they often encrypt them (see #5). Oh, and computers erase data at 300 baud, in reverse (see #2).
9. Powerful people have Webcams that record from the middle of their displays: You and I dart our eyes back and forth between the Webcam and our own screen. Powerful people have intense video conversations while staring straight into the camera and, therefore, the Webcams must be recording from the middle of their screen.
10. Powerful people have access to very powerful PDAs: The mobile computers used by powerful people not only support full video, they have acces to the realtime wireframe schematics, decryption and enhancement algorithms, and so forth. Oh, and they can read any data in any device. Oh, and as phones? They have awesome coverage. - stephenv, on 10/12/2007, -4/+88Duggmirror missed it, here's Google's cache:
http://72.14.203.104/search?hs=sUq&hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&q=cache%3Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.knowing.net%2FPermaLink%2Cguid%2Cd7cfaac8-447a-4506-baeb-cd6171869539.aspx&btnG=Search - spisska, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8311. When making a money transfer (or paying off kidnappers) the money is moved incrementally in pennies, but very fast. If you stop the transfer by ejecting your floppy disc before it's complete, only part of money gets transferred.
12. Along with the amazing image enhancement tools, computers are able to render any photograph in 3D and move the camera's POV around to get a better look.
13. When any system is successfully hacked, the hacker is presented with a giant blinking green banner saying "Access Granted", followed by plain text output of exactly what the hacker was looking for.
14. When accessing a library of photos or videos, the loading and cycling of photos/video is instantaneous. But writing small text files to removable media takes 30 tense and precious seconds.
15. An experienced hacker can do anything to any machine anywhere with two or three commands.
16. When a computer is frozen, tapping the screen with your finger is usually enough to wake it back up.
17. Error messages make sense.
18. All databases everywhere are linked and cross-referenced. You just need to know the right commands.
19. Any data format can be read by any system; any program can be executed by any system.
20. 3D rendering is instantaneous even on laptops, database queries are painfully slow [Searching . . . . .] even on mainframes. No one ever mistypes a query, and databases never return lookup errors. - technomom, on 10/12/2007, -0/+75Jack Bauer's cell phone/PDA gets 24 hours on battery and gets 5 bars of high bandwidth data and voice access even after being at Ground Zero of a nuclear detonation.
I want one of those. - opethlike, on 10/12/2007, -0/+65#3: Every computer virus results in an image of a skull and crossbones with a blinking red backgroup on your monitor.
- geoken, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6421. All computer programs are written in a single language called 'code'. Every programer/hacker is able to read and write 'code'. All OSes, including embeded ones on hardware devices (ie a remote bomb detonation device), run 'code'.
- haooken, on 10/12/2007, -0/+60#2: When hacking a computer you actually fly around in it, Flight Simulator-style, and read the code off the buildings. For real.
- dpcdomino, on 10/12/2007, -3/+60#11 Satellite is always better viewed with Mr Coffee
#12 If you security system goes down for less then 5 minutes...nothing happened and security goes back to drinking coffee.
#13 Everyone who uses a computer knows how to type without using the hunt 'n Peck technique.
#14 People actually buy and use PDAs.
#15 You can try a password as many times as you like without the computer locking you out.
#16 There is no Blue Screen of Death. - Greyarea, on 10/12/2007, -1/+55All information - including CIA data, FBI data, MI5 data - is on the Web and searchable by Google.
Actually I'm not sure that one isn't true. - unixer, on 10/12/2007, -1/+48Ok
#2 All code can be implemented on all systems even alien systems which the programmer knows nothing about (JRE Possibly?) - Independence Day - wang1011, on 10/12/2007, -0/+44#12 - No one ever uses a mouse
- tf5bassist, on 10/12/2007, -0/+44if it's above 255.*.*.* then it's really the ip block reserved for the secret moon base.
You weren't supposed to notice that. - CptZap, on 10/12/2007, -5/+48Another good top 10, http://www.digg.com/programming/What_code_DOESN_T_do_in_real_life_that_it_does_in_the_movies
Sadly, I downloaded Hackers, just so see how pathetic it was... - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+43in an episode of CSI they did some ip tracing to find a killer the ip was something like 390.172.15.9 sweet ip hu?
lol
i yelled at the tv and left the room my family was wondering what was up - aprigliano, on 10/12/2007, -0/+40NUMB3RS annoys mathematicians, pisses off geeks and makes FBI employees think "I which we could do that."
- litolist, on 10/12/2007, -0/+40390.xxx.xxx.xxx? Must be a Web 3.0 thing. :-P
- CraigB12, on 10/12/2007, -0/+36#349 Hacking a CIA database is done through a website, and can be done quickest when receiving a blowjob.
- Mootabolife, on 10/12/2007, -4/+39Site is down, so I'll start a new list. Lets keep piling on.
#1: The only tool you need to hack into any major corporation is an intent stare and a mountain dew. - childprey, on 10/12/2007, -2/+36hacking ability is proportional to the amount of coffee and cigarettes consumed
- intent, on 10/12/2007, -1/+33I've always wondered about it. Gentoo doesn't take THAT long to compile, does it? :p
- CraigB12, on 10/12/2007, -0/+30LOL it was 8 screens
#348 When reconstructing a worm from pieces that you once wrote, it all comes together in a britlliant block configured GUI with neon lights and rainbow colors. Also, it is easiest to do this drunk, and with Hally Berry naked on your lap. - kitwaites, on 10/12/2007, -0/+30#13: All 1337 hax0rs can only work in a really messy apartment during the night. And they all have to be just-about-to-be-sacked-but-still-hanging-onto their day job and have bags under there eyes, although these bags disappear while hacking.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+29Jack Bauer can download and upload anything in the world using his PDA. Finger prints, blood samples, the bodies of dead terrorists, etc. It's touchscreen display can also withstand abuse such as the full weight of a fully grown adult male falling 10+ feet to land on top of it without breaking, scratching, causing dead pixels, or even getting grease/blood smudges (because of it's special innovative nonexistent protective casing..)
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2823. Real computer experts never use the backspace key or the spacebar. It always bothers me that if an actor needs to play a kickboxer, he'll follow a kickboxer around for six months and learn how to do it convincingly, but if an actor needs to play a hacker, no typing classes are required... just mash the keyboard honey.
- diggsIt, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28#3 - That's actually true.
- Dhalgren, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28MICHAEL
It's pretty brilliant. What it does is where there's a bank
transaction, and the interests are computed in the thousands a day in
fractions of a cent, which it usually rounds off. What this does is it
takes those remainders and puts it into your account.
PETER
This sounds familiar.
MICHAEL
Yeah. They did this in Superman III.
PETER
Yeah. What a good movie. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+27#24. It takes several minutes for the police to trace a call and find out where and what number the criminal is calling from...yet in real life our phones tell us this information before we even answer.
Oh and if the criminal hangs up before the call can be "traced", all records of that phone call are lost forever. - Greyarea, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28I used to use a 300 baud modem. Trust me, 56K was a gift from the Gods.
- PFS1, on 10/12/2007, -1/+27I was about to add that one myself. CSI seems to have perfected a command-line version of photoshop.
- miglaugh, on 10/12/2007, -1/+27with hot pockets on standby
- tf5bassist, on 10/12/2007, -0/+25#5 - It's possible to backtrace not only the realtime video stream to an ip address and physical address in realtime, but also the location of where that user is while logged onto a wifi router hooked up to said IP address (NUMB3RS)
- diggsIt, on 10/12/2007, -0/+25Don't let a computer read your lips, when talking about disconnection.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+26HACK THE PLANET!!!!!
- popfly21, on 10/12/2007, -2/+25By typing a persons name at a DOS prompt you can find out everything about that person including who they've dated in the past. What a database!
- edzieba, on 10/12/2007, -0/+22@Avili
3: Never underestimate Das Blinkenlights effect. - CraigB12, on 10/12/2007, -0/+22#5 In 1991 it was possible to walk up to a payphone and be hooked up to the Gibson in less than 5 minutes, but if i help we can do it in less than 2 minutes. [hackers]
- craighoxton, on 10/12/2007, -0/+22From British TV nostalgia site tv.cream.org:
"Computer-based dramas must always feature a "hacking" sequence. This must always be done in the dark, by one person sat in front of a glowing monitor, typing very quickly, as two people sit either side of him. Hacker must always say "We're in!" when he succeeds.
Dreaded viruses must always cause the screen to melt and the word VIRUS! to flash in big red letters, together with lots of twittery 'computer' noises in the background.
All computer keys must beep. Spinning reels of data storage tapes are ideal for giving the impression of a really hi-tech job. Banks of red and green bulbs with no identification are absolutely essential. Large computers must have printers that continuously spew paper when things go wrong.
Wherever you go in the world, you can switch on any computer (whether connected to the net or not) and immediately receive your e-mail - often heralded by a large graphic flashing 'Incoming E-Mail!'
You can hack into any system just by typing OVERRIDE PASSWORD, followed by SHOW ALL SECRET FILES. In the rare event that this does not work, just look for the folder named TOP SECRET or CONFIDENTIAL.
While you're busily hacking into someone else's system from your bedroom, the owners of said system watch in horrified amazement as windows open and close and screenfuls of text fly all over the huge projection screens in their computer centre. If you think you're being traced you can either turn off your computer, or pull out the phone cord - either way, all the huge projection screens in the computer centre go dead." - JAVandiver, on 10/12/2007, -3/+25Ewww, Ewww! Mountain Dew... I'll have the Crab Juice.
- RaulMontana, on 10/12/2007, -0/+21#4: Speed was never a problem when hacking on 56k dial up connections =P
- pt4117, on 10/12/2007, -0/+21They forgot that when you shoot a monitor you are destroying the computer and all of it's contents.
- ICSU, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2122. Real computer experts never use a mouse. Furious typing on the keyboard can control every program they use.
- Akaji, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2125.) Every company, government agency, and hacker uses their own proprietary OS.
- CaseyB, on 10/12/2007, -0/+20My favourite, which no one ever questions, and makes no physical sense whatsoever:
All computers project their display onto your face while you use them. - shaggy5665, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18Not every virus. Have we forgotten the cookie monster running around the Gibson "eating" data?
- tf5bassist, on 10/12/2007, -6/+24Mmmm... Mountain Dew....
*gets up and goes to fridge* - Greyarea, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18[from NCIS]
Two people typing on the same keyboard at the same time can complete a task in half the time that just one person could. It also seems to boost CPU speed and network bandwidth. - CptPhillips, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17Your ability to hack is based on your typing speed. i.e. If there is a sysadmin actively trying to prevent you from breaking into his system you can defeat him by typing faster than him.
- st00p1d, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17The best on 24 (and most frequent) is "opening a socket", which they say at least once an episode. Yes, socket connections do exist somewhere in the program you're using, but that's like me saying "I need to fire up an iostream" every time I want to read a webpage.
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