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Women Settle for Mediocre Sex, Scientist Finds

livescience.com — Women have high expectations for nearly every area of their lives, but when it comes to sex, they settle for less. And most women keep their dissatisfaction with sex a secret, leaving their partners (let alone their doctors) in the dark, said Anita Clayton, a psychiatrist who focuses on women ’s sexuality at the University of Virginia Health System

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  • jstohler, on 10/12/2007, -2/+38So how exactly did the scientist determine that women will settle?
    • shosterman, on 10/12/2007, -1/+239"Men Settle for Any Sex, Scientist Finds"
    • rudy23, on 10/12/2007, -14/+56well isn't it obvious. women know very well that mentioning a lack of skills in the bed is a big blow to the male ego. who is gonna pay for their shopping bills then?
    • mrfoos, on 10/12/2007, -2/+102From article: @ very bottom: "And to make more time for sex, she said, men can help a girlfriend or wife with tasks around the house."

      I KNEW it. Bias reporting!
    • MeatBiProduct, on 10/12/2007, -42/+6lol if i could get my gal to do any tasks around the house it would be great.

      women would get more sex if they didn't bitch so much - simply put. if your bad at sex you're just pathetic lol.
    • BigManOnCampus, on 10/12/2007, -5/+147This article is very cleverly worded. Women "settle" for bad. Women "accept" non-pleasure.

      Shouldn't it instead be titled, "Women fail to speak up and say precisely what they want from the guy" ???

      Or perhaps, "Women so uncomfortable with their own bodies they fail to talk about it" ??

      Maybe, "Women's perceptions of their own beauty so warped to the negative they are disconnected from the reality of relations with a man." ??
    • xsuite, on 10/12/2007, -14/+7In other news, Clay Aiken is gay.


      Tell us something we dont know!
    • Nougat, on 10/12/2007, -9/+43@BigManOnCampus

      Better yet: "Women fail to take what they desire and deserve, and it's the fault of men."
    • BigManOnCampus, on 10/12/2007, -14/+29That's perfect Nougat, I knew it was somehow my fault.

      After all, here's my checklist:
      1) I'm white
      2) I'm a man
      3) I have blond hair and blue eyes
      4) I have a good job and I'm finishing a decent education.

      I'm sure one more strike against me would send me to hell.
    • FoxifiedNutjob, on 10/12/2007, -10/+9If he is fat, hairy, and mean, he better be making alot of money!
    • stonewaljacksn, on 10/12/2007, -6/+55i sometimes settle for fat chicks. we are even
    • jerbaker, on 10/12/2007, -10/+19Does anyone think it's strange that women give men a hard time for viewing pr0n because, they say, it gives us unreal expectations? Some women say that pornography distorts our view of what is normal by allowing us to seek out sexual experiences with women possessed of bodies far out of most of our leagues. Then, the conventional wisdom goes, men have unrealistically high expectations of their partner's physique and performance in the sack which leads to disappointment and even possible infidelity. Remember that this is MEN'S FAULT.

      Now, women are shown to have exactly the same sort of unreal expectations. While we can only speculate why this is, I suggest soap operas, romance novels, Cosmopolitan, and the like. Regardless, the point is that women also have unrealistically high expectations of their partners, but do you notice that this is also MEN'S FAULT.

      Does anyone still seriously wonder why there's domestic violence?
    • z0iid, on 10/12/2007, -17/+5yeah, but why do I care if the woman is satisfied? she's just a cum-dumpster.
    • raindogmx, on 10/12/2007, -3/+12So, can the woman have "mediocre" sex and the man still have "good" sex? I don't think so.
      More like humans settle for mediocre sex either because we don't comunicate or we don't know better.
    • foobar5892, on 10/12/2007, -1/+43Happy Valentine's Day, folks!
    • nofxjunkee, on 10/12/2007, -3/+4"If he is fat, hairy, and mean, he better be making alot of money!"

      I am trying to make money. Once I have that I'm 4 for 4!

      And guys, if you really wanted to know something the girl isn't telling you you would ask. If they don't speak up then, then that is entirely their fault. [two doubled up words in 2 sentences. i'm on a roll]
    • kelbear, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2Whew!
    • ICSU, on 10/12/2007, -3/+11What a stupid premise. They have to settle for mediocre sex because they are bad at it in the first place.
      This stupid article makes it seem like all women are great at sex and have to tolerate lame partners.
  • Home412AD, on 10/12/2007, -7/+11This is news?
    • rjani57, on 10/12/2007, -3/+9I'm no scientist. But I could have told you that. If anything, mediocre may not be hitting the mark. Perhaps somewhere between there and non-existent. In terms of what many will settle for.

      What's a woman's view on the subject? That is worth listening to more than some scientists 'clinical' views.
    • HalFTW, on 10/12/2007, -12/+5"What's a woman's view on the subject?"

      I don't think you are likely to find any Women on digg.
    • EsmeTrue, on 10/12/2007, -4/+21Well I'm a real woman and I'm on here.

      Wait /checks body parts

      Yup still a woman

      If you truly love someone sometimes you just don't want to say anything because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Even though the "clinically" correct thing to do would be to talk about it, it's not easy to always do the "clinically" correct thing.

      By the way, more then anything, being willing to experiment and try new things is really a great way to spice things up and for all the slams on it, the porn industry is a great help in this department.
    • ZanCakes, on 10/12/2007, -14/+9as a woman on digg, I can say this article for me is entirely accurate.

      Also all the comments thus far have been exactly what I would of expected.
      According to most comments thus far:

      "Maybe, "Women's perceptions of their own beauty so warped to the negative they are disconnected from the reality of relations with a man." ??"
      "sometimes settle for fat chicks. we are even"
      "yeah, but why do I care if the woman is satisfied? she's just a cum-dumpster."

      Awesome guys, thanks.
      Now I feel way ***** better.
      Maybe, actually try to feel empathy and try to comprehend that this isn't just some feminist ploy to make you feel incompetent.

      Sometimes Digg makes me feel sick to my stomach.
    • nofxjunkee, on 10/12/2007, -3/+11Most chicks like to watch porn. Some like to watch it and do what the porn stars are doing. Ha ha, just be ready for her to go "we are NOT doing that!" when some chick gets ploughed in the ass.
    • Pfhreak, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16"If you truly love someone sometimes you just don't want to say anything because you don't want to hurt their feelings."

      Speaking as someone whose wife is (sometimes brutally) honest, I gotta say: don't worry so much about hurting his feelings. The male ego may be fragile, but it heals quickly. He'll get over it, you'll get better sex out of it, and it'll help his ego in the long run when he knows he's improved himself in some way.
    • akzidenzgrotesk, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6@ rjani57

      i'm also a woman, and i totally agree with everything esmetrue said.

      generally speaking, i have a really high sex drive, and i've never had bad (i've rarely even had mediocre) sex. however, on days when i'm feeling kind of ugly (and believe, we have a lot of those days, even the most gorgeous woman you can think of has those days), or if my boyfriend and i haven't had much time to actually be together and enjoy each other, or if either of us has been especially stressed at work or whatever, my libido will just deflate. i've also noticed since i've gotten on the pill my sex drive has been a lot more variable; before the pill, it was healthy, but not ridiculously high; now, it sometimes goes way, way up and then can come crashing down.

      that said, i don't know about all this mediocre sex. as far as i'm concerned, so long as you're in the mood it's going to be good. sometimes it's good even if you're not in the mood. however, if you're never in the mood, i can see how it could feel like a chore, in which case the woman should probably get her hormone levels checked out and maybe start doing some yoga or tai chi to learn to relax (and get into shape, if that's what she thinks her problem is).
    • lilrabbit129, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5"If you truly love someone sometimes you just don't want to say anything because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Even though the "clinically" correct thing to do would be to talk about it, it's not easy to always do the "clinically" correct thing. "

      While that's true, talking about it really is the only thing that can inspire change. Yes its a huge blow to the male ego, but we can get over that. How you tell them is I think, 70% responsible for how they take it. You know the person you're with, figure out a way you can tell them what you like.
    • lowkeynz, on 10/12/2007, -3/+0"Speaking as someone whose wife is (sometimes brutally) honest, I gotta say: don't worry so much about hurting his feelings. The male ego may be fragile, but it heals quickly. He'll get over it, you'll get better sex out of it, and it'll help his ego in the long run when he knows he's improved himself in some way."

      plus his mistress is gonna love him for it.
  • dynacrylic, on 10/12/2007, -4/+4Maybe the people who did this survey should have worked in conjunction with the people who did the gaming survey: http://digg.com/gaming_news/Survey_concludes_female_gamers_get_more_sex. They could have concluded that the woman who settled for mediocre were actually the ones who were had playing video games on their mind.

    Bazzing!

  • vsujohn2, on 10/12/2007, -3/+19Well, as much as it might hurt the guy's self esteem, if they dont want to just "settle" they shouldn't say how great the guy was if it sucked (or didnt)
    • TheSexyGeek, on 10/12/2007, -2/+51I agree. I hear some women talk about faking an orgasm almost as if they're proud of it. As if they feel good that they fooled the poor bloke into thinking that he's doing a good job. But if he had a real orgasm and the she had a fake one, who's the winner here?



    • xBiTReaVeRx, on 10/12/2007, -3/+12The irony of this is the mentality of men is to fix something that is broken. So if the women would just speak up, more than likely the guy will continue to try harder until he has accomplished this task of "getting her off".

      Women not saying anything and being proud of faking an orgasm are merely hurting themselves.

      I for one have never faked an orgasm! Men don't fake orgasms!
    • meltingrobot, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9@xBiTReaVeRx

      I wouldn't quite rule that out. I've thought about faking them before. It's a little harder to get away with I imagine though. If the evidence isn't there...
    • orlyfactor, on 10/12/2007, -4/+13@xBiTReaVeRx:

      Kramer: You know... I faked it.
      Jerry: What?
      Kramer: Yeah.
      Jerry: You faked it? Why would you do that?
      Kramer: Well you know, if it's enough already and I just want to get some sleep.

      I faked it once, for that exact reason...sometimes you just want to go to bed and realize that initiating sex wasn't the best idea.
    • xBiTReaVeRx, on 10/12/2007, -12/+3If you fake it, you masturbate too much and become desensitized.

      Or you do way too much coke.
    • TheKillDoctor, on 10/12/2007, -13/+8To fake a male orgasm do it doggie style pull out then spit on her back.
      I'd digg myself down for saying this but I can't...
    • jerbaker, on 10/12/2007, -3/+37"I agree. I hear some women talk about faking an orgasm almost as if they're proud of it."

      A woman at a party once proclaimed that men are so dumb because, "we fake orgasms and you guys never know." I replied, "Ma'am, I believe your mistake is in thinking that we care."
    • Arahka, on 10/12/2007, -8/+11Well, it looks as if I am the only woman on Digg so I'm going to have to set you guys straight.

      When a woman says the sex was bad it's not usually because of lack of orgasm, whether she had one or not. They sure feel good, but they're not even really neccassary for good sex. A feeling of dissatisfaction usually comes when the man isn't paying attention to me during sex. He can be amazing in bed but if a woman doesn't feel like an incredible bonding experience, it sucks. I can have 5 orgasms but if he's off in neverland fantasizing about someone or something else (or maybe thinking about baseball), we notice and we'll end up feeling empty, which is the worst. Unlike you guys sex isn't just physical for us, or at least not usually (sometimes, one night stands and such, but i'm talking about relationship sex). If you want to satisfy a woman don't just keep licking until your tongue's numb saying "did you come yet? no? ok, i'll keep going" while she sits there staring at the ceiling bored out of her mind. Enjoy her, be WITH her, stare into her eyes, be intimate, enjoy what you do together and stop focusing so much giving her an orgasm, focus on loving her. Anyway, the more intimate you guys are emotionally the more likely she'll have orgasms with less work from you. Again, this advice only counts for relationship sex, which is the only sex that can be fulfilling in this way.
    • akzidenzgrotesk, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4it's not the technical skills that really count in the "good sex" department for a woman. it's more the empathy and connection she feels with you, as well as how you two fit your sexual desires together (some people are more submissive, some are more dominating. everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum and everyone needs a partner from the other side who will satisfy that). plus, if it's all about technique, then it doesn't feel very personal for the woman. honestly, it's much better for her if you're totally into HER, even if you're fairly inept than if you're just going through a choreographed series of motions that would be the same no matter who you're with.
    • encognito, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4@xBiTReaVeRx,

      “Men don't fake orgasms!”

      Speak for yourself their bro. I have definitely faked orgasms to keep the peace. I learned the hard way that some women get pissed off if you don’t orgasm and just stop having sex even if they have already had their orgasm(s). After forty-five minutes of reassuring her that nothing was wrong with her or me for that matter, that I wasn’t cheating on her, that I was just tired, etc. I decided to start faking it in the future. It was tricky the first time I tried it but she was so wet down there I don’t think she noticed. The hard part was getting the grunts right. LOL!
  • mattxb, on 10/12/2007, -1/+34people settle for mediocrity in general, common sense finds
  • unicornhunter, on 10/12/2007, -1/+36If there's no communication, then of course the sex will be sub-par.
    • rudy23, on 10/12/2007, -16/+7actually I prefer the no communication sex sometimes. Meet. Exchange pleasantries. Bang each othesr brians out. Profit.
    • tidu, on 10/12/2007, -3/+9Profit? Are you a prostitute?
    • popfrogs, on 10/12/2007, -4/+9Yeah I still haven't replaced my brian after the last time it got banged out.
    • yukevster, on 10/12/2007, -7/+2BS - What is this "communication" people talk about?? How about just communicating fully with your body?

      Sex is not a time for a chat, it's time to let go completely, forget who you are, be driven only by your passion, you are an animal - sex is a primal act not an intellectual get together. Seriously, the western concept of sex is so sad. The only things you need to say are...f*&^%! You want more of this? wait. You like that?

      P.s. I live in Japan - As far as sex goes, you can keep your white women.
    • PeakAction, on 10/12/2007, -1/+18Some tips and general information for women:

      • Make a move once in a while. If it's always up to us to initiate, get used to low expectations. We like to feel desired too, and if we don't, then sex is just masturbation with a workout.
      • Few things will turn your man on more than talking to him during sex. If you act like you're enjoying it, you might actually start enjoying it.
      • Oral sex is fun. Stop saying it isn't.
      • Speaking of oral sex, if you maintain that thing, our appetite will increase exponentially. And drink more water.
      • We'll trim the hedge too if you want us to.
      • Don't treat sex as a commodity or bargaining chip. It makes us feel unwanted, and makes you a whore.
      • If your store is always out of stock, we will eventually find another supplier.
  • kevin45, on 10/12/2007, -16/+2In related news, men settle for any sex.
  • Craz1, on 10/12/2007, -4/+17i read that as "The University of Vagina Health"
  • jcaino, on 10/12/2007, -2/+12@doctorsax

    i read that as:


    'Your sex is very important to us, and we are constantly looking for ways to improve our customer service. This sex may be recorded for trading purposes.'
  • borchard76, on 10/12/2007, -1/+20If a woman is in a long-term relationship and not getting great sex, then it is likely her own fault. Speaking from my own experience as a guy, I will do pretty much anything that my wife wants in order for her to have great sex. I figure, and rightfully so, that if she is enjoying it more, then she will want it more. Of course, I could be wrong about that, but hey--it's worth a shot!

    • chaosium, on 10/12/2007, -2/+16If all the persons a woman sleeps with are mediocre, EVERY SINGLE ONE, there's one factor involved that remains the same. Hrmmmmmm.
    • JQP123, on 10/12/2007, -2/+12"If a woman is in a long-term relationship and not getting great sex, then it is likely her own fault."

      A significant percentage of women have either physical or psychological issues with sex and as a result, have never had "great sex" with anyone. If you just don't really like sex, "mediocre" is probably as good as it gets.
  • godmode, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1its either mediocre sex or no sex
  • patientXero, on 10/12/2007, -4/+14The good news is that there is a solution.

    Any women out there who are unsatisfied with settling for mediocre sex, call me to discuss the fix.
  • diggfinity, on 10/12/2007, -1/+45"Women Settle for Mediocre Sex" -- Submitted by "fatmike".

    You can't make this stuff up.
    • foobar5892, on 10/12/2007, -3/+4The jokes practically write themselves!
  • MordechaiCohen, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1I've known it all along...
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2then tell your girl so she can quit faking
  • r0b1, on 10/12/2007, -4/+16Women will settle for mediocre sex, and will then get back in the kitchen and make me some pie.
  • Laytonx, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1"Women Settle for Mediocre Sex, Scientist Finds"

    Well thats good to hear.
  • lokai, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10It's pretty silly of most women to not inform their partner if sex isn't as good as they would like. Without knowing what she wants, how is the man supposed to even attempt to properly satisfy her? If more couples took the time to communicate to one another what they like in the bedroom, a lot more couples would be having some really great sex.
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -2/+10I agree with you completely, but communicating to a guy even the mere possibility that what he's doing isn't gonna get you off or that his sexin' could use some adjustment is like skipping through a minefield. I'm opposed to faking on principle, but might less women fake it if guys' egos weren't so famously fragile?

    • qwickone, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5@gshady
      I wish I could give you like 10 thumbs up for that one. You hit the nail on the head.
    • chaosium, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3"I agree with you completely, but communicating to a guy even the mere possibility that what he's doing isn't gonna get you off or that his sexin' could use some adjustment is like skipping through a minefield. I'm opposed to faking on principle, but might less women fake it if guys' egos weren't so famously fragile?"

      So date men, not boys.
    • encognito, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Can we please drop the "Men's egos are so fragile" line of crap? It is such a blatantly sexist self-serving responsibility-avoidance-laden generalization. It's right up there with the "Men can't handle strong women" line when said "strong" women are in reality acting like loud, obnoxious jackasses. If you can't talk to your man about sex without being an ***** about it, then don't blame your man for the mediocre sex. No one can read minds.
    • Pigeon, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Women get pissed when you stereotype them with other women, but its fine for women to stereotype that men all have gigantic egos? If your not enjoying it, then tell me! What's more hurtful to the ego is when you fake it and its painfully obvious it was fake.
  • growler1, on 10/12/2007, -5/+9Look on the bright side, ladies--when you're mediocre, you're always performing at your best.
  • raid517, on 10/12/2007, -1/+31My girl never complains about sex - but that might be because she isn't having it with me.

    Sigh... Sometimes life just sucks I guess...
    • popfrogs, on 10/12/2007, -8/+4As Tom Leykis would say...

      "Dump that bitch." Don't stay in a relationship where your needs aren't getting met because you're comfortable. Find someone that does it for you.
    • r0b1, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8Tom Leykis is a douche.
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -5/+7Yeah, what is up with guys settling for frigid bitches?
    • ohearn, on 10/12/2007, -4/+5@gshady: Well she wasn't frigid until after we were married. Actually in my case she wasn't frigid until after our son was born. Even after my marriage, my wife and I had a good sex life until after our son was born, even when she was pregnant. But as soon as he was born it was like flipping a switch. I understand that the first few months both of us were sleep deprived and much, but even after our son started getting older, nope forget it no more.

      On women settling, most of the partners I have ever had were shy about talking about what they wanted. Sometimes it's the guy's job to ask what they did and didn't like. Once you figure out what they really like and can make sure they like what they get, most women are a lot less frigid. Again in my case at least until the kid was born.
    • foobar5892, on 10/12/2007, -10/+1You banged your wife when she was pregnant? Ew.
    • chaosium, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3"Well she wasn't frigid until after we were married"

      Abstinence-only pays off again!
    • Equistatic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7@popfrogs

      Via wikipedia:
      Leykis has been married and divorced four times, although he has never had any known children. His fourth wife, Susan Drew Leykis, filed a police report against him while they were married and living in Boston in 1993. She allegedly told police that Leykis assaulted and threatened to kill her during a fight after they returned home from a radio station Christmas party.

      Sounds like the kind of guy you would want to give you relationship advice.
    • raid517, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2"Yeah, what is up with guys settling for frigid bitches?"

      It ain't so easy if you love someone to just forget everything you have shared - not if you have been together for a very long time.

      Changing someone you love isn't like changing a car.

      You might come to understand this when you grow up.
    • raid517, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2I ***** hate the kids on digg. If I had my way I would have every last one of them exterminated.
  • Adamacus, on 10/12/2007, -4/+23"Men Crap At Sex, Says Lesbian"
  • Ibox, on 10/12/2007, -5/+14So you know why women fake orgasms'?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    they think we care....

    • rudy23, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6deny as much as you want deep within our hearts. you know we do. makes us feel like men.
    • JQP123, on 10/12/2007, -7/+13I care. Sex with a woman who doesn't enjoy it is just kinda disgusting.
  • wageslave1, on 10/12/2007, -10/+6Terrific article, which brings me to my favorite joke:


    Q) What does it sound like when a women has an orgasm?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    A) Who cares.
  • dongcha9, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1they should keep it that way
  • dvfreelancer, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4"a psychiatrist who focuses on women ’s sexuality at the University of Virginia Health System"

    For a second I thought that said University of Vagina Health System. The variety of nicknames you could think up for that school is really quite entertaining.

    Although the subject matter of the article is a bit sad. It doesn't have to be that way. If guys could be a little more informed about the mechanics and women a little more verbal about their wants, it could be a lot different. Unfortunately there's such a stigma around open and honest communication about sex.
    • pred8tr, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1To take that line of thought one step further, there is a "Varina High School" in Virginia.

      dot dot dot

      You can imagine the jokes made by other schools football teams and such....
      before getting their assess kicked on the field.

    • yukevster, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2@qshady

      See, I knew you were jealous. Sounds like you ain't been getting any recently. ;)
  • MrIcarus, on 10/12/2007, -4/+9In other news, cure for cancer still not found.
    • Bokista, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4Not yet, but the University of Virginia Hospital and Healthcare System is making great strides in cancer treatments, especially with new experimental methods.
  • JD52, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2Valentine joke of the day.

    Q.. Why do women fake orgasms?


    A.. Because they think we care. ;)
  • jstevewhite, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11Well, duh. I mean, "Mediocre" means "of only moderate quality"; "moderate" means "average in amount, intensity, quality, or degree". So if you have a long term relationship, *most* of the sex you have - regardless of how good it is on a global scale - will be 'average' to you, by definition. It's the clamping problem; if you are conscientious and work hard for romance - say you buy your girl flowers, just because, a couple times a year (in addition to birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, etc) - after a couple of years those flowers will be "mediocre", and you have to find a way to spike the chart. Same in bed. Which makes it difficult, because it's hard for anyone to continually improve performance over years and years.

    People (not just women) lie to themselves, too. I don't know how many times I've had friends who had expressed distaste for - or desire for - certain things, whether sexual, conversational, or relationship specific, either gladly accept those things they didn't like, or do without those things they wanted - all because of the 'rush' of a new relationship. It's like Eddy Murphy once said. When you first hook up, and you get some, it's like "Oh, my god! What kinda cracker was that? That HAD to be a Ritz! That's a damn good cracker!" But a year later when you've been hitting it every night, you roll over and say, "Wow. I just had a regular old cracker!?"

    The answer is communication. Sometimes we (both men and women) don't know what the problem is, just that there is one. Talk about it. It's been said that communication is the secret to a happy relationship - that extends to the bedroom as well.
    • encognito, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1I agree that communication is key but sometimes I just wish she would be quiet for a while. Enjoy the silence.
  • evil-doer, on 10/12/2007, -4/+26and 80% of women lay on their backs lifeless during sex and expect the man to do everything.

    ladies, do some stuff yourselves that feels good, and for ***** sake, speak up. if you like something, say it. if you want us to do something different, say it. we arent mind readers.
    • JQP123, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9"and 80% of women lay on their backs lifeless during sex and expect the man to do everything."

      This is my definition of mediocre sex ... and I'm a guy.

      In these cases, I recommend a little role reversal. Encourage her to get her on top while you just lay on your back. Once you get her up there and moving around; hopefully, she'll discover her "sweet spot" and eventually become a more active participant. Otherwise, I'd try to find someone else to play with.
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -9/+3ask the bitch what she likes, maybe she'll tell you. The excuse "I'm not a mind-reader" is so tired
  • mlvassallo, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2Dug for the picture!
  • drmangrum, on 10/12/2007, -4/+12They left out some things. Due to the media (romance novels, cosmo, insipid romantic movies ), many women think sex is supposed to be some kind of mind-blowing, toe-curling, explosive experience, WELCOME TO REAL LIFE! Life is not a porno.

    Could men do more? Sure, a little foreplay never hurts, but women could try harder too.
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -4/+5...you must be settling for mediocre sex.
    • drmangrum, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11hell at this point I would settle for bad sex. Even a pat on the ass would be nice.
    • DaveV, on 10/12/2007, -5/+6My ex-g/f said "I don't like to give oral sex. But, if you want to go down on my that would be great!"

      That is why she is an ex-g/f
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -6/+4drmangrum: self-pity is so unsexy. go out and get some!

      davev: right on!
  • diggthisman, on 10/12/2007, -4/+3maybe because they prefer $?

    Happy Valentine!
    • yukevster, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1Thanks for giving us a females perspective.

      I think you have given a great insight into the main problem with sex in America. You think. Men, and women 'think' about sex. Thinking and sex do not mix. "Relationship sex"? Sex is sex. A primal act of passion. If Americans could learn to just drop all the thinking - and get down and dirty there would be no 'problem'.

      All this thinking,
      SHE
      "does he love me?", No, he's looking at the ceiling"
      He
      Is she going to come or what?

  • MadN, on 10/12/2007, -3/+4"Men don't fake orgasms"

    Wrong, When I am drunk, it can be hard to "finish", and I will get tired after 10 or 15 minutes.
    Sometimes a fake is easier than fighting for "it" to finish.
    • popfrogs, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3Uh...don't get drunk and *****? Problem solved. Either that or get a girl with a little more grip in that region.
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1Ding ding ding!
  • kayjay, on 10/12/2007, -5/+0this is a woman's problem, why should a guy -like me- care???
    also, there is no problem as long as you dont call it a problem.
  • hilbertspaceboy, on 10/12/2007, -6/+2Women are after the $$.

    They don't want to offend their Meal Ticket.
  • nutmeag, on 10/12/2007, -1/+15I didn't read every comment, but I didn't see many (if any) women making comments, so I thought I'd give my womanly two-cents. I agree with y'all guys. I'd say my sex is way better than mediocre because the boyf and I communicate what we want, which satisfies me physically . . .and also emotionally. Having that communication is a great emotional connection, too. No, I might not get an orgasm every time, but the sex is still great. And I've NEVER faked an orgasm--seems rather stupid. If I'm tired or getting bored, I just let him know it's not working and tell him to finish his part so I can sleep. He understands.
    • DaveV, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9OMG! A woman that can communicate! Quick! Clone her and develop a vaccine for the rest of them!
  • Faizon, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2guys are not meant to stay with one women . The sex is better when when you mix it up.
    • JQP123, on 10/12/2007, -2/+12I used to think this ... before I met my wife.

      The quote that comes to mind here is from actor Paul Newman. Asked why he wasn't involved in affairs like most other Hollywood types, his reply was, "Why go out for fast food when I've got steak at home?".

      I lived the single life for a looong time but I've been happily married now for over ten years. A hot piece of ass still catches my attention on occasion but I know from experience that it can't replace the relationship that I've built with my wife. I've never cheated on her and I don't intend to. I think they call that "love". If you're lucky (I know I am) you'll get to experience this one day.
    • encognito, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Yeah, you definitely sound like a married guy all right. But you might want to lay off the condescension just a little bit because it makes you sound like a overly defensive pompous *****. How does that line go, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
    • JQP123, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1"Yeah, you definitely sound like a married guy all right."

      Yeah, and you definitely sound like the unmarried guy that I used to be. I've been there, seen that, done that and I could go back ... but I won't. Time and experience has a funny way of adjusting your attitude. But lacking either of these, you can't be expected to really understand. Sorry if that sounds condescending; just "keepin it real" from my perspective.
  • PedleZelnip, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9Interesting how many men on here read this and took it as anti-male when in fact the article puts much of the blame on women (don't be insecure about body image, be more open to sex, make it a higher priority, communication, etc). One reading the comments might take this as a sign that men don't listen (since we didn't "hear" what the article had to say).

    I took it as a sign that Digg readers are f'n hillarious. :p
  • anomalya, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4amazing discovery: scientist finds his nose on his face
  • Ratteler, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1Yay for Zoidberg!!!
  • stahlight, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6Girl: "I got pregnant!"
    Me: "Not a chance, I FAKED it!!!!"
  • catfud, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1The only women who settle are the women who have not been with me yet
  • DaveV, on 10/12/2007, -2/+11I think everyone is missing the most important part of the article:

    "Women have high expectations for nearly every area of their lives"

    Women have unrealistic expectations. Average is not good enough. They expect things to be like in the movies, TV, and in those books they read. They expect the man to earn over $100,000 a year, working part time at home in the 5000sqft house they own while paying $500 a month in mortage. Women want the big manicured lawn with pool and a dog that never smells or needs to be washed They expect to be driving a $40K car. They expect to have a gardner that looks like a model and a housekeeper that is a gourmet cook. And, they expect Hubby to have a models looks, a pornstar's dick, be clean shaven at all times, and know exactly what she wants how and when she wants it without her ever saying a word.
    • teresa73521, on 10/12/2007, -7/+4Yes, dave, we have high expectations. We expect to orgasm (at least once) everytime we have sex. Silly us.

      How many of you guys bring your A game EVERY time you have sex?

      As far as women not communicating enough, we could tell you step by step AND draw you a map and some of you still couldn't get the job done, so all you haters can kiss my ass.

      Mediocre sex, bad sex, life altering sex, it is part of all relationships. It is no more the woman's fault than it is the man's fault. At least my guy will give me a do-over when requested.

      Man up and quit making excuses.
    • chaosium, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2"How many of you guys bring your A game EVERY time you have sex?"

      Why wouldn't we?
    • encognito, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3@ teresa73521,

      Wow, he must have touched a nerve huh?
  • biggerthed, on 10/12/2007, -1/+15"women may fake orgasms, but men fake entire relationships"
    • teresa73521, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Courtesy of Chris Rock
    • yukevster, on 10/12/2007, -8/+3Can I just give everyone a perspective from a different, less sexually dysfunctional culture here. (i.e. Japan).

      "Fake orgasms" - You do realize this is a Western concept/act don't you? Here in Japan people would laugh.
      Why would you have to pretend you had an orgasm? Is it so important to have an orgasm every-time you screw?

      Here screwing is just plain primal fun - there's nothing to get out of it. There's no goal. You do it 'cause you feel like it. If you or your partner have an orgasm or four, great! Icing on an already fine slice of juicy, luscious cake.

      Dear God, thank you for sending me to Japan. Anywhere other than that screwed up society we like to call, America.
    • chaosium, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5"Fake orgasms" - You do realize this is a Western concept/act don't you? Here in Japan people would laugh.
      Why would you have to pretend you had an orgasm? Is it so important to have an orgasm every-time you screw?"

      So do you prefer it when the girls sound like they're crying toddlers, or what? As silly as the concept of fake orgasms are, much better to actually know where the clitoris is and be a considerate lover.
  • horus1664, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6I'm sorry, but in my experience men put up with a lot of mediocre sex from women. We (men) too often put up with the bare minimum (like: she let me have sex with her). Basically women get away with lack of effort throughout their relationships with men inversely proportionally to their attractiveness.

    It's about time women began putting a bit more effort in, then they might gain more themselves.
    • DaveV, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8Oh, yes, the dreaded "Let me just lay here and you handle everything" approach to sex.
  • Elloydo, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Hey the woman I have gets absolutely NO satisfaction. Of course, on the other hand she's just a blow-up doll.
  • juniorross, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1We men most times take any kinda sex, wither beginner, intermediate or pro. But watch dis, there are two types of women:

    Bitches - Majority
    Ladies - Minority

    Now, for the less experienced, bitches and ladies operate differently. You can't use the actions, attitudes, expectations and ***** type you get from a bitch to predict what will come from a lady.A lady will communicate, bitches, they just bitches. Some of us diggers will never elevate themselves from bitches to ladies, I suppose the phobia of a real relationship seems daunting and/or the ability to maintain such relations simply isn't there.

    Valentines http://sexyspot.zlio.com/
  • yukevster, on 10/12/2007, -7/+6I live in Japan and I'm so glad I don't have to put up with western women's sexual hang-ups (I'm white BTW).

    Christian culture killed sex for much of western society a long time ago.

    Japanese women are able on the whole to let go completely of all their inhibitions and are very natural once they are comfortable when compared to white girls (in my experience anyway).
    • yukevster, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2@qshady "YUKEVSTER: Did you go to Japan for the women and stay for the soapbox? Get over yourself already"

      No dude. But coming for the women is a damn good reason to come (and I hazard to guess you would agree).

      I have to say I am pretty pleased with myself for coming here after reading this article though. If you're jealous I sure as hell wouldn't blame you.
    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6@YUK: you hazard to guess I would agree? If I'm jealous? I thought we covered this already, but get over yourself. I do not agree, and to suggest I might be jealous is a sad indicator of your ego masturbation. I guess if the fruits of Japan keep the pompous and shallow from a return to the shores of America, I will sleep better tonight.
    • Equistatic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9Maybe you should mention Japan and how you lived there a few more times in this thread.
  • Wonderkind, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2"Women Settle for Mediocre Sex, Scientist Finds"

    Duh. Maybe women should stop sleeping with scientists!

    • yukevster, on 10/12/2007, -10/+3"Humans settle for mediocre sex" ? Speak for yourself!

      Make that, Americans settle for mediocre sex.

    • qshady, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8YUKEVSTER: Did you go to Japan for the women and stay for the soapbox? Get over yourself already
  • WavyLayz, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3Oh, its the media image. Oh, I had an orgasm but I'm still not fulfilled. Oh, I'm scared of making my man mad so I won't tell him.

    No wonder men can't fulfill women's emotional needs, much less in the middle of a boner.
  • Kestral, on 10/12/2007, -3/+9On the other side of the coin, it amazes me how much BS a woman will put up with a guy that gives them great sex. Whenever a female friend complains bitterly about a man in her life, how he's rude, inconsiderate jerk, treats her like dirt, kicks her cat, etc... I always come back with, "The sex must be really damn good."

    That usually stops them in their tracks and they give me the, "Oh my God how did you know?" look. At the end of the day, if you can give a woman great sex, she'll put up with a lot of other things. That's one fo the reasons why I studied the White Tiger Tantra, because while I'm a good person that treats women well, I wanted to be in a position where I had the room to make a mistake here and there once in awhile and still keep the girl instead of finding out she used it as an excuse to f some other guy.
    • spidoman, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Hehe you said you "wanted to be in a position"

      teheehehehehehe.
    • chaosium, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3"On the other side of the coin, it amazes me how much BS a woman will put up with a guy that gives them great sex."

      Pleeeease. Guys are equally guilty of the "CRAZY SEX IS THE BEST SEX" claims as an excuse for unhealthy codependency.
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